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Ups and Downs (Anonymous)

February 4, 2011

31 years old
kids ages 5 and 3

I am 5’2 and 125 currently.Previous to kids my weight was about 120-125.I am happy with my weight finally after 3 years! My first pregnancy I was all day sick for the first 3 months but after that things went well.Had a 7Ib 12oz baby but vaginal prolapsing after which is uncomfortable I guess you would say. Felt pretty good about myself a year after and 1 1/2 years after 1st baby got pregnant again. Second pregnancy went better but I was huge by the end and felt like I would have a bigger baby for my size.Second baby was 9Ibs 4 oz and here is where all my issues really begin.After my second I had hemorrhaging,vaginal prolapsing,internal tearing and 4th degree tearing through my rectum plus stretch marks and a sagging stomach-what a mess.I had a surgery 9 months and many embarrassing moments after the birth to repair the internal tearing and had an anal sphincter repair.I spent one year in physio therapy trying to regain vaginal and rectal muscle-let me tell you you put ALL modesty aside when you go through this.I was also booked in to have a tummy tuck because I hate how the skin hangs off my belly like pizza dough but my husband didn’t want me to go through anymore and at this point I guess I don’t either.Things are better yes but I know I will never be the same.I wonder sometimes why this all happened to me and I still get frustrated. Then I also think about how I have 2 beautiful children that I love so much and I am grateful, there are worse things because really I am healthy and I am able to do most everything still.I just really wish that there was someone else to talk to that went through the same things as me as I feel that no one understands how greatly this all has effected my life.

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9 Responses to “Ups and Downs (Anonymous)”

  1. Tosha M Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Hi! I just wanted to say I am so sorry that happened to you. That’s awful I couldn’t even imagine what you went through. I had complete uterine prolapse with my second son. My uterus came out! I had to have a 4 unit blood transfusion. I can’t say I know how you feel but I understand :)

  2. me Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 11:10 am

    i am more disapointed in the doctors you had, they should have given you a c section esp at your height and the size of the baby, your a tiny woman too…not a bigger gal…why woudlnt they have given you a c sectiomn? id be livid!

  3. Mary V Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 11:46 am

    I am so sorry for everything you have been through! I have a girlfriend that just had all the same surguries you had (she didnt have the therapy though because I do not believe she lost any muscle control), with a hysterectomy as well. I feel for her and the same for you, I can not imagine what you have had to deal with day in and day out. I know her surgury has givin her so much more comfort and freedom, I hope the same for you! And congratulations on your babies!

  4. Meg Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    You are NOT alone!! This happens to a lot of women and no one ever talks about it. My mother-in-law, aunt, sisters-in-law, and a few friends have suffered vaginal, bladder, and rectal prolapse. My mother-in-law was hit the worst and has had numerous tacking surgeries, but none have taken. (She delivered a 10lb baby breech 40 years ago). My point is, there are women out there to talk to who know how hard recovery is, how embarassing it is to talk about, how painful it can be. Those babies are definately worth it, but it is hard to deal with the day-to-day effects for sure!

  5. Darla Says:
    February 5th, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Wow, it sounds like you had a rough time of it, and no wonder why! Those issues effect a huge part of your life and your well being. It was most surely worth it but doesn’t make living with these conditions easier.
    I would give it time and continue to focus on improving your health. I would give it time. A lot of time. Working out and doing weightlifting, in moderation, has helped me tone up my lower back and core, that has in turn tightened up my female muscles and other muscles (butt) . Just take it easy, have hope and keep working on getting the muscle control.
    I had a pretty big issue after having my daughter where I had a lot of pain in my abdomen and vaginally for eight to nine months after delivering my daughter . Everyone told me I was fine , but the pain affected our sex life and sadly we split up. (among other issues ).
    I I

  6. Anonynmous Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 1:59 am

    I suffered a 4th degree tear and had to go under general anesthesia immediately after my daughter was born. It took an hour for them to repair the tear. I was amazingly lucky and suffered no long-term side effects.

    Even so, my recovery was incredibly long and difficult and I would say it took me a year to regain the sense of feeling comfortable and pain-free in my body.

    I would encourage you to be so gentle and kind to yourself. I think these kind of injuries in childbirth can really affect us so deeply. I suffered with depression and didn’t really realize how connected it was to my birth experience. It IS hard, and it DOES affect you, profoundly. I share that with other women because you’re right, people don’t understand how impacting that kind of birth can be. Hugs and healing to you!

  7. Ups and Downs Says:
    February 16th, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    Thanks for all your comments.Yes I was upset with the doctors and thought they should have given me a c-section but have concluded that they are human beings and make mistakes-unfortunately for me I was one of them (I am trying to have forgiveness).I do still find some things difficult like being intimate with my husband sometimes but he is supportive.I feel like if this is where i am now how is my body going to be in say even 20 years time?

  8. Kiki Says:
    April 20th, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    I’m 20 years down the line, 5th 2ins 120 lbs, had smiler tear & a repair to perineum, then tear to front towards clitoris, which never fully healed in spite of being stitched together badly! It has resulted in pain everyday & now having menopause, it’s opinion of Dr that more surgery will not help! I have been so depressed through not being able to enjoy being intimate with my husband unless I take painkillers & alcohol, Dr’s have no idea as this generation are the first to complain when their sexual relationships are ruined because of birth trauma! We need more help, this is why more women are asking for C sections, most would put up with scar to abdomen than to have scars to their vulva, would men accept this damage to their sexual organs? I doubt it!!

  9. Bonnie (SOAM) Says:
    April 20th, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Kiki, my heart breaks for you. I hope someday, somehow, you find some peace and both emotional and physical healing.

    I do want to say, though, that while sometimes birth just *is* traumatic for some reason, it is also sometimes caused by other interventions during the labor process. I just want to say that, not to diminish your own pain and experience, but for any pregnant moms that stumble on this and think a cesarean is the answer. The fact is that cesarean also comes with its own risks, some of which effect the lower end of things (vagina, rectum, etc) just as vaginal birth can. So research both before making a decision.

    Peace.

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