This will be my 3rd submission and I’m sad to say things have not gotten better. I had my daughter in 2008 after a 50lb weight gain. The stretch marks do not bother me, I could care less if anyone sees them. It’s my stomach I hate. I was skinny when my husband and I got together. Since then I’ve gained 40 lbs. I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive anymore even though he tells me he does. He is a porn addict and will not accept it. He hides it from me, using private browsing when he watches. Uses the bathroom (BM) several times a day. A normal person does not poop 3-4 times a day. I guess he thinks I’m stupid, he tells me thats what he’s doing. I’ve given up trying to talk about it because he just shuts down or denies it. I just let it happen and let it eat away at me little by little. Every time I try to talk to someone about it, they turn it back on me and say it’s my fault. Every guy does it and it’s normal. This is not normal….. I go online and read blogs and other websites with other women dealing with the same thing and most of the time it helps me get by. We HAVE watched the porn together and we always do new crazy things, even thing I’m not necessarily thrilled about but I try them because he wants to. But I saw something on one the other day. The guy said he has to get off to porn because that’s the only way he’ll ever see an attractive woman naked because his wife isn’t anymore because she has put on weight since having their son. That hurt! We go through so much to have these babies and for a husband to say that about his wife who has given birth to their son just hurts my heart. It left me wondering, does my husband feel the same way? Is that why he watches it so much? He doesn’t initiate much anymore, especially recently. I’m 4 months pregnant with our second baby, a baby boy! I am terrified it’s going to make my body worse. I’m not eating properly. I haven’t gain any weight, I’ve in fact lost 10 lbs since my first doctors appt. I’m scared my husband finds me repulsive and to think he could be thinking what that guy said, tears me apart. He’d never tell me if he did, so I’m left to wonder……
Pictures are of me today at 4 months pregnant.
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 ( 1 miscarriage, one birth, currently pregnant)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 years PP