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Update – Mother of 3 (Anonymous)

April 22, 2013

Previous post here.

Thank u all for your beautiful words of support been working my huge ass off and lost sum weight but the more i lose the small my boobs get and im concerned that with 3 kids coming out of me my vagina doesnt look as it should i cant help but think about it in the bedroom :( let me know what u think love u all

A more intimate picture can be found here.

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23 Responses to “Update – Mother of 3 (Anonymous)”

  1. Krista Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 8:14 am

    I just have to say that your boobs are perfect IMO. Great job on the weight loss… you look amazing! As for the intimate pic… I think every single one looks different, so it’s hard to say what’s normal (or “as it should”). Also, of course it will change after kids… but having said that, yours looks completely fine to me. You’re beautiful.

  2. Tina Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 9:15 am

    You are gorgeous. I don’t think you need to change a thing. I have 3 kids and my body honestly looks exactly like yours. I’ve lost weight and still struggle with the stomach, but after a year of dealing with my body issues I just decided to let go. Since I stopped worrying I feel so much better about myself. As for your intimate picture, looks totally normal to me.

  3. Heather Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 9:23 am

    Everything looks normal. You are beautiful.

  4. Julie Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 9:42 am

    Yup. All normal! And IMHO, your boobs look great! You have to understand that there is NO problem with the way your natural body looks. The problem is with media/society that for whatever reason idolizes a ‘perfect’ body that isn’t real. Not only are they not real, but they haven’t LIVED. Your body has lived, experienced, and loved. And even after all that, it still looks good, too! So, work it and don’t be ashamed — you look great!

  5. Leah Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 9:46 am

    Beautiful woman, don’t worry about your body. It’s lovely. It would be lovely even if you didn’t have the most marvelous, perky boobs (which you do!). Shut off all that stuff that comes at you from outside your head: all the ads, tv shows, articles in women’s magazines, etc. Glory in your amazing beauty! There’s no one else like you. **hugs**

  6. melanie Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 11:10 am

    In no way mean any disrespect as I love and agree with the purpose and mission of The Shape of a Mother…but the vagina pic was a little unnecessary. That picture is forever published online. I’m all about uplifting someone’s spirits especially when it comes to self image, but i feel like that crossed the line a little.

  7. Bonnie (SOAM) Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 11:17 am

    The purpose and mission of SOAM is to open the discussion about how women’s bodies change during and after pregnancy. The vulva changes quite a lot, but we expect it even less than we expect the changes that happen to our bellies and our breasts. I personally feel that we need to see as many vulvas as possible so we can truly understand the diversity of our privates. Vaginoplasty is on the rise because women only see one type of vulva so they feel they look ugly when they don’t compare. I’d like women to be exposed to as many natural vulvas as possible. Check out this video: http://youtu.be/ioy2ivfTl5g

    Interestingly, this is not the first vulva that has been pictured here on SOAM, yet it’s the first one to be accused of being inappropriate. I wonder why?

  8. Corey Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 11:23 am

    ILY SOAM

  9. melanie Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    Fair enough. I havent personally seen any of the other comments on previous vulva pictures, but this one in particular is receiving a lot of backlash. Perhaps it has to do with the general feel of the pictures – I personally feel like they are leaning more towards the pornographic side rather than the usual classy, tasteful side that SOAM has been known to share.

  10. melanie Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    Also, exposed breasts are generally more accepted in our society than exposed vaginas. It has taken many years for America to get used to seeing breasts and we still aren’t as comfortable with it as other countries. If you are trying to change society’s view point on exposed vaginas then you should expect the same response and turnaround time for your view point to take flight. While I understand the point behind your message about the ever changing vulva, I am not at all surprised that you are receiving negative feedback on this particular post.

  11. Bonnie (SOAM) Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Yes, I agree that there is something less clinical and more sexual to these photos than there probably was to other vulva photos shared here. That probably is where the reaction is coming from. I am not sure how I feel about that, though. Do sexual-looking pictures of sexual parts bother us because we’ve internalized that women being sexual beings is somehow dirty and inappropriate, or is there something legitimately different about a sexy-looking vulva? I would suspect the former, but I think it’s a discussion we all need to have more often, and a topic we should all think about deeply.

    And you are right that there will be massive pushback to normalizing images of vulvas. I have been lucky, I think, to not experience much of it since I have an audience who comes here particularly for support in being feminist. But I was, nevertheless, surprised because this is the first time I’ve dealt with it.

  12. Bonnie (SOAM) Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    By the way, I’m really enjoying this conversation. I’m learning a lot. Thanks, Melanie!

  13. Jan Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Thank you for having the courage to share the vulva picture. It is normal and beautiful and unique. Any one who might be bothered by it needs to have a good long think about why. There is nothing wrong with it at all.

  14. melanie Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    Oh I totally agree that we unfairly label women when it comes to being sexual beings. Even with all of the progress in recent years, we still live in a man’s world. Sad. I proudly think of myself as feminist, but I have caught myself doing the unfair labeling thing too. In the case with this post, I had to really analyze why I felt so strongly about it being inappropriate…and unfortunately for me, the message was lost because I wasn’t able to get past the sexual nature of the pictures. Alas, I am guilty!
    Good chatting with you! Although it would be way more fun over a bottle of wine…or three! Cheers!

  15. Bonnie (SOAM) Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    I think nearly all feminists fall into these things from time to time. I certainly do. I mean, we’re growing up in a culture which has ingrained patriarchal ideals and thought patterns for the last 6,000 years at least. I think we’re allowed to fall into that from time to time so long as we always question ourselves and then rethink the answers. Sometimes it isn’t the patriarchy, but our own intuition. We may not know which in every situation, but I think we just keep moving forward and we’ll make for an awesome society. :)

  16. Sarah Says:
    April 22nd, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    Your vulva is beautiful and normal. That’s all!

  17. Mina Says:
    April 23rd, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    To the original poster: You look beautiful and normal to me. I didn’t personally think the vulva picture was sexualized. I understand that the pic lying down on the bed sort of is, but the poster specifically said that she was feeling self conscious in the bedroom, so it made sense to me that she posted a pic showing her in that type of lighting and positioning. The vulva pic is pretty graphic, but it doesn’t look pornographic to me. I’m not sure how else to photograph a vulva and ask if it looks normal than to do it how she did it…

  18. Bella Says:
    April 24th, 2013 at 11:51 am

    You are beautiful in every way, I can see no fault with your body, including your vulva!

    I agree with last poster that points out that: “I’m not sure how else to photograph a vulva and ask if it looks normal than to do it how she did it…”

    I`m glad that we are discussing our vaginas also, in here. It does often change after giving birth, and it`s a big taboo, I think, in our society.

  19. sara Says:
    April 25th, 2013 at 8:59 pm

    I don’t see anything inappropriate about any of the photos and thank you for being brave enough to post them. Your body looks great, your vagina looks normal. It is normal for our vaginas to change a bit after having kids so it may not be exactly the same as before. However, just from looking at your vulva, you can’t tell that that you’ve had kids, if that is what you are concerned about.

  20. jamie Says:
    April 26th, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    My “downstairs” doesn’t look half as neat as yours does! I think it’s natural for it to appear a little.. stretched out after. Heck, I’ve known girls with no babies to have ‘em look that way. So I don’t think any man will notice or care! As for your body, you don’t even look like you’ve had 3 babes :)

  21. momof4 Says:
    April 26th, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    Original poster: you look great. All is normal.
    I have my own story here on SOAM. I think my concern lately is that I’m seeing more and more stories come with very erotic, suggestive and sexual photos of women in provocative positions. And while I do say, “more power to that mom!” for feeling confident and beautiful and sexual with her form, I feel concerned that the website is open to any who want to come look and more voyeuristic people will be visiting the site. Personally, I think I am going to ask to have my story removed. Not because of this one post, but it has me thinking about the purpose of the site, what gets posted and what that attracts to the site.

  22. Day Says:
    July 4th, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    I think you look totally normal… I have 1 seven year old and am 33 weeks pregnant…I’ve always felt confident and not had any concerns about my vulva before. However just lately I’m so down about it and think it looks just awful….I feel really conscious of it in the bedroom, which is making me so sad…. My partner is the love of my life….I don’t want to lose him because of this…I’m honestly considering surgery after I have baby.

    Has any one else felt like this… Did your feelings improve after delivery?

    Xxx

  23. Jenni Says:
    August 6th, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    @ Day: Girl, don’t worry, I had one of the worst 4th degree episiotomys ever with my 8 year old. And after it healed, I look just fine, you can’t even tell anything ever happened. I just had twins via c-section six months ago because I refused to go natural ever again! And five weeks after my twins I had my tight abs back and was just fine! Too many women worry so much about the after effects of having a baby. I’m sure your feelings will change after delivery! I have a post coming soon called “fit after a son and twins”! Check it out! Best of luck to ya !!

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