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Why Can’t I See What He Sees? (GG)

August 16, 2010

26 years old
1 pregnancy
2 babies (twins) boy and girl.

My husband is such a wonderful man. He sees in me the most beautiful and sexy woman alive. Why can’t I see that?? All I see is fat here and there and everywhere! I see imperfections and that is it. My stomach is ugly with stretch marks and saggy on my lower abdomen. My legs are fat! They have always been fat but now they are fatter. Every time I see myself in pictures I feel disgusting. I want to cry!!! I see my twin sister who had her baby four months ago and is so skinny. I see my cousin who just had twins who already lost all her baby weight and then some. I see everyone around me so thin and I feel so ugly. All I feel when people look at me is embarrassment because I can only imagine what they must be thinking of how fat I look. I realize that is probably not the case but I feel that way. It makes me want to run and hide. I had someone at work mention that I was fat and I need to breastfeed in order to lose that weight. Do you know what that comment did to me? It made me feel disgusting and ugly. I felt like a failure. I wanted to cry. I want to cry right now! I hate looking in the mirror but I still do! I pick at every imperfection and cry about it. My question is: Why can’t I see that person my husband sees? You should see how he looks at me. He is all over me when I get out of the shower or when I change. Why can’t I see that woman? If it weren’t for him I think I would’ve have gone insane about how fat and ugly I am. You know, I come to this site and see so many pictures of you ladies and I wish I would look half as good as all of you. I decided to post how I feel and see if I can break free from all this bad attitude towards my body so, I decided to take pictures of me as I am. I want to learn to love me. The mother of two beautiful babies who make my day with just one smile. Who I wouldn’t trade for anything, not even for my pre pregnancy body. I came here so that all that I put above is part of my past and of how I FELT about myself. After this I want to start clean and I want to see that sexy diva my husband sees in me. Thank you all for posting your stories and giving me hope.

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21 Responses to “Why Can’t I See What He Sees? (GG)”

  1. Summer Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 7:31 am

    Who in their right mind would call you fat!?! You’re not fat and look great for having twins ever! I’m not sure why you can’t see what your husband sees, but I see what he sees too…

  2. Shannon Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 8:04 am

    WOW…this was creepy! I felt like I was reading something I would have written a few months ago…and then I scrolled down, and it was me :) Your tummy looks better from the front…but we look soo much alike :) You can see me under “child loss” (sad to say), and my recent post is “15 months pp update (Shannon)”. Check it out! We are twins…and you know what???….we look GREAT!!!!!!! My husband is the same exact way…he tries so hard to make me feel beautiful, and sometimes it really works, other times not so much! You look great :) How old are your babies?

  3. Bryana Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 9:46 am

    Your body reminds me alot of my mine. Our stomachs look so similar. I am 23 and have had 2 children. My husband loves my body as well, never says anything negative about it, he’s actually so so positive about. Which is great and I love him for it, but I had a hard time believing him for a long time. But now I have learned to love my body as well. Is it the typical 23 year old body? No, but it’s mine, and I love it! :)

  4. Sarah Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Check out the links in the upper right-hand corner of this page: How to Love Your Body and Pledge to Love Your Body. They may help you see your body through your husband’s eyes. Good luck!

  5. Karla Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Wow! you look great! whoever said you were fat where jealous! I hate when people do that…listen to your husband…you look great…you could wear a bikini if you wanted to!! after twins!!!! You go girl!

  6. Karla Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    “whoever said you were fat where jealous!” I meant were jealous… not where…lol…

  7. GG Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    @ summer.. thank you very much. I guess when people start making comments that probablly don’t mean to hurt others we take it so literal that it makes us feel like crap. thank you so much for ur kind words.

    @ shannon i have to check it out!! i bet you are beautiful. I think my problem is i see everyone so beautiful but not me. i am working on it though. I have gotten motivation and my hubby and i started jog/walking. thank you for ur kind words. my babies are 9 months.

    @bryana and sarah thank you! i will take a look at the pledge sarah. <3

  8. mrs. petunia Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    It’s so ridiculous that people always feel the need to compare themselves to others! I know I do it all the time! And really, it’s completely insane because no two people are alike. And then the craziest thing is we put ourselves down because we’re different from those we compare ourselves to and we blame….ourselves. I just started a weight lifting class and I look at the other women and think, “why can’t I lift anywhere close to what they can? I must be a weakling”. But really, I’m just sort of scrawny and don’t have the same muscle mass and that’s that. Not my fault and, I have to sternly tell myself, it’s ok. I’m not bad. Likewise, some people just “snap back” from pregnancy. Other people’s bodies are more noticeably changed. It’s just luck of the draw. Of course, you can exercise and diet and yada yada yada but there are limits to what you can do. Not your fault and it’s not bad either. It’s just the way you were made. And the way you were made is awesome because you truly do look hot and you have a wonderful baby that you’re body produced. What a freakin miracle. So that person at work who told you to lose weight can just blow it out their rear :) Best of luck to you and your family!

  9. GG Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    @ karla- thank you! you made me giggle. well, i don’t know about a bikini but you are SOOO SWEET

    mrs petunia you are soo right. I think that myself sometimes and i can’t help but do what you say. thank you for your words.

    THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR BIEN SO KIND TO ME.

  10. Shannon Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 6:10 am

    WOW…ONLY 9 month pp??? Girl…you look REALLY amazing :) Even if you were 5 years pp…let alone only 9 months :)

  11. AW Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 11:43 am

    OMG I read this knowing exactly how you feel. I am so sorry for your pain!

  12. GG Says:
    August 20th, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    THANKS shannon ur soo sweet ((hugs)) and AW thank you as well. I hope one day i can read your story unless you already published it here and I didn’t notice yet.

  13. Sarah Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 8:37 am

    No way are you fat! You are perfect. Someone was super jealous of you to have said that to you!

  14. Lee Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 11:58 am

    This broke my heart and actually made me teary-eyed. I know exactly where you’re coming from and I struggle with the same things every day. It is so hard for me to look in the mirror and say “Oh, you’ve got great legs!” or “Look at your beautiful green eyes!” when all I can fixate on is my stretch marks and poochy belly. I, like you, luckily have a wonderful man who tells me all the time how beautiful and sexy I am; I just wish I could believe it and see what he sees. By the way, I think you have a lovely body, and a brave and beautiful soul. It takes courage to confront personal demons and you’re tackling them head-on. Good for you, woman!

  15. GG Says:
    September 20th, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    @ Lee, thank you for your comment. I am 100% sure that you are a sexy diva!! You know since I posted this I have done much better about making ugly comments about my body. I have also lost some weight (not that much but some).. although I can’t tell you i would feel comfortable going to the beach and wearing a two peice i can tell you that I am learning gradually to love my body as is. I hope you get there too. much love to you!

  16. CJ Says:
    September 29th, 2010 at 3:45 am

    Hey, we have the same belly! I’m 28, with 3 kids. Anyway, I just wanted to share that we have the same body, and that I’m learning to love mine, and I hope you can do the same.

  17. MR Says:
    October 31st, 2010 at 10:39 am

    You look fantastic! I am also a mom to b/g twins (3 months pp) and you do NOT look like you had twins. I am lucky to have a husband that looks at me as a woman who created two beautiful & HEALTHY twins that went to term at 38 weeks.

    Remind yourself. We are the lucky ones. The husbands who cherish us and don’t cut us down and remind us daily that we accomplished someone few people get to do. Create amazing twins!

  18. Marz Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    Why can’t you see what your husband sees? (now, this is just in my case, but I think it makes a lot of sense). Because when girls are growing up, they’re told to be perfect. They see perfect airbrushed movie stars and models and have to aspire to that level. We never see anyone glamorized who has stretch marks, cellulite, a little jiggle here and there. We are raised in a world of plastic and told to conform.
    Men, on the other hand… well, men see those images, but they also see porn. Erotica. They see women with all kinds of body types being sensualized (i suppose this depends on the manner of porn, but i digress). I remember the first time my husband talked me into watching a porn with him, and I gotta say, I was shocked speechless. That girl had stretch marks all over her butt like I do! …her thighs jiggled when she walked too!
    It was quite an eye-opener to realize that men see women differently than we see ourselves. There’s an enormous gap in how we see our bodies and how they do.
    And BTW– your coworker should be ashamed of themselves. As my mom always told me: “Fat comes and goes. I can always lose weight. But they’ll always be ignorant/stupid/ugly/etc.” I’ve found it makes a good comeback when people go out of their way to be nasty. You don’t have to put up with ANY of that! You look great!

  19. Suzi Says:
    January 15th, 2011 at 9:42 am

    GG , you look amazing :).

  20. Theresa Says:
    May 2nd, 2013 at 10:33 am

    Hi, I’m Resa. Reading your testimony made me feel like I was reading something I had written myself. I too have the same problems and body issues as you and even though I haven’t had a problem with other people and their own opinions, I still struggle today with accepting myself as beautiful. I feel like, I’m not the person I was before I had my daughter. With my disfigured belly, deep scarring, and extra skin I feel like I’ve lost the hopeful-happiness that I had when I was a joyful expecting perent. Even knowing that someone else out there is struggling with the same issues, and lovely children came out of it, a certain selfish part of me still wishes I weren’t disfigured. It makes me want to cry to think I can’t just be thankful for my children and that be it. I feel ugly in the physical way and as a person because I feel guilty that my focus isn’t 100% on my children but rather on something that has affected me. If you’re interested I could email you photos of my belly, mine are very extreme. Maybe we could talk about what we went through. I’ve never actually talked about it to anyone before. A lot of people may tell you, as I’ve heard told to me time and time again, “Oh its not that big of a deal, they’ll go away, you look fine.” But they will never know how it actually feels, and if they did I’m sure they wouldn’t be saying those things. Personally I’m a bit more accepting (it’s been three years since I was permanently scarred) however even still I consider having surgery. Some people may find that as weak, and say I should be happy with what I’ve got but I just want to be able to focus on my life and not some damaged skin hanging off of me.

  21. Nakiia Says:
    April 24th, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Hey…don’t beat yourself up. You look better than I do. I have the same belly and I ask myself what is it that he sees in me and he loves when I am naked. It doesn’t make sense but over time they have grown to love us because of the change we went through when pregnant with our kids and I have 3. Love yourself! You look great.

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