20 years old. 1 pregnancy, 1 birth.
I have struggled with my weight for years. My sister was always the tiny/petite one and I was always the chunky tomboy. At 15, my manager at American Eagle introduced me to adderall..I could take it and work hard all day without eating anything. I was losing weight and starting to feel good about myself for the first time in my whole life! In the summer of ’09 I was approached to model for Hollister..I started working there and befriended one of the managers right away! We bonded over our adderall use and it quickly turned into a stupid competition on who could lose more weight and look better in super low rise jeans and tiny tank tops. I was around 135lbs and a size 4 when I started working there and by the summer of 2010 I was 118lbs and a size 0 which was VERY thin for my 5ft 9in frame. On December 6th, two days before my 19th birthday…I found out I was pregnant! I stopped taking adderall immediately and started taking care of myself. My tiny sister had a 2 year old and was pregnant with her second child at the time, she had no stretch marks and went home from the hospital in her skinny jeans so, I was hoping I would get lucky like that too! At almost 30 weeks my very round belly started to itch CONSTANTLY and that’s when I noticed my stretch marks for the first time. I couldn’t stop crying..my husband tried to act like he didn’t see them and told me not to worry about it. I was almost 200lbs when I gave birth to our 7lb 14oz baby boy…my doctor never had any concern about my weight because of my build (I asked at every visit!) I was still hoping to shrink back down to normal when we got home but it didn’t happen..I was still huge and I had stretch marks on my stomach, sides, thighs, and legs. My sister kept telling me it wasn’t a big deal and I was depressed for no reason but hearing that from someone with two kids and no stretch marks just pissed me off more. A few girls that I went to school with had babies a couple of weeks after my son was born and it seemed like I was the only one with stretch marks…they were all back to their normal sizes just days after birth and I was still struggling.
My son is almost 10 months old now, I weigh about 145lbs and my stretch marks and saggy stomach still bother me every day. I truly believe that this little blonde haired blue eyed boy saved my life because if he hadn’t come along when he did, I wouldn’t have changed my unhealthy and very destructive lifestyle. This site made me realize that I’m not alone and I really enjoyed reading all of the inspirational stories. One day, I hope to be proud of my body and what it has endured.
Summer of 2010
9 months post
9 months post
My handsome boy.