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My Struggle (Anonymous)

June 13, 2012

20 years old. 1 pregnancy, 1 birth.

I have struggled with my weight for years. My sister was always the tiny/petite one and I was always the chunky tomboy. At 15, my manager at American Eagle introduced me to adderall..I could take it and work hard all day without eating anything. I was losing weight and starting to feel good about myself for the first time in my whole life! In the summer of ’09 I was approached to model for Hollister..I started working there and befriended one of the managers right away! We bonded over our adderall use and it quickly turned into a stupid competition on who could lose more weight and look better in super low rise jeans and tiny tank tops. I was around 135lbs and a size 4 when I started working there and by the summer of 2010 I was 118lbs and a size 0 which was VERY thin for my 5ft 9in frame. On December 6th, two days before my 19th birthday…I found out I was pregnant! I stopped taking adderall immediately and started taking care of myself. My tiny sister had a 2 year old and was pregnant with her second child at the time, she had no stretch marks and went home from the hospital in her skinny jeans so, I was hoping I would get lucky like that too! At almost 30 weeks my very round belly started to itch CONSTANTLY and that’s when I noticed my stretch marks for the first time. I couldn’t stop crying..my husband tried to act like he didn’t see them and told me not to worry about it. I was almost 200lbs when I gave birth to our 7lb 14oz baby boy…my doctor never had any concern about my weight because of my build (I asked at every visit!) I was still hoping to shrink back down to normal when we got home but it didn’t happen..I was still huge and I had stretch marks on my stomach, sides, thighs, and legs. My sister kept telling me it wasn’t a big deal and I was depressed for no reason but hearing that from someone with two kids and no stretch marks just pissed me off more. A few girls that I went to school with had babies a couple of weeks after my son was born and it seemed like I was the only one with stretch marks…they were all back to their normal sizes just days after birth and I was still struggling.

My son is almost 10 months old now, I weigh about 145lbs and my stretch marks and saggy stomach still bother me every day. I truly believe that this little blonde haired blue eyed boy saved my life because if he hadn’t come along when he did, I wouldn’t have changed my unhealthy and very destructive lifestyle. This site made me realize that I’m not alone and I really enjoyed reading all of the inspirational stories. One day, I hope to be proud of my body and what it has endured.

Photos:
Summer of 2010
9 months post
9 months post
My handsome boy.

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10 Responses to “My Struggle (Anonymous)”

  1. Stacie Says:
    June 13th, 2012 at 7:42 am

    You’re definitely not the only one with stretchmarks! I felt like that too; like,”Why doesn’t anyone else have any stretchmarks?!” Not that I wished them on anyone; I just thought it sucked that I seemed to be the only sufferer I knew. I even had a friend, a mother of four, who, after learning I had them, lifted her shirt to expose her mark free, toned tummy and say, “I never got any!” while rubbing her stomach lovingly, with a huge smile on her face. I thought, “Wow, I might have stretchmarks, but at least I’m not a socially stunted moron.” Some people are missing a sensitivity chip. Lol! At any rate, I can’t see your stretchmarks, or your “saggy” tummy. I see a sexy abdomen, and that’s about it. :) Looking good girlfriend! For real.

  2. Melissa Says:
    June 13th, 2012 at 11:19 am

    I know that it doesn’t seem like it because you are used to seeing the results of adderall, but my goodness you are beautiful! You have curves, a nice flat tummy, and a beautiful baby boy to boot. :) Take pride in your body and what it has accomplished, you look beautiful and healthy, and congratulations on recognizing and changing your destructive lifestyle, it is something that many people struggle with. :) Best of luck.

  3. Colleen Says:
    June 15th, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    I have “comparing myself to my sisters syndrome” too! I started off with a different body type to begin with–they both have LOOOONG legs, small breasts (A-B), and fairly straight bodies. I have a torso that goes on forever, relatively short legs for my height (I’m actually the tallest), curvy hips, and I was a 32F before I had my first kid. I’m also the only one with children so far (pregnant with my second), and both of them are runners. Needless to say I’m the “big” one in the family, and sometimes it gets me down. But you know what? I think I look hot. And YOU look lovely. I don’t see a “saggy stomach” anywhere, and your waist is so tiny! To heck with your sister, there’s no guarantee she won’t get stretch marks in a subsequent pregnancy.

    I have a friend who recently gave birth to nearly 14 pounds of twins 3 days before her due date. She was TINY and her stomach was HUGE by the time they were born, and of course she got some serious stretch marks. I’ve always counted myself lucky I didn’t get any (because of my torso of doom my babies grow up, not out)…but on her I thought they were beautiful. I told her it looked like flames rising up her belly and that it was an awesome effect. It’s hard to see beauty in ourselves sometimes. Stretch marks are nothing to be ashamed of, and you look great!

  4. Ally Says:
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:53 am

    I’m pregnant now. No one in my family has stretchmarks. I have them all over. I weighted 115 when I got pregnant (from adderall) I’m Full term now and I weight 195. I feel like crying every time I see myself in a mirror. I was hoping to be in the best shape of my life at 20 but I feel gross. You’re not alone.

  5. Mya Maternity Says:
    June 16th, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Just because the people you know don’t have stretchmarks doesn’t mean that is the case for all women out there. I definitely have stretchmarks from having kids and it isn’t that big of a deal. I don’t have any sisters but I know what it is like to always be comparing yourself to other people. It is self destruction waiting to happen. You need to be confident about yourself and not compare yourself to others. You are beautiful in your own way!! You look great in the pictures so don’t be ashamed of yourself.

  6. shanna Says:
    June 19th, 2012 at 12:49 am

    WOW! I looked like you before I had my baby 8 months ago and I look nothing like you do now you look amazing! I would kill to look like you do now! I know how it feels to look so different in such a seemingly short amount of time but your definitely one of the lucky ones and I wish I looked as good as you!!!

  7. Anonymous Says:
    June 22nd, 2012 at 8:37 am

    This is my post and I really appreciate the kind words! Seeing pictures of celebrities looking flawless in their bikinis 2 months after giving birth is not realistic and it’s comforting to hear I’m not the only one struggling with my body image. I wish you all the best of luck with your pregnancies and post body struggles!

  8. Corinne Says:
    June 28th, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Wow! Looking amazing! I’m 10 months PP & you look a million times better than me.

  9. Andrea Says:
    June 29th, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Are you kidding! You look SO beautiful! I’m envious of your body. Your tummy is not saggy at all!
    I too compare myself with my sister all the time. We have completely different body types but she’s always been the cute petite one when I’ve been so bulky.
    You should be proud, you look hot mamma!

    By the way, your son is just precious.

  10. Allyshia Says:
    September 5th, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    You don’t look much different from pre-pregnancy, just more like a woman :)

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