I have always struggled with weight, going from Anorexia to Bulimia or having both at the same time. Since I can remember I have hated my body, it has completely consumed my life and thoughts, it’s always been the wrong shape, too fat, my legs too bulky and muscly, my arms too flabby and fat, my tummy not tight enough, not enough bones showing etc… 2009 I married my gorgeous husband and didn’t want to be fat so I went from being a healthy 127 pounds (58kgs) to being 100 pounds (46kgs) on our wedding day. I have always so badly wanted a family and so we started trying to conceive right after our wedding in Oct 09 and we fell pregnant in april 2010. I gained 17 pounds (8kgs) in the first 12 weeks and was devestated, I gained a total of 37 pounds (17kgs), I couldn’t fit anything and went into maternity clothes at like 12 weeks because normal clothes hurt and didn’t fit right. For the first time in my life, I had cellulite… As much as I wanted the baby and was excited about the future, I hated my body everyday but I chose to eat normally because the baby was more important than my own need to be skinny. I didn’t want to harm her in anyway just because I needed to be skinny….
My pregnancy went on without issues until near the end around 34 weeks when the midwife thought bubs was too small so I had to go get growth scans every 2 weeks, but she was just a little baby, still growing! At 40 weeks, I had a tiny 34-35 week looking belly (thank god) but to me my arse was huge and my thighs were like big fat tree trunks. I couldn’t understand why my husband still said I was gorgeous because all I could see was this huge whale. I was torn between loving just my baby bump and what it meant and hating the rest of my body for being so fat and gross… especially my face! I avoided photos because I hated looking at them after…
My darling girl was born on 03/01/2011 at 6lb 8oz (2.95kgs, no wonder I had a little belly) through a natural, drug free waterbirth! Right away I started thinking about losing the baby weight… But I have an issue with my stupid left hip where I can’t walk properly and it really hurts! So I haven’t been able to exercsise which is killing me!!! I have lost half of the baby weight I gained so far, so hoping once my hip heals I will be able to start exercising and get the rest of this baby off!! I want to continue breastfeeding so am going to really monitor myself and make sure I eat enough to maintain my milk supply which is going to be so hard and take a lot of work on my part. I just don’t want to fall back into my eating disorder because I DO NOT want to pass it on to my perfect and precious little girl! She is the most important thing to me and my husband and deserves the best in life… not a mum who is consumed by her weight. I don’t want her to ever feel like I do, so now is the time to start changing. To start loving my body and appreciating myself.
I have just given birth, something that is amazing and empowering… My body is a representation of that, of what I have done in giving birth. that is to be celebrated, not punished! It’s a long road ahead for me… but my girl is worth enough for me to take it head on…
1st photo: Me at around 49kgs in 2009 (lost another 3kgs in the 2 weeks following this photo)
2nd photo: 40 weeks pg
3rd photo: my belly 3 weeks postpartum
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy and 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: postpartum 3 weeks