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One Year and 60 Pounds Down (Jess)

January 20, 2011

Original entry here.

20 Years Old
1 Year PP
Pre Pregnancy 124
End Of Pregnancy 194
Currnetly 135

This has been the fastest year of my life… I’ll be honest… I thought i would be in better shape by now… Some days I think I’m looking pretty good and with a little toning maybe even hot someday… Other days I could just cry… I see the wrinkly texture left on my belly from the enormous amount of weight I gained and the stretch marks and it just seems hopeless…

I haven’t lost much weight since my last post… but I’m going to really start working on it… Bathing suit season starts in about 5 months and if I could make it down below 120 I would be in heaven. That seems like a reasonable goal… but we’ll see how that goes… To be honest after working a full time job and taking care of a baby who I believe will be entering into his terrible twos verrry early the last thing i really feel like doing is exercising… but I don’t feel like i have the right to complain if I can’t at least try…

It’s just so hard seeing these other girls my age with babies who are back down to 100 pounds within a month… my prepregnancy jeans still wont go up past my thighs… I think the thing i’m moost afraid of though is that I wont ever be able to love myself unless I look like I just walked off of the Victorias Secret runway… and let’s be honest… thats never going to happen… I’ve noticed it’s alot easier to love myself on days that I keep the tv on cartoons and dont leave the house lol…. The world can be such a negative place…

This has been such a hard road… not just physically all the changes my body has went through but emotionally too… I know my relationship with my sons father will never be great as long as I can’t love my body.. He get’s mad at me if i try to keep my shirt on or cover my stomach when we’re getting intimate… So he can’t be that grossed out by me right? It’s just hard knowing that some of his exes actually had the body of an actress or model… I think he loves me though…

Hopefully I can continue to grow and be more accepting of my body after what all it’s been through… and hopefully on my next post I’ll be sending in pictures of myself rocking a bikini this summer… which is something i have never had the confidence to do…

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20 Responses to “One Year and 60 Pounds Down (Jess)”

  1. Nicole Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 7:50 am

    Honey, the key word is EXES – he’s not with them anymore for a reason. ;)

  2. Jenny W Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 7:53 am

    You look great and could definatly rock a bikini already. You do have a body of a model, nice curves and a flat stomach. Trust me i’ve spent my time working around hot women, and you are hot. So be proud. And as far as your childs father, you gave birth to his baby! If he doesnt love your body for that alone he’s crazy. And if he’s bothered by you not taking off your shirt then i’m pretty sure he likes what is underneath it.

  3. Nykia Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 8:24 am

    omg you look great

  4. blessed&tortured Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 8:49 am

    GAH what i would give to not have the saggy wrinkles that i do… i would LOVE to have your body…. i am the poster for blessed&tortured..

    you look great!

  5. Kerry Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Um… you look fabulous girl!!!! :) I think you have a bangin body and perky breasts. Dont compare yourself to other women, it’s not worth it. You are beautiful!

  6. Sara Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 9:28 am

    When I look at your pictures, I can’t help but ask myself, “What’s wrong with this woman’s body?” Then I look a little harder and the answer comes to me, “NOTHING!!!” You are gorgeous and shapely and, more importantly, you get to be someone’s mommy! Celebrate the beautiful skin you’re in and if your man can’t appreciate a REAL woman’s body, then $@*& him!!

  7. Shannon Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 9:40 am

    You seriously look AMAZING! You better rock that bikini…you could rock it now! I know how you feel about your body changing at suck a young age. I had my 1st at 20…I got sooo many stretchmarks, and I had a cesarean. I had my 2nd at 23, another cesarean. You look so much better than me. I have the cesarean “shelf” and some loose skin. I hope youcan see how beautiful you are. I also hide my body from my husband. The only way he can shower with me is if the lights are off.

  8. Shane Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 10:07 am

    You look Beautiful!!! Great job on what you have done and i hope you have a great one :) thanks for sharing your story with us all it was nice to hear it.

  9. Tabi Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Oh my goodness, you could absolutely rock a bikini RIGHT NOW! You have a beautiful body!

  10. anon. Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    You look awesome and your old jeans may never fit because your shape changes but that doesn`t mean you don`t look fabulous :)

  11. Lindsey Says:
    January 22nd, 2011 at 12:18 am

    You are my inspiration. You look so good. You looked good in your original post, but REALLY good now. I’m 18, had my daughter when I was 17. She’s now a year old and I thought I’d be looking better by now, and I’m not. I feel like I can’t get any thinner then what I am right now. Seeing you gives me so much hope.. I just want to thank you for your post, you look amazing :)

  12. Mindy Says:
    January 22nd, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Wow! You look great. I so wish I had your body. And I know there’s people that wish they had mine. I’m the same as you somedays I love my body and other days I don’t. I left my sons father after my son was born it was just not safe for use to be with him anymore and I was single for 3 years!!! Thought I’d never find anyone because of my body. Then my boy friend came along and he loves me for me. Stretch marks and all. He says he thinks it’s cool cause it show’s the hard work of carry a baby. He makes me feel better about my body every day. Listen to your man when he’s telling you to not keep your shirt on it’s his way of saying your one hot mama! And like the other ladies said you could sooo rock a bikini right now!

  13. Jessica Says:
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:16 am

    Your body looks beautiful, and I hope that your spirit can heal to go along with it! :)

    I do want to say though: from the little you’ve mentioned about yourself on this site, getting below 120 pounds does not seem like “a reasonable goal” – it seems like you would be very, very skinny if you lost 15 pounds from your current frame. Your pre-pregnancy jeans may never go past your hips now – pregnancy can change a body in ways that weight loss has no effect on.

    Please be safe! You do not need to lose more weight.

  14. sherlokke Says:
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:35 am

    quit torturing yourself and buy new clothes. i’m glad you’ve posted because i think you need to realize your body is possibly better than before.

  15. Robert Bennington Wier Says:
    January 29th, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Do not allow yourself to lock yourself into a box where your self-image, self-value, self-worth is determined by the picture of your body.

    I see many girls on this site who are worried and concerned about ‘what their husbands might think’ — and thats really, really a crying shame- that relationships in this society are structured around such poor, poor, unexcusibly poor communication.

    Like, really? Women are promising their lives to people towards whom an issue like “how I feel about my body” is not easily able to be discussed?

    Your husband should be someone with who you are able to approach with an issue like this, of this magnitude, that you clearly are extremely upset about.

    Do not let yourself live this as a secret- I would not wish such a horrid existance on anyone. I experienced something like this in highschool and man… that was hell. That was fucking hell.

    But- looking back on it now, I can see clearly that all of my psych torment about my appearance was totally and completely unecessary. I always had the ability to stop myself and see:

    The way I think, the way in which I determine my own value through thoughts that I deliberately stimulate by looking at this picture of myself in the mirror are ABUSIVE TO ME and MUST STOP.

    There is no reason to hold anything against oneself, either, for this ‘problem’, because just look at the extreme ammount of pressure the consumerism machine puts on people in order to stimulate exactly this mentallity. All the pictures we are constantly surrounded with of body after body after air-brushed, fakey-pakey body. Every single one saying “you’re not beautiful enough– buy this”.

    So yea, that shit’ll fuck with ya. It got to me for certain, and I was supposed to be “a manly man”. Imagine the kind of shit I’ve been through, man. lol.

    I wish there had been someone in my life who could have told me: “No. No, it does not have to be like this- you do not have to be a slave to these pictures.”

    So here I am, telling you, Mrs., that what you are experiencing is completely self-created and only exists in the mind through your participation with it and allowance of it.

    An immmediate correction that you can apply to sort our your “values”, which we have already identified as abusive, is to observe that magazines, television and mirrors are all a part of this establishment which serves to convince us that we are objects that’s perpose is to serve as an orgasm-generating stimulus; and that without that we are utterly, utterly worthless.

    (How crazy is that man??)

    Therefore, a reasonable precaution that is appropriate in your situation would be to remove all mirrors, magazines and television from your life.

    I know it sounds extreme, but hey, 13 year olds want breast implants these days. Its already been extreme for 20+ years- we’re just waking up and catching on.

    So, maybe keep a small, small mirror in your house for a quick check in the mornings so you don’t put yourself in unecessarily embarassing situations. Maybe watch a television show that you like (that does not promote this body-image-cult that has infested our CULTure), or whatever.

    I would aslo suggest that you tell your husband about your problem, in detail. If he is ‘not interested’ in helping you with this, then he is not interested in helping YOU and I would consider ending the relationship. It is better to be alone than to allow a relationship with someone who only wants to fuck you but will not support you with this kind of shit.

  16. L Says:
    January 30th, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Wow you really look amazing. I am 2.5 yrs pp after my 2nd and I still dont look as good as you. Stretch marks are a nag especially when women say I didnt get any and use oils and lotions when you know you basted yourself better then a buterball turkey and still have a roadmap tummy. . anyway, your in fantastic shape. you look beautiful losing 60lbs is alot to be proud of in itself. your look great!!

  17. Kat Says:
    January 31st, 2011 at 11:43 am

    ok you are way too sexy there mama! your body looks amazing and the way your stretchmarks have faded has given me so much hope for myself! you are gorgeous!

  18. Kat Says:
    January 31st, 2011 at 11:47 am

    and if it makes you feel any better, my stretchmarks are just like yours were and I am still a successful model, so you DO have the body of a model :) you are actually better looking than me too!

  19. aida Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Im going to give you very harsh honesty… if you look further through out these post u see women who have saggy skin boobs almost touching their bellybotttons, and some with acne and strechmarks covering half their body. These are our battle scars,I look at you and you look like you’ve never seen the inside of a delivery room and thats GREAT!! let me tell you I only gained 30 lbs with twins, I workes out and I was in the military so I know I was fit, but my my stomach looks like a bag of potaoe chips!! u can actually wear a belly ring!!! and what pant size you? are you a size zero!! ur boobs are hot! your waistline is crazy! I gotta do some hard core training to loose this tire I have around my waist. u have a coke bottle body, and I see light stretch marks that usually go away on its own especially with creams, do u know how many women who have never even had kids would do to have your body!!
    Stop being so hard on your self if I was your man Id b mad too, you look gorgous like you never were pregnant, I gave birth at 20 and altho i lost the weight and worked out, my curves and stomach has never been as sexy and flat as yours!! you need to wake up and see the sexy!!! take a good look at yourself step back and realize how good you’ve got it. As far as post partum and motherhood goes… YOU ARE FLAWLESS!!

  20. Chelsea Says:
    February 24th, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Hey lady – you are DEFINITELY a hot mama!!! yowza.

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