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My thoughts, fears, and joys of being a mother (Stacy)

March 25, 2010

Age: 26
# of pregnancies and births: 5 pregnancies (currently pregnant), 2 births
My children are 6 and 2, and I am 10 weeks pregnant with my third child

I became pregnant for the first time at 19 years old. It seemed like the MOST horrible time for it to happen. I was not in a great relationship, and when my son was 6 months old, I married his father. I wanted the complete family, even if that meant marrying someone I was sure I wasn’t completely in love with.

Needless to say, after the pot shots from him about the way my post baby body looked, not being able to have friends, and other verbal and emotional abuse, and finding out he was neglecting my son while I was at work, I left. And I left with a severe complex about my body. I called my mother and she came the next day and picked up all of mine and my sons things, and I left.

Almost a year later, I re-connected with a friend I wasn’t allowed to speak to while I was married, because he was a male. Later on, we started dating. He was so good with my son, and my son loved having a role model. We were married 2 years later. I had two miscarriages before getting pregnant with my daughter, but she was so worth the wait! I now have a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids, but I still have this overwhelming urge to cry when I see myself naked in the mirror. My husband says I am beautiful and he is still very much attracted to me, but if I am not happy with myself I should do what I can to try and change it. He has offered to work out with me. Now I am 10 weeks pregnant with our third and last baby, so I have to wait to start a vigorous workout routine.

I know that I should be proud of what I have done, but I can’t help thinking I shouldn’t look like this at 26 years old. I am so proud of my kids, but I am not proud of what I look like. I don’t show my stomach, I wear a bra all the time to keep my breasts up where they are supposed to be, and when I change my clothes, it’s a chore to find something I think looks right on me. I don’t wear a bikini, and I am so uncomfortable in my own skin I get nervous when I am with my husband in bed. I have tried to think differently, but I’m not sure how to fix this.

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9 Responses to “My thoughts, fears, and joys of being a mother (Stacy)”

  1. shannon Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 7:48 am

    whoa…that cannot be the “horrible” body you are describing…you look amazing! This is coming from a 23 year old who also feels her body does not match her age! I have 2 children, you look better than me! Good job mama, you are beautiful. Congrats on baby # 3 and you happy marriage!

  2. Colleen Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 8:02 am

    It makes me sad that your first husband gave you such a negative view of your body, because honey–you don’t have anything to worry about! I’ve seen people who have never had kids who don’t look as good as you do. You are beautiful, and I hope you find the confidence to realize that about yourself.

    And congratulations on baby #3!

  3. B.C. Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 8:36 am

    You’re gorgeous! So glad you have a good man and congratulations on your children and the new one on the way:)

  4. Mary Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 9:18 am

    So while reading your post I had this picture in my head of what you could possibly look like because you were saying how you felt so bad about your body… I scrolled down and… Hot Mama, You look great! Im sorry you are so down on yourself and so happy that your hubby can see your beauty, because you look amazing! I dont know how you can fix your way of thinking but if working out helps you can still do that while preggo, I loved power walking and baby yoga! Keep your head up!

  5. renee Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 9:35 am

    You have got a gorgeous figure! I’m so envious of u, if only I looked like that?!

  6. JUlie Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 10:12 am

    It is great that you were able to get out of that marraige, so many women stay in an unhappy unhealthy marriage b/c they so badly want there children to grow up with their mom and dad. I’m glad that you found someone so perfect for you, and listen to your husband because you are beautiful and you look great!

  7. TracyKM Says:
    April 7th, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Have you heard the saying “Fake it till you make it”? We’re all telling you you look great, and have no reason to lie. You can start just by giving yourself positive affirmations everyday–when you brush your teeth, look in the mirror, etc. Write down something positive and stick it to the mirror, like “I am a wonderful mother and I love myself”. Just say it out loud, several times a day.
    The other times of the day, when you hear that negative tape in your head (or are you too young to know about ‘tapes’? LOL…what we used to record music on before MP3), challenge it. Press ‘pause’, ‘rewind’, and listen. Then ask yourself if it’s REALLY true. Imagine yourself putting a new tape in the player, with only positive messages. Eventually, you will begin to challenge yourself and believe in what you are saying. If you could convince yourself of the negative (untrue) things, you CAN convince yourself of the truth :)

  8. Greg Says:
    April 17th, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    You look great in these photos Stacy, your ex sounds like an idiot. I wish you, your husband, and your kids all the best for your future happiness.

  9. Laura Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Wow, This is the first submission I have read on this website. I started reading because I too had my first baby at 19 with a verbally abusive and controlling partner who starved me from friends also! That mental control can scar deeply. Being with an abusive partner can also happen again and again unfortunately. It’s great that you have recognized this and have a supportive man! Thirteen years later I still have similar body issues. I have a new baby and a partner of five years who is not as complimentary of my body shape. Seeing your beauty and realizing we BOTH look great just hit me hard! It IS a mental thing. You’re lucky your man now keeps telling you the truth. That you are so beautiful, inside and out. I know the feeling comes from within and I think I will try to change my damaging internal voice that tells me otherwise. I have started doing yoga and jogging at nap time lately. Good luck and Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration.

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