I originally posted here when I was 6 weeks post-partum!
I’m now 21 weeks postpartum and my feelings are still pretty simillar! I have better days than others, very rarely, but they do occur! I just can’t accept that this is the body that I have to live with for the rest of my life! I can’t even see the point in exercising, toning up etc, as the stretchmarks will never go, they’ll always be there! I find it totally incomprehensible how a mother can look at their stretchmarks and call them badges of honour, I really can’t! The way I see it is that my skin is now ugly and scarred! But then a good day I’ll look at myself and think I am a mum, a very proud mum at that and why should I be ashamed, I am the way I am because of my beautiful boy, but then I’ll look at myself and can’t believe that it’s me!
I’ve become so jealous of mothers who go back to looking normal and just ask why me? Why am I scarred and they’re not!! It’s such an awful outlook, I should feel good for them mothers who are fortunate enough to get their pre-pregnancy body back, but I can’t and jealousy is such an evil feeling and I don’t like myself for feeling that way.
I still don’t undress infront of my partner and our sex life has dwindled dramatically – 6 times since having our child to be exact! The first time I hated it and after my partner sensed something was wrong, he asked me and I cried!!! Not exactly a turn on is it??? My partner, as always, assures me I’m sexy, but what’s sexy about having sex with a top on….??? He’s my partner of 5 1/2 years, yet the thought of getting unchanged in front of him just scares me, as I’m scared he’ll think ‘what am I doing with her?’ and then I’ll be alone! But the thought of being alone doesn’t fill me with complete dread, as then I won’t have to get initimate with anybody!
I honestly don’t think my partner knows the full extent of how I feel, I’m sick of going on about how much I hate myself!!
I’m actually considering saving for a boob tube, as my breasts are so saggy and empty, they’re gross and just make me shudder whenever I catch a glimpse of them in the mirror!!
I just cannot see me ever changing my opinion of myself and don’t even get me started on bikini season! We’re not going away this year because I just don’t want to wear a bikini and expose myself for everyone to see, especially in daylight! I guess it’s tankinis and swimsuits for me now – which is something I associate with old women, but hey….
On the plus side my baby boy gets more beautiful and whenever he smiles at me it fills me with so much joy and despite the fact that I despise my saggy breasts, belly and bum, as well as the stretchmarks on the thighs, belly, bum and backs of my knees, I wouldn’t change him for the world, in fact I’d go through it a thousand times over just so I can have him with me!!
My pictures are –
side of belly
All of the above is why I despise myself!