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Take 2 – Still haven’t accepted my new body! (Anonymous)

May 12, 2010

I originally posted here when I was 6 weeks post-partum!

I’m now 21 weeks postpartum and my feelings are still pretty simillar! I have better days than others, very rarely, but they do occur! I just can’t accept that this is the body that I have to live with for the rest of my life! I can’t even see the point in exercising, toning up etc, as the stretchmarks will never go, they’ll always be there! I find it totally incomprehensible how a mother can look at their stretchmarks and call them badges of honour, I really can’t! The way I see it is that my skin is now ugly and scarred! But then a good day I’ll look at myself and think I am a mum, a very proud mum at that and why should I be ashamed, I am the way I am because of my beautiful boy, but then I’ll look at myself and can’t believe that it’s me!

I’ve become so jealous of mothers who go back to looking normal and just ask why me? Why am I scarred and they’re not!! It’s such an awful outlook, I should feel good for them mothers who are fortunate enough to get their pre-pregnancy body back, but I can’t and jealousy is such an evil feeling and I don’t like myself for feeling that way.

I still don’t undress infront of my partner and our sex life has dwindled dramatically – 6 times since having our child to be exact! The first time I hated it and after my partner sensed something was wrong, he asked me and I cried!!! Not exactly a turn on is it??? My partner, as always, assures me I’m sexy, but what’s sexy about having sex with a top on….??? He’s my partner of 5 1/2 years, yet the thought of getting unchanged in front of him just scares me, as I’m scared he’ll think ‘what am I doing with her?’ and then I’ll be alone! But the thought of being alone doesn’t fill me with complete dread, as then I won’t have to get initimate with anybody!

I honestly don’t think my partner knows the full extent of how I feel, I’m sick of going on about how much I hate myself!!

I’m actually considering saving for a boob tube, as my breasts are so saggy and empty, they’re gross and just make me shudder whenever I catch a glimpse of them in the mirror!!

I just cannot see me ever changing my opinion of myself and don’t even get me started on bikini season! We’re not going away this year because I just don’t want to wear a bikini and expose myself for everyone to see, especially in daylight! I guess it’s tankinis and swimsuits for me now – which is something I associate with old women, but hey….

On the plus side my baby boy gets more beautiful and whenever he smiles at me it fills me with so much joy and despite the fact that I despise my saggy breasts, belly and bum, as well as the stretchmarks on the thighs, belly, bum and backs of my knees, I wouldn’t change him for the world, in fact I’d go through it a thousand times over just so I can have him with me!!

My pictures are –

front
back
side
belly
side of belly

All of the above is why I despise myself!

Updated here.

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15 Responses to “Take 2 – Still haven’t accepted my new body! (Anonymous)”

  1. Suzanne Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 7:54 am

    don’t get a boob job, you have great boobs.. I have no idea what they looked like before but really have they changed that much? because from what i see they look great! they still look full and not saggy, your lucky, Talk to your husband about how you really feel! most men find their women even sexier after babies because you had THEIR child! Just do it, get naked in front of him! you can’t ignore the wide eyed look of enjoyment in a guys face when he likes what he sees! lol, it’ll make you feel better!
    you also have a fantastic bum! (i am suffering from bum-envy at the moment because mine seems to have disappeared!! lol) anyway, you look gorgeous :)

  2. Kerry Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 8:00 am

    Wow, reading that was like being in my own head 6 months ago! Girl I just gotta tell you that you look great, and I know you arent gonna believe me, but once you stop stressing about how “gross” you look (which you DONT) you really will start to see changes! I wasn’t one of the “lucky” women, I stayed pretty tubby till about 7-8 months pp, and now at 1 year pp I look (almost) the same as prepregnancy. Dont beat yourself up cause your body has a different time frame in mind then you do. I know what you mean about the intimacy, it can be really tough. Are you nursing? I noticed my hormones were still pretty whacky for a while after I gave birth cause of BFing. Btw I just have to tell you that I’m SO jealous of your behind! Its perfect! And you have no love handles!!! My post was a few back (It looks like a frowny face) If you need encouragement or just to vent dont hesitate to send me an email!!! webb.kerry@gmail.com

    Keep your head up! :)

  3. Rhianna Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 8:39 am

    You look great. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

  4. Jenna Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 10:51 am

    You don’t look anywhere near as bad as you think you do! You’re getting in your own head, hun. Sometimes I think time is the only way you will be able to feel better about your body. For me it was time and a complete mindset change. I am one of those women who embraces her stretch marks and doesn’t mind having them at all. I didn’t always feel that way. My tummy is saggy, too (yours is not!). Your partner will still find you attractive. Share yourself with him, body and mind. You’re beautiful! You’re still close to having given birth. Give your body time.

  5. Shannon Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 11:26 am

    I do not see what you see. I see a flat belly, a round bum, nice thighs with no cellulite, and nice womanly hips. I know how you feel though. I can say all the nice stuff I see, but you won’t believe it unless you see it. I had my first child at 20 and my second at 22 (both cesareans)…I am 23 now, and to be honest with you, I have hated my body since I had Connor (my first)…I love my body for giving me my babies, but I hate it for how it looks. This is my most recent post:
    http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/6monthsppupdate-shannon/
    I do like my stretch marks though…Connor passed away when he was 19 months, and he left these for me to rub and think of him!
    I hope you can love your body some day…I can tell you that working out WILL make you feel better!!!!

  6. Joel Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    My girlfriend asked me to look at this — because she and I went through the same ordeal, NEEDLESSLY. For about 6 months I pretty much thought the rigors of taking care of our son wnile I was away at work just made her mad at me. On top of that, I was seriously disturbed that she was probably very mad at me for the pregnancy and changes that occurred. So, I just steered clear, knowing she hated me.

    Her postpartum body certainly looked NO BETTER than yours. Us guys don’t have a clue what to expect. But, it’s part of growing together and learning together. . .

    Finally, something happened, and she opened up to me about thoughts similar to yours. All the time she was into self-loathing, no matter how I told her she looked fine. Sure, I wasn’t totally thrilled by the changes in her body — but, I love her. She was into self-hating all on her own; and, for too long refused to let me in on it.

    Sorry, sometimes I’m not sensitive to pick up on clues; but, I’m getting better at it. (I don’t ever want to go through a period of time like that again, feeling shut out and not sure why.)

    I wish she’d opened up to me much earlier. On the other hand, I could kick myself for not pressing the issue — if only we’d had the benefit of the hindsight we have now.

    If you believe your relationship of 5+ years is worht it — and, if you believe he probably feels the same way — Go ahead, leave your clothes on next time you have some alone time. Let him know that you’ve had some major concerns on your mind since the baby was born. Then, express those thoughts in your own way, whatever they are. I’d be very surprised if you didn’t have a grand, break-through moment in your relationship.

    Best wishes to the 3 of you!

  7. mrs. petunia Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    Oh honey, I think that you look great! Nice bum, flat tummy, a cinched waist. I looked at your initial pics and, except for a few stretch marks, you don’t look a whole lot different. Still sexy I’d say! Anyway, you might want to give exercise a go, even though it may feel pointless. Even if you don’t see dramatic changes in your body, I bet you’ll feel so much better, stronger, and prouder of what your body can do. It totally helps my mood and body image issues. Body image issues, I wish them on noone! I really really hope that you can give up on your self-hating. It’s just so miserable. And I second all the advice about filling your partner in on how you feel. It may help to lift a burden if you can just talk about it. Anyway, you really do look sexy! Hope you feel better!

  8. vsmama Says:
    May 13th, 2010 at 12:15 am

    You look gorgeous! But like others have said, you would need to come to that point on ur own to see what we see:) I also want to say that Joel made a great point..I went through everything he has said. I’m thankful for your input, I wish I had heard that advice but maybe it will help another mommy:)

  9. april.azalia Says:
    May 13th, 2010 at 7:02 am

    hunnie ur sexy!..ur stretchmarks arnt even that bad. mine looks scary!!!!..

  10. tanya Says:
    May 13th, 2010 at 9:01 am

    try to look at your good things lik yur curvy waist that goes in and yur nice bum!! thats what i gota do about myself :) i hope you love yurself one day!

  11. TracyKM Says:
    May 15th, 2010 at 8:36 am

    I was saddened to read that you’re going to deny your whole family a vacation because you’re concerned about what strangers will think of your body!! How much time does someone spend in a bathing suit on holiday? If I had your body, I’d wear a bikini (but not cut like your underwear). There’s absolutely nothing wrong with tankini and one piece suits either–at least it’s more practical while trying to look after kids! You’re lettting STRANGERS determine you and your family’s happiness! Doesn’t that sound crazy? (And BTW, there are lots of ways to vacation without ever getting in a bathing suit!).
    People that mind, don’t matter. People that matter, don’t mind!!!

  12. Sarah EP Says:
    May 17th, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Your stretch marks will fade with time. You can try fade creams if they bother you that much.

    Your boobs aren’t flat at all, and I’d have to say that you have a really great butt. It’s proportionate to your curves, and you have a great nipped in waist. You really do look good.

    I know that sometimes it’s hard to hear people tell you that you look good, like they’re feeding you a line of BS to make you feel better, but…seriously…you really do look good.

  13. proudmommy Says:
    May 18th, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    21 weeks is still way too early to worry. With my first child I went back to my pre-pregnancy weight within 9 weeks..BUT…my skin took 8 months to tighten up. Then with my 2nd child, it took me 15 months for my thighs and stomach to go back…and my deflated breasts to fill out a bit more. You still have hope…please don’t stress so early. It can take up to 2 years.

  14. StF Says:
    May 18th, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    Are you serious? you look awesome to me!

  15. Trisha Says:
    May 26th, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Okay…… seriously now, you look GREAT! And you got a great ass… I WOULD wear a bikini cut like your underwear if I were you. I consider you one of the lucky ones. Seriously, don’t trip out!! You look super hot!!

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