one pregnancy one birth
my son is now 2 ½ years old
I say “lucky” because in reality I do not have many stretch marks and the ones I do have are light. I have returned to my pre-pregnacy weight but that does not mean I am at my pre-pregnacy shape. I gained 70 pounds during my pregnancy. Watching your body go through such a transformation in it self, no matter what you end up looking like down to road, is something to deal with. I never wanted a kid. I didn’t even like being around children. I was one of those people who scoffed at all the people who go around saying ‘children are a blessings in disguise.’ ‘its different when it is your own child.’ When I found out that I was pregnant my first thought was to have an abortion. I am a naturalist and there for went to a herb store and asked about herbal abortions. Of course they were out of the herb and would not have it for three days. By the time I made it home (actuality by the time I asked about herbal abortion) I knew that I would not be able to go through with that choice. I knew that there was only one option that I would be able to see to the end. To have the child and raise it. The father and I were not together, we were not even talking. He was trying to get sober but relapse, bad, and was now a junkie. So I was pregnant and had no idea if the father was even going to be alive when I gave birth or how I was going to pay my bills. So I was not only dealing with the mental mind fuck but also the physical changes. I think I did well considering! When I gave birth to my son and they laid him on my stomach everything changed, I changed. The father had gotten sober 2-3 months before I gave birth and is still sober today. He also changed. My son was a catalyst for amazing growth in my self and his father. His father and I are still not together but we have stubbornly gotten to a point where we are friends. I know this should be more about the physical shape of a mother but the mental shape is what I had the most difficulty with. I am a single working mom. I have felt the person I was disappear. I am either working or being a mom there is no time to be me. Or so I thought/felt. Every article, book, magazine, what have you I have read has been written from the perspective that you have a significant other. Because of this I stopped reading a long time ago.
Today I am able to see the beauty and strive for balance. I do my best to balance work, time with my son and time for myself. The mommy identity is the biggest part of my life but not the only part. I’ve never been one to stay down long and my son is so amazing that down is not even an option! He amazes me every day and the love I feel for him amazes me every minute. If I get a glimpse of the stretch marks or my mommy pouch it is just a reminder of the little person that I created. In my son’s eyes I am perfect! At least until he is a teenager! I have discovered that when I am able to stay present in the moment when with my son, I am happy. He has been and will always continue to be worth every sacrifice.
And I still have a nice ass!!