I have posted here before, but I have to admit I’m not nearly as confident as I was then. I’m trying to work on that, I’m ashamed to be ashamed.
Since my son weaned from breastfeeding, my relationship with my body changed. My body feels alien to me, I have ignored it’s shape and feel since my son was born. My body used to be a foreign, magical thing that grew and then nurtured my son. Now I feel like I have to learn it all over again. I feel hollow and unfamiliar, but it feels like mine again.
We plan to have many more children, but we don’t plan to try for #2 until next year.
However, I dont feel that I’m done making babies. I was given an amazing miracle, and I want to share it. Thus I began researching egg donation.
I think back to a period in my life when I feared I could never bear children. The thought was life changing.
As it turns out I have a completely healthy, functioning reproductive system. Something I will never take for granted. My mission now is to give that ability to women who could not otherwise have children, and it’s something I’m very passionate about. I have applied at dozens of clinics in my state, and hope to begin the process in one next month. Some friends and family members did not understand. Some where even shocked or offended, asking things like “Won’t it be weird to think you have kids out there somewhere?” My answer is “No, I wont have kids out there.”
I may have a few chromosomes in common with the child, but that baby was grown, carried by and given birth to by another woman- the childs mother. A woman who might not have had that magical experience otherwise.
It might be a little off topic, but I have found new purpose for me and my body, and I feel whole again.
This is what I was made to do: create.