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The Nonexistant Dating and Sex Life of a Single Mom (Anonymous)

November 2, 2010

Age: 23
Pregnancies: 1
Births:1
My Daughters Age: 3

I had my daughter at the age of 19 a month away from my 20th so I guess I should say I had her as a “Teen”

Her dad and my relationship was a rocky one but I stuck it out because I didn’t want my daughter growing up without her dad, we where together for about 4yrs. I endured a lot of verbal abuse Until…I found out almost a year ago today her dad had a secret relationship throughout ours with his sisters best friend which was also a friend of mines. They now live together in our old home while am back cramped sleeping on the floor at my mothers.

He is very much a part of his daughter’s life & a loving dad. We get along here and there but its mostly just 4 the baby. There’s not an actual friendship. He has told me numerous of times “he wishes I would die so he can have custody of his daughter and live a happy family with his girlfriend”

What I endured with him seems to have soaked in my brain and friends say I am carrying that pain although am not with him anymore. When we will get into arguments the first things he would say where how “Nasty my saggy breast, cellulite legs, acne face & stretch marked stomach where”. He would also say “no one will ever want me” to the point I couldn’t even look in a mirror and think i looked pretty.

Our sex life pretty much sucked i always thought it was him because he never cared to please me it was just bend over or give me “H**d” but all the while it was because he was getting it elsewhere and thought how nasty my body was.

I haven’t as much as dated ONE person in the past year not because I don’t want to because no one seems to be interested in me after I had my daughter. I go out with friends constantly but no one seems to hit on me the times i have tried to step out of my comfort zone & approach someone I am shutdown or never called back even if they don’t know I am a mother (being that women with kids sometimes scare a man off)

Before I had my daughter i would be scared to walk the streets alone because I would constantly be harassed and told how beautiful I was. NOW I don’t get as much as a head turn.

As much as i want to start dating again it hits me one day or another we will have to sleep together and although my daughters dads constant rants of how nasty my body is plays a part in how i feel I can’t help to agree I HAVE A MIRROR i see all that he pointed out.

I am so lonely and just have shut myself out from life. I am only 23 and shouldn’t have to feel this way.
I don’t regret my daughter and the body I have after her, i just wish i can take back the person i had her with because one thing I noticed from a lot of the posts where how many of you have supporting husbands to tell them how beautiful they where.

I just want to be comfortable in my own skin one day

When I look at some girls that complain about their bodies I can understand where they come from but is still not as bad as me, like ok yeah your boobs are saggy but you can wear shorts! Yeah you have cellulite but you can wear a tube top without a bra or yeah you have a little stretch marks but at least you’re inner thighs are not filled with dark parks and constant boils. I can’t do any of these

As much as I wish i can go back to my old days my 3 year old is WORTH EVERY BIT OF IT. It’s just very lonely when its 8pm and she’s a sleep on a Saturday night. In the mist of my ranting she has awoken and I even forgot what I was going on about! & that’s why she makes it worthwhile.

(In the pictures I posted b4 baby and after baby. The grey marks are from holistic treatment strips I removed b4 picture for weight loss which have not worked )

I hope someone out there can relate to my post as well as my body

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31 Responses to “The Nonexistant Dating and Sex Life of a Single Mom (Anonymous)”

  1. Bryana Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 9:32 am

    First off, F*** him. He has no control over you and you need to get the control back.
    Second, your body is so beautiful and womanly. I think it is wonderful and I am sure many other men do, and even more so when they see what lies beneathe the clothes.
    Third, I think the reason you have not dated anyone yet os because of your ex. Not physically per se, but the thoughts he has left you with about yourself are radiating through to others. Even though they may not be spoken out to other men or what not, they can sense the lack of confidence and self esteem.
    I think before you even think of dating anyone you need to find peace with yourself. You need to begin loving yourself again. It could be a long road and maybe conselling of some sort might help. What you have been through is not easy, whether you are 20 or 40. Any form of abuse leaves lasting scars.
    But for the record, he is a sack of junk, does not deserve you, and has put scars on a truly beautiful thing.
    I live by the quote, “You have to love yourself before someone else can love you.”
    Good luck and remember, you are beautiful, inside and out.

  2. Stacy Hammond Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 9:50 am

    Bi-donk-i-donk~~ you are one sexy lady :)

  3. shelia Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 10:08 am

    yur man is an asshole and only said that so you woudlnt leave him, lots of guys would love to be with you, and not allof them are assholes. you had a kid, he needs to go to hell, maybe you are a super model but you can get fit, he will always be an asshole.

  4. michelle Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 10:40 am

    You have a very beautiful body, despite what your ex may say. Do not let what he says affect you becuase he is completely wrong! Your body looks better after baby than mine did before my pregnancies and I managed to find an amazing man! You will to… it just has to be somebody that deserves you!

  5. Kat Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Ok so I am seriously jealous of your booty!! He can suck it!

  6. KatieM Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    You have such a wonderful, curvy shape before and AFTER baby. I’ve gotten back in shape after having my son, but I would still kill for the curves you have! I would suggest adding some exercise to your daily routine, it will help your mood and enhance your gorgeous natural shape.

  7. Mary V Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    HELLLLOOOOOO Beautiful curves!!!! You are such a beautiful woman! I feel for you in your situation, but your ex is a stupid jackass, and you are going to be so much better off not dealing with that anymore. I know how you feel with the stretch marks and acne and such, I have all the same. I have turned my life around with diet and exercise and my skin has reacted positively it has also helped me keep a healthy outlook on life and set a great example for my kids. Keep your head up mama, you are amazing and beautiful, the right man will see that and sweep you off your feet!

  8. Marz Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    I’m sorry… how do you NOT have people honking at you with a backside like that? I have a big butt too, nothing like yours though! :D (that’s a compliment, my husband is ALL about the big booty). Maybe you’re not getting attention because you don’t have confidence? Or maybe you intimidate them with that hourglass and booty :)
    In all seriousness, I wish you would stay as far away from that jerkoff as humanly possible. You say you want him in your daughter’s life, but does he talk down to you around her? If not, how long do you think it’ll take until he starts criticizing her body too? I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for over 10 yrs and hated my body– I can relate to not having any self esteem.
    You are HOT. Seriously. I’m jealous as hell of your booty and your killer curves. Look my pics up on this site– I’ve had stretch marks on my hips and thighs/ cellulite on my thighs and butt since I was in eighth grade.
    Pick up a Smooth Magazine sometime and realize that LOTS of men would love to give you pleasure, a loving life, and love your daughter as well. Don’t listen to one man and his nearsighted views of what sexy is!!

  9. CiCi Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    I also had my baby one month before my 20th birthday. He is now 8 months and the most amazing person ever! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, and I love love love your curves! I don’t think it’s true when you say you don’t turn heads. I think that’s more psychological because of how you feel about yourself. You may not notice all the people that notice you, but that does not mean no one does. You know what? Screw whoever wants to use their words to put someone down about the way they look. Just hearing about how he is as a person makes him the one of the ugliest people in my book! I have stretch marks, acne, acne scars, am not the thinnest woman in the world, and I don’t like looking in the mirror. I do have a man that tells me I’m beautiful, but that’s not the important part. Even after all the nice things he says to me about my appearance, I don’t feel any better than I would if I didn’t have anyone there to tell me those things. It’s all about how you feel about yourself. However, there will be a guy that you meet, that finds you to be very beautiful and will love you, stretch marks and all. The wait will be well worth it. Congrats on your daughter!

  10. Carlos Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    I’m a guy and I think you look beautiful! Nevermind your ex, you’re lightyears better off! In regards to your non-existent dating life, it may simply be that you’re looking the wrong places? Bars, clubs, etc. are generally not where you want to find your potentially husband… those guys usually just want one thing. I seriously suggest a dating site like eharmony. Give it a shot, I guarantee you’ll have loads of guys emailing you!! Hang in there, and remember that God loves you!! :)

  11. jenni Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    I am also a single mother and I also put up with horribe verbal and physical abuse from my ex. They have that old phrase about sticks and stones but words will never hurt me and that cannot be furthur from the truth. For me personally, I would rather be punched than tormented verbally. Bruises heal but nasty words cut like a knife. I was told all the same things as you and I want you to know that time does help. It took me about 3 years of being single to regain my confidence, but as someone who has walked in your shoes, i want you to know there IS hope. The right guy is out there for you and honestly girl, you shouldnt be finding them in the clubs anyways! We all know that quality guys are pretty slim pickings in there. Clubs are for dancing with the girls, not for finding future husbands. I think you have a killer body and curves in ALL the right places. Start looking in the mirror and telling yourself outloud what a sexy bad a*s you are. It might seem funny at first but do that everyday and pretty soon you’ll start believin it. Rock it girl cause youre worth it! :)

  12. Michelle Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    First off, you have such a beautiful body before AND after pregnancy. Truthfully. I have terrible stretch marks all over my body from gaining 95 pounds in this pregnancy, and I have horrible acne all over my chest, back, and face, so I know how you feel about it. Think of every scar as a battle scar though, because really what your body went through(and what you’ve had to go through with your ex) is really just one big battle.
    As for your ex, just ignore him. People like that always have some type of internal issue that they need to address, or are just complete assholes to everyone because they get off on it. You are a beautiful woman that has been through so much. It might take a while for you to be able to fully accept your body, but eventually you will come to realize that there is no one more stunning and radiant than a woman who has gone through pregnancy and childbirth.

  13. Tori Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Wow, I think you look AMAZING. Your ex sounds like an immature jerk and don’t worry, he will get what’s coming to him one day! And as for not getting hit on anymore, you do still look amazing, perhaps it’s that men can sense your low self esteem and that what makes you seem hard to approach? I bet if you just put a big smile on your face, you would have the men lining up for you! You sound like an amazing woman, and someone your daughter will grow up and be so proud of!

    Don’t worry about that idiot ex of yours, my parents split up and he would say horrible things about my mother to me, it made me despise him that he could talk about someone I loved so much like that. So when your daughter grows up, she will see right through him! Hang in there! You look fabulous :)

  14. jeanne Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    honey…you have a gorgeous feminine body!! I think you should work on your confidence and realize how beautiful you are. everyone has flaws…
    I am a 23 yr old single mother (and a fellow poster here) and just started dating a wonderful man and i finally attracted a good man when i started feeling good about myself.
    you can do it! love yourself <3

  15. Colleen Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 5:31 am

    Sorry if I repeat any other comments, I have to leave for work soon and don’t have time to read them all. I think you have an awesome figure! You have great breasts (they look a lot like mine), a small waist and an awesome hour-glass shape. I can’t tell you when the last time I wore a tube top or a shirt without a bra was. It had to have been at least 7-8 years ago (and I’m only 26)…being large chested will do that to you.

    I feel like the biggest tragedy of your ex-relationship was that he killed your self confidence. You are a beautiful woman and you deserve better than that shit bag. If you can come up with the money, treat yourself to a shopping day. Even just one new outfit. Take along a friend who has a body type similar to yours and pick out something that really flatters you and highlights your curves–it will make you feel better about yourself, which will make you more confident, which will probably attract men to you (good men, not jerks who feel the need to put you down).

    Good luck!

  16. Sarah Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    What was that crazy man talking about??!! You have great curves. That ex of yours is a jerk and his cruel, immature comments are not worth a second thought (not even a first thought really)
    You are beautiful. It is hard when you don’t believe it yourself, but it is true.

  17. DonaldF Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    I hope you don’t mind me saying but I think you are beautiful. Your ex is and ignorant fool. Keep your chin up, you are a beautiful women and there are still some good guys out there.

  18. mrs. petunia Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    My husband thinks you have an “awesome, awesome, awesome body”. Hope you don’t mind that I shared your pictures with him, but I know you are his type. Anyway, I’m completely sure that there are plenty of other men out there who would agree that your body is beautiful. You have great curves and a booty to die for. As for the acne, oh girl I can relate. I started getting zits at age nine and was still going strong at age 27. I finally got on accutane, a really potent drug to permanently stop acne. It worked! I had to take it for six months and it wasn’t cheap but I’m really glad I did. Yours is nowhere near as severe as mine was but you might want to look into it or try some other drug from a dermatologist if your skin really bothers you. Finally, f**k your ex. HE’S nasty and awful and a liar and you deserve soooo much better. Really, it’s just pathetic and immature to say those horrible things to someone. You are a strong and caring mother while he is mean and undeserving of you. Period.

  19. olivia Says:
    November 4th, 2010 at 6:51 am

    Are you kidding me? you are 100% WOMAN what a beautiful shape!! I have a similar story I had my baby boy when I was 19 and NoW I’m almost 24 and my sons father was a jerk although a decent father was always cheating on me. Never was verbally abusive but I was very harsh on myself for years because he cheated so i figured I was the probelm THEN I had my son an grew up over night literally I laughed that i was being so foolish allowing someone elses wrongdoing to affect me. So when My son turned 6 months I joined the gym and happy to say got in the best shape I have ever been in and start living for me and my baby. Now 4 years later thru lots of ups and downs i am happy with who i am!! HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE good luck mama

  20. Marielle Says:
    November 6th, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    wow… i’m not going to tell my entire story, but i’m a single mom, by choice FINALLY. i chose to leave my husband because he had been abusing me our entire relationship almost, but the physical abuse didn’t start till i was about 6 or 7 months pregnant. when my son was 11 days old he snapped, did some terrible degrading things to me, and said he was going to kill our son. once i got him calmed down, he said next time this happened it would be worse, and his words “i won’t hurt him.. i will make it quick and painless”
    i couldn’t stay another weekend with him because the abuse was always the worse on the weekends when he was home… not when my newborn’s life was on the line if i “didn’t behave”

    i’ve been through a terrible time and i let his words bring me down… thank god you aren’t in that situation! but don’t let what your baby’s dad says about you get to you. you have to somehow just NOT BELIEVE IT. and if you can get yourself to a gym that has childcare, i say do it. cause i did that, as well as healthy HEALTHY eating (i’m talking no sweets at all… it sucks for a bit but in the end it’s worth it) and i’m losing weight, my acne is clearing up, my thighs don’t chafe together painfully anymore… it’s a win win. but i had to make the decision that it was time to stop the self-loathing and start loving myself and doing something to better myself. prince charming isn’t going to come and sweep you off your feet. nobody can sweep you off your feet… if something is missing.. it’s inside yourself that you have to find it. i’m telling you this as a total stranger and it might not mean anything to you, but you are BEAUTIFUL. you have a GREAT hourglass figure. look at how tiny your waist is! don’t you love how you look from behind? even skinny people have cellulite.

    oh and i just thought of something… as great a dad he is to her… do you really want someone who can say such nasty things to the woman who bore his beautiful little child… fathering her? what is going to happen when she is a teenager and makes a stupid decision? i honestly see your babydaddy starting with the verbal abuse with her as well.. and that’s not something you want. if he is acting that immature he doesnt DESERVE to see her. i think you should get some counseling and maybe some mediation and call him on the verbal abuse in front of someone official. cause who knows what kind of things he will say about you to your daughter when she is older, if he carries on that attitude? time for him to grow up, and time for you to rise above him.
    go to a gym…. it will make you feel great about yourself. the endorphines will help you out. i promise! don’t spend another day hating your body! cause you don’t need too!

  21. Alison Says:
    November 8th, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    I just have to say that you are gorgeous. i relate to your post, i feel terrible about my body. i have a supportive man but he never calls me beautiful or compliments me. he isn’t quite as bad as your ex though, he doesn’t verbally put me down. your ex quite honestly should be hit by a bus… because abusive personalities like that dont just stop being abusive. once they get caught or you realize that its wrong they move on to another and ruin them too….. i worry about his now current girlfriend and about your daughter’s future. because she needs to know that it’s not ok to hurt other people with words or with actions and that everyone deserves to be loved and accepted. also “the worst enemy we have is ourselves” it’s often hard to believe the good when we hear negative things all the time.

  22. katie Says:
    November 15th, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    ummm, please don’t take this as rude, but SERIOUSLY?! Are you joking? Your fucking amazing looking! like, WOW amazing!
    I don’t think your not getting attention from men, how could you NOT? I think your so convinced men arent intersted that you’ve warped every encounter into a rejection! Seriously, I mean, I say with love and the best intent here, but are you CRAZY?! How can you POSSIBLY believe your unnattractive? I don’t swing that way, but if I were into girls, I’d be all over you. :D I promise your turning heads, your just so deranged about your own self worth that you cant see it.
    Your ex? And idiot. I can guarantee he didn’t upgrade when he cheated, he just convinced you so thouroughly that you were unworthy to make his own sorry ass feel better with his faults. Don’t let him win, girl. Get your head on straight, cuz your fucking HOT

  23. sady Says:
    November 24th, 2010 at 11:20 am

    omg your booty is AMAZING, magazine worthy

  24. Liz Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 5:57 am

    I think you look amazing! amazing shape, you are so beautiful!
    In regards to your ex, he sounds like he must have serious self esteem issues if he needs to say horrible things like that to you to make himself feel better. I guess it’s good he is in his daughters life but honestly he sounds like an awful role model. I hope your daughter never ever hears him speak about her mother that way.

  25. Marcia Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 5:39 am

    Hello.
    I think you are very beutiful, and your ex is a jerk.
    Some people are so insecure about themselves that they have to put other people down to feel better. I think what he did to you can even be label as domestic violence.
    Well, dont listen to him… if you do, he is winning.

    I know exactly what you mean by man dont turn their heads. I had depression when my mom died and I gained like 40 pounds in a few months. After that, all I wore was very large shirts and pants, it kinda looked like i was always in my pijamas.
    When I realized that I gained weight and accepted my body changes, I started to wear beautiful clothes again… and guess what? People started to look at me again.
    It’s all about our atitudes. I know you are probably feeling down right now, but its a phase. Try to look to the future and imagine good things, and then go fight for them.

    Good luck.

  26. lovelymommie Says:
    December 12th, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Hey I can relate with you totally I am 20 I had my 1 yr. old at 1 and our situation is almost exactly the same…its only a mental thing believe me if you can change that you’ll b fine because you truly are beautiful hunny:)

  27. amber Says:
    February 24th, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Wow your butt is great, gravity defying! what a horrible man your ex is for saying those things to you, he will never deserve woman like you

  28. Praise Says:
    March 2nd, 2012 at 10:40 am

    At the end of the day there are two opinions that should matter when it comes to your looks.
    Your own opinion and your child’s opinion.
    When you feel down about your body turn to the amazing person that you created and ask them if mommy is beautiful!

    And my personal dating advice take it or leave it…
    Don’t try to get a date. Find something social that makes you love you, and lets others see you loving you.
    The first step to a happy relationship is a shared joy! Find your joy and love will be easier.

  29. Amy H Says:
    March 28th, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Please do not let any man bring you down like that. I remember when I was your age dating a very abusive guy…now I”m 45 yrs young and that seems like a life time ago. I have had numerous relationships since then..2 sons (ages 20 and 13) and I have been dating a wonderful guy for the past 10 months that I”ve known over 25 yrs (funny how things happen like that) I can relate to those lonely nights..my youngest is a high functioning autistic and I was single using him as an excuse to not date anyone..I didn’t want different men in and out of his life (or mine lol) I”m not saying it’s going to take yrs to find a great guy but for me..when I wasn’t looking there he was lol…but remember this..you do not need a man to complete you :)
    I also would like to say for a fuller figure gal you have a fantastic body and hour glass shape that most women long for (I have the stick type body w/chicken legs..ugh! for the longest time(years actually) I refused to wear shorts..it hurts just the same when I get the “wow you got skinny ass legs” comments ) Now at my age..I wear shorts and say hell w/it lol
    I hope since you have posted that things have become what you deserve :) and pop that ex in the nose for me..If I heard a guy say he wishes someone dead I’d..well, lets just say my old temper would flare and it wouldn’t be a pretty site :)

  30. Tamryn Says:
    June 8th, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    I think you have a very womanly body. I’d kill for a butt like yours, mine is flat as a pancake.

  31. Maira Says:
    June 12th, 2012 at 3:21 am

    Your Ex should be thankful for you giving birth to his healthy and beautiful daughter. Instead he insulted and abused you verbally. People who hurt others just have a low self esteem themselves. I am so sorry that he was able to influence you with his nasty words(he is an A**h**e!!!. I hope you feel better now. You have a very nice and curvy body and many men dont mind stretch marks or cellulite. By the way your marks are barely noticeable. my husband always tell me that the most sexiest thing in a woman is her smile, her laughter and her sensuality. I am a mom of two girls(2 and 6 weeks) and have alot of weight to lose and stretch marks but that doesn’t disturb my hubby. It’s my negative attitude which tires him ;-)

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