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Will It Get Better….. (Anonymous)

November 17, 2009

Age:28
Number of Pregnancies:1
10 months postpartum

I just had another “talk” with my boyfriend about my self-esteem. Of course I start to cry about how bad I look now overall.

Up until my 6th month of pregnancy, I was working out up to 2 hours a day lifting weights. I was in the best shape of my life until was put on light duty after discovering I had shortened cervix. During my pregnancy I gained 17lbs at a total weight of 152. My son was 8.8lbs.

Fast forward to present….I can’t get over how bad I look from my body to my skin. My face looks dry and tired. My belly is just disgusting, my thighs are wobbly, my arms are jiggly and my ass looks scary. I’ve lost all but 3lbs but I’ve lost all muscle I had which is the sad part for me. My breasts are still to be seen since I’m still nursing my son. I’m sure they won’t be as perky and full as they once were. I hardly put makeup on. I wear the same old clothes over and over since I can’t fit into the “cute clothes”. I don’t have the time to get my pedicures or my eyebrows done. I lost my motivation to go into the gym since I get winded out doing things I was zipping through a year ago. I feel l’ve aged 5 years.

I can’t appreciate my body after having my son. I love my son to pieces but just hate the aftermath. This is hard to admit, but I don’t have much pictures of my son and I because I hate to see myself and see what I now look like (hence no pictures). I tell my boyfriend that I won’t marry him or have another baby until I get back in shape. I was once overweight and I just don’t want to return to that time. Will this get better and if so when????

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15 Responses to “Will It Get Better….. (Anonymous)”

  1. Shannon Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 11:11 am

    It sounds to me that you are one of those girls that if you did post pictures everyone would be like “wow, you look great…way better than you described yourself…” You only gained 17 lbs…I gained like 55 with my first and 45 with my second…I am sure you look great! It will get better when you are done breastfeeding…our bodies hold on to fat when we are breastfeeding (I am 7 months pp and still breastfeeding as well). I am sure you look great!

  2. taiyo Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 11:38 am

    Things will definitely get better. I’m wondering if you might be going through a bit of post-partum depression (I don’t want to be too forward in suggesting that.) I went through it myself, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. Even though I wasn’t super-fit before pregnancy, I’ve always obsessed about my body and my weight, and after having my daughter, I just became more obsessed. I sought counseling and went to a support group, which really helped. I ended up taking anti-depressants, and they made the biggest difference. I am now pregnant with my second, and am finally appreciating how great I looked BEFORE this pregnancy. My husband always tells me it takes me about six months to be able to look at a photo and say “Hey, I’m actually quite beautiful.” I understand how you feel about having aged after having a baby, but when a little more time passes and you have more time to yourself to do the things you used to love to do (including exercise) I think that things will improve. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it– it is a real burden to suffer like this. Take care.

  3. lisa Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    we are always more critical of ourselves than others are of us. look at yourself through the eyes of your son who adores you or the eyes of your boyfriend who still thinks you are beautiful and wants to marry you. take the time to work on yourself slowly – make realistic goals and realize that those goals will take some time to reach, but that you can get there! maybe you will never look the same as you did before pregnancy, but you can look just as good in a different way – as a mother!

  4. jane Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    it will get better… you done have stretchmarks..so no permanent damage done. you can tone your muscles again..it will take time and effort but it can be done… but for me no matter how much i tone and work out my stretchmarks are still there… they will NEVER go awayy :(

  5. Lauren Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    I promise you it will get better! I cant tell you when since that all depends on the person. I started to feel more like myself after I stopped breastfeeding. so about 7 months post partum. Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and get him or her to check your hormone levels and things like iron or thyroid. If there is any issues with these than that could effect weight loss or just your general well being. Also take the time out each week to do something for yourself. Whether its getting your boyfriend or a sitter to look after the baby. Go for a run, or get a pedicure. I was thinking about joining a gym that has a daycare. That way I can workout interrupted for at least an hour and stay in shape. Remember you are an awesome person, friend, mom and girlfriend! I am sure you look great!

  6. Shelley Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    OMG! First let me say I am 10 months post partum as well. I also worked out daily till 3 months before my due date, and then had to be on STRICT bedrest for 3 months because of preterm labor. I could only get up to shower & to the bathroom. I started working out again as soon as I got the green light from my doc, as I had a c-section.

    I gained 40 pounds during pregnancy…40 compared to your 17!! I still have 3 pounds to loose, but my clothes all fit again, even if my belly is a little flabier then it once was & I don’t look as hot in the skin tight shirts, its only been 10 months!

    I challenge you to post a pic…PLEASE! I will probably want to cry because you look better then me, and yell at you for not knowing how hot you are, lol!

    Chin up there pretty lady!

    This is a special time in your life & someday you will be mad at yourself for not taking pics, but more importantly, you will be mad at yourself for not focusing on what was most important during a time that is really too fleeting.

    Before you know it, your baby will be all gown up, and your body will be back to normal, and you will yearn for the days you cuddled your little one on your squishy belly! Trust me! This was my 3rd pregnancy, and every time I did just what you are doing, till the last time…because I finally learned this after going through it twice before.

  7. Catherine S Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    Just start slow, be kind to yourself. You will be surprised at how your body will “remember” the muscle tone and how quickly you will get back to previous strength levels and endurance. It takes time to get your body back in shape and you are only going to discourage yourself from working out if you compare then to now. If you can afford to, buy some new clothes. It will help you feel better in your body, and before you know it, you will be back in your “cute” clothes.

    I kinda agree that it may be worth looking into whether you are experiencing PPD. It can be pretty insidious and can really take a toll without you even realizing.

  8. TracyKM Says:
    November 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    Sure, it can get better! Start with getting your thyroid checked, and take a close look at your diet; you might be lacking in vit. D, B12, and omega 3′s, all which can affect how you look, and are very commonly deficient in nursing moms (and non-nursing moms too!).
    For a great work out that’s not a ‘work out’ I highly recommend babywearing. Put your baby on your back in a mei tai or woven wrap, and get doing the housework. Go up and down the stairs a few times. Walk somewhere. Wearing a baby encourages good posture, which is great for the abs–pushing a stroller tends to make women lean forward and push with their shoulders, instead of tightening their rear and standing tall. Babywearing also increases the ‘power’ of your workout, because suddenly, your body is heavier.
    But, if you’re only 3lbs more than before pregnancy, how can you not fit in the cute clothes? Your shape might be a little different, but really…3lbs is less than one size, generally. I’m sure there are cute clothes in your size. I weight what you did at delivery, and I wear cute clothes all the time! I figure, it’s just as easy to put on a ‘nice’ top and pants as it is to put on the crappy clothes, so why not put on the nice ones? It really does make you feel better when you look in the mirror. Fake it till you make it. If you look good on the outside/in the mirror/what others see, then it’s easier to believe it yourself :)

  9. Deb Says:
    November 18th, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    It gets better :) I can’t say anything better than what has already been said. I agree that you will feel better from the inside out- definitely see someone about possible pp depression. I had it. Trust me, you could look like Uma Thurman and still feel like a blob of shit if you’re depressed. How you actually look has very little to do with it. Depression is as debilitating as living with four broken limbs, but just as the limbs heel, your mind heels too with rehab. You’ll love yourself again- new body, new mind, new life. It gets way better.

  10. Autumn Says:
    November 18th, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    It will get better I know everyone is telling you that, But honestly it will, I was the same way Still am in away This site has helped me out alot and showed me that im not the only one that dont like the aftermath and the stomach and strechmarks, You only gained 17 pounds your Lucky I gained 70 so pounds but my son was nearly 10 pounds, all i can tell you is look at your son and think to yourself what a precious little baby boy you and your boyfriend made and How he wouldnt want to see his mom sad and hate herself for haveing him, Think of it as a blessing, and Once your happy and not worrying you will shed the weight, you dont need cute clothes or make up to feel better, I learned the same way I Just look at my hansome little man and couldnt be more happier with myself, sure i have doubts to cause i cant wear the same size i use to be in a size 3 now i am in a size 7 tight, and thats me squezzing into them and wearing big shirts to hide my pudge, Just Keep your head held high and Thank yourself for creating you son, and take more pictures wheather you like it or not, Your son deserves to look at them when hes older and smile because hes with you =]

  11. meredith Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    Thank you for mentioning the “aging” effect of giving birth. I was lucky in that I never got stretch marks or really felt that pregnancy altered my shape – and that’s with extended breastfeeding over a year. It seems most new moms are hung up on the marks and extra weight that I was never prepared for the dry, gray complexion or The dark eyes circles etched with fine lines. The super dry scaley skin and parched haystack hair that started falling out in clumps at about 8-12 weeks. I’ve never felt so hideous in my life and also shied away from the camera lest someone caught a glimpse of my bald spots and crusty upper arms. The good news is that things started to improve around one year once my period returned. I guess it was just miserably unbalanced hormones. It’ll get better, it just doesn’t seem to happen fast enough!

  12. Teresa Says:
    November 21st, 2009 at 12:05 am

    Okay, so you are nearly two years older and have been through a life-altering experience. And you think that is not good reason to look different, to look older, to have experience writ on your bones for all to see? You are not the same person you were then, why would you look the same after? Nothing is static, even if you had not had a child you would be different now. I love every single physical trophy I wear as testament to my achievement as a mother, as a person with life experience. I am not a doll to be set on the shelf looking pretty, never played with. If your old cute clothes don’t fit the same, buy new cute clothes! Those old ones are out of style anyway. Throw out your scale, they are evil instruments of guilt. Concentrate on feeling healthy and you will look great, no matter your shape. Eat well, sleep, laugh and play with your baby and your man, and it will all fall into place before you know it.

  13. Amy Says:
    November 21st, 2009 at 2:27 am

    Hi- I can definitely relate to the loss of muscle tone- I am the same size now as i was pre-baby and am now (at 15mths pp) 4 kilos (8 pounds i think) lighter- i think i am down about 4 kilos in muscle! the good news is it will go back and it can be done, the bad news is it takes a long time. Don’t let my 15mths pp put you off, i couldn’t exercise other than walking for the first year of my baby’s life, so i have only been running and weight training for less than 4 mths. Please remember, you are still nursing so it might be a good idea to get checked to see if weight training and running is okay for you- preg/bfeeding hormones can increase your risk of injury. I found i really tightened up and felt more like myself 1.5 months after stopping bfeeding- it is really too early for you to panic, esp. because you are still nursing. During the first year I walked all the time and I can vividly remember looking down and seeing untoned legs and cellulite down to my knees, now when i look at my legs they are toned and back to normal, so it will happen! I too am worried about your emotional state, maybe it is PPD, or maybe you are just ‘in the fog’ but i think you should try to take some control of this and that in turn may help you regain motivation. good luck and remember you can do this!! ps. you only gained 17pounds?!! am pretty sure that that’s illegal lol!!!

  14. Torre Says:
    November 22nd, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    It will get better. The hormones will calm, you will be able to have time for yourself again and things will look amazing with a little work, if you want them too. :) I gained 80 lbs with my first and 26 with my second and I personally think I now look amazing. I am in a size 3, my breasts are still pretty perky and my belly is just a tad saggy. It will get better. Your amazing and your body took 9 months to get that way. Plus with nursing it takes a while to get into the swing of it all. I just joined a gym, had my nails done, hair highlighted, bought some nice cream for my belly and nice new perfume, and have been tanning. I feel AMAZING! :) It all falls into place! Promise!

  15. marianne Says:
    November 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    i can totally relate to how you feel right now. i was pretty upset about my new body for about a year after my son was born. i gained 65 pounds during my pregnancy and am still 15 pounds heavier than i was before my pregnancy. but i am learning to enjoy the changes, and to make peace with what i can’t really change. (although presumably i could lose some more weight, if i were to exercise, but that’s another story.)it takes time to adjust to your new skin, but a body is a body. don’t let it get the better of you. i sincerely think that the the happier you feel, the better you look. good luck!

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