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Wanting accept my body changes (Ashley)

October 1, 2009

August 26, 2008 was the day i found out i was pregnant, this day was also my boyfriend’s birthday (what a birthday gift I gave him…hahaha). So I woke up that morning and for some reason I thought maybe I’d take a home pregnancy test because the day before I was worrying since we weren’t using protection. When I saw that positive I was so distraught, very scared and clueless of what to do. I barely turned 18 and my boyfriend was turning 17. Both very young with a big future ahead of us and finding out we we’re expecting wasn’t very easy to accept. We both thought about abortion and I made an appointment, the day came and the doctor told me the baby was too little to be seen in sonogram, I was probably less than 4 weeks and arranged another appointment 2 weeks later. During those 2 weeks so much changed.

I was living with my best friends family. I told my best friend I was pregnant and it was suppose to be a secret. She told her mom and she was against the abortion and talked to me about the choices I could do but abortion wasn’t an option. That day I realized I couldn’t kill the love I’ve made with my boyfriend. I felt very stupid for ever thinking I could abort and felt selfish. There’s a reason why these things happen. I thought to myself that if i would have aborted I would have felt like a coward and would have not owned up to my responsibilities for the actions i made. Each day passed and I was very happy with my choice except thinking of what my body would end up like.

I’ve always been a girl with low self-esteem my height didn’t help (4’11) and knowing that my body would change drastically wasn’t something I liked to accept, all the stretch marks and a big belly. Though days went on and I was happy that I had a real easy pregnancy with no morning sicknesses, I was able to sleep good even to the last day, and still no stretch marks. Until the last month was when I was able to see my stretch marks, they weren’t very visible but I knew they we’re there.

The day my water broke was May 1st and I was nervous, excited, scared, so many mixed emotions I just couldn’t wait to meet my little one I had been carrying inside me for 9 months. I was having trouble during labor. My cervix wasn’t dialating and after 10 hours I only dialated barely 2 centimeters. Doctor told me I had to get a c-section. I was very upset at first because this was not how I planned on how I wanted to give birth. On May 2, 2009 I gave birth to a beautiful healthy daughter named Hailey weighing 7 lbs. and 7 ounces and 18 inches long.

It’s been almost about 4 months since I gave birth and I am very proud and happy young mom. I love being a mother and I am very glad that I didn’t go through with the abortion because I know if I did I would never be able to forgive myself.

Everything is great except one thing. I love daughter so much but I’m still learning to accept my body. So far I’ve learned to accept my stretch marks because I know somehow one way or another my belly had to stretch for new life I was carrying and also because my stretch marks we’re made with love because of my little one. I just don’t like my sagging tummy and I just don’t feel good about my image. I see how many girls my age would dress and I would like to feel good in what I dress in and not worry about how I look or people say. Sometimes it helps when my boyfriend tells me that I shouldn’t worry that he still loves the way I look and my tummy is special because that’s where Hailey came out from. But I guess it’ll take sometime. I’m just glad that I was able to give life because she makes everything so worth it.

below are some pictures

1. Before pregnancy
2. 39 weeks pregnant
3. Hailey’s latest picture
4. 16 weeks postpartum front view
5. side view

Age: 19
Number of pregnancies & birth: 1
Age age of my child: 3 months and 4 weeks

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10 Responses to “Wanting accept my body changes (Ashley)”

  1. Ashley Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Your stretchmarks aren’t bad at all, and the tummy is nothing a little healthy eating and exercise can’t change. You can get you pre-preg body back! You look pretty good for 16wks postpartum anyway! Congrats on you gorgeous baby girl :)

  2. Mary Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    You look great! It can take a year or so for your skin to tighten back up, in the meantime just alter your clothes so its not always something that you think about, I am 7 months pp and I love to wear skinny jeans with loose shirts to cover my belly… lucky for us thats kinda what’s in style! Just keep your head up mama, and congrats on your beautiful baby!

  3. 16married17pregnant Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    girl i know what you mean.im a young mom i gave birth at 16 my daughter bailey is now almost 20months & im 4months preg again..i got stretch marks too[everywhere]i also have lose skin[but your isnt bad]mine has like wrinkles in it.im also short im 5’0 i went back down to my pre pregnancy weight by my body dont look the same its depressing i know but believe me with some time it will get better..your stretch marks will fade and your stomach will tone up[with a lil exercise it will tone up faster]but you look good girl[oh and if we were to have another girl we wanted to name her hailey hah=)]

  4. Kit Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 3:20 am

    I think there’s a bit of a myth about young mothers and pregnancy and how quickly they ‘snap back’ post birth. It’s not always the case and it can be very hard to come to terms with the changes wreaked by pregnancy on the body.

    I think you look really good for 4 months post partum. Your skin tone is lovely in the last two photographs and you can tell it’s just a question of time. You still have a slight tummy and you have got some stretch marks but these WILL improve drastically over the coming months. The stretch marks will fade to silver and your stomach will shrink. I had twins (at the ripe old age of 34) and although I’d had a lovely body beforehand (did lots of exercise and was very toned) I was a wreck post-birth. I had a huge, wrinkled mass around my belly button and my skin was all crepey. So although I was very lucky and had no stretch marks my stomach was wrecked. At four months it was still there and it really was only around 9 months post partum that it all began to return to normal and now I’m toned and pretty much back to normal.

    My advice would be to give yourself a bit more time. I know it’s really difficult when you’ve just had a baby and are struggling with the changes to your body, but please don’t despair. You WILL improve so allow yourself some peace over this and give your body some time to heal and recover. You can help it along – I’m a big fan of oil/cream on the stomach as although these don’t work magic they do help with skin condition and the appearance of stretchmarks. Use it every day and over a few months you’ll notice a difference. Equally, try some pilates. This had an amazing impact on my body post-birth and really helped to shrink my stomach back. I go to classes but I know people who’ve had equally brilliant results using DVDs at home. Time is in really short supply when you’ve got a small baby so home exercise can be a really good solution. A few people have posted on here having done pilates dvds with brilliant results.

    Don’t despair. I really think you’ll be fine as 4 months is still really, really early days in terms of post-partum recovery and your skin tone still looks amazing in the photograph. If mine had looked like that at four months I’d have been singing from the rooftops. You have a beautiful figure and a gorgeous baby. Congratulations!

  5. GGB Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 10:07 am

    You just need time!!! Your skin will go back to its place again. It happened to me, and I look much better now (I have two little kids!) Besides, you’re very young! Your skin is still very elastic.
    Congratulations on your decission of having the baby!!! You’re a brave woman and it’s wonderful to be a mother! Good luck! :)

  6. Kim Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    I love that you’re putting yourself out there. Like you, I’m a young mother also. And alsoo like you, I’m 5’0 so I’m a shorty too! I hit 165 when I was pregnant. And my tummy looks similar to yours. I guess it’ll take more time before we’re both small. But feel better because my son is 10 months lol And you are right, comments like that from the daddy makes it better. Little things count. Keep up the good work mommy, your daughter is adorable!

  7. Stephenie Says:
    October 11th, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    I had my lil’ boy May 21, 2009. I got my stretch marks in the same spot you did, they look just like that. I am 135, I was 125 before getting pregnant. I just can’t believe that I used to complain about the way i looked, before getting preggo! I am still adjusting to me new body..

  8. desigirl Says:
    October 23rd, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    aww. i think cuz you’re shorter, your belly had to stretch out more. your pre-preg body is exactly the same as mine. it’s weird that the sz 0 girls are so envied before pregnancy but after pregnancy it’s like we get even more stretched out than the wide boned big girls! but ur lucky you have asian skin, it still looks smooth. in my country we put a tight scarf around the waist to hold the muscles in, maybe you can try this.

  9. Bevin Says:
    December 12th, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    Honey you look wonderful. :o)

  10. Rhianna R Says:
    June 1st, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    Oh hun don’t even worry, you practically just had your daghter. It takes a while even just for our uterus to shrink back. I gained 115 lbs aftre having my daughter!! Guess what I’m back to 130 lbs right now and wearing a bikini out.. almost all my stretch marks are so faded, with a slight tan you can’t even see them, and they used to be purple :) I looked ooooodddlllless worse 3 months PP then you. You look great! Your skin is so smooth and healthy looking. It looks tight to me mine was all wrinkled and folded. I had so many stretch marks everywhere, and my c-section tethered my 5’1 stertched otu skin. It takes time and I promise even if it seems like nothing is happening it can change ALOT. My daughter is 3 now and my body doesn’t even look like the same person from 2 years ago. I want you to keep your chin up. I got into a rut and got some pretty bad depression for about 15 months after Ihad my daughter over my body. Now I look back and I was really hard on myself. Mommies are amazing and your beautiful!

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