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Update (Bryana)

October 18, 2010

For Cairo Sofia

Age: 23
# of Pregnancies: 3
# of Births: 2
How Far Postpartum: 15 Months Today, September 23, 2010
Previous entries:
2 Babies Later
Update
Second Update
Love Yourself, Mama
Thank you, Babies

Today I am officially 15 months postpartum. I cannot believe it has been over a year since my beautiful daughter graced our lives. She’s beautiful, spunky, and full of character.

This post is for her, Cairo Sofia. I want to thank my baby girl, and God, for what they have taught me. The day I found out I was having a baby girl, I cried. I cried because I was scared and didn’t realize it until that
one moment in time. I always wanted a girl, ever since I was a little girl. But now I was scared. I was afraid that I would pass on my body image issues to her. I was afraid that she would hate body just as I did. I thought it would be genetic, seeing as though my mother had the same issues as I had. I just figured she would wind up with those problems too.

That day was the first day of change for me. I had to change this cycle of self loathing. I couldn’t imagine
listening to my daughter list off the things she wished to change about herself. I couldn’t imagine seeing her look in the mirror and pinch that extra inch of “fat” and wish it gone. I didn’t want to think of her sucking in her already flat stomach, thinking “If only…”. Those thoughts terrorized my heart. It had to change.

I hated my body. I thought my pregnancy with my son had destroyed my body, not made it better. I had
gotten stretch marks, saggy skin; saggy boobs… how was this beautiful? These thoughts had to stop. It
didn’t happen overnight, it didn’t happen in a week, or a month. It was a long process, one that still hasn’t been completed, nor am I sure it will ever truly go away. But I can control it; I can control my mind and my thoughts.

I look at my daughter and see such a beautiful little lady. Bright blue eyes, perfect skin, and truly amazing
heart and soul. When she gets stretch marks that won’t change. If she gets the “apron”, her beauty will not be altered, but enhanced. If she gains those few extra pounds, she will be just as beautiful as ever. So
if this is true about her, why would it not be true for me?

I am beautiful. My stretch marks enhance my beauty, they tell a story of strength and courage. They tell a story of life and birth. This… this is beautiful.

So I want to thank my beautiful princess, Cairo Sofia, for teaching me something that no one else could teach me. Thank you for showing me the truth behind my stretch marks. Thank you for gracing our lives and enhancing all that matters in this world. And remember, one day if you read this, that you are beautiful. No matter what anyone says, you are a beautiful girl, from the inside out!

I included 3 pictures of myself today, 15 months pp.
The 4th picture is my beautiful Cairo Sofia.

Updated here.

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4 Responses to “Update (Bryana)”

  1. Jess Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    I really needed to read this… you are so amazingly strong and you really look wonderful… thank you so much for all of your wonderful posts…

  2. alyssa Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    Thank you for connecting the profound love we have for our daughters to the same love we deserve for ourselves. You and your daughter are both beautiful and she is blessed to have such an wise mama!

  3. Sarah P. Says:
    October 19th, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Wow! I see quite difference. You’ve done a great job toning your tummy. You look fantastic! And I must say that you are quite gorgeous, mama!! I love having a daughter and yours is beautiful! What a little blessing. :)

  4. Pamela. Says:
    October 24th, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    Thank you so much for posting this. it really opened my eyes. I have an eight month old daughter and she is my entire world. but my self esteem has been non existent since i had her. but reading this tells me i need to start loving myself for my daughter. thank you!!

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