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Self appreciation, finally. (Cynthia)

September 24, 2009

Pregnancy can make you feel like your body is no longer your own. It can ruin your self-esteem and make you hate the shell you’re living in. But for some people pregnancy can finally make you feel like your body is WORTH something. This is my story…

I’ve always been a bigger girl. I’ve hated my body my entire adult life. I have had stretch marks everywhere since I was 14. I went from a size 11 to a size 22 in about 4 years. It was devastating and I never thought I’d be able to love myself.
My fiance and I started trying to conceive in December of 2006. I knew that it would be a long hard road. (I have PCOS and it took a while to find out I wasn’t actually ovulating despite having normal periods thanks to Metformin.) I worked on my diet and I tried to exercise, knowing that losing weight would help my fertility and boost my confidence. I fluctuated between losing and gaining the same 10 pounds the entire time we tried to make this happen.
I am 5’4″ and weighed 247 pounds the day we got our positive pregnancy test. Surprisingly I’ve lost 11 pounds since then and I feel better about my body than I ever have in my entire life. I haven’t changed pants sizes or shirt sizes. I’ve gotten rounder and now that I finally look pregnant at 23 weeks I feel fabulous.
I may be overweight (according to most weight charts–morbidly obese) but god damn, I can make a human life, and that is what this is all about. My body can do what a size 6 body can do, what a size 11 body can do, what most women can do… and in the process make me happier than I have been in my life.

And for good measure, a pre-pregnancy picture, from about November 2006. And a belly picture from yesterday at 23 weeks 3 days pregnant.

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: This is my first pregnancy.

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14 Responses to “Self appreciation, finally. (Cynthia)”

  1. Milk Chocolate Midwife Says:
    September 24th, 2009 at 10:54 am

    You’re beautiful, mama! I also have PCOS and I know how hard it is to love your body when you feel like it isn’t working properly. Even when I was thinner, I found myself sucking in my “gut” and stressing about my thighs. During pregnancy, women can stop worrying about having washboard abs and look forward to being plump and round. Our bodies are pretty fabulous after all.

  2. Liz Says:
    September 24th, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    I cried when I read your story. You are so beautiful! I love your outlook about your body, and I am so happy for you and your fiance. Congratulations!

    You are gonna make one heck of a fabulous mother!

  3. Kim Says:
    September 24th, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    I see a beautiful pregnant Momma! Your happiness and confidence certainly shines right along with that pregnancy glow in the second picture! Keep up the good work, you are going to be a wonderful Mom:)

  4. shanen Says:
    September 24th, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    my best friend has pcos also and I know her struggle with it. congrats and don’t ever let anyone tell u that u aren’t beautiful. u are a radiate pregnant woman and I know that comes from getting ur dream come true. and THANK YOU FOR POSTING ITS GREAT TO FINALLY SEE SOME MORE REALISTIC PEOPLE ON HERE. I HOPE TO POST MINE SOON

  5. Melissa Says:
    September 24th, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    You are beautiful! Your story is so inspiring, thank you so much for sharing it with us!

  6. melissa Says:
    September 25th, 2009 at 6:10 am

    ‘but god damn I can make a human life,’ amen to that momma! Us mothers often forget that this is an amazing, brilliant miraculous things we can do. And when it comes down to it, after all the body image issues, the loose skin and the stretch marks, the fact remains that we are simply amazing because we can create a life.

    You are gorgeous and are absolutely glowing!

  7. Astrid Says:
    September 25th, 2009 at 7:35 am

    I wanted to write that you look beautiful, then realized everyone else who commented on her said the same thing. I then tried to think of an other word, but couldĀ“t think of a better one. I think it is just your word: you are beautiful. Good luck with the exiting time ahead.

  8. Alysha Says:
    September 25th, 2009 at 10:31 am

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. We are in the same boat when it comes to a lot of things. I wish you well with your pregnancy and I hope you have a healthy baby :)

  9. Sarah Says:
    September 25th, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Yup! I see a baby bump!!! You look gorgeous! I know a little about PCOS as my sister has it. It’s a long struggle. And I also relate to you with the body issues. I’ve always felt somehow ashamed of my body, but pregnancy just made me feel free of all of that negative stereotypical crap. I felt beautiful and I loved my body for the first time in a long time and afterward… I still see what a beautiful little person it helped to create. And I’m blessed. And I’m thankful. ♥ Congratulations!!!

  10. Brittany Says:
    October 22nd, 2009 at 12:28 am

    I have PCOS and my body looks just like yours. I want to have a baby so bad but I seem to be allergic to the Metformin. It makes me bedridden and when I stop it, it takes days to be able to get to the bathroom without groaning. I am 5’7” and weigh 230. I dont know how to end this!

  11. La'El Says:
    October 23rd, 2009 at 1:49 am

    Girl I so understand! It took me eight years to finally have a baby (now have two little boys). I have been a big girl all my life too. I lost weight in the beggining of both of my pregnancies. Maybe you will be lucky like me and only gain a little weight and lose it immidiatly. Congrats and good luck!

  12. Rachel Says:
    November 2nd, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    I just wanted to say THANK YOU for posting! My story is so similar to yours, and it’s such a joy and relief to read a post I can relate to so well. My body looks VERY similar to yours, and I too went from a size 11/12 in high school up to a size 20/22 after 5 years or so. I’ve always struggled with my weight, and now that I’m married (13 weeks along today) I’m looking forward to showing and being able to be proud of my belly for the first time ever. Thanks again for sharing your story!

  13. Cheryl Says:
    November 5th, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    I feel very akin to your first statement about our bodies becoming worth something to be proud of, and not something to loathe and despise. Your story is eerily similiar to mine too. It wasn’t until I found out I was pregnant, and after the first few months of trials and tribulations over that fact, that I started loving my body and the wonder it was undergoing. You look amazing, before and during pregnancy! Your story is very inspiring, and I know it’ll reach out to a lot of young women out there – thanks for sharing!

  14. Melissa Says:
    May 14th, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    As females, we are taught from birth that it is our duty to carry on the species. Unfortunatley for many of us, infertility is a monster which we have to try and conquer.

    After many tests, medications, weight loss plans etc., I gave up. I was going to be 35 and decided that our marriage was fine without children. What I hadn’t counted on was my lifestyle change.

    In January 2007 I went to a naturopath and found out that I didn’t have PCOS, I had a yeast sensitivity. Changing my eating habits combined with a few visits to a chiropractor who does a fertility adjustment (kinesiology related)and BAM I got pregnant by May.

    Our little girl is my greatest accomplishment. Plus-sized or not.

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