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Skinny Girl Gone Wrong (Anonymous)

Hello, can i just say thank you so much for creating this website, it actually brought me to tears to see other women feeling the same as me, and being so proud of their bodies! :) Before my son i was a tiny toned size 6, with a large perk chest. my son was 10lb and from 20 weeks pregnant my stretch marks had taken over my stomach, and after breast feeding my chest could hold an entire pencil case under it! I was about 1 stone heavier for the first two years after pregnancy, but am now back to my original weight. But its not the weight that bothers me, my stomach is now made up of loose folding skin and deep dark stretch marks, in honesty i have gotten used it to now, but unfortunately my husband has not… its not like he tells me hes not attracted to me but its things like one month after i had my son we went out for halloween, my costume was tighter than i had hoped it would be, but my sisters had told me it looked great, it was all in my head, wen i showed my husband the costume an hour before we were due to leave, his face said it all, he didnt even try to make me feel better, i remember crying in the bathroom with cling film tightly wrapped around my waist in a desperate attempt ( my husband helped me wrap it) thinking how can i go out looking like this? I ended up coming home an hour after going out. My older sister has always been an inspiration to me, she had two children at the time and she too had suffered stretch marks badly, we all took the kids swimming (my sons first time and mine since having a baby, he was around 3 months old) my sister wore a bikini and her confidence rocked it! She told me to wear a bikini and not give a s*** what others thought, and i remember thinking the old me wouldnt let it bother her, but because my husband was going i wore a huge swimming costume and still hid behind my son when i was getting in and out of the water. We had almost zero sex once my bump started to show, and even less after my son. We split up shortly after that (for other reasons) and it wasnt until we broke up i realised how badly hed made me feel about myself, i slowly started to get back to my self, wearing clothes i would of before, doing my hair again, i even started to date. I couldnt have sex with my partner for 3 months as i was so embarassed of my body, and when we did i was waiting for this disgusted looked, but no, he loved my body, it honestly didnt seem to faze him at all, and it made me feel beautiful again. Fast forward and my now husband and i got back together, the relationship is better than i ever imagined, and i am very happy but the body issues remain. If i wear a dress that is tight and shows my stomach isnt toned hel say it looks gd but then stare at my stomach with that look he does (im not paranoid, this look should be in the dictionary next to ‘grossed out’) He wont do doggie in bed because he cant put his hands on my waist because hel feel my stomach, and if he accidentily does hel pull his hand away like i have fleas! he wont look at me if i am naked in a lit room or getting changed. He complains i dont wear sexy clothes or lingerie any more, do you know how hard it is to find lingerie that supports a sagging chest this size and covers 90% of your stomach? I do, and then they dont even look like lingerie! Or super skinny jeans that wont just push all of my fat up and over? And when i do dress the way i think hel like, i spend the whole time feeling self conscious and constantly checking myself for flabs. I am looking into plastic surgery again, i had considered it when we were together before, but now that i think about it i never even thought of it when we were seperated. And now it absolutely breaks my heart when he encourages it, the one person in the world i want to love my body and he hates it, it doesnt matter how much i diet or excercise, or how i dress, when it gets down to it, i just dont do it for him any more. I dont even think its that it makes me feel bad about myself, i think its that i love him so unconditionally, i would never make him feel like that, i would love him if he gained 200 lb! Ive dated men with all different appearances, many times people assumed i was using them for some thing due to the difference in our appearance, but it didnt even register with me because i loved and cared for that person, so i just loved their appearance too! Now my concern is do i want this surgery for me or for him? I think of myself as a strong minded woman, i would never change myself or my beliefs for any one but myself, but am i now sacrificing that strong woman (that cost me a lot of popularity points in school) for some one else? But is it his fault? Can he help not finding me attractive any more? Is it selfish of me to just label him an unsupportive husband because hes honest about it? What if his face was horribly deformed and i couldnt bring myself to kiss him, would i encourage him to go under the knife? I guess in summary for those women whos husbands truly love them unconditionally, you are blessed, make sure you cherish that love because so many are desperate for it! Anonymous :)

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7 comments… add one
  • Autum Monday, March 9, 2015, 9:34 am

    Some men are jerks and don’t understand the sacrifice we make to give them children. My husband won’t look in my direction if I am naked and even told me he found my belly unattractive. I too have considered plastic surgery. Recently, I found myself wondering the same thing- who am I doing it for? For him? So he would be less embarrassed or something? Should I spend the $10,000 and risk my life with surgery just so he could have arm candy? I will be honest, my belly skin does bother me, BUT I just accept it, at least until I want to change it FOR ME. My children think I am beautiful and amazing, and aren’t ashamed of me. I don’t need my man-child of a husband get into my head and make me think otherwise. My husband is overweight and does not take care of himself, and yet when we are out in public, I want to hold his hand and be near him. He could gain another 100 pounds and I wouldn’t care, yet he has to walk 10 feet in front of me at stores and look at other women. He says looks don’t matter, but his actions tell me otherwise.
    My point is, men will be the worst when it comes to this stuff because they have no idea what we go through. You sound like a beautiful woman and just ignore him. Any “man” that makes you feel low, is no man at all.

  • Shar Monday, March 9, 2015, 5:19 pm

    You are a strong courageous woman, and I commend you on being so honest.
    Your story hit home for me and I bet it will for other women also.
    Its amazing to know that there are other women out there who feel the same and that you’re not alone.

  • Stacia Tuesday, March 10, 2015, 7:04 am

    From reading your story, i feel the reason you have lost your confidence within yourself is your husband. When we get pregnant and birth a child, we go through so much physically but also emotionally. When your significant other doesn’t help encourage your self confidence, but does things that make you feel less than beautiful, it can make it difficult to see within yourself how beautiful you really are. i am married and suffered from gaining alot of weight in my pregnancy and i also suffer from diastasis recti (seperation of adominal muscles, which make me look five months pregnant) and i also was treated for ppd. My husband is my biggest supporter, even when i feel fat and ugly, he tells me how sexy i am and also brags to his friends about how beautfiful he thinks i am. That makes me smile and forget the “flaws” i see because clearly he doesn’ t see them. Have you tried expressing your feelings of how he makes you feel? Maybe he doesn’t realize his actions aren’t going unnoticed and it’s affecting how you view yourself. You are beautiful inside and out and your significant other should never make you feel less than that. I hope you can find it in you to realize that you are amazing, after all you birthed a baby and that makes you a superhero!

  • Natalie Tuesday, March 10, 2015, 12:19 pm

    i got my boobs done after nursing for 10 years straight. It has NOT been a piece of cake. And that’s just my boobs. My friends that have had tummy tucks say that recovery is a nightmare. All that to say, if you go under the knife, do it for you!
    You’re a strong brave woman. I hope you get what you want out of life.

  • Hannah Thursday, March 12, 2015, 1:40 am

    Sweet Jesus. I’m sorry my darling but I’ve got to say it: your husband is behaving like a Grade-A dickhead. He’s sulking because the mother of his child doesn’t look like a 21-year-old bikini model any more? This guy needs a reality check FAST. Please do stop making excuses for him, love: his behaviour is inexcusable.

    It may not be too late for him – get him into couples therapy quick, so that he can at least meet another grown up who will tell him he’s acting like a little sh1t. He seriously needs to hear this, and more!

    I know I’m supposed to be all moderate and empowering here and say something like, ‘if you want the surgery then you should go for it’… But I can’t. It just doesn’t make sense to me. None of us is getting any younger. We’ll never look the same as we did ten years ago. So what should we do? Should we keep on having surgery in an endless pursuit of our younger selves? Think of the time, the money, the energy that would be so much better invested in your family, and in yourself. What a waste, what a fruitless, pointless effort and inevitable disappointment that would be.

    My advice to you, love, is to make friends with your body. After all, it’s the only one you’ve got! Decide to love your body. My waist, hips and thighs all look VERY different now, after the birth of my two beautiful boys, than they did when I was in my twenties. And I chose early on, not to mourn the loss of my awesome butt, but to love my body. And to love it *because of* not *in spite of* the marks of my childbearing.

    Our scars, our stretch marks, our flabby bits and wobbly tums are our BATTLESCARS. They are our badges of honour, our proof of the miracles we have performed. We have made LIFE. WE ROCK!!

    You are incredible, woman: you have done what no man can do and (tragically) not all women can do either. You grew a person! A shiny, new little baby human being, who is probably the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your life, amirite?

    So enough of feeling “unattractive” – you think your son thinks you’re “unattractive”? Little boys and girls always think their mothers the most beautiful women in the world.

    “Unattractive” be damned! You’re a freaking GODESS!

    Lastly, your husband’s mother did a *shocking* job of raising a man. Society needs noble men who respect women, not who treat them as eye-candy. We need men who will revere their wives, not who will spurn them as they ripen and mature. If we are to have any hope at all of raising such men, we cannot allow shallow attitudes, like your husband’s to pervade.

    Do find your strength, lovely girl. It’s within you to take control of this situation.

    Good luck xxx

  • Rosalind Thursday, March 12, 2015, 10:35 pm

    Your husband is the problem here, not you. You sound like you have a trim, “normal” body with nice breasts. If all he can focus on is your stomach, how will he cope if you have a second child? A third?

    How will he cope when you age? No amount of plastic surgery will stave off the aging process and you’ll just find yourself in a vicious circle, updating old procedures and wondering if you should get more.

    If you think your relationship is worth it, by all means go to couples therapy, but I get this feeling that your confidence and your beauty would be better suited by a man who appreciate these qualities.

    “What if his face was horribly deformed and i couldnt bring myself to kiss him, would i encourage him to go under the knife?”

    Your body is not deformed or disfigured, though. It is a normal mother’s body and I am 100% sure you are still sexy. Again, this is not your problem. Your body is perfectly normal (and I suspect it’s perfect, too). It’s the husband who has a deep problem.

  • Melissa Saturday, May 23, 2015, 10:22 pm

    I’m not trying to trash your husband in my comment, but I will anyway. He sounds like a shit head and you sound like an amazing woman. I was with a shit head once (actually with several come to think of it…), and I had an amazing body, but he never made me feel beautiful. This was when I was young and pre baby. Now I am with my husband who I met 20 pounds heavier, who has always made me feel beautiful. Or at least tried his best. I have poor body image, and I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be treated in that way by the father of my children. No, men shouldn’t have to lie if they truly are unattracted, but I THINK that a real man would be attracted to you for so many other reasons, that your physical flaws would fade into the background. You deserve someone who worships you for all that you are. Being a mother is not easy, and it sounds to me like he is not really worth your time. For the record, he is very capable of not making disgusted faces when he looks at your “flaws” as I’m pretty sure he doesn’t walk around gawking and making those faces at strangers when he walks out the door. He doesn’t value your feelings and that is something worth fixing, NOT your body.

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