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Talk me out of plastic surgery. (Anonymous)

November 18, 2013

Age- 25
Number of Children-1, aged 3

I have a son that I love more than life itself. I always had body issues, despite being petite. I fluctuated between 100-110 lbs all through out high school. I was very self conscious of my boobs. The right one was (and still is) smaller than the left side. My nipples looked “puffy” unless I was cold. But they were a 34C and looked good in cute tops and had mass, if you know what I mean.

I was hopeful when I got pregnant that maybe both boobs would finally look the same and that maybe my nipples would be more erect. I guess I was hoping that having a baby would “fix” them. After breast feeding for six months, I quickly learned that having a baby wasn’t going to make them look any better. They shrunk and shrunk and shrunk, and what I was left with was the skin of 34D breasts without the volume. They sag big time now. My nipples are back to being sort of puffy when I’m warm, only getting erect when I’m cold.

I have the option to get breast augmentation. It’s something my husband and I have talked about a lot. He doesn’t care whether I do it or not. He’s concerned that it won’t actually solve the issue.
I don’t even know why it bothers me so much. I am thankful that I was able to nurse for six months. The boobs served their purpose and nourished my child. But I feel self conscious when my husband touches them. I know he still enjoys touching them but to me, they’ve lost their sensual qualities and I’d rather he touch me somewhere else, anywhere else, but not my boobs.

I can’t decide what to do. We aren’t going to have more children, so it’s not like I have to worry about future breastfeeding being affected. I’m trying to ignore society’s idea of what breasts should look like and really look into my heart over this decision.

It’s been really hard on me, and I’ve struggled with it for a while. I want to look more like the 17 year old me, because she really had it good. She was fun and carefree with hardly any responsibilities. Now I look at myself naked and I match how I feel. Tired, stressed, aging. There’s never enough time to do what I wish I could do for myself and it’s depressing.

If I got the surgery, it would be modest. I would like to a 34C again and just have mass and volume in my breasts again. I’m not interested in having boobs that don’t even move because they’re so overdone. I know I should be looking at the bigger picture, how it’s not going to matter in the slightest when I’m 80… but could I have more confidence now? How great would it be if I could pull off my shirt in front of my husband and let him touch them, and enjoy it, instead of sneaking around trying to cover up when I’m changing or getting out of the shower?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. I am really on the fence about it right now. Thank you for reading my story!

First pic is me warm and hunched over.
Second pic is me cold and standing up.

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24 Responses to “Talk me out of plastic surgery. (Anonymous)”

  1. Natalie Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 8:37 am

    Hey your boobs look exactly like mine! I always had one boob smaller than the other. I feel like your story is so similar to what I went through. I was a cute 34C pre-pregnancy. Went up to 38DD during pregnancy and settled at 34D while breastfeeding. So I am back to 34C but covered in stretchmarks that really look like wrinkles when I am cold. At one point they were two deflated bags of skin, but around 13 months postpartum I noticed they gained some volume back. That was exciting ;)As for my husband… he loved my body pre-pregnancy, during pregnancy, and he loves it now 18 months postpartum. My only advice is show off to your husband today what mother nature gave you.I am sure he enjoys touching your breasts and seeing them. Think about it, you are the only woman who’s breasts he can touch, of course he is enjoying it. Personally I have bad moments about my boobs too, but those moments are fleeting. I would like to hear more about why your husband thinks the surgery won’t actually solve the issue. He might be right about it. Confidence is sexy, and if you start acting confident then the feeling of confidence will follow. It worked for me.

  2. Kellie Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 9:20 am

    I can understand the feelings of not being sexy enough for your husband, although he seems to think you are! For me, my boobs were always small, but they went from a B cup to barely an A after nursing two babies. My insecurity centered more around my stomach though and I was all signed up for a tummy tuck and never went through with it. I have no regrets now- we would have spent a lot of money on something that doesn’t deal iwth the root cause of my insecurity. i feel more confident now than I have in a long time. I would at least practically look at the pros and cons of getting surgery. I have heard of women having problems down the road. Trust your husband and just know that many small boobed people are envious! wE are all beautiful, no matter what we look like.

  3. Sanna Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 9:28 am

    In my opinion, you look great! I don`t know what you looked like before the baby, but I think you look just fine now :)
    It`s impossible to have a child and look like you didn`t but its possible to look like a damn hot mama and be loving it all!
    I have two children myself and I don`t look like I used to, but it doesn`t bother me.
    We all change, if not with babies, with age, and it is very healthy to learn to appreciate ALL the variety of beauty, that we are in different times.

    With love, a Mom of two.

  4. Sandy Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 9:43 am

    First off, no one is completely symmetrical. There is always going to be a eye a little higher or a nostril a little rounder and so forth. You should get it out of your head this is how you should be. Mine are the same way, have been for years. The largest issue is that one cup in a bra fits better than the other. LOL However, your hubs married you with lopsided boobs. He obviously loves your boobs. Don’t do it for him.

    Second, you have to do what is comfortable for you. I feel that while you **should** love yourself for the way you are, if YOU are completely miserable and you have the means to change, do it. Just make sure you are doing it for YOU. You are and will be beautiful no matter what you do…but make sure you do it for you.

    I have extremely large breasts and they have gotten larger over the course of my 2 pregnancies. I have thought of a breast reduction for DECADES. While I could probably live the rest of my life with my current boobs, they are a constant source of pain both mentally and physically for me. I saw the plastic surgeon last week for a reduction and I cannot be more excited. This isn’t for my hubs, this isn’t for society (because I have given up on bras completely at this stage) and I am not doing it to look good. I am doing it so **I** can feel comfortable in my own skin.

    If you really don’t want it done, seek out a therapist who has experience with body issues. They can give you the tools and strategies you need to overcome the anxiety you feel about them.

    Hugs and luck

  5. Jessica Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 10:00 am

    There’s a lot to be said for feeling good about yourself, regardless of how you look. That being said, you CAN love what your body has done and still want your body to look different. I am 2 month pp with my 4th (and last) baby and I do plan on getting breast augmentation, when I’m done breastfeeding her, FOR ME. My breasts will have served their purpose and will, truly, just be an enhancement to my body, no matter what their state. I want them to be high and perky again, because that was when I enjoyed them the most, aesthetically. Whatever your decision, make sure it is for YOU. If you honestly feel like having ‘nice’ breasts again will make you feel good about yourself, then I say go for it. But, from the title of your post, it seems to me that you’re leaning towards not getting it done anyway.

  6. Leilani Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 10:11 am

    Your breasts look fine to me, they don’t look like what you described at all! But I think if you have been feeling so self conscious about them then get the surgery, I see nothin wrong with getting plastic surgery if its something you want and will help you feel better & more confident! Either way you’re beautiful, just do what makes you happy & don’t worry about what anyone else may think.

  7. anonymous Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 10:39 am

    Reading your story is just like looking into my own mind. I feel exactly the same as you do about myself!! But when I scrolled down to see your photo, I have to say you don’t look half as saggy as I do. Honestly I think your breast look great! I have had 5 children and breastfed for almost 7 years and counting at this point. My breasts are completely covered in stretch marks and are just flaps of skin anymore. Also my areolas are huge on top of everything else. I don’t want my man to touch them either, or see them at all for that matter, it totally disgusts me. I don’t think it matters what he says either. The damage to my breasts is easily seen and I am not blind. I am thankful for what they have done for my children but I am in discomfort anymore, cannot find bras that fit me anywhere, and I can’t stand wearing them at all but can’t even think of going out in public without one. I don’t even like my own children seeing me without a bra around the house I just feel gross :( I am not a fake person but have gone back and forth about surgery since before I had my fourth child. I am so torn. I would feel guilty I think, but it is something that bothers me every single day.
    I hope whatever you decide to do that confidence will come to you :)

  8. Marcy Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 10:59 am

    I think you have fabulous boobs and should not mess with them. Chances are you will be more unhappy with them after a surgery and will have spent $6-10K.

    You have lovely boobs most moms would extremely happy with. If your husband gives them all kinds of attention I wouldn’t touch them!

  9. PrisCilla Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Mine are 34B…and went up to D during both pregnancies. After breastfeeding and soon 3 years Postpartum, they are barely fitting my B cups! I think yours look beautiful. Yes, mine are different after kids but I am most impressed with all of the changes they went through with me and my body. They are smaller (have never been perky) but I still love these ladies :) maybe start looking in the mirror and try to see the soft beauty of your own breasts. I think I unconsciously did something like this because I definitely remember not ‘liking’ them when I was younger.

  10. James Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    From a Husband, father and Male point of view your breasts are wonderful, just leave them as they are. My wife like you thinks she needs plastic surgery but I keep telling her I love them as they are, just because she thinks they look weird doesn’t mean they are. I understand how we need to love ourselves and our body’s, and it takes a lot of effort from me and her to keep her positive about them but I wouldn’t want her to change them for the world. Keep positive you look great so remember to keep telling yourself that, because it’s true. :-)

  11. Sarah Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    I’m sorry, but I see nothing wrong with your breasts. I think they look beautiful and perfect. I’m a little jealous, actually. I would spend your augmentation money on a family vacation instead. (I said sorry because I don’t want to sound like I’m being a jerk in this post. I honestly don’t see anything remotely wrong with your breasts.)

  12. Rosie Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    I remember when I was younger I started hating my skin and wanting to have skin peels etc to fix it. I never went through with it and I’m glad that I didn’t because with some time and perspective I realised that I have very nice skin. It was just something I chose to direct my self hatred toward. After I had my children I did the same to my belly and I remembered feeling that way before. I’m so glad that I had that awareness because I realised it wasn’t any body part that was to blame it was really the way I felt about myself that was the issue.
    Self hatred can run very deep and show up in some unusual ways. It can be a very big journey to find real self love but so worth it in the end. Once surgery is done it can never be undone. Could you give yourself some time to find emotional support and help to work on the underlying emotional issues before making your decision?
    I think its important to remember that every woman’s breast are different and they don’t all have a protruding nipple (mine don’t) and most women have a lack of symmetry to some degree. Yours are very beautiful. How would it be to touch them lovingly and gently and allow yourself to be with whatever emotions arise, to let yourself cry or be angry if you need?
    Also, many times body issues can subside when we women start living from the inside of our bodies instead of looking from the outside. How do they feel? If you caress them do the give you pleasure? If you spend loving time with your breasts maybe you can come to love them.

  13. Molly Says:
    November 18th, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    I think your breast are great!! I had a boob job when I was 19 because my one was WAY bigger. I was SO self conscious wouldn’t wear a bathing suit before, tank tops, nothing that showed cleavage. I got them done and felt so confident! I had my son when I was 21 and they look the same as they did after surgery. If you really think your just insecure about your breast them get the surgery! I think you have great breast though.

  14. Stacy Says:
    November 19th, 2013 at 10:39 am

    Sometimes I wish mothers could upload photos to individual postings… Then I could upload pictures of my breasts, which can barely can be recognized as such, and tell you how I love them! Be gentle with yourself.

  15. Catherine S Says:
    November 19th, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    Your breasts are lovely. Beautiful. I wouldn’t do a thing to them!

  16. mrspetunia Says:
    November 19th, 2013 at 7:59 pm

    I think your breasts look just lovely, really! My exact first thought when clicking on your picture was, “Oh, those are pretty!” One thing to consider, breast implants often get “hard” over time. Scar tissue forms around them and they can feel more like baseballs than breasts. I know this firsthand because I worked as a nurses aid and dressed and bathed a woman with breast implants. If this happens, then you may have to have the implants removed and replaced and endure another painful and expensive operation. Ultimately the decision is up to you, but from the title of your post “talk me out of plastic surgery” I’m guessing you really don’t want to do this. I don’t think getting breast implants is wrong at all, I just don’t necessarily think it’s right for you.

  17. Bella Says:
    November 22nd, 2013 at 4:08 am

    Hi dear, I was never happy with my breasts as a teen, my right breast is smaller and much more perky tha my left. After living with them for a while (I`m now in my 40`s) I embrace them for giving me a sensual feeling as a woman. Of course, after 2 kids, it would be nice to have “more ideal” breasts, but I`m not willing to gamble with what I have through an cosmetic operation. Some people do, and are happy with the result, but I prefer to stick to my natural breasts and love them as much as I can. I think, feeling sexy or goog enough is a state of mind, far more than having spesifiv fysical attributes. Big hug to you!

  18. Michelle Says:
    November 22nd, 2013 at 11:13 am

    I had severely asymmetrical breasts (my left was an undeveloped a and my right was a large kinda saggy b). I had them surgically ‘corrected’ 12 years ago and while at first I was thrilled that soon wore off and the last 7 years I just couldn’t wait to have them removed. I know that not all people feel the way that I do but after reading explant stories on realself.com (I hope it’s okay to post this link, great information on cosmetic procedures) I know I’m far from alone.

    Like others are saying most breasts are not even and even with surgery they are still not even most of the time.

    Your chance of having to have revision surgery is so incredibly high. Capsular contraction is painful and looks awful, implants bottoming out is surgery after surgery to try to fix.

    I still have my original implants, they are coming out this spring with a lift for both and reduction for the bigger right one. Even though I haven’t dealt with severe complications I am always aware of my implants, they feel like balloons under my skin (mine are still soft), I feel them when I sleep, when I hug people,during sex and make exercising a pain in the boobs.

    Implants have been linked to tons of health complications and lots of those are not documented by the medical community but they reverse when women explant.

    I think your breasts are lovely but if you truly want them changed have you looked in to just a breast lift with areola reduction and slight reduction of your larger breast? You would be more even without the risk of implant complication.

  19. Anonymous Says:
    November 24th, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and thoughts. There is so much I hadn’t considered. I have decided to hold off on the surgery indefinitely and in the meantime, appreciate what I have. I may have become self conscious about the appearance of my breasts but I do really love them. I would be heart broken if the surgery didn’t meet my expectations, or if complications arose down the line so I think it would be better to search for the underlying issues and get those dealt with. Much love to all you wonderful mamas and dad who helped me with this! LG

  20. Adrian Says:
    December 5th, 2013 at 9:47 am

    As a man, I have to completely endorse what James says. It simply seems to be the case that a high proportion of men love breasts like yours! The trouble is that ladies probably think we say that to please them, but we say it because it’s true! So, even if you had surgery that suited you, your husband will be sad because he thinks you’re lovely the way you are, and he doesn’t want you to have a needless operation.

  21. Therese Says:
    December 13th, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    I have 8 kids and breastfed all for 18 months to 2 years. The youngest is now 12. First, give yours time to recover. Second, work you pecs with weights. Start with very light weight and high reps and make sure your form is right and give your connective tissue time to strengthen. After a good foundation of several workouts aim to work up to heavy weights and low reps. I do flys with various machines at my gym. My pecs are quite firm and this makes my old, heavily used girls still look perky.

  22. Violet Hammon Says:
    January 4th, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Your breasts look EXACTLY like mine girlfriend! I have one kid, I’m 26, and I think you ought to oil rub and love them and be happy! It took me a bit of time to get reacquainted with mine, but now I can’t imagine them being different! Show me a man with a ball lift, then we can talk:)

  23. Nor Says:
    February 5th, 2014 at 12:58 am

    You could look at this:

    http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

    Also, you should know, your breasts look fantastic, if you are worried about your husband caring, listen to the man, he’s told you he loves them as they are, other men would love them just as much, and getting them sliced and diced isn’t going to fix how you feel about them, because honestly surgery isn’t going to do anything except make them look worse.

  24. Rainbowings Says:
    February 16th, 2014 at 6:03 am

    Hi,

    I stumbled across this site while looking for sites that address body image issues in women. Your story touched me, so I had to write.

    I’m not a mom because I had to have a hysterectomy young, so I haven’t experienced the changes that pregnancy brings. However, I have had small (AA) breasts all my life, so I know a bit about what it’s like to feel less than satisfied with one’s body. All I can say about yours is that I would love to trade you breasts! I don’t know what they looked like before pregnancy, but you are absolutely beautiful now.

    Please don’t change anything. Surgery is so risky and so many women have physical problems down the road. That’s why I haven’t gotten surgery. That, and my boyfriend says he loves me as I am. If you have a caring husband who says the same thing, you’re blessed, so believe him!

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