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Trying Really Hard But Losing Hope (Sophya)

April 11, 2012

Age: 33

Number of pregnancies/birth: 2

Age of children: 6-year-old daughter and 7 months-old son, 7 months post-partum

I’ve been visiting SOAM for the last four years since I had my daughter and I wish to thank warmly all those wonderful women who’ve had the courage to post their stories and voice out their fears. You have all been truly inspirational and sometimes, reading these stories was the ONLY thing that kept me from plunging into despair after I had my baby girl. I have always been overweight (I had to be fed low-fat milk as a baby so as not to put on too much weight), and the “thinnest” I have been in my adult life was 64 kg, which I managed to reach before my wedding in 2003 by following a horrible diet and abusing a bit on laxatives. I had my baby girl in 2006 and put on 27 kg during the pregnancy and was absolutely devastated at the state of my body after that. Over the next four years, I managed to lose 25 kg through on-and-off diets and religious exercise. I was very scared to have another baby for fear of what it would do to my body and my health again, which was fine because by that time, my marriage had somewhat broken apart and my husband and I were not having sex. Then, after a wonderful holiday in December 2010, things got patched up and we decided that having another baby would not be a bad idea, and I quickly fell pregnant in January 2011. But I had a very difficult pregnancy…I started bloating at 2 months, was anaemic throughout the pregnancy, my husband had to travel when I was 4 months along and we got robbed while my daughter and I were alone in the house, I lost all my wedding jewellery and a lot of money, had serious car problems…all that stress made my blood pressure soar and I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and had to undergo and emergency c-section at 33 weeks because my placenta had started tearing apart from the high blood pressure. After the operation, my BP still wouldn’t go down and I had to be put in ICU for 48 hrs. I felt like hell after the op. But my baby boy was in the incubator and I had to go to the clinic to try and breastfeed him everyday. After I finally came home, I had to learn caring for a premature baby (plus dealing with my 5 year old) and had no time or energy to care for myself. I started dieting and exercising about 3-4 months pp and managed to lose 9 kg in 3 months (I put on about 15 kg with this pregnancy), again by following a hell of a protein-only diet and forcing as much exercise on me as I could possibly handle. Despite all these efforts, I still feel heavy, bloated, and look like I’m still 5 months pregnant. My gynae says that my body went through major trauma during the op, my tissues are all mushy inside, my uterus is badly ruined (he’s been practically screaming at me NOT to have any other babies), so that’s why I will take more time to recover than if I had a normal delivery. I’m now running out of strength when I see that fat, massive 5-months-preggo-looking belly of mine. I don’t care about looking good again or about the stretch marks (I know I’ll forever have the pouch…it doesn’t bother me because my marriage is on the rocks again and I don’t think my hubby and I will ever have sex again, so there’s nobody to see me naked again), I just want to STOP feeling so huge. I know I have to be strong for my children, but after all these efforts, still having this massive weight to carry around is starting to bring me down. I am now 7 months PP and I’m starting to think I’ll never be my ‘normal’ self again.

The pics are me 7 mo PP and my daughter (she just turned 6) and son.

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11 Responses to “Trying Really Hard But Losing Hope (Sophya)”

  1. Miranda Says:
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Hi Sophya,

    I always read and never comment, but something about your post struck me. I just want to say hang in there, and that you are doing a great job. It sounds like you’ve been under a lot of stress for the last few years and haven’t had a chance or the desire to love yourself the way you should. :)

    I don’t know what will help you feel loved and happy with yourself but I’ll tell you what my mom and I do. For me, it’s eating whole foods whenever I can, using real salt (unprocessed and has a lot more minerals that give me more energy and less bloat than regular salt), taking fish oil, and doing yoga in the evenings from a downloaded mp3. When I do those things I feel like I am nurturing myself and every time I follow it for even 5-10 days I start to lose weight and feel much happier, lighter, stronger.

    For my mom, it’s keeping her car and purse cleaned out – whenever she is sad or under a lot of stress she does those two things and then things start to look a bit more optimistic and under control.

    My next-door neighbor fixes herself a big healthy salad (with cheese & nuts for protein) for dinner and makes sure that her kitchen (especially sink) are perfectly clean, all of the old food out of the fridge, floor mopped. Because it feels so great!

    You look beautiful and your children are absolutely darling. You’re doing a great job raising those precious kids and your body will get stronger and leaner. Take care of yourself sister <3

  2. Marnelle Says:
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Your children are gorgeous, and you created them.
    Don’t let your husband go, if you still love him deep down. Nothing else matters as much. You have done a lot of work with your body, just keep on going, you know you can loose lots of weigth.
    Wear a belly corset/strap/back support. I have a similar belly and have never had children! Give your body the love it needs, by accepting it takes time to loose weight. You are not your looks only, you are and will always be much more than that alone.

  3. Passerina Says:
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Listen to your gyno – you don’t look heavy, just like your body hasn’t recovered fully. It has only been seven months! From looking at the other posts on this site, I’ve gathered that if you take things one day at a time — always trying to eat healthy, stay active, and be good to yourself — your body may continue to recover for a long time yet. Good luck to you! Keep us updated on your progress.

  4. Melissa Says:
    April 11th, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    I just wanted to say that the first thing I noticed about your pictures is your arms. You have really amazing arms. I just though you’d like to know :)

  5. A different Melissa Says:
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Wow you’ve had a really rough couple of years. You’re kids are gorgeous though!

    Like other commenters have already said, you’ve actually got slim arms and legs, which makes me think that you’re not fat (you’re definitely DON’T look overweight), but maybe you have diastasis recti (abdominal separation).

    I spent the first 6 months after giving birth looking like I was still pregnant and thinking that it was all fat. But it turned out that it wasn’t fat so much as weak stomach muscles. I wore a pair of spanx around for a couple of weeks to push my stomach muscles back together and started doing exercises to strengthen my transverse abdominis and it’s made such a difference, even though I haven’t lost the extra weight yet.

    Sex is also very good for weight loss, so don’t take it out of the equation just yet;)

  6. Jen Says:
    April 12th, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    My love, you are beautiful inside and out. Your children are glowing with happiness and health…they really are! Please be kind to yourself and believe that the sun will shine for you again in a big way. Whatever it takes, make it happen…but not by doing any crazy dieting schemes. Much love to you, rock star.

  7. rita Says:
    April 13th, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    I never comment but while I was reading you story and your description of yourself I had pictured a fat blob of a woman. Then I scrolled down and saw pictures of a beautiful woman! Yeah you have a baby belly. Your children are very young still. You have had serious trauma to your entire system . It will take time to heel. You really sound like me 2 years ago. A mother of 4 with this huge fat belly. Which was not nice and round like yours. So what did I do? I took control. I

  8. amy Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 6:51 am

    I think you are beautiful. My belly looks the same 5 months pp. Hang in there!

  9. Annabel Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    7 months is still quite early on! Your body has done a lot and will take a while to recover.
    As the others have said, you don’t look fat! Your arms are thin, so that shows that your belly is just larger. It is highly likely that your abdominal muscles have been damaged, and they will take some time to heal. If you tense your abdominals (e.g. lying down and using them to try to sit up) and you have a sausage shape down the middle, then you have muscle separation and a hernia. If necessary, this can be fixed by surgery. I know someone who had it done after her second pregnancy. It was painful and took a while to recover, but it was necessary for her core muscle strength.
    I’ve always found that pilates has been great. I did it before and after my first pregnancy although I haven’t started again as I’m a bit too soon postpartum. I started with the easy level exercises and did those for a while. It strengthened my core which helped my posture and that made me feel so much better.
    Hang in there! Your children look gorgeous, so you are obviously a great mum!

  10. Yasmin Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Dear Sophya,

    I was really touched by your story. You have been through so much. You have wonderful children and you are beautiful.

    I just wanted to say that your pictures are only 7 months pp. Give your body time. Rest your mind of the stresses of losing the baby body. We are ordinary people and we don’t all have the means of paying a surgeon to work on us to look like V Bekham.

    In all honesty (I hope this doesn’t sound depressingly long) it took me three years to lose my baby weight. My son is now 5. I love him more than anything in this world. I look in the mirror at my belly and accept that the stretch marks will be with me for the rest of my life. I remind myself that he was worth it.

    I have come to terms with my body. I have learned to love it. This revelation has proved to me that before I could let another human love me, I had to do it for myself first.

    Acceptance and love of ones self is the key I think.

    Yasmin x

  11. lily Says:
    June 7th, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    dont worry i was in same situation ,it took me 3yrs to get back in shape.dont lose hope,keep going…

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