I am currently 24 years old and 36 weeks pregnant. I have struggled with self image my whole life, first started making myself sick after eating at age nine and advancing to anorexia around 14 years of age. I have been on the way to eating normally since I was 19 and in my own opinion doing quite well… regarding weight but my mind and feelings on my weight still needs lots of work.
My whole life I have wanted to be pregnant, I think some part of me believed I would love my body totally while pregnant because it would be ‘big’ for a reason other than me being ‘fat’. Since being pregnant I have realized that I may have misjudged my personal strength and also realized that people skip out on telling you many hardships of being pregnant.
Even though I have a wonderful loving partner who encourages me to feel beautiful and often times succeeds I can’t help but be terrified of what my body will look like after giving birth. Another reason I am afraid of my body after birth is because dieting and workouts have always been a struggle for me due to my history of eating disorders… It is very easy for me to get carried away with it and become unhealthy about it all. I have been lucky enough to avoid stretch marks on my belly (fingers crossed) but have gotten some on my breasts. I have also been lucky to have gained only a small amount of weight, going from 155lbs pre pregnancy to 170lbs currently.
So far I have found it very important to actively remove my fear in anyway I can and speaking to other mothers about my fears, of both motherhood and weight. This blog is a wonderful way to hear stories of women who have given life and to see how amazing their bodies and attitudes are, hopefully I can have such an amazing attitude about it all and can share my story later on.
~Me when I first met my partner, at my healthiest weight of 125lbs.
~Me the day after finding out I was pregnant. I had gained around 15lbs since I had first started dating my partner to when we got pregnant (happy weight I guess)
~Me feeling beautiful in my belly at 31 weeks.
~me last week.