my daughter’s name is Lily and she is 3 months
i am exactly 3 mo and 3 days post partum
I found this website through just googling other women’s postpartum stories. I really love this website because it makes me feel a little “normal”. Sometimes I feel the issues I’ve been going through are only happening to me. Here is my story…I’m really reaching out for anyone’s advice or if anyone has been through this same thing.
My beautiful daughter Lily was born March 12, 2009. The first 2 weeks after she was born I felt amazing. I would just melt like butter holding her in my arms just looking at her. I was proud to be a mom and I still am to this day. It felt like I had also found a new love for my husband. I’ve always considered him the love of my life and after Lily was born it felt deeper. Like our connection was more intimate. My sex drive was high and I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. I loved my new body without the big pregnant belly. I also enjoyed my workouts at the gym every other day. I was so dedicated to the gym that I would just take my daughter along with me and leave her in the carseat right in front of my treadmill. I didn’t want to miss a workout.
I’m not too sure when it began to happen it seemed like my feelings started to turn for the worse little by little. It sort of came out of nowhere. All of the sudden I started to become a little lazier and making excuses not to go to the gym anymore. I stay at home with Lily and when my husband was at work I would find myself picking fights with him over text messages. The fights would get so extreme I would threaten to leave. When he would get home I honestly wouldn’t really remember just what exactly I was so mad about. I would get so mad to the point where I really just wanted to hit something. This is when I noticed that things were a little off with me. I’ve never been in a physical fight ever. This sort of anger is out of my character. Then my sex drive seemed to almost disappear over night. At first I just thought it would go away all of these strange feelings that I was having. I tried to just say that I wasn’t in the mood to my husband hoping he wouldn’t notice that it had been several days since the last time we made love. Of course that didn’t work and he began to think he was the problem why I wasn’t in the mood. I finally sat down with him and explained all the things I was feeling. I told him how lazy I was feeling, how angry I had been for no reason, how I was not interested in sex at all, and also how much I now hated my body.
I’ve been reading a lot online and talking to friends about this. Some signs pointed toward the “baby blues” diagnosis and some was the postpartum depression. I’m worried because my mother, father, and both sisters are all on anti-depressants. I’m wondering if maybe that made me more likely to have stronger emotions with this postpartum time of my life. I made an appointment for my Dr. to discuss this because my husband and I agree we can’t just let this go on and continue to argue over these things. Has anyone else went through any of this? Is there any kind of advice that helped anyone with the same issues? I just want to know I’m not the only one.
the pictures are of my belly today at 3 mo and 3 days post partum and our daughter Lily at 3 months old