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Recovered/ing Anorexic and 36 Weeks Pregnant (May)

November 19, 2012

I am currently 24 years old and 36 weeks pregnant. I have struggled with self image my whole life, first started making myself sick after eating at age nine and advancing to anorexia around 14 years of age. I have been on the way to eating normally since I was 19 and in my own opinion doing quite well… regarding weight but my mind and feelings on my weight still needs lots of work.

My whole life I have wanted to be pregnant, I think some part of me believed I would love my body totally while pregnant because it would be ‘big’ for a reason other than me being ‘fat’. Since being pregnant I have realized that I may have misjudged my personal strength and also realized that people skip out on telling you many hardships of being pregnant.

Even though I have a wonderful loving partner who encourages me to feel beautiful and often times succeeds I can’t help but be terrified of what my body will look like after giving birth. Another reason I am afraid of my body after birth is because dieting and workouts have always been a struggle for me due to my history of eating disorders… It is very easy for me to get carried away with it and become unhealthy about it all. I have been lucky enough to avoid stretch marks on my belly (fingers crossed) but have gotten some on my breasts. I have also been lucky to have gained only a small amount of weight, going from 155lbs pre pregnancy to 170lbs currently.

So far I have found it very important to actively remove my fear in anyway I can and speaking to other mothers about my fears, of both motherhood and weight. This blog is a wonderful way to hear stories of women who have given life and to see how amazing their bodies and attitudes are, hopefully I can have such an amazing attitude about it all and can share my story later on.

Photo description:
~Me when I first met my partner, at my healthiest weight of 125lbs.
~Me the day after finding out I was pregnant. I had gained around 15lbs since I had first started dating my partner to when we got pregnant (happy weight I guess)
~Me feeling beautiful in my belly at 31 weeks.
~me last week.

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4 Responses to “Recovered/ing Anorexic and 36 Weeks Pregnant (May)”

  1. Liz Says:
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    I can relate to you on so many levels. I, too, have struggled with body image and anorexia for a long time. The fears you’ve expressed, I share as well. You are so strong and gorgeous! I hope I’m as lucky as you to become pregnant and keep myself healthy.

  2. Natalie Says:
    November 22nd, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    You look beautiful! I love the belly at 31 week photo. Simply amazing!

  3. Emily Says:
    December 2nd, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    I too can relate on almost every level…disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and being terrified of what my body would be like after pregnancy. Then I got pregnant with twins. I thought I was going to die, and I won’t lie, the extra weight afterward depressed me a bit. Like you I am prone to go overboard when I try to diet and exercise, so I’ve had my husband and friends as a support system to keep me in the healthy range. I just submitted my story, and since it’s not posted yet, I thought I’d show you my results in the end. http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m95/iluvsparkles/twin_pregnancy_timeline_updated_by_iluvsparkles-d5hf1lk.jpg

  4. Jen Says:
    August 19th, 2013 at 8:53 am

    I LOVE your 31 week belly shot. Beautiful! That is so amazing how far you have come.

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