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Will I ever have the confidence to show myself? (Anonymous)

February 18, 2011

Age 20
2 children – 11 months PP

Hello! I am 20, I have two children, my eldest is 3 in May, my youngest is 1 in Feb… I have recently split with their dad and it has left me feeling very self consious. I don’t know how any man will ever find me attractive!! My belly has stretch marks all over it, and my belly button is now deformed : ( Since having my daughter I have lost 46 pounds, I am now at 144. I would still like to loose another 14. I feel very embarrassed about the way I look, I don’t think any man would ever want to come near me, i dont look too bad with clothes on but i cant imagine having the confidence to show myself to another man, especially as I am only 20! What do you all think? Do you think surgery is the only option for me?

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46 Responses to “Will I ever have the confidence to show myself? (Anonymous)”

  1. Rachel Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Okay, I don’t want to call anyone on this site a liar, but there is no way you weigh 144. I would say you weigh 120, maybe, if you’re on your period and bloated. More like 115 on a good day.

    Wait, are you 6’4???

    Just in case someone doesn’t get my sarcasm, you look absolutely wonderful.

  2. Nicole Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    OMG! You look totally HOT!! Remember – you have nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong. You grew babies!. You are beautiful. Everything you need is inside you already. You are enough, just as you are!

  3. Ashley Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Oh Sweetheart you look great you can see my story 2 down from here (My striped tiger body) And im a young mom as well. I know how you feel but honestly you look amazing. You dont need any surgery’s!! There is nothing about you that is deformed. :)

  4. Emily Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    Surgery?! Did you send the wrong pictures or something? All I see is a fit, young, beautiful body.

  5. Jenny W Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    You look amazing hun. You can look at my post, 22 and 2 kids later, and see that we have similar bellies. I also have 2 kids and my stomach is loose and saggy and REALLY bad when I’m sitting down. So I know it is hard to be a young mother and feel this way about yourself but you really do look great! And don’t worry about finding a man, a real man will love you for you! That is something I have to tell myself everyday. Also speaking from personal experience, men are all alike, and men like women, All women, so dont be so hard on yourself!

  6. Autumn Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    I think your body is gorgeous, personally. Any guy who would turn you down over a couple stretch marks isn’t worth your time in the first place.

  7. Jeff Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    I wonder sometimes if submissions are planted. I find it hard to believe this young woman looks at herself in the mirror and sees what she describes.

    Poster, if by chance you do see what you’ve described, please seek a counselor to help you see what the rest of the world sees. If you did there is NO WAY you’d be posting the feeling you’ve posted. You’re beautiful. Know it.

  8. amber Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    I think you and your perfect cellulite free butt, and thighs, your flat stomach do not need surgery!!!

  9. Sarah P. Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    You are so TINY!!! You should have a lot of confidence. Work that hottie body! You’re gorgeous!

  10. Mary V Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    You look awesome, great butt! You have a fantastic body and any man would be lucky to see you naked :) Dont worry about the stretch marks, you can barely notice them! Hott mama!

  11. c Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but your crazy! lol. You look very trim, and have a great little bum.
    Any man that is worth being with you, and your children…and who loves you, will see past what so many of us perceive as flaws (stretch marks). Forget surgery, your lovely!
    Oh, and many women would kill for your pp tummy!

  12. Nina Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    Good grief woman, you’re HOT! Look at that tush! Any man would love to get a piece of that! LOL! Sorry to be so honest but it’s true. Men don’t really pick us apart as much as we do to ourselves. We have an extra critical eye when it comes to our bodies. I think you’ll be fine. Just you wait and see!

  13. Ashley Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but you’re beautiful. I’m pretty sure that when women imagine their ideal body, they’re imagining looking just like you do here.

    Seriously, I can’t imagine wanting to change a thing about your body — by all means do whatever you feel you need to feel healthy, but don’t do it because you think you’re unattractive, because it’s just not true. :)

  14. sarah Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Your body as a whole is rather good!! I have a stomach like yours from large weight gain with just one child. ( 33.780kilos) You should be proud I know it’s easier said than done. I’m sure you would choose the same outcome for your beautiful healthy children and thats the end goal.
    Yes I know it is hard to accept damage done to your body.
    All mothers are beautiful, strong women no matter what they look like and a real men know this scares, stretch marks and loose skin .

  15. Nina Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 2:15 am

    First of all I have to say you look great!!! Congrats on your hard work loosing the weight. Secondly when you meet the right man he will love you for who you are. Do you expect him to be perfect…would you care if he had a scar/few extra pounds/receding hairline?? If he really is the one than he’ll love all of you especially any so called imperfections as they make you you.
    You look great, don’t be so hard on yourself :)
    PS. you don’t need surgery!!!

  16. Liz Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 5:48 am

    I think you look amazing!! It doesn’t even look like you’ve had one kid and you’ve had two! Wow!! Momma, if I were you, I’d flaunt that body! You are lovely!

    I’m sorry to hear about this issues you’re dealing with with your partner. Honestly, even though it may be a big self-esteem hit, you don’t have to let those negative thoughts control your life. You can choose to not listen to them. Every time a negative thought comes up, take it captive and choose to believe that you’re beautiful, lovely, a strong woman — even though you may not believe it and it doesn’t feel “true”. You can’t even begin to image the changes you’ll experience just by doing that. Trust me.

    I wish you all the best life has to offer!

  17. Jordan Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 6:05 am

    You look fantastic! Truly you do. And if a man can’t see that, then he’s not worth you wanting to be with anyway.

  18. Corinne Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 7:10 am

    OMG! You are HOT! There is no other way to descibe my reaction at seeing your photos! It is tough being in your situation, I was there 11 years ago so I do understand, however I must confess my size and stretch marks were far worse. I did meet a lovely man and he loved my body for what it is and loves me and makes me feel sexy, which has helped my confidence. I always felt the same though, that I could look OK dressed but awful naked, I’m starting to strip off and strut around him quite happily! It will happen, build your own self-esteem and feel good about yourself and it’ll rub off on others.

  19. Bryana Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 8:43 am

    A man who cares about and loves you, will love everything about you, including the stretch marks.
    I can imagine what it is like being 20, I am 23 and had my oldest at 18 and my youngest at 21.
    But honestly, surgery is ridiculous. You do not need surgery!
    I think your body is smoking hot! ;)

  20. jim Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Hello, I am a 33 year old man and I think you look terrific. You should not feel self-conscious because of the body you have it is beautiful any man would be very lucky to have you.

  21. Apryl Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 9:31 am

    You look incredible. You do NOT need surgery. You look better than a lot of women who haven’t had kids.

  22. scs Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 11:18 am

    I honestly don’t understand why u are worried. u look great to me

  23. Nicole Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 11:20 am

    I think you apparently don’t have a mirror, because you look great. =)

  24. Kerry Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    I think you look amazing! No need for surgery, you have a bangin body! Hope you realize it soon :)

  25. J Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Aww, sweetheart. You are gorgeous! If you aren’t finding men who see you as beautiful, you aren’t looking very hard at all :)

  26. Kat Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    girl i’m an import and glamour model, men are always showing interest in me when you can see my thighs and belly, and i wish i looked as good as you do! men do not care about the minute amount of difference you have in your belly area and your stretchmarks are not noticeble. you’re young, thin, and beautiful. you will have no problems finding men, especially if you find confidence in yourself(just watch how to look good naked, it’s an amazing show).

  27. Liam Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    My wife showed me this site. I guess she posts here sometimes. Great site. That’s beside the point.

    You look great. From the perspective of a now more mature guy, with kids about ready for middle school and the wisdom earned by working through a relationship, I can tell you that you shouldn’t be worried about finding a guy that will “want” you or not want you based on your body. That’s the last guy you want/need for yourself. He takes you as he gets you or he moves on. I hope you start feeling the self confidence return.

  28. bree Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    well hun, you have a great ass!!! alot of men like that in a woman, so be proud of that fact…and your belly doesnt look bad to me, not from what i see. LOTS of guys woudl date you, dont worry about that for one second, your tall and skinny after two kids, i dont think you will have a problem finding men :) but who needs em anyways,LOL.

  29. mahandra Says:
    February 19th, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    You could have it way worse, I only had one kid and im 24 and now iam stuck with this huge gross giant fat apron of skin where my belly is, its gross and i hate it and if my belly looked like your i woudl be so happy and thankful…I cant wear cute tight shirts because the fat apron hangs down no matter what, Iam stuck wearing cardigans to hide it :(

  30. anon. Says:
    February 20th, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    I would like to look like you, I don’t think you need surgery at all. By the way……….nice ass :)

  31. Jenny W Says:
    February 20th, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Oh and if I might add you look amazing like you are but if it would help your confidence and health, you could EASILY tone your stomach because its not bad now. And my belly button is also deformed now, I had mine pierced and it completely covers it with a cute little ring, so that’s something you might want to try!!! Good luck to you hun

  32. emi Says:
    February 20th, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    i know how you feel, i just want to say that. others would maybe think i look fine too. i know what i used to be though. that’s why it’s hard now. i’m just gonna tell you: your feelings are valid. we can see how great you look, that doesn’t change how you feel about yourself. but know this: you look lovely! :)

  33. amber Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 7:30 am

    i hate when people say, you look great, what are you talking about. I know what your feeling ( blessed&tortured is my post) I have worse slack in skin and TONS of stretch marks, im 24 now, i had my son at 20, i have JUST NOW started to ‘not hate’ my body, i AM saving for a tummy tuck, i feel this is the only thing that will bring me peace. you do look great, and remember that YOU (and i) ONLY focus on our tummy, we never look at the whole picture, when i look at you i see sexy, but if it were me in that pic i would see what you see, actually i see worse in me. Congrats on the happy healthy baby, try to look at the hole pic, and focus on your postitives, NICE ASS!

  34. Stacy Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    I am just curious why when a more a”traditionally” attractive woman posts a post about how “deformed” they are, we see loads and loads of comments. Including from husband etc, but when it is more noticeable change in a woman’s body “ie more fat/stretchies/overhang/etc” we get a quarter of the comments. I feel like often times even on this site we perpetuate the cycles of what is “beautiful” in spite of our desire to be accepting of all bodies after motherhood.

  35. anne Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    i was just thinking that too, stacy. the entries that look the most “normal” or “unchanged” often get the most attention. everything from “you SO don’t need surgery!” to “what did you do? what’s your secret??” seems like we’d realize by now that there’s no secret. just genetics, hard work, time and acceptance. interesting interesting.

  36. Amy Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    I understand how you feel. I am hating my post baby body, and my son is 2 years old. I lost the weight, but the sagging breasts, loos skin and *shiver* what down there looks like still has me feeling unattractive, unsexy and I am 33. I would love to find out how I can like my body again.

  37. Stacy Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    I agree Anne. I think if we could understand that genetics first and foremost do give us different bodies types (color of skin/height/bone structure/approx fat content/health problems and benefits/show size etc)we would really be more inclined to notice how beautiful all women are(well how beautiful all people are). I can understand praising fitness and healthy eating habits because they are what helps us live longer and possibly less stressed and maybe nicer ;-) But perpetuating ideals of body image is shallow, and is not serving the progression of our conscious development.

  38. bethany Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    if your that worried about your body with a man, then he is not worth it. you should feel lucky that your body looks the way it does. look at some other post and if you realize that those woman are strong and beautiful because we have all created life, then you should realize that you are being too hard on yourself. and it upsets me that half the time the only posts that get comments from men are the ones that their bodies look great. it defeats the point of this site trying to help woman and to prove that we are all beautiful. the men that comment on the posts of woman that are fit and have a thin body almost make the point of the website go down. we are all beautiful and i would just like to know what it takes for people to understand this.

  39. rosie Says:
    February 24th, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    Its very complex isn’t it because obviously even if a woman still looks fit and slim and relatively unchanged in appearance her feelings of self loathing are still very real to her. Invalidating those feelings can often lead to an even louder cry of anguish, a feeling that no-one else understands or sees what she sees. But the thing that really pisses me off is that its not her fault. We live in such a crap culture where ideas of what is beautiful or normal are so narrow that even this young gorgeous woman thinks she is undesirable. We women need to be so courageous, to stand up and not be ashamed of ourselves and not hide our bodies so the idea of beautiful and normal can expand. I’ve had three kids including a set of twins I carried for 39 and a half weeks. I have stretch marks over my hips, twin skin round my belly button that wrinkles when i lean forward and a big bottom and thighs but I wear a bikini when I go swimming. I eat very well and exercise and look after myself. Why should i be ashamed? But it still takes huge amounts of courage to expose yourself because every other woman who looks like me is covering up in shame! To be honest even women who look like this(with a slightly imperfect belly) would likley be covering up and that is sooo sad (where does that leave the rest of us?). I don’t think its because of what men expect from us. I know good men see the whole woman. I also separated from the father of my kids and went through these fears. Now I am with a man who is younger than me and everyone says is really gorgeous and he is totally into me. So who are we hiding from, who are we scared of. Shallow crap men that you wouldn’t want to be with anyway? Its not easy but I say we need to have the courage to expect the best for ourselves whatever we look like. To me that means being with a man who sees me as beautiful and desirable as a friend and as a lover. And knowing also that its OK to be alone until that comes along.

  40. A Comment Left Today by Rosie | The Shape of a Mother Says:
    February 24th, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    [...] just left this comment on an entry from a few days ago. I love it so much I want to marry it. I found myself nodding along [...]

  41. Stacy Says:
    February 27th, 2011 at 5:40 am

    I was certainly nit trying to invalidate anyones feelings. Just pointing out fact with regard to the repulsed which are generated… Which in my opinion perpetuate the normal standard of beauty. Which is also fine, because the “typical” standard of beauty is beautiful as well.

  42. Stacy Says:
    February 27th, 2011 at 5:45 am

    Not, not nit.

    And response, not repulsed.

  43. Anon Says:
    March 12th, 2011 at 4:13 am

    Wow I can’t believe the response I have received from this, thank you all so much for your lovely comments, it made me feel so emotional!!! Its going to take a long time for me to feel confident in my own skin but I am starting to realise that out there somewhere is a guy that will love me for who I am, strechmarks and all!!! I believe women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, and I look at other peoples posts on here and all I see is beauty, so hopefully one day I can say the same about my own… Thanks so much again xxxx

  44. alexia Says:
    March 14th, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    I am the mother of a two year old son. A year and a half ago I left my abusive ex, his father, feeling terrible about myself. It takes time, but you will feel like you again, and realize that you are strong. All mamas are, and once you realize that, you can find someone who will love you. Look at how your babies look at you, and you will see how beautiful you are reflected in thier eyes.
    I have met a new man, and despite my saggy boobs and round belly, he thinks i am gorgeous, and tells me every day. He treats me and my son with respect, and I can accept that because I learned to respect myself for my strength and inner beauty.

  45. Mike Says:
    October 24th, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    Let me give you a man’s point of view. You look lovely! Physical marks of pregnancy merely show that you have given birth and can be proud to have done what we wish we could. We envy you.

    I first came on this site years ago when my (now former) wife was concerned about the body she had “lost”. Eventually, she learned to love how she looked as much as I did. When I saw her new figure, I saw the joy of having a daughter.

    Keep the faith!

  46. Amber Says:
    April 22nd, 2012 at 7:48 am

    You look wonderful darlin’. I weigh the same as you do! Hot mama!

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