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This is My Body (Jessica)

This is my body. It’s going through a lot right now.

I had a beautiful baby girl 8 months ago and I am 26 weeks pregnant with a little boy that has already stolen my heart. I also have a pretty bad chest cold that I’m trying to keep said 8 month old from getting.

I have stretch marks, a tattoo on my arm that I hate, my fingernail polish is chipping, and I probably should have thrown these panties away 2 sizes ago. My boobs don’t hang the way they used to, I have what most people refer to as “back fat”, and what is this thigh gap I keep hearing about?

I can’t sleep at night. It takes me 20 minutes just to get my (five) pillows the way I like them. Then I have to pee. Then another 20 minutes to get settled again, just in time for the baby to need me. Then I doze off, and oh it’s beautiful..until I roll to my right side in my sleep and wake up in a coughing fit. Dang.

I have heartburn. All the time.

My feet are disappearing..again. I feel like I didn’t enjoy them as much as I could have when I could see/reach them in the short amount of time I had with them between healing from a c-section and this baby bump growing (much faster than the first one, I might add..but I hear that’s normal).

It’s hard to breathe. Between this cold and my already smushed lungs. I sat in the middle of my living room floor at 3:00 AM last night, crying hysterically because I just wanted to be able to catch my breath..which didn’t help the not being able to breathe thing, because I’m not a good crier.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I shaved my legs. A week ago..maybe? My eye brows could use a wax, my swollen fingers keep me from wearing my wedding rings (I hate that), and everything is getting bigger..except my butt. I’m totally in-proportionate.

This is my body..and I love it.

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in Belly, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions
6 comments… add one
  • Shannon Wednesday, October 22, 2014, 1:34 pm

    I have read nearly every post on this site, and this is my favorite! Congratulations on your baby, both of them! You are amazing :)

  • Dine Thursday, October 23, 2014, 11:57 am

    Congratulations <3 You are BEAUTIFUL!! <3

  • maysa Thursday, October 23, 2014, 12:33 pm

    hey there Jessica, read your post and it put a smile on my face… though the suffering you describe is very palpable and very similar to mine! the way you say things is just awesome… I, like you, fight despair at my new shape with self derision and gentle mockery. unlike you, I have not summoned the courage to post a picture of my six month post-partum bod. I have loved almost every post on this website and have sworn to myself that I will gather my strengths and do it before my baby girl turns one… and this evening, reading your words… I feel ever so close to fulfilling this promise! hope I’ll get the inspiring pleasure of reading your updates at some point. Much love, Maysa

  • Susan Sunday, October 26, 2014, 5:50 pm

    You are a breath of fresh air! I loved reading your post. I had my 1st son at age 33, my daughter 14 months later, my 2nd son 13 months after that and my 3rd son 17 months after that (so 4 in 44 months), and my body definitely shows the wear and tear of 4 close pregnancies. I remember feeling huge while pregnant with my 2nd and 3rd babies, because I swear I started showing at 7 weeks! By 26 weeks, forget about it, people thought I was going to drop those babies out any day! While I miss my pre-pregnancy body, I must say that my stretch marks and non-proportioned body parts are reminders of the 4 amazing beings that I CREATED (with help, of course!). You have an amazing attitude and are beautiful. Your truth-telling is inspiring. I hope your cold has left you by now and I will pray for restful nights and peaceful days (at least as much as can be had with an infant who needs you), and that your babies and you stay healthy throughout the winter months. Take good care of yourself. You are a wonderful momma, and a damn good writer!

  • Tabby Friday, November 14, 2014, 12:31 am

    Put that ring on a necklace. Buy yourself a ring on Amazon. I bought mine for $7, because I have to wear surgical steel. Heck, make yourself a wedding ring out of stretch lace trim or ribbon or write married on it if you must. But you know your married, so don’t worry about it.

  • Jodie Saturday, March 7, 2015, 8:41 pm

    You are amazing. Your post made me laugh, and I can relate on so many levels. I love that you are embracing your true beauty. Good luck on baby number 2. You’re awesome!

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