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Unhappy With Body!! (Anonymous)

October 8, 2010

23 years old
1st pregnancy miscarried at 10 weeks. currently 32 weeks with 2nd pregnancy

First off I found this site somehow when I was researching information on stretchmarks and I am soooo glad that I did. But anyway I don’t want to sound like I am complaining because I am so happy and blessed that I am expecting and everything is going great and I have a healthy baby growing inside me, nothing matters more than that to me but I am starting to get depressed with my body changes and I am almost disgusted with my body that I don’t even like to look at it anymore let alone allow my husband. Every time i get a shower now i shut and lock the door because I don’t want him just walking in and seeing me completly naked in the light, im just sick of hiding the way i really look under my clothing for my own husband, he knows how I feel and he says it doesn’t matter that he loves me no matter what and i will always look good to him but I don’t see that so it’s hard for me to believe. I wander is he just saying that to make me feel better and don’t want to hear me complaining all the time? that’s how I feel anyhow. I am just so young only 23 years old and I have always been very slim weighing around 110-115 at 5’2”. Never had any issues with my weight in my life. And now I am 32 weeks pregnant weighing at 142 with stretch marks growing by the day. I think it’s more the stretch marks that bother me then the weight I have gained. I can work and try to lose that after he is born but the stretch marks will be there forever. They started early on my breasts at around 3 months then started on my hips, thighs and butt around 6 months. and now they are on my inner thighs and still growing, i can’t even wear shorts anymore in public. My butt is covered as well! The only place that I don’t have them is my belly, but i still have 8 weeks left =(

also cellulite everywhere! it’s just something I am always thinking about and how I am never going to look or feel the way I used to. It doesn’t help when you see people that you don’t see everyday and they are like omg you got huge! I just want to break down and cry when someone says that to me, and to be honest I have. I like this site because I know I am not the only one that feels this way and I see other young women on here and to me everyone I know that have a baby and are my age are in a bikini a few months later and look amazing. That makes me sick because I am so jealous because that wont be me. thanks for listening

pics 1.) inner thigh marks 2. & 3.) 32 weeks (now) 4.) at 6 months 5. & 6.) pre pregnancy

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14 Responses to “Unhappy With Body!! (Anonymous)”

  1. josee Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 10:27 am

    everyone is diferent…maybe some women look great in a bikini or short shorts after having a kid and some dont…but maybe those women get PPD and you dont…its a mixed bag, luck of the draw really…my freind is really short being 5 2 and she got LOTS of stretch marks and will likely not look the same ever again as she weighs about 180 pounds, while my other friend who is five eight looks like a super model after her 3 rd!! kids…its not fair, but thats life…ps, you dont even look bad and stretch marks….nothing a little tan cant hide :)

  2. Shannon Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 10:39 am

    Your pre-baby body looks like mine…I am 5’2″ and was always around 110. I have had 2 kids, and with my second I got to 177!!!! I am 18 months pp with my 2nd (both born by cesarean) and I am 119…but I look very different. You know what though? It doesn’t matter. I carried 2 amazing children, one of which passed away at 19 months. Connor (my 1st) made me a mother, and a better person…and Liam (my 2nd) made me a mother of 2 amazing boys! My husband doesn’t care if I have stretch marks, loose skin, and a little cesarean “shelf”. He does care that I gave him 2 children, stayed home with them while going to school at night, nourished them with my breasts, and stayed a good wife while being a great mommy! Your husband LOVES you! BTW, you look great! You have a perfect/adorable pregnant body. I also got stretch marks on my legs, boobs, hips, AND tummy…they fade, A LOT!!!! LOVE yourself…you look amazing, you look like a mother, what is better than that?

  3. jenni Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 11:21 am

    this sounds so much like me when i was pregnant. stretch marks in all the same places, and all the same postpartum fears. after the baby comes you will probably still feel uncomfortable, not gonna lie. but it gets better daily. when you’re preggo you get a little bit further away from yourself everyday but afterwards is the opposite. and your baby will make life so amazing. i hope you enjoy that little one so much, being a mother is just amazing. there aren’t words to let you know how much:) congrats!

  4. LauraJayne Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Noooooo! Don’t feel like that )-: Try not to be so negative on yourself. The pregnant woman’s body is absolutely beautiful (many many people think this including me). I’m also 23 and I have 2 children (4 and 1) – I’m also petite like you at 5″1 , and before my babies I was a tiny size 6, now I’m a 10 and wouldn’t change it for the world, neither would my fiance. Your husband sounds like a good man (-:
    You honestly are absolutely beautiful, with a lovely bump xxx I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage – I have had these too and know how it feels.
    I have really extensive strechmarks on my belly and a little on my bum and breasts, but I really don’t mind them at all, neither does my fiance – they WILL fade from the colour they are now back to skin colour by the time your baby is 6 months – 1 year.
    Look forward to enjoying your lovely baby, pregnancy and the precious first months of your baby’s life are there to be savoured and enjoyed as much as possible – try not to fret over your weight. I was 98lbs before baby1 , 102 pounds a year after baby1 was born, and now weigh 112 pounds a year after baby2 – I memorised all these figures and was obessed with my weight and regret it now . I didn’t diet or exercise apart from swimming. xxx
    Good luck with the baby, and sorry for rambling, but you are beautiful xxx

  5. Astrid Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 6:20 am

    for what it’s worth… I can honestly say that I think you look really good at 32 weeks pregnant.

  6. Liz Lich Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 9:19 am

    You shouldn’t feel that way. You are beautiful and you are creating life! When I was pregnant with my son I loved it when my husband rubbed lotion on my belly and talked to the baby. This is a special and magical time for the two of you. Sure your body is changing, but look at what you’re getting in the long run. I wish you the best of luck with your baby.

  7. Kat Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    I know how you feel! I got stretchmarks everywhere! I felt like a monster after I had my first baby. Once you lose the weight, you won’t even notice them hardly. I’m on baby number 3 and I have had single guys tell me that stretchmarks are no biggie. Enjoy your time with your baby! Go for walks and exercise with your baby. You will have bonding time and the weight will disappear and your stretchies will be barely noticeable. Congrats on your new little life! You look beautiful!!

  8. nico Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Your hips, thighs and butt might not look so great to you right now, but they are doing something so super special – storing up fat to provide energy which you and your baby will need in the first year. Your body doesn’t care what it looks like – it just wants to make sure you have everything you need to breastfeed and chase after the little one growing in that cute little belly of yours. Try complimenting your body on how well it’s doing its job and hopefully it will love you back and help you feel great :)

  9. Alexandra Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    Mine look exactly the same way. Im 36weeks pregnant and am 45lbs heavier. Its hard to feel beautiful in ur skin when you are so used to something else, but you have to just sigh and say “It is what it is. In the end it will be worth it and i WILL loose the weight and the stretch marks WILL fade.” My husband tells me everyday and in every way he can imagine that he thinks i am beautiful and loves my body no matter what. It hurts him more when i disregard his compliments or shoot them down. Who am i to tell him what is beautiful and what is not? If he thinks i am beautiful then i am. Don’t hide from him, don’t hide from his love and acceptance. You are beautiful now and you will be beautiful after. When we hold our babies we will thing ourselves so silly for letting little things like stretch marks or weight gain bug us.

  10. Mary V Says:
    October 12th, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Its frustrating… Im sure you know. But it will get better, I looked EXACTLY like you (gained 70lbs with my first!) but it will get better. The stretch marks fade and your skin slowly shrinks up some. You just can not spend all your time finding everything you dislike about yourself, you will go crazy! Also, do not get to upset with your body, with the hormone changes and all things are going to be a little wacky for a while… it will get better! Your husband sounds sweet, mine loved that I had a big bum during pregnancy and wouldnt leave me alone (stretch marks and all) :) And he loves how soft my tummy is now that it has been stretched to the limits! There is a lot of beauty in your body when you become a mommy!

  11. Michelle Says:
    October 12th, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    I am 39 weeks and have been struggling to embrace this vastly different body with each growth spurt. But I will say that once YOU can embrace your fertile, baby making body, the easier it is understand that your husband does, too. Many men find it sexy that they and the woman they love have made something out of their love. It is a beautiful thing.
    I am now coping with the fact that my body will never look the same. (I was always slender and fit.) Yes it’s a change, but it doesn’t have to be a negative one. The stretch marks will fade and your skin will tighten. You will always be beautiful to your husband and your baby.
    As for those women who are resistant to the pp changes most women go through… that’s not fun, but you can’t compare yourself to them. It’s just not fair to yourself. Everyone has challenges, and that just isn’t one of theirs.
    I hope my insight helps you! Congratulations! And enjoy!

  12. annie_a Says:
    October 12th, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    thank you for sharing your story.
    I had my first child at 19, gained 60 pounds (I’m 5’1″ so I was huge) and got stretch marks as wide as 1/2″ from my left hip to my right, from the top of my belly down to my pubic bone. even the medical personnel at the hospital made comments about my stretchmarks, they were so bad.

    I know exactly how you feel. all your friends still have their firm bodies, it’s a very hard thing to see change at 20 years old.

    however, when you will hold your baby in your arms, you will see how it was worth it. this I promise. with time, you will learn to see your marks for what they are: the proof that your body gave you the biggest gift of all, it gave life to the person you love the most.

    I am now 32 years old, the baby who gave me my stretchmarks is now a 5’4″ teenager, and I have no shame in wearing a bikini: stretchmarks, cellulite, sagging boobs and all. they are part of who I am. I see these marks on my body as my battle scars :-)

    hang in there, it will get better.

  13. Catherine Says:
    October 14th, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    With my first baby I had the most phenomenal stretchmarks – someone said it looked like my stomach was on fire! They’ve lessened now, though still very definitely there, but they’re nowhere near as red and, actually, i wouldn’t be without them for the world :-)

    If only my stomach didn’t sag over any knickers I wear, I didn’t bulge out of any jeans/waistband (if I get a bigger size they just fall down or I have to wear a belt so same problem) – there’s just too much excess skin :-( For anyone who remembers the phrase at school, I reckon the skin on my stomach went past it’s elastic limit and will never return (not that it was great before anyway)…!

    Anyway, if I didn’t have the SHAPE of my current flabby tummy, I’d happily wear a bikini and show off all my stretchmarks for anyone to see, I’m actually proud of them and they are from my (big) little girl. She smiles and looks at them and says they’re the marks she made when she was inside me, which is what I told her. I think she quite likes that too :-)

    I now have three gorgeous girls, who I love to bits (I didn’t get any more stretchmarks with the other two – or not that showed over the first lot, anyway!). I just wish I could love myself a bit more, too

  14. Dean Says:
    November 5th, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    You do not look very big at in these pictures!!! I understand how you feel. I’m 32 & I’m used to working out & being fit. I’ve been so sick through my pregnancy & just have not been upto working out. I feel HUGE & also feel like I don’t want my husband to see me.

    So I understand completely. But trust me when I say you are your own worst critic. after the baby once you get back to your normal body you probably will not notice the stratch marks & eventully they will fade. But you’ll always have a beautiful little baby.

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a little self conscious. It helps force you to reach your goals. But don’t let it consume you. I’ve looked at your pics & say “wow she has great legs!” And “she looks so tiny”. I also showed 3 guys in my office & they all agree with me. STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF!!!

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