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Not sure if I’ll ever be satisfied with my body (Anonymous)

August 23, 2010

Age: 22
1 pregnancy/1 birth
almost 4 months postpartum

I had always been thin and I took pride in being in shape and attractive. My weight was fluctuating in 2009- from 112 lbs in January to about 130 lbs in July (the heaviest I had ever been). I saw the “+” on a pregnancy test 2 days after my 21st birthday.

My self-esteem was never that great and the pregnancy didn’t help. I looked in the mirror and was embarrassed by what I saw: the new larger breasts, the belly button that popped out, the belly piercing that was stretching as days went on. Looking back, I’m saddened that I didn’t feel as beautiful as I was. I was glowing and I only gained 22 lbs total. I didn’t have one stretch mark.

I gave birth to my son in April of this year. My breasts grew outrageously when my milk came in and while I tried my best to breastfeed, I couldn’t do it for several reasons. Pre-pregnancy, I wore a size 34B bra which turned into a 36C while breastfeeding. After my milk dried up, my breasts were left deflated. I can now fit into my old 34B bras, though the band is a little snug, but my boobs slope down when they used to be “perky” and round. I can’t stand to look at them at all and I hide them from my boyfriend at all costs.

I currently weigh 135 lbs and wear a size 6 (I was a 2 or 4 pre-pregnancy), but my entire body is so different. I feel so detached from it sometimes, like this isn’t really my body. Somewhere inside of me I was expecting to lose the weight and look the same as I did pre-pregnancy, but now I’m seeing that that’s not possible.

Right after I had our son, I asked my boyfriend if he was still attracted to me even though my body was different. I told him I was scared that he was going to leave me for a girl who was in better shape than me. He responded with “I’m in love with a beautiful woman, why would I want to leave her for some girl?”. It was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. My boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful every day and I am so lucky to have found a man who appreciates my body and loves me the way I am. It’s hard for me to accept his compliments and kind words because I don’t see anything attractive about my body anymore. My desire for sex has dwindled even though his has remained the same.

I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and see beauty and strength. I wish I could be in awe. Instead, I am jealous of the other girls my age who have flat, tanned stomachs and are wearing string bikinis at the beach. I hope someday I can accept and appreciate this body for all of the miraculous things it did to give life to my son.

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21 Responses to “Not sure if I’ll ever be satisfied with my body (Anonymous)”

  1. Rheba Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 7:46 am

    You look great! Very cute butt and boobs! And such nice skin!

  2. Shannon Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 8:07 am

    WOW…this is a body you are not happy with??? You look better than a lot of girls/women before they even have kids!!! No stretch marks, no loose skin, definitely no saggy breasts, lovely milky complexion…you look great! You just had your baby 4 months ago. My youngest is 16 months and my body is still improving with every work out I do! You look amazing, and will only get better! See how great you look in 8 months…you will impress yourself :) With a supportive boyfriend like that, and that body, you will be confident in no time :)

  3. Bryana Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 10:15 am

    You look fantastic.
    Your boyfriend is not just saying kind words, he means them. I can tell, just by the way you write it down. Your body is beautiful and looks absolutely amazing for 4 months PP.
    Give yourself some time to reattach to your body, so to speak. I am 14 months PP from my second child, and I still have days where I have no idea who’s body this is. Give yourself some time and appreciate what your wonderful body has done. :)

  4. Colleen Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 10:27 am

    That’s a special man you’ve found–be sure to keep him :)

    If I just saw pictures of your breasts without knowing your feelings on them, my first thought would be “wow they’re so perky!” There’s no sag to them at all. I would kill for your breasts! The rest of your body looks pretty good. You’re only 4 months post-partum, cut yourself a little slack. It took you 9 months to put the weight on, give yourself 9 months to go back to “normal” (whatever “normal” is!).

    Bikinis are overrated. Even the people who look “good” in them need to have more coverage most of the time. Your body did something amazing and you look amazing. You could rock a bikini right now if you wanted to.

  5. Emily Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    im jelous =( thats all i have to say…i was 105ibs at 5ft tall before i found out i was pregnant…i topped out at 175ibs when i was induced with my son…at 38wks because they knew he was going to be big, i was also retianing alot of extra fluids so i was mesuring 5 wks ahead my whole pregnancy… after 13 hours of hard labor and a fialed epadural and 3 hours of pushing…i had to have an emergancy c sec. his head was stuck on my pelvic bone…the spinal block didnt work so i had to be knocked out my boyfriend couldnt be in the room because of it…my son was 9ibs 2ounces 201/2 inches long…i was 18 when i got pregnant and 19 when i gave birth to the most amizing person in my life…but now im left with stretch marks galore and saggy boobs and a stumic that covers my crotch…im hoping it will get better, as im only 7 weeks post partum… but we will c. i was a 34 a before i got pregnant and when my mild came in i was a 36 d so u can emagine..i also have savere seperation of the abdominal wall thts beyond repair…i hate my body…and if it dosnt improve at all idk what to do…the boobs and the stretch marks dont bother me…its my stumic ugh.

  6. Lisa Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    You look amazing for someone that only gave birth 4 months ago, and a lot of people would be jealous just to have the body you have now! Your body isn’t done changing yet, and you will still lose some weight. I completely understand not liking your body after birth. I also took great pride in my appearance, and it almost killed me not being able to work out right after I had my little girl. But 10 months pp, I still have 10 pounds to go, but I am not done. I know I can still tone more, and I will. I found that when I stopped looking at myself naked in the mirror and just concentrated on eating right and working out when I could, it started coming off. It’s hard I know, and no one can make you feel better about your body but you, but believe me, you look great, really great.

  7. Lisa Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    I forgot to add that your belly ring mark looks so good. I put my ring back in after I gave birth, but its still looks dark around the ring…not attractive at all. I am jealous that yours looks better only 4 months after giving birth, and I gave birth 10 months ago!!!

  8. Mrs. Petunia Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    You look really really good and have such a cute round bum! I can’t even tell you just had a baby. Amazing! If your going for that totally lean and defined body I would give P90X a try. I bet you would get the results you’re looking for. If it’s the preprego shape you want, I’m guessing you’d get it. But really, you absolutely don’t need to do a thing. You look very lovely and healthy just the way you are.

  9. brittany Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    trust me, compared to me your boobs are VERY perky. and to top it off you have a nice stomach unlike mine that looks like its been torn apart by a lion. there is nothing wrong with your body and dont beat your self up.

  10. jen Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    you wear a size 6. 4 months after birthing a human baby. your skin has no droopiness or stretch marks. your boobs are still pointing up. you can still see your belly button. i’m just kind of like, “why does she look so perfect and still feel so bad about her body?” i totally know where you’re coming from but let me just tell you you’re super pretty and so lucky. i wish we could see it for ourselves. i’m still working on my confidence too though. good luck!

  11. Sarah Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    Really nice breasts and butt! I wish we could trade! And such nice perfect skin. You’re so blessed and you don’t see it. I hope you may see it soon, my friend. :)

  12. terri c Says:
    August 24th, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    It must, indeed, be strange to feel as if you’re living in a different body with no choice in the matter! I am glad that your boyfriend feels the way he does–and sees how great it is to be in love with a beautiful WOMAN.

  13. Kady Says:
    August 29th, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    I feel like I’m reading about me! And seeing my pics! My post is not yet up but watch for it :) We had the same size bra pre-preg too and my bra size now (as i’m breastfeeding my 5 month old still) is a 36 C. I’m always curious what they will look like when I am done. Thank goodness for supportive men in our lives huh.

  14. Carolyn Says:
    September 3rd, 2010 at 12:19 am

    You think your breasts grew outrageously. I went from a 34 A to a 34 D. Now I’m down to a 34 C and very saggy :) Give it some time, 4 months is still early in the game. And spend a lot of time naked!!! I know when you’re pregnant you think “this isn’t my real body, I’ll have my real body back in __ months.” so then after you do give birth you have this totally alien body because the old one doesn’t really come back. Your body will still be changing for awhile to come and the more time that passes the more your body will heal and the more you’ll accept your body for your own. And dear, you’re beautiful and I’m sure you’ll be wearing a string bikini in no time.

  15. Kitty Says:
    September 13th, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    You look so good. I have had fluctating weight…I have had two children and am now 26. Before my son I weighed a whoppin 110lbs and was 5’8…..I am no a happy curvy woman, with stretchmarks, (boobs, I never had boobs before!) and a little more junk in my trunk.

    Your body is very beautiful. You look fantastic!

    And I wear my bikini all the time any excuse! :) :) :)

  16. val Says:
    September 17th, 2010 at 12:09 am

    WHAT THE HECK I’M SO JEOLOUS :( My boobs got so big from a c to a dd and i hate them they sag and everything please feel good in that body!!!! I’ skinny and all but it’s just my boobs i think they look grss!

  17. john Says:
    September 29th, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    Coming from a man you are very attractive person and seems you have a really good heart to. Take pride in your body as it is truly a gift from heaven.

  18. Leah Says:
    November 20th, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    oh wow…I PRAY i look this good after I have my baby!

  19. Jessica Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 4:08 am

    I thought these were ‘pre-pregnancy’ pictures. ;-) You look freaking AMAZING.

  20. MtnHarmony Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    my boobs never looked that good as a normal weight teen! seriously- realize that beauty comes in all shapes! there’s one other website i have been to that actually showed women with breasts more misshapen than mine and finally i realized what we think is normal isn’t!

  21. Kayla Says:
    April 25th, 2011 at 11:45 am

    Your nipples are still light! I am SUPER jealous. Mine used to be really light pink…now they are dark dark brown. Be VERY proud of that. They are great and look a lot like mine used to. I am only 3 weeks pp and I am hoping they change back when I am done breastfeeding…

    But seriously! Do NOT hide those from your man. You should go out and buy something sexy, get some candles lit (everyone looks great in candle light!) and have a wonderful romantic evening. I’ll bet he loves your body. Even more now that you nurtured and gave life to his child.

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