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Rejected, but not vulnerable anymore (Anonymous)

December 16, 2009

This was my first pregnancy and my son turned a year old last month. Thanks! :)

I was dating a man on and off for two years. He’s about ten years older than me (I’m in my 20s and he’s in his 30s) but he can be rather immature. We broke up and got back together a lot. We always had great sex and we were very attracted to each other.

When I was 25, I got pregnant. We had broken up three days before. Initially he thought that I would have an abortion so he told me that he’d stand by me no matter what. When I decided to keep the baby, he got really mean. He said, “Don’t think that this means we’re getting back together,” and pressured me to get an abortion. I didn’t give in to the pressure. Throughout the pregnancy, he gradually became more accepting of my choice but he was still an ass about it. After the baby was born, if I asked my ex for any help, he would tell me that I was the one who wanted a baby and to deal with it, even though he made the choice to be involved in our son’s life.

He had also chosen not to sleep with anyone else while I was pregnant out of respect for me. That respect apparently didn’t extend to the postpartum period. When our son was three weeks old, my ex started sleeping with someone who was younger and thinner than me. I was devastated when I found out even though he said that he wasn’t pursuing a relationship with her. I told him that I wanted to get back together so we could be a family, and he said that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. My body had been through a lot of changes. Even my belly button was different for f-sake! It really hurt to hear that someone who had been unable to keep his hands off of me for two years before I got pregnant was no longer attracted to me.

It’s been a lot of work to feel confident about myself again. I gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy and I feel good that I’ve lost a lot of it, but I don’t feel good about my loose skin. I feel good that I can wear my pre-pregnancy jeans now, but not so good that my belly and love-handles spill out of them. A lot of guys hit on me, but they’re mostly guys who I’m not interested in. I haven’t had sex since I found out I was pregnant, so it’s been almost two years. I dated somebody for a little bit but I have a new policy now of making sure that a guy isn’t an asshole before I sleep with him. (I don’t think that this guy was necessarily an asshole, but things just kind of fizzled before it got to that point.)

I’ve realized that my ex didn’t reject me because there was anything wrong with me; he was the one who had issues. Maybe it was his issues with responsibility or maybe he just watches too much porn. Either way, to hell with him! I just hope that he’ll be a good father to our wonderful little boy.

Here I am at 27 years old, one year and one month postpartum in my pre-pregnancy jeans. They’re a bit tighter than they were before I got pregnant.

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14 Responses to “Rejected, but not vulnerable anymore (Anonymous)”

  1. kat Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 12:53 pm

    You look awesome!! Consider yourself lucky that you have the opportunity to find someone you can live happily ever after with instead of someone youre stuck with just because you had a kid with him. I know its hard to accept but I am going through that right now. I broke up with a guy a week before finding out I was pregnant with his kid and he was already dating the girl who called herself my “best friend”. I havent and will never tell him that I am having his baby. Best decision ever! So just know that you are beautiful and you will realize that him leaving is the best thing for you and your son. God works in mysterious ways! And good for you for “screening” these men. You seem like an amazing mommy! Keep it up

  2. Sarah Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    You look AMAZING!!! Definitely to hell with him because you are completely beautiful! I’m glad you’re not listening to him. What matters now is your little boy!

  3. Christie Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Firstly, congratulations on motherhood, and for achieving that major first year :) Glad to hear you are no longer feeling vunerable, your ex sounds like someone that it is fortunate he falls in the “ex” category. I could go on about the type of person he must be, but I’m sure you know already. Sorry that he must have hurt you at the time though ((hug)). My best advice would be to forget about the notion of a clothes size and wear what flatters you. If you have love handles (mind you they are barely noticeable I can tell you now!) in one pair of jeans try a different size or a different cut. You’ll feel much better about yourself and hopefully the right man will fall into your life without you even realising. If indeed that’s what you are after. All the best for the future :)

  4. Shealene Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    I like that policy (sex complicates things!!!!!). And I’m glad that you realize that your ex just needed to be your ex and that you’re doing great now! And from what I see, personally, for one month postpartum, YOU LOOK AMAZING!!! Just wait until a few more months go by!

  5. Judith Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    I think you look great – you look like a woman should, soft, curvy, great breasts and you have a waist, for goodness sake, lots of girls don’t. Young men love a great body but often don’t even think of the person inside it. But the body they love is that of a model, not a whole mature woman who has gone through childbirth. Even models lose their firmness, all we see is the airbrushing. If your body really bothers you try some pilates to strengthen your core and tone up muscles and maybe some arobic exercise to make you feel great and firm up a bit more. Walking is great for losing a few lbs too. When the right man comes along he will see the confident person that you are first, then appreciate the sexy curves that motherhood has a given you. As for your ex – he has missed out a lovely woman for no good reason.

  6. B.C. Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    U look awesome! I can’t believe what an ass your ex is. I hope he grows up, but honey don’t hold your breath. If he acts like that at his age methinks he’s not likely to change. Men like that just aren’t worth your energy … his attitude is pathetic!

  7. shanenc Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    great for u. I’d kill for ur body. to hell with all a**holes.

  8. Elissa Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    Hunny, you got the best of him and that is your son…You sound wonderful and your body is beautiful…Tragic that some men can be so cold hearted that they’ll never know what life is truly about….You’re the winner in this all.

  9. Alysia Says:
    December 20th, 2009 at 3:37 am

    Just to tell you – you look great. If you aren’t happy with loose skin, exercise girl! (Of course I should be taking my own advice too haha) The #1 thing is to happy and confident with yourself, it’ll show. Love yourself for everything you are. You sound like a great person, and there will be someone who will love you just the way you are.

    Sometimes jackass dads like that are better off not being in the childs like in my opinion. I hope that he either matures and loves his son without any hostility because it wasn’t necessarily what he wanted at the time or stays out and doesn’t bring negativity to your child’s life.

    As for him getting with a younger, skinnier person it’s his loss in the end. If he’s cold-hearted like that, someone will be just as cold-hearted to him when he’s old and balding :D

    “Elissa”‘s words are awesome.

  10. Katelyn Says:
    December 20th, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    you are a strong, beautiful woman. you deserve someone who will treasure both you and your son and treat you accordingly.

  11. Bren Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    I think you look great! Your belly looks awesome, and looks smooth. Forget about the muffin tops, just go buy the “yummy tummy” under shirts, they work wonders, lol.

  12. John Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 11:59 am

    Honestly, you truly have nothing to worry about – you look fantastic :)

  13. Veronica Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    You look good girl and 2 years !!! This has story has encouraged me so much……I am in the same situation but my babies father does not want anything to do with me….it hurts but I believe in GOD that he will make a way. I also believe he is gonna bless you tremdously. Be Blessed cause you are a Blessing….

  14. Jo Says:
    March 21st, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Wow, you look amazing. Well done hunny. XX

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