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Obsessed with how I should have done better (Anonymous)

April 23, 2014

I fell in love and moved away with my military husband at 18. We had our 1st baby (a 10 lb-er) when I was 26- I was away from all of my family and friends and gained 70 lbs. I didn’t know anything about eating, stretch marks, etc. I thought it meant eating for 2 (or 3!) and just doing whatever I wanted. Then, the baby came and my body was covered with saggy, stretch marked skin. Then, 2 years later, the twins came. I took much better care of myself but still gained 45 lbs and carried them to 38 weeks (7.5 lbs & 6.5 lbs). What was saggy breasts and belly became saggy EVERYTHING (thighs, butt) and body acne. :( I struggled with post partum depression after both pregnancies (pretty severely) and a husband who was deploying regularly, dealing with his own extremely stressful life, and not knowing WHAT to do with his formerly beautiful wife. When the twins were 18 months old I had a “mommy makeover” even though I should have waited until I was done losing weight. (Background- I had a 3 inch muscle separation in my stomach, it hung past my crotch, and my boobs…oh my gosh my boobs) Now my twins are 5 and my oldest is 7 and even though I work out regularly & eat well I believe I still look terrible. I’m now obsessing over getting implants and scar revisions and laser skin treatments. I know how “Real Housewives” bull-crappy that sounds, but it’s how I feel. The crazy part is, when I look at all of the other women on this site, I truly believe they look beautiful and can’t believe how hard they are on themselves (except for the ones who look perfect, inexplicably :)). I’m making great strides in all areas of my life but this one. I’m enjoying my children so much now and becoming more and more happy with life but my husband is obviously unhappy with my body. Thanks for reading- I know how self involved this sounds- I’m really trying to get over this and this is the 1st step- I’ve been thinking about submitting here for ages and can’t believe I actually took PHOTOS.

Age: 34 Pregnancies/births: 2/3 Children’s ages: 7,5, & 5

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9 Responses to “Obsessed with how I should have done better (Anonymous)”

  1. MHD Says:
    April 23rd, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    I think you look amazing! I can’t see one flaw! You are so beautiful. It makes me so sad to read that you feel your husband is unhappy with your body because there is just no possible way. Is that your perception of what he is thinking or as a result of direct things he has said and done? No man should ever make you feel less than you are. If he is saying and doing things to make you feel poorly about yourself I strongly advise marital counseling. Some counseling for yourself might be good either way. I just can’t imagine looking in the mirror, seeing what you see and thinking it’s anything but beautiful. Let yourself let go of your negative self talk and see yourself for who you really are.

  2. Lauren Says:
    April 23rd, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    MAMA!!! You are beautiful and sexy and amazing and seriously, I’m working on my own self love over here but I would LOOOOVE to have that tummy of yours. Your body is rockin’ and I am more than disturbed to read “my husband is obviously unhappy with my body.” WHAT IS THERE TO BE UNHAPPY ABOUT!!! Your body is not the problem. You are strong, have an amazing body and anyone (including yourself!) who tells you they are unhappy with your body is the problem. Seriously. Mommy of 3 kids, 2 of which are twins?! You look phenomenal, and your body grew all of those babies!!!!!! If your hubby is doing/saying things that make you feel he is unhappy w/ your body, I think a serious conversation is in order. Every bit of you is amazing. And if he does not see that, he is not seeing you clearly. I highly recommend doing some self-love, Louise Hay style mirror work and just relishing the body that you have. This issue is much deeper than the physical. Whatever you can do to foster self love and let go of limiting beliefs about “flaws,” go for it!!! Enjoy that figure. Enjoy it. You are beautiful and don’t let anyone, esp. you, (or your hubby!!!) tell you otherwise!!!

  3. joan Says:
    April 24th, 2014 at 4:37 am

    Hi hun I think your body is beautiful don’t be ashamed of it,I know your hubby doesn’t think so,but be pround of your body don’t go wasting money on implants,let your body be natural,also could i ask do you shave your pubic hair?if you want to chat more?email me at:lucunacoil04@gmail.com,hope to hear from you.

  4. Beth Says:
    April 24th, 2014 at 7:10 am

    Hey I think you look fantastic! You and your husband have much to be thankful for.

    You said your husband is obviously unhappy with your body. Not knowing what leads you to say that, here’s my two cents. It is possible his true stress lies elsewhere in life, but sometimes it is easier to blame things on what we can touch and see. Don’t know what type of deployments he’s been on, but combat stress comes in all shapes and sizes…..including a diminished/impaired sex drive.

  5. Kim Says:
    April 24th, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    Aww sweetie…. You know all those other women you’re looking at that you think look beautiful? That’s you too. We’re our own harshest critics. I hope you can come to peace with your body because I think it’s rockin’!

  6. CS Says:
    April 25th, 2014 at 8:45 am

    If he is unhappy with your body, he is NUTS. You are gorgeous and you are one tough mama for taking care of yourself in a healthy way.

  7. Jen Says:
    April 27th, 2014 at 8:36 am

    When I read your description of yourself, I thought you going to look awful… instead, I was shocked by how great you look! You have a waist and your tummy looks like it is in good shape! Your body has birthed three children, that is amazing. Be proud of who you are momma.

  8. OP Says:
    April 29th, 2014 at 9:26 am

    Thank you, everyone! I kept looking at my pictures while reading your comments to see if they were exceptionally flattering or something! They don’t really show how covered I am in stretch marks, but I really do appreciate the compliments and advice. So much. I know I’m too hard on myself. I think my husband has impossibly high standards for both of us. Cross your fingers for us! And thank you again!!

  9. Surabhimhjn Says:
    May 5th, 2014 at 10:00 am

    I think you look wonderful! Look at that tummy, I would kill to have that! And the thing about marriage is that you both made a deal to grow old together. No one can look 23 forever, your husband will age too. It’s about accepting your partner and loving them more each day. I know that we as women feel worse about ourselves after babies because we are always thinking about our former selves. But see yourself from the eyes of your babies-you are the most beautiful woman ever.

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