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No Inner Peace (Anonymous)

April 11, 2008

I was brought up in a family were looks was everything. My mother was a model, two of my sisters wear a size 0 pants after having children, and one is now to a size 5 after children. I thought I was fat all through my life, I never thought I was pretty or attractive. I actually remember my mother telling me to suck in my belly when I was in elementary school, she said it would make my tummy look better…so I have done that ever since. My older sisters had children before me. They both never got stretch marks and they both look great and have lost every pound they ever put on during pregnancy. I am a first time, unexpected mother. My pregnancy was not planned and was a total shock to me. Now, Im having a hard time coping with my body. I have so many stretch marks everywhere and I look fat in everything. I hate that I cant just be happy with how I look. Are looks really that important? Im mean I birthed a healthy son, Im healthy, I exercise, I try to eat healthy….yet the weight is still there. I have read tons of stories on here and seen your photos and Im ashamed of myself. So many woman are so happy being mothers that they have no problem with their body. I hate that I think this way, I hate that this was ingrained in my head. I need some help dealing with this







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15 Responses to “No Inner Peace (Anonymous)”

  1. amy Says:
    April 11th, 2008 at 10:43 am

    Hi, i really feel for you, it must be awful being made to feel like that by your family, you’ve had a baby, you look great! if you really dont think you can get over your body image yourself, maybe you would benifit talking to someone about it? i hope you eventually learn to love yourself. good luck with everything.

  2. April Says:
    April 11th, 2008 at 10:49 am

    I just want to encourage you not to add on to the self-discouragement and despair by not liking yourself for not liking yourself. We are all different, we all grew up with different pressures and influences, burdens and difficulties. Learning to love my body is a daily lesson; I alternate between days when I marvel at this incredible pregnant body and days when I have to draw from strengths in me other than my self-image because I’m just not feeling it. It’s amazing and beautiful that you are struggling to find yourself, and find a love for yourself. Please don’t criticize yourself for being at a different point in the journey than some of the other posters. BTW, you are, of course, lovely in this whole array of photos. I wish you all the best.

  3. Kim Says:
    April 11th, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    I’m sorry you were taught to hate your body. I think you look fabulous and you should be proud of what your body accomplished. I have alot of stretch marks and while I’m proud of what my body accomplished, I have a hard time seeing myself naked sometimes. I always thought that I didn’t look the way a mother was supposed to look but I am exactly what a mother looks like. Besides giving your son life, you can give him the gift of acceptance. Break the cycle of your family and teach your son to respect and love his body for what it is and then in turn he can teach his daughter(s) the same one day.

  4. Rachel Says:
    April 11th, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    If you eat healthy and exercise than YOU ARE HEALTHY. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.

    You’re beautiful. But remember this for both you and your family, eventually all beauty fades. The beauty that never fades is internal only. From what I can tell that beauty inside you shines much brighter than any beauty your mother could ever have.

  5. Anonymous Says:
    April 11th, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    I just want to say I know exactly how you feel. When I first found this website I thought “How can these women be happy?”. My pregnancy was also unplanned and I have always been very self conscious about the way I look and now after giving birth to twins at only 20 years of age, I feel even worse. I too wish I could stop the way I think, but I can’t

  6. Sarah Says:
    April 11th, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    You look beautiful! You should start telling yourself that you are beautiful. EVERY DAY. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself and believe it. Try hard to believe it. Before you know it you will believe it and with all of your heart. Because you are. You are beautiful!!!

  7. Helen Says:
    April 11th, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    I’m so sorry your family gave you those messages. Mine didn’t to that extent, but living in America was enough, I guess. I think this website is one of the sole reasons I am a little more comfortable with my body after three kids. My stomach looked just like yours, and it was really hard to take all the stretch marks, but now, two years after my third child was born, it looks much different. The other day, I was showing the stretch marks to my boyfriend, and I actually had to restretch the skin and point them out for them to show- they are silver now instead of purple! Hang in there, lovely mama! XO

  8. sandra Says:
    April 12th, 2008 at 5:26 am

    You are beautiful in the past, in the present, and in the future. Beauty never fades. We evolve, and with every transformation we are beautiful.

  9. Lindsey Says:
    April 12th, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    You could talk to a professional if you think you need help in getting over your body issues. To me, you like like a healthy, beautiful woman. You don’t look overweight, and you certainly don’t look “fat”. It’s easy to lose sight of what your body really looks like, and it sounds like body image is something you’ve struggled with your entire life. You could look for people in your area who specialize in body dismorphic disorders, and who will help you see yourself for the woman you truly are. Good luck!

  10. Margarita Says:
    April 13th, 2008 at 4:37 pm

    hey girl. Dont torture yourself that much!
    we are the only ones who can change that thought about “looks” we need to show the world that looks arent everything!
    Your body has done something amazing for human kind. You need to be proud of yourself, and even prouder if you learn to live with the changes. Think of your body as a perfection, that was able to give life!
    i have stretch marks all over my body for other reasons. i would have love to get them because of pregnancy and not because of growth. Atleast you can say, “BRINGING MY CHILD TO THIS WORLD COST ME THIS” which is BEAUTIFUL. I got stretch marks because of groth and not because a miracle. BE PROUD!!
    your body is great.BIG HUG 4 U!

  11. Miranda Says:
    April 13th, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    Hello…I am so sorry about the messages your family gave you. I too have always believed that the skinny look was what was most desirable but in the end…NOT POSSIBLE!!! I have hips that are not meant to fit into a size 2 (or even a 4,6, or 8) and I am OK with that. My little sister is a teeny thing that can fit into anything. Sometimes it hurts, but I am starting to accept my body.

    I exercise when I can, eat healthy, drink water, and most importantly enjoy my daughter!!!

    email me if you want to chat! buttercups.nest@gmail.com

  12. Jennifer Says:
    April 14th, 2008 at 10:08 am

    I have a similar issue.

    I’ve always sucked in my stomach when walking…I don’t even know that it’s a consious thing anymore. Then, when I was pregnant, I didn’t get one stretch mark, until a week before she was born. Then, when I pushed her out, I got even more!

    After I got home from the hospital, I was really hot. I went up to my oscilating fan (in my bedroom), lifted up my shirt, and allowed the breeze to cool me down. My Aunt walked upstairs and said…”WOW…I’ve never seen stretch marks THAT bad before!” As if I needed her to tell me that!!!!

    I’ve had the HARDEST time dealing with this! I’ve lost the weight (though I wanted to lose weight even before I got pregnant). But, the stretch marks have left me “scarred” emotionally.

    I’m working on accepting myself…my friend sent me a poem that was beautiful & encouraging to me…I will post it here in a sec…I have to go look for it :o)

    We just need to think positively…we are beautiful! It doesn’t matter what ANYONE tells us…for you, it was your mom…for me, it was my Aunt. I don’t even know why they feel as though we need their input. But, you know what…it doesn’t matter. Things may have changed a bit for us, but we are still beautiful :o)

  13. trac Says:
    April 23rd, 2008 at 7:35 am

    jennifer

    Remember this too.. you know how we meet men and at first its like well, he’s not as goodlooking as i’d like and then we get to know him better and he’s smart funny sexy loveable kind and then its like..wow!! when did he become so hot?? well, his looks didnt change- we just got to KNOW him..he was a beautiful person the whole time..beauty truly does start from the inside and whether were picture perfect or not on the outside..its our inner beauty that shines..i dont always have a great attitude towards myself, somedays i REALLY struggle but another thing..i do think i’m a beautiful person..not my looks but ME.. i have a nice butt in these jeans, ummm..that shirt really accentuates my waist, i love showing my back(its my one spot with no scars)..just try to focus on the areas that you do like.. ya know..it really breaks my heart for you..reading some of these things really helps me..try to deal with my own issues but ones like yours touch me and i can relate and it hurts..we’ll get there one day..
    peace

  14. Katie Says:
    April 23rd, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    It is very hard to accept your body after you have a baby. I hated my stomach too, but now my daughter is over a year old and I’ve lost the baby weight and my stretch marks have faded away for the most part. Everyone feels self conscious after giving birth, but give it time and you will feel normal again!

  15. Elyse Says:
    April 29th, 2008 at 7:49 am

    Thank you for sharing these photos. I just have to tell you, your story made me cry (could be the hormones lol). I know exactly how you feel!! My mother pretended that she didn’t care about weight, and told us “not to care”, but at the same time she would tell me to suck in all the time as well. Or would tell me to stop eating something or to go get exercise.
    Being pregnant and having a tummy has really taken a toll on me as well. So I just wanted to let you know that you are beautiful!! And you’re not alone.

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