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Really trying to be positive about my body. (Mia)

November 1, 2011

Im 5ft 7 and have always been a very slim girls to the point where other girls were unkind at school with regards to my weight. My pre-pregnancy weight was under 8 stone.

I fell in love at 17 and we moved in together, got engaged at 18 at was married at 19. Shortly to follow was my first pregnancy. We planned for it and fell lucky after 3 months of ‘trying’. At my 20 week scan we discovered i was having a boy and we were so thrilled and happy. We chose his name then and and i had a normal healthy pregnancy. A week and a half past my due date i went into a very slow labour which took about four days off and on!! looking back i suppose thats pretty normal as my body had never done this before but at the time and being so young i was a little over whelmed. After 2 long hours of pushing i gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy at a bouncy 9lbs!!

He was perfect and i breast fed with alot of support from my husband and my mum. My tummy after giving birth was stretched and the belly button area looked strange. Weight wise i got back to pre- pregnancy and after i stopped breastfeeding at 5 months my breasts and nipples looked great, pretty much pre pregnancy, but my stomach really bothered me.

When our son was 6 months old he died of sudden infant death sydrome. It felt like the end of my world, our life and like my heart and soul were irreparably damaged to lose him.

3 weeks after his funeral i found out that i was pregnant. We had conceived days before he had died. We felt this to be a gift from our son to keep us going, and it did.

The following year our daughter was born; a normal pregnancy and birth . . . but a whopping 10 lbs 6. We were so happy to have her but were terrified of losing her, to the point where i almost felt like i was living with the responsibility of keeping her breathing. Having said that we enjoyed her and shes now 5, the most beautiful spirited little girl. But in those early months still grieving for my son and having my daughter i think somewhere a long the line i became a little obsessed with my tummy. It had obviously changed not just from pre – babies but since after having my daughter. Since she was so large and my frame is small the skin on my tummy stretched irreparably leaving me with something i felt that i could not live with. So i threw myself into exercise and rubbing creams in 3-4 times a day. After a few months of this my husband became concerned about me and suggested i talk to the eticGP about my tummy. I did an the GP was unhelpful at best; at worst incredibly un-sympathetc to my situation. So i went to see a plastic surgeon and ended up having a partial tummy tuck. My muscle werent touched but the excess skin was taken away. This left me with a big abdominal scar and false belly button but i felt happy with the results. It says something for my state of mind, because i didnt think beyound that day and getting that skin off my tummy. Did i sit and think ‘am i going to have more children?…No.

A year later and we were broody. When our daughter was 2 and half I gave birth to another little boy. He weighed in at 8 lbs 10. He was another beautiful incredible gift. I breastfed again, this time for 13 months and the month i stopped feeding . . . . i conceived our latest and final addition (my husband has had that special appointment earlier this year at the doctors…)

My tummy did not have the loose skin but my scar was very prominant after having been stretched and my breasts were a huge disapointment. After stopping feeding there were a few months between the feeding hormones going and pregnancy hormones filling them back up. They were not pretty.

We were excited, but nervous how we would cope with 3 so close in age. I was also scared. How would my body be after having four babies? How would my breasts look after another breastfeeding stint?
9 months later and we had a another little boy, or not so little at 9lbs 10!! Again perfect and he has completed our family. I stopped feeding when he was 6 months old. He is one next week. i am 27.

How is my body? Well i have been running and exercising for the past 6 months. Rubbing cream into my tummy, scar and breasts like a derranged woman and eating very healthy foods, in hope against hope that i can maybe feel, dare i say it sexy again. But the truth is that even after all i have been through losing my son, and being sent 3 amazing children i am not happy with my body anymore. I am trying to come to terms with it, and all of its changes but the ways in which its changed I have really struggled with. I find it hard to be intimate with my husband and i have really bad days where i feel so ugly.

Here is my moaning list;

I am covered in silver stretch marks, skin hangs funny on my tummy when i lean forward, my belly button resembles a bum hole! My nipples are 5 times the size they used to be and are showing no signs of getting smaller 6 months after weaning and my breast are stretched mark covered deflated saggy sacks. My weight is just over 8 stone.

I have looked on this site for years and finally thought i will make a post. I am slowly learning to love my new body, because at the end of the day it doesnt really matter as long as i am healthy and have the people i love around me, there isnt much more i need x it just sometimes still gets to me :(

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12 Responses to “Really trying to be positive about my body. (Mia)”

  1. sari Says:
    November 2nd, 2011 at 1:05 am

    I don’t want to dismiss or diminish your feelings, but I think you look beautiful.

  2. Mary V Says:
    November 2nd, 2011 at 5:34 am

    So sorry for the loss of you first baby. Your post is amazing, and I am shocked you had such huge babies because you look fantastic! I would never guess that you were a mom of four, congratulations on your sweet babies and rockin body :)

  3. mrspetunia Says:
    November 2nd, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    You have a very beautiful body! Your waist is so slender and your hips curve out so nicely, what an hour glass. Oh, and cute bum too! I would never guess that you have had four kids. As for the boobs, I think they look a lot like mine and I never had any kids. Enjoy your kiddos and cute figure!

  4. Kyla Says:
    November 24th, 2011 at 1:01 am

    Mia~! You are amazing. I had to comment…your body looks very similar to mine, only I have bigger love handles…lol
    <3

  5. Anon Says:
    January 17th, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    I’m sorry if this is blunt, but you have some seriously high expectations if you don’t think you look absolutely amazing for having 4 babies.. You have an amazing shape to your body and you have better definition on your stomach than I do at 19, never having had a child. You have a stunning body and I’m sure your husband would agree with me! You look fantastic.

  6. Coco Says:
    January 23rd, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    Omg I was expecting you to be like hugely overweight or something but your beautiful!
    Your body is perfect.. After 4 kids that’s amazing!

  7. LSK Says:
    April 20th, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Well, the only thing really to me is the flat breasts but I have those too and just try to be okay with them and wear bras that don’t make me look flat or let my nipples poke out. I have huge nipples + 1 inverted but haven’t even had kids. I came on this site to make myself feel better with photos similar to mine. If you were on the beach in a bikini, I wouldn’t think anything of the your body except that you were slim. I wouldn’t really notice your “stomach issues”. I would notice your breasts were small like mine unless you wore a flattering bikini top with fringe or something. Be very happy for your 3 lovely children. Be happy you’re married. Maybe if you found some flattering lingerie to wear, it would make you feel happier being intimate with your husband?

  8. Christina Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    my stomack also looks funny, especially my belly button. And I too am often depressed about the way I look and I only have one! I applaud your new outlook of your body. I hope that I can be like you. I fear having another child because of what it may do to my body.

  9. Julia Says:
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Im so sorry for the loss of your first child. I cant even imagine the pain. I have 4 children and my body looks a lot like yours, except your breast might be a little bigger!!…and I have a hard time with it like you do.I thank God I havent had to struggle with weight too much. In fact, I think Id welcome a few pounds, especially in my chest. I feel saggy and deflated. I dont feel like a woman. I have a hard time showing myself to my husband. I even had a doctor make fun of my small breasts during a breast exam…mortifying. BUT, I look at your pictures, and you look like a beautiful woman to me. So maybe I do too. maybe i need to stop thinking about how I want to look and embrace the beauty that i do have. Thank you for your post and for opening my eyes…I am truely grateful!

  10. JLS Says:
    January 2nd, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    I look a lot like you. I’m 36 years old and have three children, 2 of them born in the last three years. I’ve always been very thin, no matter what I eat, and I weighed less than 100 lbs before I had my kids. My youngest is now one year old, and I weigh 106 lbs. Be happy that you are naturally thin- we are luckier than most of the poor women in this skinny-obsessed culture. As for your breasts, very small breasts are completely normal for a very small woman, despite the nonsensical American fashion industry telling you that you should somehow have huge boobs and a flat tummy. If you look at most women from the side, you’ll notice that no matter what size they are in general (and even with their bras on) their breasts do not protrude much further out from their bodies than their bellies, unless they’re fake. I notice that you have a bit of breast asymmetry as well, which I understand is also normal. My left breast has always been fuller than my right, and breastfeeding three kids has exacerbated it so that now one hangs noticeably lower than the other. I don’t mind my small breasts, I just hate that they sag now, and don’t match perfectly! I guess none of us are really ever satisfied with our bodies in one way or another… I think you look very nice, though, and it makes me feel better about how I look, too.

  11. Shawn Says:
    August 21st, 2013 at 8:37 pm

    I am sorry you are struggling to like your new body. However it is really amazing. I think you are much much to hard on yourself. I honestly had to look hard to find the flaws you pointed out. Where you see “moaning” list items, myself and those that love you see a long long list of amazing things. Stay strong and realize that you are beautiful beyond a doubt.

  12. Kat Says:
    February 9th, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    You are beautiful and I’m so sorry for the loss of your first baby.

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