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Tired of Feeling Ashamed (Elizabeth)

June 14, 2011

Previous post here.

I have submitted entries to shape of a mother from my 3rd and 4th pregnancies. Today I felt I need to do this again. I feel horrible about my body today. Yesterday I got into an argument with my youngest child’s father. this is part of an e-mail he sent me;

“Did that guy you were seeing see you naked yet? Cannot blame you for wanting to wait. Don’t wanna scare him off. Better keep your bra on though. After how much they sagged before I cannot imagine how bad they look now. Although they might be full of milk at the moment and temporarily okay. Better hook him now quick before you stop cause its gonna be bad. I don’t remember your body looking good. You forget you had to beg me for sex. I only did to shut you up. Lol. What I remember was a twenty nine year old with the body of at least a forty year old. And I saw a forty year old once and she had three kids and her body was much better. You did not look too bad with your clothes on but… lol. Just sayin. Plus now you got that chunky look. Not my thing. Out of every woman I have seen naked that had kids you have one of the worst bodies I have ever seen. How many have you seen?”

I included what he said to me, because of how much it hurts me to hear the father of my child say these things to me. I wonder if anyone else has been told these things by someone they were once very close to, and how to deal with the hurt. I know my flaws, I had confided in that man about them in the past because I used to trust him. I know what he is saying about how I look is pretty much the truth. I am not blind. I just wish I didn’t care anymore.

I want to be able to say that I am proud of my body for growing and feeding 4 beautiful, healthy babies, and mean it. I want to say that I feel so blessed to have these children that I don’t care what my body looks like at all. I want to feel happy about it, and lucky, and I want to stop being self conscious and ashamed, and sad when I see my self in the mirror after a shower, or if I ever become intimate with someone again. But I don’t see it happening. I was in good shape before this pregnancy but was too sick to exercise during, and I have not started back up, I know that might help my feelings a little, but exercise cannot change some things. wide hips I have always had and stretched out skin. I am most ashamed of my breasts, I have breastfed for over 4 years of my life and counting. I should feel lucky to have had that opportunity and the bonding with my children. I don’t see myself ever spending money on plastic surgery. Even though I want to, I would feel too guilty to spend money on something like that. And I would feel like a fake. I have never really liked my body, never felt comfortable in my skin, even as a child. One thing I always hated was the scar below my belly button from when I was an infant. I never hated the way I look more than I do now. It is definitely amplified after 4 children and being talked to like that by more than one of my exes. Why do I feel so embarrassed about how I look? How can I get over this so I can spend that time on thinking about how awesome my kids are instead of how bad I look? Feeling this way just adds guilt to my shame.

~Your Age: 30 years old
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6 pregnancies and 4 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 14 yrs old, 11 yrs old, 3 yrs old, and 2 months old today :) (2 months postpartum)

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64 Responses to “Tired of Feeling Ashamed (Elizabeth)”

  1. Karla Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 7:30 am

    OMG!! You look wonderful. This man is talking out of jealousy. Whe I was reding your post I was expecting, I dont know, something much more different than your picture! Feel proud! You are beautiful…and trust me I am not saying that just to make you feel better.

  2. Shelly Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 8:11 am

    What an evil, cruel and misinformed guy that is. Your body looks great, even by the harshest of standards. I’m sure he’ll have a double chin and big beer belly by the time he’s 40.

  3. Kim Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Obviously there’s a reason the guy’s your ex – he’s a douchebag. I think you look great – I hope I look that super after having 4 kids! I know that won’t make you feel any better, but it’s the truth!
    You ask why you feel so bad about how you look… If someone you love(d) tells you how bad you look, over and over and over, picking at your insecurities, you’re bound to start believing it, even though you’re beautiful.
    It’s got to be tough to exercise with all those LOs – I’ve got 2 and it’s a struggle. But I’ve got a cheap jogging stroller for running, and I just got Jackie Warner’s Xtreme Timesaver Training – it’s only 30 minutes (including the warmup) and it’s a fabulous workout.
    I hope you’re feeling better soon. Hugs!

  4. shannon Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 8:31 am

    I wanted to cry when I read what he wrote to you. First of all, how immature is he? Wow, saying things like “you did not look to bad with clothes on but…lol…”. He sounds like he is 10. Forget about him, he could not be MORE WRONG about your body (you are wrong about it too).

    Let me tell you another thing. I am 24 years old. I have had 2 children, both born by cesarean section, and you look better than me. Does that bother me? No. I have birthed 2 amazing baby boys. My youngest is 2, and my oldest would be 5 this coming September, but he passed away when he was 19 months old. I have stretch marks, loose skin, saggy breasts (pumped for my 1st for 3 months, and BF my 2nd for 21 months) and a cesarean ledge. I have worked hard to look the way I do now, I exercise and eat right. My husband has NEVER spoken to me like that. He has nothing but nice things to say about my “less than perfect” body.

    Last, but certainly not least…YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!!!!!!! I am not saying that because you are down, I am saying it because it is true. You had a baby 2 months ago, and you look like you have never had a child! You have a nice flat belly, smooth skin, very tone thighs, nice hips (got that hourglass shape a lot of women want!). Do your breasts sag? Yes. You know what? Even women who have not had children have saggy breasts! Mine look like water balloons when I lean over…they just sag right down! I see you have a belly button ring (cute!)…if your TINY scar bothers you, get a belly button ring that dangles, it will cover it!

    You have to know how beautiful you are! You look so amazing it is not even funny. You know what your ONLY problem is? Your taste in men! There are thousands (millions!) of men out there who woud love a woman that looks as beautiful as you.

    You can see my body under the “child loss” section…just search the name “Shannon”.

    Again, you look beautiful.

    Oh…and I have said hurtful things like that said about me…by my brother-in-law (my husbands brother). He called me a “…60 year old look alike frump…fat bit**…”. Mind you, he said this 2 months after Connor passed away, and I was only about 120 lbs.

    Anyway…cheer up. You look lovely!

  5. Corinne Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 9:17 am

    Hello, there were 2 hugely shocking things here, the first was the things that the ignorant nasty pig of man said to you and the second was seeing your photos, I was expecting, I don’t know actually but something else. You are beautiful.

    You are slim and shapely and have gorgeous breasts. This is the truth and this is what I see and what so many others will see. Your little scar is part of your story, of how you got to be you and it’s really cute! Have you seen the scar from my bike accident on here? It’s not pretty but I love it.

    I don’t know why your ex is so angry and feels the need to be so hurtful but he doesn’t think those things, he just knows how to hurt you. I can promise you that he thinks the opposite of what he says and he is a pathetic little person for not being big enough to admit it.

    It is so hard to ignore that sort of negativity and to believe the good stuff but you should because you are truly beautiful.

  6. Kat Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 9:27 am

    Obviously that a$$hole hasn’t seen you recently… There is nothing “chunky” about you!!! You look Freakin awesome!!!! And only 2 months out?! He obviously has an issue with himself. You can score ANYONE you want, and I mean that. Be grateful he’s your ex. He deserves to go to hell.

  7. charlina Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 9:30 am

    That subhuman ex has rocks in his head.Absolutley every thing he said said is horse manure and contrived to MAKE you feel like something is wrong with you. Let’s hope he sufferes from a case of terrible impotence that no drug can cure.

  8. Catherine S Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 9:36 am

    That man is lying to you, it is so transparent. His words are designed to hurt you, but what he says is not true. You are beautiful, amazingly so, not just for having 4 children, but beautiful period.

    It sounds like he cares very much that you have moved on with your life. The only thing that I hear in his words are jealousy and bitterness. I guess he thinks it is a good thing to see so many women naked? So many mothers naked? A real man protects and loves the mother of his children no matter if they are still together or not. A real man doesn’t go sleeping around with so many women when he has real responsibilities, like helping to raise a child.

    Oy, you are well rid of that person. Your body is to die for, and I think you should be proud!

  9. amber H Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 9:49 am

    OMG you have 3 kids and your 2 months pp!!! YOU LOOK AMAZING!!! FREGGIN AMAZING!! – i posted blessed and tortured and would love to look like you i have one boy. DONT let that pompous jerk say anything to make you feel less than you are, people that KNOW your weaknesses AIM at them when they have nothing else to say to make you feel worthless.. because you arent worthless, you are amazing!

  10. sam Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Wait?! He said that to you?! Is HE blind? You look fantastic! And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I’m currently pregnant with my first and I hope that I can bounce back and look as good as you do… and you’ve just had your fourth.

    Don’t listen to anyone’s negativity. People, especially ex-lovers, want to bring you down because they’re down. He just sees how happy you are with a newborn and wants you to be as miserable as he is. Bullies only bully others because they themselves feel inadequate and want others to feel just as crappy as they do.

    You look great and you should be proud of your fabulous body! Rock it momma!!!

  11. Bosea Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 10:04 am

    That guy is crazy- you are smokin hot and I would love to see you naked all the time!

  12. Molly Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Elizabeth-your child’s father is a coward and an a**. He obviously gets off on making you feel bad. I wish I had the body you do! If you can find a way to stop believing what he says, you’ll probably feel a whole lot better. He sounds like a real prince-anyone who says things like that to another human being obviously feels very bad about himself, and sucks the life out of other people to make himself feel better. A real man believes that women’s bodies are beautiful in any shape or form.

    Look at your beautiful, amazing children and rejoice in their lives, the fact that they are here. Our bodies bear the battle scars of childbirth-wear them proudly! Perhaps some therapy can help you work through all this…and help you stop letting your child’s father dictate how you feel about yourself. Good luck!

  13. Amber Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 10:32 am

    You look awesome for having 4 kids! You have a beautiful and sexy shape, truly. That’s an incredibly hurtful and completly untrue email. You’re better off without him and his poisonous words.

  14. Breeana Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 10:35 am

    your ex is such a loser, maybe a pit bull will come and chew face off someday,lol…whoc ares what this douchbag says about your body, who is he anyways?? i doubt he looks like a 25 year old brad pitt,lol.
    you looks fine you had a few kids, NO ONE will look like a model after that, no one..not even models! you look fine, and men really dont care about bodies as much as society wants us to beleive, they arehappy to be getting laid. period.

  15. miss no one Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 10:38 am

    OHHH YEAH….my ex at the time, (bf again)…

    he used to work in strip clubs back int he 80s…hes a bit older than i am..he told me they were way sexier and had better bodies and boobs (yeah FAKE plastic ones,lol)…he was angry because i did not want him anymore after always being turned down for sex, i kicked him out and he got really mad…said those words i just you…but whatever i would rather have my small perky boobs than big ugly fake ones or big ones anyday…and those women are all old hags now…

  16. Kayla Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 11:27 am

    What is wrong with that guy! HE has the problems, not you. You look freaking gorgeous! You have the most beautiful and perfect shape! Your breasts are NOT saggy! If he thinks thats saggy…he should take a look at mine and I have only had one child! You have gorgeous legs too! Wow! I can’t believe you have had 4 children and still look so great. You will find a man that appreciates your beauty. That body nourished 4 children and continues to nourish your youngest. That is an amazing thing and it is the most beautiful thing in the world.

  17. luckychrm Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    The content you shared from this man is extremely detrimental. You shouldn’t have to listen to / read that ever again. Maybe you could take a few of his emails in to a professional counselor or a trusted healthy friend to highlight the negative communication tactics he is using.

    You might try learning about Nonviolent Communication if you aren’t already familiar with it. That will help you to see that statements of his like the one you shared are about domination and control and have little truth in them, except to reveal that he is in a lot of pain and misery loves company. http://www.cnvc.org/

  18. Dee Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    I had an ex like that. You confide in them and then the know what you’re self-conscious about and what you feel like your weaknesses are and then they exaggerate them so much just to hurt you. You must’ve had your first pretty young if they’re 14 now and you’re 30 and obviously the father of your first hasn’t matured at all since then. Hopefully the next woman he sleeps with gives him herpes or something of that sort. Hah.

    I’m 17 and had my first 7 months ago and we look like body twins. You’re only 2 months pp and you look how I do after 7 months. Not to mention you’ve had 4 babies! Honestly, take a step back and really look at yourself because I lovee my body so much. My bellybutton’s a little worse than yours too. But I love my body now more than I ever have and it makes me so sad to see a beautiful woman with a very similar shape so down on herself. That man never deserved you. You are totally sexy and should embrace that amazing body of yours!<3

  19. Liz Lich Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    The a** that sent you that email needs a swift kick in the nuts! How dare he say something like that to you! You look beautiful. Don’t ever EVER let anyone make you feel less than what you are. Be proud of yourself and hold your head up high everywhere you go. That guy is scum. Don’t listen to him.

    You are beautiful and may God bless you every day.

  20. Maya Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    Wow. There isn’t a useful thing in that entire message that you copied on here. What a sad, spiteful man that would feel the need to write such awful, untruthful things and actually press the send button. I am so sorry that you undeservedly were on the receiving end of such a blatantly cruel attack. There is no and I do mean NO reason for you to endure such abuse. I suggest you tell him that your conversations will be limited ONLY to logistics surrounding your children and that he is to stay out of your personal life and to keep his opinions and tell-tale signs of either his heartlessness or insecurities to himself. Seriously. That kind of input into your life is toxic. Don’t poison yourself with it. We have enough pressure. You boobs have done and are doing what they were put on your beautiful body to do. You sustain another life with them. You create an intimate bond of security and love with them. That, my dear, is more beautiful than that poor, misguided man will ever understand, nevermind say about any of his body parts. Do you look like one of those pre-pubescent looking American Apparel models? No, and Thank God for that! They, my dear are children. You are a sexy, strong woman. I now invoke the power of Maya Angelou:
    Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
    I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
    But when I start to tell them,
    They think I’m telling lies.
    I say,
    It’s in the reach of my arms
    The span of my hips,
    The stride of my step,
    The curl of my lips.
    I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.

    I walk into a room
    Just as cool as you please,
    And to a man,
    The fellows stand or
    Fall down on their knees.
    Then they swarm around me,
    A hive of honey bees.
    I say,
    It’s the fire in my eyes,
    And the flash of my teeth,
    The swing in my waist,
    And the joy in my feet.
    I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.

    Men themselves have wondered
    What they see in me.
    They try so much
    But they can’t touch
    My inner mystery.
    When I try to show them
    They say they still can’t see.
    I say,
    It’s in the arch of my back,
    The sun of my smile,
    The ride of my breasts,
    The grace of my style.
    I’m a woman

    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.

    Now you understand
    Just why my head’s not bowed.
    I don’t shout or jump about
    Or have to talk real loud.
    When you see me passing
    It ought to make you proud.
    I say,
    It’s in the click of my heels,
    The bend of my hair,
    the palm of my hand,
    The need of my care,
    ‘Cause I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.

    I hope you can create rules for your communication with your exes and do not let their baggage and meanness control your feelings and self worth. You are beautiful, Mama. Gorgeous.

  21. terri c Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    I think this man was angry and wanted to hurt your feelings, and he sure picked an effective way to do that–words like his reveal his meanness of spirit, and they are about him, not about you. You look beautiful and I hope you find a partner who appreciates you.

  22. Jen Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    You look great! And not just for having 4 kids or being 2 months PP, but just great in general! Your thinner than me and I am 3 months PP from # 2. don’t be down on yourself.

  23. shaira Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Your ex is a crappy man. You deserve someone really better than sticking with that guy. He is belittling you because in reality it’s a slap in his face if u will find a who will love you and accept you, way better than your ex did. He is an abuser and you should never tolerate his attitude esp. him saying how awful you are BECAUSE you look amazing! I am 26 with a 5 yr old kid and i am a single mom. When my ex-bf and I parted ways when my son was barely a year old, he said the same thing to me. That no man will ever like or love me because my body is so disgusting and a complete eyesore. It took me 3 years before I regained my self confidence and start dating again and I realized I was ashamed of my body because I cant imagine my next bf looking at my stretchmarks, loose skin and boobs that are no longer perky. And the truth is that we don’t really have to be naked 24 hours, and sex is just a part of the relationship. It is not the main factor for the relationship. Many men will still love us despite of the flaws we have in our bodies. And we should be proud that these bodies are able to carry another life into this world
    You are lucky you still have the curves and you are not really overweight (i am and no curves…lol). I hope you will find acceptance in your heart, let go of your fears and worries and don’t listen to jerks. Most men will look on what you have in your brains and heart. Cheer up, girl! If I was able to get over it, you can too!!! You are not alone, you are one of us:)

  24. Sarah P. Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    Wow – what an abusive a-hole! Never look back on being with that man. He is poison! Good luck to him ever finding a more beautiful woman. Not only does he not deserve someone like you, but IMO, there are few women more beautiful – physically and spiritually. You have such an incredibly tiny waist – after four children and ONLY two months postpartum – that’s unbelievable. You look amazing. Never look back, honey – not on him. He’s not worth it, but those four gorgeous children most definitely are!

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

  25. Kris Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    Add me to the list who did not expect the photos you posted. I look at them and see a beautiful woman with a tummy I envy. What he is writing simply isn’t true. He’s engaging in an ugly and pathetic attempt to hurt you by playing on insecurities you may have once revealed by confiding in him. Please don’t let him win by believing one bit of it. You are so beautiful.

  26. bc Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    I literally felt sick to my stomach reading that cruel little boys words to you! How dare he say those things! Regardless of what you look like, what possible reason would someone say such things, especially to the mother of his child!!! In his attempt to shame you he shamed himself … he is an appallingly ugly human being, just disgusting …
    I agree with the other posters. You have a beautiful body, absolutes lovely!
    You’re a single mother of four, you must be an incredibly strong and capable woman. You deserve to be treated with utmost respect.

  27. Nicole Says:
    June 14th, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    Oh wow, where do I start? #1 Your ex husband is an immature idiot seriously! # 2 I was expecting to see a really bad picture of a body the way he was describing it. Honey seriously and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, you look GREAT! If I look HALF as good as you when my body gets back to normal (I am 1 month PP) I will be HAPPY! DO NOT let that moron make you feel bad. HE IS JEALOUS because you are seeing someone new!!

  28. The Absent Minded Housewife Says:
    June 15th, 2011 at 7:13 am

    Tell me that youngest baby is a girl…and ask him if he could ever imagine someone saying that to them.

    The man’s pathetic and it shows.

  29. Irina Says:
    June 15th, 2011 at 11:05 am

    I am so sorry that you had to deal with those comments. My heart aches for you and it took me quite a bit of time to write a coherent reply without cursing at him. That e-mail is mental abuse and I am glad you’re not with the guy any more. He doesn’t deserve any of your time or tears.
    I am not a parent, nor I plan to be. In fact, I classify myself as childfree by choice. A friend mentioned this website and I stopped by out of sheer curiosity. Why am I confessing this on a parenting website?
    I’m a childfree woman who runs marathons, and your body is not that different from mine. You look fantastic, especially taking into account that you had a baby 2 months ago.
    Even if you didn’t look fantastic (and you absolutely do), nobody has the right to offend you like that. Our bodies change over time- we get wrinkles, we have scars from surgeries,gravity takes its toll. Those who love you will love you despite of (or because of ) your imperfections. You’re better off without a partner who is so shallow and who’d bolt if you ever got sick and didn’t look “hot” all the time.
    That e-mail was intended to hurt you- don’t give him the satisfaction. You’re healthy, your children are healthy, and you look great. Moving on with your life and enjoying it is the best revenge.

  30. Marz Says:
    June 15th, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    That man is POISON. I was expecting to see some sort of ruined body in the pictures, but no (even if you did looked “ruined,” how could ANY human say something so brutal and LAUGH about it??). He is spewing that bile for no other purpose than to cut you down and be vicious.
    I’m not saying that to make you feel better, I’m not saying it to soothe your shame. I am being 100% completely honest. If these pics show you looking like the woman described in those emails– then jesus christ, you must be some kind of goddess with clothes ON, because you look AMAZING. Legs, stomach, curves…
    And I’m still trying to process the fact that YOUR BODY IN THOSE PICTURES gave birth to FOUR KIDS and still looks SO NORMAL!!! You don’t look like you’ve given birth at all!
    Honey, you are astounding. Don’t listen to that jackass. And I’m sorry if that bothers you, but he IS a jackass.
    I had someone email me about a picture I posted online that said “Hahaha, how does your husband NOT want another woman when you look like that? Maybe he’s already found one.” And I will say that yes, it hurts like hell to have someone zero in on what you think are your worst qualities and point and laugh at them for no other purpose than to be cruel. Look at all these people here giving you support. He’s outnumbered, sweetheart. You look amazing.

  31. Ana Says:
    June 15th, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    What a jerk. I couldn’t even read the whole thing. My blood was boiling. He is obviously just saying those things because he knows if he says it enough you will actually start to believe it. We are insecure like that sometimes. I have been thru something similar, so I know. I was in what I consider an abusive relationship. It was mental and emotional abuse. I used to hear similar things, sometimes out of the blue (not even as a result of an argument)! And when you say things like “I know what he’s saying is the truth”, I can see that what he’s doing it’s working. It worked on me, too… but not forever. But quickly changing the subject from this loser.. I can’t believe that you had a baby 2 months ago. I didn’t even look that trim pre-pregnancy!

  32. Val Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 10:10 am

    Hey! What a sad turd that guy is :) Don’t listen to him, he’s trying to bring you down.

    I’d be honest, your body looks good. Well, your breasts aren’t, exactly, perky, but hey! you brought 4 kids to this world, who cares about small stuff like that after what you have done.

    When you recover, start doing cardio workout little by little, you’ll start feeling great, like you just had a ton of chocolate :) )

    I hope all the good things for you!!

  33. Katrina Fraser Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    iv had this with the father to my child im 17 now i had a decent body before i had my baby and now my body is soo disgusting saggy and stretch marks and he says how did your body go like that my new girlfriend has baby bigger than our daughter and shes now a model! just reading what you were saying put me right back there thinkin of the body i hate i have now! i dont see my self ever enjoying or liking this body! but your body is lovely compared to mine dont ever worry about it! thats nothing to what my horrible body is like x

  34. ndieken Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    You look amazing. That guy obviously has a lot of insecurity he needs to work through. It’s his issue and it has NOTHING to do with you. Keep your head up, beautiful!

  35. Jeff Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    You look amazing, and hot…..and I’m a guy.
    He is just pissed that you aren’t with him anymore, and that he can’t have you.

    Don’t let him tear you down!

  36. Katie Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    First: That ‘man’ is scared, spiteful and flat WRONG. He lashed out at you, and I am so sorry that you believe the things he said. I swear, legitimately, you are none of those things.
    Not. One.
    Second: The things he said have nothing to do with you. They are about him.
    Third: You don’t need to feel ‘guilty’ for feeling insecure. it’s normal. Completely normal. But seeing as you have not ONE but multiple ex’s who say things like that to you means you need to seriously consider your taste in men. Since you havent ‘felt comfortable in your own skin, even as a child’ you need to realize that your insecurities are playing a major role in the choices you make about people and relationships. Not all men are like that, I swear. The fact that you’ve found more than one worm under the rock says a lot about you. Your beautiful. Straight up, beautiful. Have you considered modeling? I think under the right circumstances it might give you a reality check about how you look, because your a genuine stunner.
    I know it’s hard, but you need to realize you deserve better. If your convinced that’s true, you’ll keep finding yourself with men like that. Believe your beautiful, and the world will too. Walk with confidence, demand respect, and you’ll get it.

  37. chris Says:
    June 17th, 2011 at 6:55 am

    To ALL of the ladies that posted, thank you for giving Elizabeth support.

    Elizabeth,
    There is nothing more I can say in regards to your ex’es that has not already been stated. His mindset makes me ashamed that I am male. Please, please know that he, well, is a dumb-ass.

    Your pics are AWESOME!! Confidence, strength, tenderness, resolve, looking forward to the future, these are some of the messages I come away with from looking at your photos. Keep up the OUTSTANDING work. Also know that you posses these things within yourself to have captured them in a camera’s moment. Release them from your camera and place them next to your heart. YOU DESERVE THE BEST FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN. You are a stunning and vibrant woman. Do not sell yourself short with another “ex.” Keep the message of pics near your heart and use them as strength. Now it is time to capture the world. CARPE DIEM!!!

  38. Natalie Says:
    June 17th, 2011 at 8:02 am

    I hope you know that who ever this man may have been to you in the past he is not a friend now.

    He is harassing you via email because he feels like a failure. He is an old limp membered fart who could not keep up with the healthy sex drive of a beautiful young woman. He fears old age, death and love because he can only associate “love” with “perfection”. To him Beauty is Skin: not Soul. Since he cannot find perfection in his own Skin, he can’t love himself.

    I hope you consider changing your email, he sounds cruel and abusive. Whatever “father of the child” status he holds with his relationship with the child is the only one you should be letting him pursue.

    I have a friend whose ex would do this to her and did successfully for many years. It was his way of controlling her because he didn’t want to give her the type of relationship that was healthy, but he also could not stand to see her be able and confident enough to seek it out for herself.

    I wish you luck in removing this poisonous man from your life.

  39. Sarah Says:
    June 17th, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    I know it doesn’t help at all to hear how great you look. I feel the same way you do and no matter what anyone says, nothing is going to change my mind about my body. I do have a loving husband that tells me how he loves my body no matter what. I should appreciate that but I just want to call him a liar. I know what he sees. But, let me tell you. I have had 4 kids (in less that 4yrs), and your body looks a MILLION times better than mine. I am totally hideous naked…and lets be honest…still not great with clothes either! Your body is what I dream of having. I was about 160 before kids and now (youngest is 9mo) I am a hefty 210 and I’m only 5’2″. After having my kids I turned in to a meatball, but you are still gorgeous. I know you’ll still think the same thoughts about your body…but know that at least 1 person (ME!!) is sitting here jealous of you :) I know that mans words hurt you, but he’s just a rotten fighter. One of those that says whatever he can to hurt you the most. His words were so absurd it’s hard to even take them seriously. Keep your head up and try and appreciate yourself. You deserve it for sure :) )

  40. Jessie Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 4:37 am

    Your ex sounds like he is trying to run for a-hole of the year. You look amazing! I know its hard but try not to let those comments get to you. I also recommend not even aknowledging you read that email from him when he asks. Those types of emails are written to provoke a rebuttal. I find that not responding is the best way to handle it.

  41. Tia Says:
    June 20th, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    He.is.an.a-hole!! I have no idea what I was expecting you to look like after reading that but when I saw your pictures all I could think was… HUH? What the he*l is he thinking?

    You look great. Don’t let someone with obvious issues make you feel bad about yourself.

  42. Erica Says:
    June 21st, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Wow! I’m disgusted by what he wrote to you. Another man with unrealistic expectations of what a woman should look like, especially after 4 kids!! I’ve never seen anyone look that good with 4 kids! It’s a good thing he’s your ex, because he doesn’t deserve you.

  43. MJ Says:
    June 25th, 2011 at 8:47 am

    he is such a liar you are HOT!! he is jealous cuz he cant have you…. you deserve so much better than him keep your head held high and disregard his evil comments :)

  44. faye smith Says:
    June 28th, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    your body is STUNNING, S T U N N I N G!!!
    Your ex clearly wrote that because he still has feelings for you and his have been hurt at the thought of not being with you and that someone else may be in the future.
    I am staggered that you’ve had four children and look so fantastic, i didn’t look as good as you after my first (and i was only 21)!
    Perhaps im speaking out of turn, and obviously i don’t know what your situation is- But, i wouldnt let the asshole that had the Nerve to write that to the beautiful woman who has carried and raised his children -actually see them.
    It’s still such early days with your youngest, take your time and exercise slowly and you will feel happier- stopping all ways of him being able to contact you would probably go some way towards that too! All the best to you and Bravo for sharing your story and photos – you are an inspiration, and hopefully with a lot of determination and hard look i’ll get my body to be as good as yours one day ;)
    LOVE XXXXXXXXXXXX

  45. Sadie Says:
    June 29th, 2011 at 7:02 am

    You look amazing! Never in my life have I been as thin and gorgeous as you are, and at almost 19 weeks pregnant I probably look like you did full term! I am absolutely disgusted that any man would talk to a woman like that, much less the mother of his child! I hope karma comes back to give him what he deserves, a swift kick in the pants. You don’t deserve that from anyone, you are beautiful!

  46. ashley Says:
    June 30th, 2011 at 12:25 am

    I agree 100% with the 1st comment by Karla! Your pic was NOT what I expected to see, you look amazing, you would look amazing for a year PP, but that’s only 2 months pp???!!! You look great! I wish I came even close to that 2 months PP lol.

  47. Ruth Says:
    June 30th, 2011 at 6:23 am

    Now we have one seriously verbally abusive ex, four wonderful children and a woman who is absolutely beautiful. Dont believe him. Yeah you may have bits of your body you dont like- everyone does. But you have to put how you look in an honest context- would you say those kind of things to someone who looked exactly like you? No. You would see the beautiful things; the lovely slim waist, long slender legs and the love and care of four children. You dont have to look like a seventeen year old supermodel to be beautiful.

    Good luck- and never ever believe that ex.

  48. Zach Says:
    July 3rd, 2011 at 7:20 am

    The guy who sent you that e-mail is an a-hole. And, from a man’s perspective, he is also wrong. Your body still looks good, and the less contact you have with him the happier you will be. Good luck!

  49. Luciana Says:
    July 5th, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    **************JUST A FEW WORDS:
    “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt”
    Don’t judge yourself through someone else’s eyes.

  50. Liz Says:
    July 17th, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    i had to come back and look at this post today, yesterday i was bombarded with many more nasty, mean text messages from my baby’s father. i decided to delete them all right away but i did read them first. he is not going to try to get visitation with her, he won’t get a job so he can’t afford to file. he wants me to just let him see her anyway and i told him i prefer to do it through court. he says i am a bad mother for that.
    i don’t want to believe i am as disgusting and horrible as he says, but it is so hard. i still feel like there is something very wrong with me. i feel so damaged.
    i want to thank everyone for their input and support. i am really hoping i will get to where it doesn’t hurt so much anymore.

  51. Lauren Says:
    July 23rd, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    You look better then I do and i have only had one child.

  52. M Says:
    July 31st, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    I almost cried too when I read what he said to you. Can you change your number and email so he can’t continue to abuse you verbally and emotionally? I would only communicate with him through an attorney and or the courts.
    You are a wonderful mother and a beautiful woman.
    I dated someone very abusive and cut off all ties with him.
    I had all sorts of minor physical ailments that miraculously disappeared after he was out of my life.
    This guy is toxic. I think you should avoid him at all costs if at all possible but he should pay for the child he helped bring into the world. Maybe he could have supervised visitation if visitation and child support ever become a reality.
    My heart goes out to you. You have to be good to yourself and not let any douchebags into your life. DON’T Listen to him. If there is anyway you can cut off all communication with him except legal I again would strongly urge you to do it. Once you stop seeing those messages it will make a big difference. I didn’t read all of the posts but I would suggest you talk to someone, like a counselor or even someone at a church or rape crisis center.
    He has gotten inside your head, that is what abusers of all varieties do to their victims.

    I am 46 years old and have had body image issues my whole life and I am alone now. I know I could get someone but I want a quality person because I know I am worth it and I realize now that I don’t have to have anyone to be complete. I may never meet anyone and that is ok too.
    I have two beautiful children.

    Peace and love to you

  53. sheila Says:
    August 6th, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    He’s saying all that because he is PISSED you are seeing another man. girl let me tell you I had a baby 6 months ago and I have yet to lose the baby weight I was 120 now I’m pushing 170 and I still look good! Don’t let him hurt you that’s what he wants not every man is a father some are just sperm donors. you look amazing nothing is wrong with your body any REAL man would be lucky to have you and your baby! keep your head held high. – Sheila.

  54. Rita Says:
    August 10th, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    I think that you look amazing, so much better than the way I look. I have very saggy wrinkly skin on my tummy and am struggling to lose the baby weight. I have four children, all by c section, my tummy hangs over the scar. my first husband told me that no one would want me after I had my first baby because my stomach was so disgusting. I hated my self for years and was horribly depressed, I was convinced that if any one ever saw me they would hate me. I have since re married to a man who would never say such horrible things. Love is pure and not dependent on what some one looks like, you have the most amazing figure and your breasts are beautiful. You have to tell your self how lovely you are, caress your tummy and allow the pain you feel to heal.

  55. Alicia Says:
    August 19th, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Please don’t listen to anything that ‘person’ says to you again. That is abusive language that he’s using to control you. I hope that when you find love again they adore your fantastic wonderful body, every curve and dimple, because that is what you deserve.

    Until then, be strong and show your children that you aren’t going to let his idea about what your body should look like prevent you from happiness in life! And don’t forget that the things you think, and how you respond to your body image WILL be observed by your children. Try to break that cycle of poor body image! And never ever let that man talk to your children the way he does to you. What he says is most certainly NOT truth. Humans are beautiful – all shapes and sizes. He doesn’t know a thing about a beautiful woman.

  56. Mallory Says:
    September 2nd, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Oh my GOD! Your ex is so not right. Like the others, I was expecting to see a totally different picture…you’re gorgeous! I weigh 125, and my boobs used to be a D while breastfeeding my kids (I nursed three years total) and now they are like skin flaps…like a size small b. My stomach is just loose skin, and trust me…I would KILL to have your boobs and tummy! You look fabulous and any real man, would think so. Love and hugs!

  57. Jeff Says:
    September 12th, 2011 at 7:15 am

    I’m not sure if they publish comments from men on this site, but I just wanted to say that you look great. And also wanted to say what a jerk your ex is for saying the things he did. He obviously has your number about your body image and knows what hurts you. Learn to love yourself and your body. You have only one, and it has to last a lifetime.

    Cheers.

  58. Natasha Says:
    September 13th, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    I have never commented on a post here before, but really felt compelled to write to you.

    You MUST understand that your youngest child’s father is an absolute idiot (to put it nicely!!) and is ONLY saying those things to hurt you.

    I would not bother commenting if I didn’t genuinely believe this to be the truth- you look beautiful and AMAZING. I know many, many women who have never even had kids who would KILL for a body like yours. You don’t just look amazing for a mother of four, you look amazing- PERIOD.

    It made me so angry to read this post (angry at your ex, not you!), because looking at your photos, I can see that you’re gorgeous and that you have nothing to worry about and know that what he is saying is being said just to try and upset you and make you feel bad. I wish I could punch him in the face!!!!!

    Please don’t let his cruel words hurt you. He sounds like a very miserable, nasty person who is only trying to cause you pain by focusing on something which he knows is sensitive for you.

  59. kimberly Says:
    September 21st, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    The other commenters are absolutely correct… your ex is a jerk, & is obviously just trying to hurt you because in some way or other he feels you have power over him.

    You look amazing & deserve amazing people in your life. He’s just an ass, & it’s great that you are no longer with him & that your children will witness a mother who is strong enough to choose people who respect her in her life.

  60. Renae Says:
    October 7th, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Like everyone else here, for whatever reason, HE was simply trying to hurt you. HE probably knows how self-conscious you are about your body, so that’s what he targeted. HE knows your bod is in excellent shape for the number of pregnancies and live births it’s been through. HE could well be jealous someone else is interested in you. But no, your bod is great and if you get back to working out…. half of us in here will not speak to you :) Go for it Lady!

  61. marieblue Says:
    January 6th, 2012 at 11:45 am

    He said those things to hurt you, nothing more. They are not true. You may know that, but I know that doesn’t always mean you feel it.

    You know you can block him from contacting you, even if you have a court ordered visitation? You can file harassment with the police (if in the US), as their criminal process is separate from civil. I had to do that with my ex. Get a lawyer. One of the rules in family court is no disparaging comments in front of the kids. Block his e-mail, and get a court order that you can only converse via snail-mail, in person, or unless there is an emergency and those conversations must be in regards to the kid/s only.

    There are no laws against being a jerk or thinking bad things about others. There are against direct harassing contact.

    You, of course, are very beautiful. I look “worse” than you do for sure. I know there are shallow people out there, maybe he is one and anything other than airbrushed perfection is unattractive to him. Even those airbrushed models don’t look like that in real life- real life doesn’t Photoshop. It must suck to be him being forever surrounded by imperfect women when he is so flawless, eh?

  62. Tiffany Says:
    January 16th, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Omg, first of all, you are beautiful I don’t see one flaw at all. But I completely know where you are coming from. Your child’s father is simply an ass hole who has no appreciation for a real woman’s body. Men can be so shallow, but you have to remind yourself everyday, that God created you aand he gave you your beautiful babies and so you are perfect. No matter what any other human being has to say. My girls father has the same attitude towards me tho. So I know how difficult it can be. Just believe in yourself and your babies and don’t take any negativity to heart.

  63. Dena Says:
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Sounds like your ex still has it bad for you. Never heard of a man so concerned with a body that didn’t leave him wanting. Could almost feel sorry for him the way he’s trying to convince himself that he’s over it. Pathetic really. He needs to grow up though.

  64. olivia Says:
    February 3rd, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    My ex is a lot like that, although he has taken to complimenting me because I don’t believe him about being “too chubby” anymore(I am 5’8″ and 125 after 4 kids) He tried to control me with insults and the idea that nobody else wanted me. You have a sexy body especially knowing you just had a baby, take care of yourself and listen to the people who encourage you and don’t listen to a man who is bitter and jealous.

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