~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies 1 birth, 1 miscarriage, now pregnant.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 24 months, and EDD 01/12/2013
Hi ladies! So it has been quite some time since I have posted. I remember first coming to this site nearly three years ago and being awe struck by the amount of honest, raw, emotion and pictures that I saw, and how they empowered me to accept my body, love my daughter, and work through fog of post pardom depression. With my first pregnancy I was in a terrible place in life, a bad relationship, financial debt, middle of finishing school, and extremely naive. (I was 22 when I fell pregnant). Luckily through the support of friends and family I pulled through it all, I ended up ending it with my daughters father when she was 3 months old and worked on gaining that acceptance of myself for who I was and what I had accomplished despite the physical appearance of my pregnancy ravaged body. (This is what I thought at the time). At about 10 months PP I met my current fiance, and he loved and accepted me and my daughter for who we were. I had a hard time believing this, considering he had known me in high school (I thought I was fat then too) at a awesome weight of 150- 155 and curvy as all get out. Here I was sitting at 210, flabby tummy with a crawling 10 month old who was going through teething hell.. How, I thought, could he honestly love us both? Well that got to changing. We moved in together, raised my beautiful daughter, who now has a Papa and a Daddy since I am happy to announce her father finally came around and has been an active part of her life since she was about 12 months old. We got pregnant the 1st time unexpectedly in December. We were overjoyed at the thought and told everyone quickly. Turns out it wasn’t meant to be and I got incredibly sick, ended up in the ER twice in one week and miscarried days before my 24 birthday. We were heartbroken. It took me a month or two of praying, meditating and evaluating my life to come to terms with what had happened. In the end I had found some peace, knowing that that baby was never meant to be born, just give me a wake up call to what really was important, and to fully pull me out of that depressive funk. Fast forward three months, I am a month from graduating with by Bachelors Degree, my daughters father was taking responsibility and growing up, my boyfriend had proposed and we were now engaged, and I had a gorgeous talking toddler. I took a test on a whim considering I had symptoms weeks prior. My fiance and I had discussed trying the following year, giving us time to move out, get stable jobs and settle in to the life we had created. Well turns out we were pregnant again! Found out May 4th, and we were super excited again. I had extremely mixed emotions. I really wanted a second baby, but considering the last one, I was nervous as all get out. Weeks crept by, and my belly got bigger, and the anticipation and nervousness grew. The day of my 12 week ultrasound I couldn’t sleep, eat, or really even function. I was paralyzed by fear. It wasn’t until we heard the heartbeat, and saw our little ones tiny frame wiggling around that we finally relaxed, and had realized we had indeed been blessed by keeping this little miracle.
Well update from that, I did graduate with my Bachelors Degree, and enrolled in a Masters program focusing in Early Childhood Education. My fiance found full time employment, then we moved out to our own place Mid July. I also started working full time just last month (same place as the fiance. lol), working at a call center so that I would be able to bring in income, still go to school, and not wreak havoc on my pregnant form with the ups and downs and lifting requirements from my previous job. (Daycare. hehe love em!) Things seriously could not be better. I love being pregnant this time around, and think it’s actually going by way to fast this time around. With my first daughter there was all this negativity, stress and worry it really took a toll. With this pregnancy I am embracing my pregnant form, love the kisses from my toddler to my belly, and love the moving and kicking that our second little girl is giving us. Granted it can be painful too, she likes to sit in my hip and put pressure on my back, but hey it’s totally worth it. I have a great doctor who is completely supportive of a VBAC as long as certain requirements are met, and is not forcing me into another repeat C if not absolutely necessary. I’ve gained about 8 lbs, and am loving it!
The most I can give is my story and advice. For someone who has been to both sides, experienced a miscarriage and loss, the joys of one pregnancy, and the woes of another, I can honestly say its all about perspective. LOVE THE BODY YOU’RE IN! I cannot stress that enough. I am by no means “fit” as I never quite lost the weight from my first pregnancy, but I figure there is plenty of time for that after my second princess it born, and if I don’t get down to that, oh well! Enjoy life, and enjoy your babies, they grow up way to fast. I know it sounds incredibly cliche, and I was one of those skeptics too, but now I am a believer. Thank you Bonnie, and all of you other brave women out there who expose your tummies, the troubles and the successes, it really helps people like me relate and get through and see their own silver lining.
1.The Rainbow baby Amaia. Or maybe Damian if they’re wrong. Don’t really care though.
2. Me at 26 weeks! (Far right)
3. This is my first miracle baby who came out of extreme circumstances. Love you Ms. Scarlett! And she’s almost 2!