The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother

« | Home | »

So Depressed About My Postpartum Body (Anonymous)

January 7, 2013

I got pregnant at 20 years old/ After a string of terrible luck i began working at a bikini bar. I hated every second of it. Hated the way people acted and hated getting judged all day, and treated like a piece of meat. I felt like at the time, i had no choice, the money was good and I had no other way to pay the bills. One night, me and a couple other dancers had gone to the MMA fights. Afterwards we went to one of the fighters houses for the after party. Thats where I met my babys father. He was one of the fighters and it was at his house. i gave him my number and we started hanging out. I eventually moved in with him and we started dating. After being there about 6 months I discovered I was pregnant. This was a huge shock since I had been on birth control and made him use condoms every time, just in case. Well, apparently both failed. I quit the bar when i got pregnant. Things went downhill fast from there. He started using. (or i guess just stopped hiding the fact that he had been all along, he knew I hated any and all drugs and apparently just stopped caring). He would also do other stupid things, like one time leaving me and his 5 year old son home in a blizzard with no heat because he had decided partying all night at the bar was more important than getting propane, so i had to take his son with me to a friends house to stay so he wouldnt freeze. After I found out he was cheating on me I quit trying to make things work. (i hated the idea that my daughter would never know her father, but decided she was better off without someone like that). I moved out, and went back to my parents house. Broke the news to them that I was pregnant, and basically sunk into a depression about how crap my life had turned out. 9 months of feeling awful, sick all the time, anemia, heartburn, etc, I had all the pregnancy problems. Around 3 months I was working again at a Dairy Queen and saving money to buy everything I would be needing. The father texted me maybe twice my entire pregnancy. He couldnt care less what happened to her. Finally at 41w I went into labor. after 23 drug-free hours and a completely natural labor, complete with lots of screaming and crying lol, i delivered my 7lb9oz baby girl.

I did tear so recovery was pretty hard for me. I am now 7 weeks postpartum. I love my daughter but I really miss what could have been/what my life was before. I hate that I didnt actually get to celebrate my 21st birthday or even since then.. I miss going out with friends, even to simple things like movies or dinner. I miss taking a nap because im tired, or falling asleep at night whenever i want and sleeping till im refreshed. I miss having free time, I feel like my freedom is totally over, I have barely lived and lifes over. And i despise my body. I never have had a good face, i guess im wat you would call a butterface. the way i saw it, my body was all i had it better be awesome. While i was dancing i was in the best shape of my life, its an unbelievable workout. But now, my belly is gross and fat with extra skin, my breasts are covered in stretchmarks and look like deflated tube socks ( I think thats the worst part, I could deal with everything else, my belly will tighten more I hope, but my breasts are a lost cause), my butt looks like a tiger grabbed it, and my hips got so big none of my jeans fit anymore. I was 110 when I got pregnant and 135 when I delivered. I am now 112 and nothing fits. Its so depressing, I feel like I am only 21, I do not want to have the body of an old woman. I miss everything about my old life. Even the crappy things. I would never want anything bad to happen to Emma, but I do wish I had had her when I was older, and had gotten to do more before being strapped down for the rest of my life..i know that sounds selfish. I am hoping as time goes on and she starts sleeping through the night and being awake without screaming, and not being attached to my boob 24 hours a day. Which, after 7 weeks of exclusively breast feeding, still hurts. Lactation consultant says shes latching perfect and basically nothings wrong so she cant help. She says “shes just a strong sucker”, so i guess im doomed to pain until I wean her. Anyway, hopefully soon things will smooth out and I wont feel so much like I do now. I just got a new job as a server in a nice restaurant so maybe getting out of the house will be good for me. I know I need the money.

Thanks for reading and for all the inspirational stories and words that you guys post on here. It helps to know Im not alone. I have been reading this site since I got pregnant.

Pictures are
1. pre-baby belly, which I used to complain about back then, now I would kill to have it back…
2. 41 Weeks – this was a couple of days before I went into labor.
3. Pre-pregnancy breasts, terrible picture, but this is the only one I have of them before. They were never big (barely a B, and I used to hate that, but now id do anything to get them back, at least they were perky..
4. Postpartum breasts (nipples are nasty and huge, and boobs are just saggy, deflated, tube sock looking things. I hate them so much. Plus theyre covered in stretch marks, you cant really see them in the pic.) and ruined belly button. So stretched out my navel ring almost falls through, not really sure whats stopping it.
5. When i lift my arms they arent even round they look disgusting.
6. side view
7. my daughter and what I call her “omg” face lol

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 weeks

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

40 Responses to “So Depressed About My Postpartum Body (Anonymous)”

  1. shannon Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:00 am

    This post makes me so sad, because:

    1. You look beautiful
    2. You sound like you hate yourself and your body in spite of the fact that you look like you never had a child
    3. You say things like “I have barely lives and life’s over”, when it has JUST begun
    4. I had my first son at 20 and my second at almost 23 (and a miscarriage just 3 months ago), and you look way better than me
    5. We, as a society, expect women to look like they never gave birth, even though it is the greatest gift

    I could go on and on. Read my story, I hope it helps you put things into perspective more, “Missing my baby boy, and expecting my second (Shannon)”.

    Best of luck to you.

  2. Melissa Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:55 am

    You look beautiful, before and after! And don’t worry about your nipples, I know that they look so weird now but they do go back to a more normal size once you stop breast feeding. Even if you never look like you once did, you should be proud that your body was able to make an amazing miracle called your baby :)

  3. OHmeg Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:05 am

    can I just say OMG with your daughter LOL! Seriously…you have got to understand how many women would KILL to have your POSTpatum body! Yea, OK so you have a flat little tummy and perky little boobs before…you were certainly blessed with a perfect figure and picture perfect boobs! but you know what…NO ONE looks the same after a baby..and what you have bounced back to is FAR better than MOST girls! Im 1 monthPP nd my belly looks like a deflated beach ball..ugh seriously! Im sorry to hear how unhappy you are with everything, you still have a body many people..guys and girls alike ..would kill for! your boobs will go down a bit more…youre breatsfeeding so theyre still producing the juice ! lol ( thats why I decided NOT to BF…my boobs went RIGHT BACKto my (semiperky..not like yours!) B boobs…I was a full c cup late in pregnancy and after birth…they felt HUGE..my nipples were JUST like that though..big ol circles!) Formula works fine with our LO..he sleeps for 4-5 hours and he healthy as can be…I know EVERYONE will tell you breast i best, but you might eed a break! Hang in there…you honestly look fantastic..it took 9 months to get there you wont go right back to what you were, but throw away those old photos and embrace what God has blessed you with now!

  4. Kim Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:28 am

    Awww hun. Hang in there. The first 4 months with a new baby are the worst – they don’t really do anything except eat and sleep and cry. After that your little sweetie will start doing stuff. There’s nothing better than that first smile they give you, when they really mean it. It lets you know it’s all worth while. I think you look gorgeous – I wish you could see it in your own eyes. You’ve got a woman’s body now.

  5. Monique Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:43 am

    Omg. You are gorgeous! I want to say that I can’t believe you feel that way because you look amazing but I understand. I was there. I know what it’s like to be young and alone with a baby. It’s hard. You are not selfish and everything you are feeling is completely normal. You are only 7 weeks in and I promise it gets better. Taking care of baby gets easier and your body gets better. Give yourself some time. I honestly can’t believe you are only 7 wks PP. Hang in there hun.

  6. Amy Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:46 am

    I just want to say, I know the feeling of depression. I got pregnant and married the father at 21, and had my daughter at 23. I am now 25 and left my abusive husband 3 months ago. The past few years I also felt like I rushed into grown up life and regretted doing it so quickly. But, the fact is, the children get older and there is nothing stopping you from going out and having fun again, once they do. Now that we are separated there are times when I don’t have my kids overnight, and that is when I choose to go dancing, or party, or on a date. It will come around again, just give it time :)
    And, p.s., you are gorgeous. I know you don’t feel it, most of us probably don’t, but fake it till you make it.

  7. Theresa Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:49 am

    WOW!!! You look AMAZNG!!!! Most people who have never been pregnant would kill for a body like yours!!!! Chin up girl. You got it goin on and you are a hot Momma!!!

  8. kylie Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:54 am

    You wont see it now, but your body is beautiful. It may be different but its is still slim and beautiful.
    Sometimes we forget that a teenagers body is different to a womans body. There is no going back so do your best to embrace this moment in time.
    You have the rest of your life to live. So live in the moment with your beautiful Emma.

  9. Theresa Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:54 am

    Also, it is said it takes a woman’s body 2 years to recover from pregnancy and childbirth..give yourself some time…start loving yourself…you are your daughter’s main role model…remember that…also,, your breasts are the breasts of a woman…I think they look great, but if you are not happy you can work on them…without surgery..Get some dumbells,start with 10 lbs and work up to 20, but don’t go higher than 20, do chest exercises either on a bench or a large exercise ball, and push ups, girly or regular or even using a wall… you will build the muscles underneath your breasts which will lift them.. This has worked wonders for mine..

  10. Meme Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:57 am

    I understand where your head is at, because you are a young mother. You are 21 years old and things like how your body looks or being a mother or anything of that sort is not something you should think about. I was 23 when I had my daughter and all I could think about was how my body looks. however, I wouldnt trade to have a supermodel body for my daughter! You have grown up now, maybe a little too fast, but yet somethings you just cannot control. I had to accept my body the way it is! I have stretch marks on my stomach hips and butt! But you will someday realize that a man, a real man will not see those things! He will only see you, and whatever it is about you is beautiful! from head to toe! I had to think of it this way, it could of been worse! I have seen worse! You can still wear that bikini, with or without stretch marks! You’re a mother! Be proud to have a mothers body! Your precious little girl was worth it all! Now go and have fun being a mom!! Nothing depressing about that! You got this, you can do it! Congrats on becoming a woman!

  11. Stephanie Watson Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Everyone is telling you that you’re beautiful and you are, but I won’t tell you that. Instead,I am going to tell you that at 7 weeks your body is still adjusting. But, some things won’t ever be the same again, it’s true. I know for me I was also 20 when I had my first child, and I got so many stretch marks, then I had to have a C section, there go the tummy muscles. It was hard. I was 20. You are 20. It’s hard to go through that change. But, the other changes are mental. You’re not able to sleep, you’re full of crazy hormones. It’s hard. But remember, this will pass. I ended up divorced, and I had no problems meeting someone again, in spite of feeling embarrassed by my stretch marks and saggy soft boobs. lol I laugh now because I’m 46 years old, and my husband still thinks I’m hot now. So, just concentrate on that baby, who is awesome, and realize that other people do not judge your body the way you do.

  12. Bethany Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:59 am

    My heart aches for you and the struggles that you have had to go through. I must say in all honesty you look amazing! You are still going to have so many hormones going through your system not to mention your breasts will look differently than they used to but think of how amazing it is that you can provide such nourishing food for your child that will protect them from so many different things! Your breasts will go down once you stop breast feeding but don’t just stop because of how your breasts look just remember how healthy it’s making your child. you won’t regret it! As for you thinking your life is over I understand it’s easy to think that I had my daughter at 19 and felt the same way but once they get older it’s just amazing to watch them learn and grow and become their own little person. My daughter is 3 now and is the light of her dads and I’s life and although we had to make sacrifices I would never change having her because of the person and mother she has allowed me to become. I truly hope things get better for you. Time will heal how you feel about your body I just hope one day you can love yourself and appreciate how beautiful you really are. Your daughter is adorable! I wish you the best!

  13. casey Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    I think your body looks great! You shouldnt feel depressed about it… look at the bright side you have a daughter now who looks up to you no matter what.:)

  14. Jaime Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    Darling girl, you may not realize it but life is just starting for you. I was 19 when I had my daughter and went through a period very similar to your own. It will get better – every day, little by little. Your gorgeous little one loves you, no matter your shape (which is much better than mine and I am 14 months PP with my third) — you will get back to the body you had, it will just take time. Time will heal everything. Know that in 2 years, she’ll say I love you and you will be sad she won’t just sit and cuddle. Know that in 6 years, when that little one starts grade one, you will be so proud and also so sad that someone else gets to see her all day. Know that in 20 years she will be your best friend. Take what little time you have, having her all to yourself and cherish every moment, no matter how hard and frustrating it may seem at times. Love her to pieces, but don’t forget to love yourself too.

  15. Annette Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    First off, u look excellent for just having a baby seven weeks ago! Secondly I was in your same predicament. When I first met my husband I was 125 almost 8 years ago. Over the years I ended up gaining quite a bit of weight. Before I got pregnant I weighed 173. I gained 18 pounds while I was pregnant and after I delivered my 9 lb 6 oz baby I was back down to less than I was when I got pregnant but still nothing fit right. I went through a very rough patch because I wasn’t happy with my weight at all. The first six months of his life I had out some lore of that weight back on and topped out at 184. April of last year I put my mind to it and started using an iPhone app called my fitness Pal. It has been my life saver. Just since starting it in April I have lost 32 lbs (which is a huge accomplishment for me cuz I have never been able to stick to a diet for more than two weeks). I am still on the diet and I want to lose another 18 lbs. that would get me back to my wedding weight. My breasts used to be perky also and they are anything but that now. My ass is bigger, hips are wider, but you will learn to like your body because it housed your baby for nine months. You are so strong for being able to have a natural birth! Not many women can do that! Look at the bright side. You have a beautiful baby girl that I’m sure you would lay your life on the line for. Please don’t worry about what men are long to think because the men that judge you for having a body of a mother is not worth your time. You want a true man who likes you for the person that you are. I hope this helps!

  16. Rylan Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    When you’re feeling in the dumps about how you look you are lkely not even registering what everyone is saying about how great you look, so I won’t go there.
    When you were a kid, if you were anything like me, you thought adults had it so great. They could do anything they wanted to. They could eat ice cream for breakfast if the mood so struck them! But now you’re the adult, and how often do you want ice cream for breakfast? What I’m trying to say is that your priorities change, what you want shifts. You will look back at your early 20′s with “what ifs” but very soon the lives of your friends will seem…childish. You will develop a grasp on what’s important in the world, and who was at which party just isn’t it. You will meet friends through your daughter (playgroups,ect) and those friends will have a deep understanding of where you are. They will appreciate they YOU in you, not just the body encasing you.
    Its hard to feel uncomfortable in your skin. I’m struggling in a very similar way. But we can get through it and live up to who we can really be.

  17. Anna Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    It makes me sad to hear you say such hurtfull things to yourself about your body. Yes, it has changed… but here’s the thing, it will change again. The way things are *right now* is not how things will be forever.
    I can tell you how I think you still look great, but what matters is what you think. Try to remind yourself that for right now you are still dealing with a lot of changes. Give yourself some time and some love, you deserve both.
    Good for you for nursing your little girl and remember that the changes you are seeing have more to do with genetics that the act of nursing. The first 3 months or so with a newborn are basically a 4th trimester as far as your child’s needs and the impact on your body go. Give it a little more time, you are young and your body will tighten up again.
    Your body has done the hard work of growing a child and birthing that child, give it credit and love. It takes strength and courage to do what you are doing. *HUGS*

  18. Savanah Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    I had my son 3 days before I turned 19. Believe me, I know 100% how you are feeling. I never felt pretty or skinny but looking back, I REALLY was, and then I gained 50 pounds while pregnant and had terrible acne. My son’s father wasn’t in the picture and I had to drop out of college, quit my job, and move in with my mom. Quite honest, life sucked. But my son was everything. I didn’t get to move out until he was nearly 3, and I spent years struggling to make a decent life for myself. But this year my son will turn 10. I’m 28 years old, I have three beautiful kids and a great husband. Life isn’t what I thought it would be, and sometimes I still feel like I’ve completely missed out on life, especially seeing all the young single childless people having a grand ol’ time, but something I’ve learned, a lot of those people, in the long run, are just trying to get what I have, I’ve been told that by them personally! You looked great before and you look great after. Right now your body is still recovering and it WILL get much better. Start dancing again, just if it’s in your bedroom while you hold your newborn. Snuggle her, sing to her, and groove! As far as nursing. I’ve nursed all three of my children for 18 months – 3 years a piece. It is VERY painful in the beginning. People will tell you it’s not, but it is. But that, too, gets better. In the next few weeks to about the 3rd month, your milk supply will stabilize and your nipples will get used to it and it’ll be second nature to both of you. Just don’t give it up! It’s a great thing for the both of you! Nothing will be exactly the same but you will bounce back. And depression, while normal, you gotta be careful, talk to your doctor, you probably have post partum depression. I know I did but I didn’t know it. Having a new baby is so hard and scary and frustrating and when you’re young and doing it alone it’s 10x as worse. Your priorities will just have to change, and you’ll realize, it’s not that bad, sure you don’t get to go out on the weekends and party it up, but you’ve got a beautiful little girl, and she will grow up SO fast, try and enjoy her as much as possible. I was so depressed and concerned with how much things change with me I feel like I didn’t get to fully enjoy my son as a tiny baby.

  19. Claire Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    First I think it’s important to point out that these first few weeks/months postpartum, your hormones will wreak havoc on not only your physical state, but your mental one as well. A lot of what youre feeling probably has something to do with that. The baby blues the first few weeks after birth are common, but if your feelings of unhappiness linger longer or worsen, you could possibly have postpartum depression.

    With that out of the way, I should also say I was very much in your position when I was younger, I was 18 when I had my first child, and the first few weeks after were horrible. I was depressed, I felt like a fat pig, living in a body that wasnt mine, none of my clothing fit me, I was leaking from everywhere, sore, tired and just sad and alone. Things were so much harder than I had expected and I was at an emotional low. I had no help from family and my boyfriend (now husband) worked 2 shifts a day, so everything was completely on me. I was lost and scared, missed my carefree old life, and cursed myself for even getting pregnant and “ruining” myself. That child will be 15 this year so I can say with plenty of experience (and dare I say wisdom) that things will absolutely get better. You will come into your new life eventually, as all of us mothers do, no matter how shell shocked we are after going through such a drastic change in our lives. Being young and not having the support of the father only make the adjustment harder for you, so dont be so hard on yourself(and your body) that its been 7 weeks and you dont absolutely love your new gig.

    You might want to seek some therapy to help you through your self worth issues, because I’m guessing by you calling yourself a butterface and mentioning how at the time you thought your old stomach was not good enough, that no matter what your body looks like, you will still find issue with it and think youre not good enough. STOP THAT. Easier said than done, I know, I’ve been there, but it can be done. You dont need me, her, him, or anyone else to tell you youre good enough. You already ARE good enough. So own that sh*t. I’m not going to go on and on and tell you what a great body you have, because thats not what you need. What you need is to learn how to love your body no matter what it looks like. I can assure you, without even needing to see pictures, your body is beautiful. I have saggy boobs, I have a mom pouch, I surely need to lose some weight, but my body is just as beautiful. And your face? I’m sure thats beautiful too. Some of us can look in the mirror and frown at the crows feet, or pull our skin back to even out the wrinkles, not like the way the bridge of our nose bumps up…but we are all still beautiful creatures. When we truly smile with all our soul, when life dances in our eyes, when the love for our babies shines through everything else, we are beautiful. Were women, how can we not be?

    Youre being much too hard on yourself and projecting your unhappiness onto your body. Your old body wont bring back your old life, but I can promise you from the bottom of my heart, mark my words and never forget them, your new life WILL be a thousand times better than your old one ever was, and its only beginning. Be patient, give it some time. Youre you, not anyone else, so dont compare yourself to anyone else. Take some time to work on you, do some things for yourself. Do things for your own happiness and your own approval, not the approval of someone who would dare think one way or the other about you because of the size of your stomach or the shape of your breasts. Find your confidence on the inside, instead of the outside. Once youve done that, youve given your daughter the best gift you ever could her, an amazing role model.

    I really give you a lot of credit for coming here for support, and I know you, your body and your daughter will all be just fine. Love, peace and chicken grease! Claire

  20. Raeann Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Your feelings about your body are real and valid, and it is wonderful that you are sharing yourself with the world.
    Life does get better. Breast feeding DOES get better. It will NOT hurt forever.
    You are more than the physical appearance of your body, and your daughter deserves a mother who truly loves herself. Remind yourself of all the reasons why you are wonderful and beautiful. You created life! Your breasts are nourishing your child and helping her to grow strong and healthy! Tell your daughter how beautiful you are. She should know what an amazing mother she has! :)

  21. Becky Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    It was really hard to read your story…. it hit SOOOO close to home. I could have written it, everything from the dancing, to the deadbeat dad, to moving back home with your parents… even being unable to celebrate on your 21st (I was pregnant on mine too). *whew* Who knew someone could have gone through the same thing. The only difference my daughter turns 16 in February, and that was a long, long time ago for me.

    Lady, you chose to bring this baby into the world (naturally none the less, that’s pretty hardcore), you’re breastfeeding (through pain… please look into La Leche League in your area.. they are free and might be able to offer some advice to help with the pain, even though the LC said all was fine, a 2nd opinion never hurts). All of that shows you love this baby. (Oh, and moving back home… that’s pretty hardcore too… I know how hard that was for me).

    You got through ALL of that! You’re working… you’re kicking ASS as a momma for all you are doing. Own it. Be proud of it. Also, I know it’s hard to believe my words, but you look AMAZING. It’s hard not to feel like an alien has taken over your body when you go through so many dramatic changes, and yes, your body has changed, but that doesn’t make it ugly by any means. Also, that doesn’t mean AT ALL that men won’t find you attractive anymore.

    The ladies are right in that 7 weeks pp, your body still has some changing to do. You will probably never look the same as pre-baby, but you could be very close.

    What I want to say to you most, is hang in there. Please know from someone who was in a very similar situation once, things will get better. You have made it this far, take some credit for that. Also, so you have means to see a mental health counselor? From your post, I worry you may be struggling with postpartum depression… or baby blues at least. You have been through some major life changes, and some pretty major stress and trauma… all that takes it’s toll. A lot of times you can get access to free care through the health department, if you need it.

    Keep strong Mama, you are beautiful, just like your little girl. Be strong for her…. you’ve made it this far. Seek out other moms. Embrace your new, but different life. You’ll get through this.

  22. Angela Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    You are amazing, and I am so proud of you that I’m tearing up as I type this. As a young, single, working mama, you are fighting through a painful breastfeeding experience to give your baby girl the best that you can. To give you hope, it hurt so bad that I used to scream every time my daughter latched on, but by about 2 months it got much better. Read about vasospasms and see if that sounds like it might be what’s going on for you? But back to the point. You are amazing and beautiful. You are not beautiful in spite of the changes in your body, but because of them. You are not “beautiful for 7 weeks postpartum.” You are just plain beautiful. Right now. Just the way your body is. It’s perfect. It’s powerful. You are so powerful and strong and amazing. You had a drug free birth. You did that. You grew that precious girl inside your body and pushed that baby out of your body and out into the world all by yourself. And your breasts have given her everything she needs to live! They are fantastic! They give her comfort and nourishment. They feel like home to her. And when she gets bigger and kisses your tummy and smiles up at you, you’ll start to see your body the way she sees it. Our society doesn’t want women to have lines. We can’t have lines on our faces or our tummies or our breasts or lines of gray in our hair. You know why? Lines are experience. Lines are power. Your body has been marked, forever, with the power of the experience that you have been through. You’re stronger now. You’re wiser now. Your body went into a chrysalis during pregnancy and it came out changed. Now you are a butterfly. You will never be an ordinary caterpillar again. It’s okay to mourn for that body and that life, but, mama, you’ve already proven that now you can fly! Learning to be a mother is hard. It’s so, so hard in the beginning. Overwhelming. And you’re working, too. But you’re so strong. You’ll get through this. You’re an amazing woman, and an amazing mother, and I am in awe of you.

  23. Me Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    I think you have PPD and need to see your doctor. Sure, you made some bad decisions along the way and that has led to you having a beautiful baby girl. Make Lemonade out of Lemons. As far as your body is concerned, you are 7 weeks pp. It took you 9 months to grow a baby and expecting things to be what they were pre-baby in unrealistic. You look great. I have had three c-secs and would kill for your body. Your breasts look like they do because you are nursing a baby. They will begin to look somewhat normal once you stop. However, you need to come to terms with the fact that you had a girl’s body and now you have a woman’s body. You grew and birthed another human being and that is something to be proud of. Your life is not over. It is just beginning. We make plans and the problem with those plans is that life has other plans. You have a beautiful daughter who needs you to be a strong role model for her. If you are tearing yourself down she will feel that and learn to do the same to herself. Again, go see your doctor. Those PP hormones are messing with your head and you need to get that straight. Your daughter deserves a mentally healthy mom and you can’t properly take care of her without properly taking care of yourself. I know it feels like this time in your life will never end but, trust me, it will and it will be over before you blink. I’ve been there three times over.

  24. Marie Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    I would say to you “you look great” but I’m sure in your eyes your body has changed in ways you never thought possible. Pregnancy is hard like that. Our bodies change SO FAST that we don’t have any time to really process it. Finally, towards the end we kind of like it, and then bam, someone pops the balloon and everything looks off. I too was 20 when I had my first child and I felt EVERYTHING you are feeling. I also had a horrible partner for my first child (but made the mistake of marrying him and we were together for 3 years through cheating, money troubles, addictions, etc. and then for the 4th year I was stuck and unable to find a way out of the relationship.)

    I can tell you two things with ABSOLUTE certainty, though.

    First – your body does get better. You are only 7 weeks out. The fact that you are back at your pre-pregnancy weight is INCREDIBLE! You are still healing, though. It can take up to 2 years for your body to completely heal. 6 months is usually the minimum. Give yourself a hug. You did something incredible and you haven’t even begun to recover yet.

    Second – the first year is hard. Absolutely can be HELL on a new, young mom, especially one facing so many challenges. Your life is not over, though. Someday soon your little one will start sitting up, and you won’t have to hold her constantly. And then she will start walking, and you won’t have to carry her everywhere. Then she will start talking, and you won’t have to read her mind anymore. Next thing you know she’s three and you guys are going to the zoo or beach and you will have a moment where you cannot imagine what life would have been without her, what direction you would have taken, and you will feel so alive and filled with purpose. The days are ahead where she can spend nights with grandparents and you CAN have you time. There is nothing wrong with that. You WILL live a full life, I hope you hear me on this! I felt like my life had ended, too. I was nothing but the 24-7 life support for this loud, stinky, difficult person. But then I started doing photography and traveled to different places for weddings (my daughter stayed with my parents as my ex was overseas.) I moved to another country and traveled to Paris. I went to the beach frequently. Toss your daughter in a sling or stroller and go shopping. You will adapt and you won’t feel like your life is lacking but right now it is so new and overwhelming it is very likely to feel that way. Just hold on to the hope that this is not forever.

    *hugs*

  25. Michele Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    All you need to do is start working out. You have a beautiful body type really you do. Just start running and doing kickboxing, etc. and you will see a change in a couple of months. You can get back to where you were…. Just exercise.

  26. Allison Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    It will get easier as your daughter gets older. Having a young child is a hugely intensive, but temporary, stage. As she gets older you’ll get more and more of your time/freedom back. I promise.

  27. Colleen Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    I have so many things I want to say and I can’t come up with a logical order to say them in, so…I’m sorry!

    1. Most importantly, that beautiful little girl is here for a reason. She made it around TWO forms of birth control, so her life is meant to be something special. You might not see it yet, but she’s MEANT to be in your life for some reason or another.

    2. Here’s a secret: that body you had before your daughter…wouldn’t have lasted anyway. It’s hard for young mothers to believe, but your teenage body is fleeting. It goes away in your 20s whether you have children or not. It grows into a wonderful, womanly body that is beautiful in a different way than a teenage body. It must be hard to have said goodbye to that teenage body all at once, and it’s okay to grieve, but it wasn’t there to stay anyway.

    3. 21st birthdays are overrated :) Mine was on a weekend in which I had 4 other BIG things going on…AND it fell on Superbowl Sunday. I know that sounds awesome, but all of my friends at the time were guys, and they all cared about the game way more than my birthday. I made myself my own first legal drink. Nearly 8 years later, that one single day doesn’t matter in the long run.

    4. I recommend seeing a different lactation consultant. Try talking to your local La Leche League. After 7 weeks, it shouldn’t still be super-painful. I mean, even with a perfect latch it takes a while for your nipples to get used to it, but it shouldn’t still hurt.

    5. Last one, I promise! I think your breasts are lovely. I’ve always complained in my posts that I had tiny, girlish nipples, I think it’s funny to see the opposite complaint :) Perky breasts are fleeting too. I’m a 32K now (nursing my second baby), and I have to lift my girls up to put them in my bra. The truth of the matter is, to guys…boobs are boobs. Mine were completely different sizes when I met my husband and he didn’t care a bit. Nor does he care how saggy they are now…they’re boobs, and he gets to play with them, and that’s what matters!

    You have such a beautiful figure, it breaks my heart to hear you be so down about it. At 7 weeks postpartum you and that tiny little human that YOU CREATED are still getting used to life together. In the coming months it will all get so much easier, I hope that once you’re getting a little more sleep you can find the beauty in yourself. It’s very obvious to me (and I’m sure the rest of us) :)

  28. Colleen Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    Crap I forgot my last point…I’m so jealous of your natural childbirth! I’ve been planning on one for years and so far have ended up with a cesarean AND an induction. You are my freaking hero, and you have lived my dream. Amazing!

  29. Heather Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    Most of the things I was going to say, other women beat me to it.

    You look a lot like I do. I also have a slim frame. I will never look like I did at 18 again. And that’s okay. Really. The only regret I have is I didn’t know how hot I was…I still felt like a little girl. I would have worked at Hooters or something for good tips instead of minimum wage in a veterinary hospital. But I graduated from college…and that’s pretty cool. Maybe you could look into going to school. I have found the more I learn (the more I work on my brain, read, and stay away from any beauty magz) the less I care about how my nekked body looks. My butt’s spirit animal is also the tiger, and honestly I don’t really care anymore. It looks cute in jeans, and only my husband sees it bare…and he doesn’t seem to mind ;) (I think a worthy guy will just be excited that you are nekked).

    ANYWAY, and your boobs are what boobies look like when they are lactating. They will get smaller after several months. I nursed both my kids for 3 1/2 years each. Boobies get big, they get small. They only difference I’ve noticed is my nipples always stick out now, but whatever.

    Try working on yourself (on the inside, your brain) and I hope you will eventually see that you are super awesome & sexy, and also why older people would not trade their wrinkles for their knowledge.

  30. Heather Says:
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    Oh yeah, and your 30s are way better than your 20s anyway. So you are kinda lucky you will have an older kid and not babies and toddlers when the going gets good.

  31. Bella Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 1:03 am

    fIRST, You look great! I know that everything is relative when it comes to our bodies, but I promise you, you look really really good. your body is going to tighten up a lot in the next months, and your breats and nipples will become smaller.

    Second: thank you for describing what I know a lot of us are feeling after just having a baby, it was so good for me to read what you said about missing sleep, time for yourself and so on. Even though we love our babies, it`s hard these firsts months! I`ve just (4 months)got our second child, and really recognise myself in your words. It is tough, and it will get better! big hug to u!

  32. FriendingNigel Says:
    January 12th, 2013 at 1:32 am

    Your self worth should not be a measure of how attractive you are. Are you a good person and a good mom? Because that defines who you are more than what you look like. Your life isn’t over.

  33. anna Says:
    January 12th, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    hi sweetheart;I’m almost 33 & 5 months pregnant with my first & researching postpartum issues I might have with my body after the fact & of course freaking out!becuz us women have so much pressure on us to look good @ all times don’t we;these men can look which ever way they want & nobody cares right.anyway I read your story & I’m so srry to hear about your jerk of a baby father unfortunately there r many of those running around but I’m glad tht u didn’t follow him in his destructive path he has chosen for his life.& I’m happy to hear tht u have nice parents & let me tell u if u didn’t already know tht a good support system is absolutely priceless!u have a beautiful body & guess wht the good news is u r so young & your body is gonna bounce back!u just have to give it a little time;my girlfriends tht r my age or younger now & had their babies in their early twenties look like they never had one.stretch marks do fade but if u can get any money together for it u can go get a little laser therapy now or in future;for your belly ring perhaps u should take it out for now let it close & have it repierced?& maybe if u r going to have any kind of sex in future u should try an iud!I’m going to get one after this baby cuz I just can’t afford a bunch of babies lol…anyway I hope so much to look like u after my baby!& best of luck to u honey & don’t let these men get in your mind & just keep it pushing!may the good lord keep u & bless u & your daughter

  34. Kate Says:
    January 15th, 2013 at 7:15 am

    Everyone is telling you you look awesome – which is true!

    This is what I want to tell you, and I’m sure a lot of women here would agree.

    You worked in a place that treated you like meat. You had a boyfriend who very likely thought of you the same way. I know you miss your perfect youthful sexy body – but can you really say you miss what it did for you?

    The truth is that ‘perfect’ bodies on insecure young women don’t attract good guys. Nice guys are often waaaay too intimidated by model looks and ‘hot’ bodies. The guys who are not intimidated tend to be the entitled assholes, the people who think that somehow by virtue of being male they DESERVE to have a p**n star woman.

    Somewhere in your story there is the voice of a young woman who is scared shitless that she isn’t lovable if she doesn’t look like that airbrushed magazine nude. But love has different eyes – it sees the extra curves your baby put on you and loves those marks of having lived and grown. Love cherishes your body for the sake of the person inside, not the other way around.

    Your body will recover somewhat from birth, probably without much extra effort on your part aside from staying active and eating healthy. Your heart is what needs the extra care right now. Learn to love yourself – and if you can’t quite do that, then learn to love something else – learn to make something beautiful or create connections with the people around you (your daughter especially), take up a new hobby or rekindle an old one – practice loving the people around you right now and figure out what and who are important to you.

    My SIL was a single mom, whose ex bf was a true ass and has never been involved in her life. She ‘remet’ my brother (we all knew each other from some church stuff from when we were teens) when her son was 3 years old. My brother was 31 and ready to grow up and have a family. He didn’t care that she was twice the weight she was as a teen, and he loves being a dad to her son. To him, her humor, generousity, independence and courage are what is sexy about her.

    Men are not as shallow as we fear. Not all of them anyway. :-)

  35. Brittany Says:
    January 23rd, 2013 at 9:55 am

    You look fabulous! I can hardly see any stretch marks on your body! If your looking to firm up your breasts go to a store and get measured and find a GOOD fitting bra. A bra that fits properly will help firm them up and keep a good shape. Take a fun Zumba exersize class or just get to the gym (although it looks like you dont need any of that!) Everything comes with time, so be patient. It took me 5 months just to loose 20lbs. Good luck!

  36. d Says:
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:10 am

    I really don’t know how you could be depressed about your body. It looks absolutely perfect to me. It barely looks like you have stretch marks, and your breasts look amazing. . . And your baby is adorable!

  37. Liz Says:
    February 8th, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    Love, Let me tell you – you look fabulous. I’m 27 and I’ve never had children and your boobs look way perkier than mine. (And I still love my boobs.) But even though they get a little lower as you get older or after you have children, they’re still hot. It’s sexy to look like a mature adult woman. Embrace it.

  38. C Says:
    February 22nd, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    You look beautiful. At just 7 weeks, you look amazing. I am sure the stretch marks will fade quite a bit and the dark color of the areolas go down. I don’t want to give you false hope (even though I think your breasts look great) but I had big, saggier breasts – was also breastfeeding – with very dark areolas for 7 months postpartum. They shrank a little and did look less saggy. I like them now still.

    Just keep nourishing your skin, nourishing your body, and caring for the little one. It’s hard being so young and the man who you get pregnant with is a total screw up – it happened to me. It leaves you feeling vicitmized – here you are with lifelong scars, lifelong body changes, lifelong responsibilities – and here is this guy who pretty much left you in the dust. I wish I could take it all back sometimes. So much time wasted…I spent four years with him and his story of addiction unfolded similar to yours as time went on. I feel like something has been taken from me I can’t get back. So I can see how you feel.

    I think you look better than I do; I don’t think my stomach will ever go back unless I consider more drastic measures such as surgery. But you have so much more healing to do – they say it takes at least, at the bare minimum, one year for a woman to heal post partum. Even then, I find I am still in the healing process 16 months later. So don’t lose hope. Eat well, live well, take care of yourself and maybe have some fun dancing by yourself for exercise, is what I might suggest. Wishing you the best. Much love

  39. CJ Says:
    March 4th, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    i have no kids and i think you look really good! you’ll look amazing in a few months! nothing a little gym won’t fix

  40. sara Says:
    March 22nd, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    I have a 10 month old son and I had him at 21! I do know what you are going through since I hate my body, the way I look and how I wish I could look like I did before I had him but, I wish I looked like you after my child! You look AMAZING!!!!! It doesn’t even look like you had a baby! Keep your head up!!! You’re doing great!!! and can I say your daughter is adorable!!

Comments


Support This Site