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What I was made to do: Create (Katie)

December 30, 2008

I have posted here before, but I have to admit I’m not nearly as confident as I was then. I’m trying to work on that, I’m ashamed to be ashamed.
Since my son weaned from breastfeeding, my relationship with my body changed. My body feels alien to me, I have ignored it’s shape and feel since my son was born. My body used to be a foreign, magical thing that grew and then nurtured my son. Now I feel like I have to learn it all over again. I feel hollow and unfamiliar, but it feels like mine again.
We plan to have many more children, but we don’t plan to try for #2 until next year.
However, I dont feel that I’m done making babies. I was given an amazing miracle, and I want to share it. Thus I began researching egg donation.

I think back to a period in my life when I feared I could never bear children. The thought was life changing.
As it turns out I have a completely healthy, functioning reproductive system. Something I will never take for granted. My mission now is to give that ability to women who could not otherwise have children, and it’s something I’m very passionate about. I have applied at dozens of clinics in my state, and hope to begin the process in one next month. Some friends and family members did not understand. Some where even shocked or offended, asking things like “Won’t it be weird to think you have kids out there somewhere?” My answer is “No, I wont have kids out there.”
I may have a few chromosomes in common with the child, but that baby was grown, carried by and given birth to by another woman- the childs mother. A woman who might not have had that magical experience otherwise.
It might be a little off topic, but I have found new purpose for me and my body, and I feel whole again.
This is what I was made to do: create.


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5 Responses to “What I was made to do: Create (Katie)”

  1. Body Image, Bulimia, and a Beautiful Baby Boy (Katie) | The Shape of a Mother Says:
    December 30th, 2008 at 9:21 am

    [...] here. Tags: Belly, Belly, Breast or Body Art, Body Image, Breastfeeding, Breasts, Eating Disorder, [...]

  2. Angele Says:
    December 30th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    Wow, your story gave me goosebumps! What an amazing woman you are! I love your outlook on your body! So inspiring!
    Amazing entry!

  3. MilkMama Says:
    December 30th, 2008 at 11:06 pm

    Wow! What a great story you have! And I love your picture of you nursing your baby!!!

  4. Kathy Says:
    January 3rd, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    Thats a beautiful nursing picture. I have recently thought of doing surrogacy, but I am unsure if this is the path I want to go in. I hope egg donation goes well for you. Good luck!

  5. Katlyn Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Your outlook on your life is very inspiring. It really touched me how you are thankful for your ability to create, and willing to help other women create as well.
    It is very amazing what you are doing, and I support you all the way.

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