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Uncomfortable In My Skin (Amber)

April 27, 2012

Age: 21, Pregnancies: 1, Births: 1, Children: 1 girl, age 3.

I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant, half way through my senior year of High School. I had my daughter one month after my 18th birthday.

I conceived my daughter the very first time I had slept with my new boyfriend. We found out when I was 8 weeks along. We were both horrified and discussed all the options, we both agreed that abortion was the only way and we couldn’t tell our parents either. Needless to say, I didn’t have an abortion, and I am beyond thankful because I love my daughter more than I have ever loved anything.

I have always been uncomfortable with myself, even before I became pregnant, and now I regret being self conscious when I should have appreciated the body I once had. The scars I have now, I can’t hide. I hate hating my body, so I try to own my beauty and what came from these scars. It’s hard, the hardest battle I have fought is accepting myself. It holds me back in a lot of what I do, I am always careful in making sure that I hide my scars to the best of my ability. It’s on my mind in everything I do, and every move I make. But I realize now, after finding this wonderful site, I’m not the only one.

In the first photo you see me 36 weeks along, the scars were all there, but my boyfriend(now ex/daughters father) photo shopped the picture, and I think that made my self consciousness worse. Knowing that he wasn’t okay with what had happened to my body made me even less okay with it. How was I supposed to love what I had become if the person who helped me do this doesn’t love what I have become. Even worse when we separated, how was I supposed to find someone else who could love what I have become. Another hard battle to fight.

But I have to remember, from these scars came something beautiful, and I will own that.

Photos:
1: 36 weeks pregnant (photo shopped)
2: My belly now
3: The beauty that came from these marks

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13 Responses to “Uncomfortable In My Skin (Amber)”

  1. shannon Says:
    April 27th, 2012 at 7:43 am

    WOW…you and your daughter are absolutely beautiful. Look at those amazing hazel eyes! She looks like a little doll! You really are a beautiful woman, and your belly is gorgeous as well. I am 25 and I have 2 kids. I had my first at 20 and my second right before turning 23. I know what it is like to have a completely different body. I was a tiny 110-115 (5’2″ tall) before kids. I am now 123-125 with stretch marks everywhere and loose skin (my youngest just turned 3). My belly looks a lot like yours, and I think you look amazing…so why don’t I think I look amazing? We are so hard on ourselves as women.

    Anyway, you are a beautiful mama!

  2. Lindsay Says:
    April 27th, 2012 at 10:12 am

    reminds me of my own story a little bit. I should have appreciated the petite body I had before I got pregnant way more instead of being so self conscious. You and your daughter are beautiful regardless of stretch marks =] Once you gain your confidence back with them It makes you even that much more beautiful.

  3. Sonya Says:
    April 27th, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    awwww :[ you’re insanely beautiful. And I know it’s hard to believe but there will be someone who will celebrate your body. you’re so so so beautiful. What a shame that the father couldn’t see it :[

  4. Melissa Says:
    April 27th, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    :) your beautiful! I’m 25. I was 19, 21 & 24 when I had my kiddos! I weighed 154 the day I graduated from school. I’m now 177 on a 5’8″ frame… I’m happy with my body now but it’s taken me 3 pregnancies, weight loss, self motivation & boasting! Lol! Every woman’s body changes even those who don’t get scars, and they should Im proud of what my body has given me 3 wonderful kids 1 of whom I still nurse!! Ok blah blah blah aside, your amazingly strong and your daughter is gorgeous congratulate yourself on being a great mom it’s hard especially at a younger age!! ;)

  5. amber H Says:
    April 27th, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    WOW you are gorgeous and so is your DAUGHTER!! – uuugh makes me wanna little girl :) – I know personally how you feel about your tummy. and no matter how hard you work out the sag wont go away. Learn to embrace your beauty, because you are infact beautiful! search me blessed and tortured!

  6. Heidi Says:
    April 27th, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    My whole life I told myself that nineteen was the perfect age, and at nineteen I would be at the peak of my looks. I spent the majority of my nineteenth year being pregnant, not fitting in anything, not feeling sexy, not at my peak. Now I have the most amazing little 10 month old baby girl.
    I feel just like you. We gave our bodies to our children before we even knew what our bodies were going to be like at our “peak”. I think you are gorgeous, and a beautiful work of art.

  7. Sarah P. Says:
    April 27th, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    You are so pretty and so is your little girl! A part of me is happy to see another thin lady with a lot of stretch marks! My son was nearly 10 pounds and carrying him has left me with a lot of stretch marks, but they don’t bother me much. They did at first, but they bother me less and less. I hope that with time, you’ll find comfort in your new body, too.

  8. Rosanna Says:
    April 27th, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    I just wanted to mention that exercise can help you get back in shape (tighten up skin, get rid of “jelly belly”, firm up breasts/butt), help with depression, and help you feel great. Check out t-tapp.com. Teresa Tapp is an exercise physiologist who has a fifteen-minute program (among others) that will get you in shape fast. She also has a skin-tightening program that really works. Also, vitamin e (I use Carlson’s E-Gems Elite) will help fade the scars. I mix some with a little honey and moisturizer and rub it in well. I felt very insecure about my body after my husband left me, even though people tell me I’m beautiful all the time. I had the same insecurities about my not-so-perfect body as you do (we look similar). But after researching what men find attractive, it goes far beyond physical beauty. The most important thing is to be a beautiful person inside (kind, loving,confident, supportive, fun to be with). I’ve found the best men really don’t care about stretch marks that much. I hope this helps. And I do agree that you and your daughter are beautiful.

  9. Stacy Says:
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    Any man or woman in their right mind would see you as a gorgeous, sexy, amazing bodied woman.. and mother. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

  10. Emma Says:
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Jumping in a little late on the comments here, but your story IS my story. Had my daughter at 18, I’m 21 now. My stomach looks very similar to yours, and I also experienced a TON of insecurity and honestly, after my boyfriend and I broke up I was sure I would end up alone because who could want someone so used up and ruined?

    But you can’t look at yourself that way. I have found someone who loves me and loves my daughter and doesn’t see me at all the way I see myself. He loves my body, wrinkly, flabby, saggy and “ruined” as it is.

    There are tons of products you could use to firm your skin or get rid of stretch marks, and exercises you could do to get in shape, but ultimately it’s not about how you actually look but about how you perceive yourself. Just like you, I hated how I looked before I got pregnant, and now I’m kicking myself for not appreciating what I have. But really, in ten years won’t we be looking back at ourselves now thinking the same thing?

    You are beautiful and strong and your body has done amazing things. Whenever I forget that and fall into the trap of self-loathing, watching my daughter squish my tummy fat together or blow raspberries on my belly makes me proud of what I have. How could anything that makes her so happy be a bad thing?

    <3 Chin up, Mama.

  11. L Says:
    May 6th, 2012 at 7:55 am

    Your a beautiful mom and your daughter is precious. Forget that guy you will find someone amazing who loves you more than anything :-) . My tummy is similar I have to 2 kids my son just turned 6 yrs and my daughter is 3. Best wishes .. by the way I think you resemble Mariah Carey anyway… enjoy your lil girl.

  12. Jordan Says:
    May 23rd, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Hello. I understand your frustration! but you look amazing!!!!! I could only wish for my body to look like yours. I am only 4 months PP. and im already stressing out. lol You look absolutely amazing. and if you think about it, your beautiful child came from those marks. I know you may not have your high school body back but you are a mom now, you have a mom body and there is nothing sexier! knowing that you carried a human life inside of you and made that beautiful little girl makes it that much better. your body is not ruined. you are a god damn tiger who earned her stripes.

  13. Elizabeth Says:
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:59 am

    You are beautiful and you need to believe that! I know exactly how you feel. I also got pregnant at the age of 17. It was the beginning of my senior year of high school. I gave birth to my daughter in may, the month I graduated. I’m 22 and my daughter is now 4 years old. My stomach looks very much like yours! And I’ve always felt the same way about my stretch marks. I have them ALL over my stomach and sides of my hips, everywhere. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be with anyone worth anything because of the way my body looked. Especially since the guy that got me pregnant was also very critical about my body. If someone isn’t okay with the stretch marks then they aren’t for you. Trust me, you will find someone who loves you and your daughter. Someone who doesn’t see the few marks on your stomach, just the beautiful mother that you are.

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