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My Story – I Have a Long Way to Go (Anonymous)

June 14, 2010

Age: 30
2 Pregnancies, 2 Births
Children 9yrs & 7.5yrs

When I was a kid I was skinny/average, like most kids were back then. When I hit 10 or so I started to gain some weight. I lived on a farm so I had to do hard work and because of that my weight fluctuated a bit (not as much work/activity in the winter). I never really noticed that I was chubby until I was 13 and met my “best friend”. She made fun of EVERY part of me. I was to short, my nose was crooked, my top lip was too poofy for the size of my bottom lip (they are about the same size), my butt was too wide for how big it was top to bottom, my finger nails to pointy, my eyes to almond shaped, my hips too small. You name it, she had something bad to say about it. It was such an impressionable time for me and she ruined what self esteem I had. I met my husband when I was almost 18. He always said he thought I was sexy and beautiful. Even when I was pregnant he still wanted to see me naked and make love with me. During my first pregnancy I gained about 30 pounds. I didn’t quite lose all the weight when I became pregnant again when my first was 10.5 months old. Again I gained about 30-35 pounds. I nursed through my pregnancy and went on to tandem nurse. I lost a LOT of weight rather quickly. I lost all the baby weight and more probably by the time my second child was a year old. I am smaller now than I was before I was ever pregnant, about 25 pounds lighter. You would think that would make me feel really good but it doesn’t. I work out regularly (at least until the past month or), stay active through out the day and eat really healthy. I can’t stand to see my stretch marks, loose skin and small breasts. After nursing for 6 years straight my breasts are even smaller than their already to small pre-pregnancy size and my nipples are stretched out.

I really want to get a boob job, nose job and a tummy tuck but my husband says no way, I’m beautiful just the way I am and he wouldn’t want to touch my boobs if they were fake. He thinks they would look and feel weird. I can’t stand my stomach. I can’t seem to burn the last of the fat off of it, unless I starve myself. The loose skin on it is just disgusting too. I am always grabbing and pinching it wishing it would just go away. My husband says he thinks my stomach is as sexy as it ever was and it’s amazing because it accommodated our precious children. Under normal circumstances I would believe all these things except he has been looking at porn so much. A few months ago he promised me he would not do that ever again and that if we made love every day he wouldn’t want to do it anymore. We do make love almost every day and I still caught him looking at it when I was outside in the yard, playing with the kids! He couldn’t even wait until I wasn’t home to do it (oh and we had just made love the morning before and I had no idea he was even horny that day). He says it’s not because he doesn’t find me attractive. He always tells me how sexy I am and can’t keep his hands off of me. He’ll walk by and say, “MMM MMM” or squeeze my butt when I walk by or bend over. All I can figure is that if I looked like the porn stars he loves to look at so much he would stop looking at other women (I took some naked pics that even I can’t deny I actually look really good in but he still prefers to look at other women naked when it comes to satisfying himself. He actually wanted to show them to his co-workers, or someone because he said I looked so beautiful it was hard to keep them to his self!). Unfortunately we can’t afford for me to get any plastic surgery. I keep telling him when I save up I’m getting it done whether he approves or not. Why wouldn’t he want me to get these things done if I’m willing to do them??? He would be the one benefiting from it. It just doesn’t make sense. I know he loves me very much. He helps out around the house, helps out with the kids and supports me in everything I do. I have become obsessed with is porn habit though. Every time I go outside to do yard work or leave with the kids all I can think about is that he must be jacking off to porn. I just can’t let this go. I don’t know if most women’s husbands look at it and they think it’s no big deal but it’s a big deal to me.

I have so much work to get myself emotionally healthy. I really don’t want to pass this negative body image and screwed up thinking onto my daughter. I’m always worried that I’m going to gain a pound or two and then my husband won’t want to look at me or touch me anymore. I’m thinking about seeing a counselor. I’m not sure at this point if it will do me any good though. I just can’t imagine looking at myself in the mirror and not thinking I’m fat, ugly, stretched out and scarred up. Thanks for listening to me.

The first attached picture is me when I was 19 before I was pregnant, the second is 27 weeks with my second baby, the last picture is a full body shot taken yesterday.

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33 Responses to “My Story – I Have a Long Way to Go (Anonymous)”

  1. anon Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 8:13 am

    I found out my husband was looking at porn right after I had our son. I was devastated, I hated myself, I hated my body and I was ashamed.

    Our son is now seven and when I look at pictures of myself, I get so angry. I was beautiful and healthy and glowing back then. I am angry that I spent seven years taking it out on my body, blaming myself for his actions.

    Your husband looking at porn has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. It is his issue and he needs to deal with it because it is damaging you. Porn is something that should be negotiated between couples and if it is making you feel bad about yourself, he needs to stop it. I hope it doesn’t take you as long as it took me to realize that.

    You are beautiful and you should never get plastic surgery in hopes that it will make someone love you more or more attracted to you.

  2. Mary V Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 9:03 am

    Great pictures, your bum is awsome!!!!! I dont know what to say about your husband, I would think that if he knew it bothered you he would stop. You def need to talk to him more about the situation, so you dont worry about what he is doing when your not around. You are beautiful!

  3. Ellie Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 9:28 am

    You are beautiful. You have a beautiful high firm butt and a tiny little waist. You are a pretty mama!

    Why is is a problem for you that your husband watches porn? This is something you should figure out. Obviously he should do it more discreetly, and it isn’t appropriate to do at home all day, but it sounds like it’s part of his sex drive. What’s part of your personal sex drive? How do you stay in touch with your body and your libido? Do you enjoy erotic fiction? Sexy romances? Time alone with your vibrator or maybe just your hand? Do you NEED your husband to make you feel sexy and wanted? What if you could see what I see, and what your husband seems to see – a beautiful vibrant woman, 30 years old with a youthful, nourishing, sexy body?

    But if you feel uncomfortable with your husband’s porn habits, and this disconnected from the beauty of your body, then definitely get yourself to a counselor and figure out why you feel so insecure.

  4. mia Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 9:41 am

    porn can ruin relationships and families. everyone says all guys use it, that doesn’t make it ok. you look amazing and i hope your husband stops telling you it’s up to more sex to fix his problem. i wish every woman in the porn industry would quit. porn does not empower, it destroys. i feel really passionate about this subject … sorry! i just so hope you realize how pretty you are! and you’re real!

  5. philli Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 10:14 am

    my partner looks at porn and has also told me that he doesnt find me attractive anymore he doesnt help around the house or with our daughter so i think that your husband looking at porn is a small price to pay for all the good things he does

  6. Kris Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 11:10 am

    Hey,
    I wanted to let you know that i had the same issue with my husband, we have been married for 4 years and we have two young children, ages 2, and 1. I first found out he went on porn when i had gone to visit my family, and i came over a week later and realized he was on porn while i was gone, it hurt me so bad, it was during a time where i was going through a miscarriage. I confronted him and he felt so ashamed, and said he would no more. Well he didnt until i was 4 months pregnant with my son, once again i had gone away for a few days, and when i checked the computer history while of course he was on it again, this time he tried to say who cares, all guys do it.. I explained to him how i felt about it. I dont know if you think of porn like i do, i feel like its almost cheating, he is looking, and jacking off to other women, its not right. I am a christian women and i am so against porn. Well anyway i told him it made me feel ugly, and that he didnt find me attractive. He came to me later and said sorry and told me he understands why it upsets me, and told me he wouldnt no more. He now tells me he agrees with me, that he is against it too. My husband no longer looks at porn, then again i live around my family so i dont go for many nights without him. My husband is a good man dont get me wrong, made some mistakes but we all do. He is a great husband and father, and i have had 2 of his kids now, and i have stretch ,marks, loose skin. I am 113lbs but i still get depressed sometimes, but he has NEVER insulted my body, only says good things, he says he finds me more attractive now more then ever. I do believe him, and i am happy he is on the same page with porn now, he is a godly man too now and i am so happy about that. Anyway sorry my story was so long, But i just wanted to share how i am totally with you on the porn thing, and i also wanted to let you know that you are beautiful :)

  7. sara Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    Everyone views porn differenty. From the comments above, I can tell that some women think it is perfectly ok and if you dont like it, then you are insecure. Other comments say that it is your husbands problem and not yours. I agree with the notion that porn can and does cause strife in relationships. I’ve dealt with it before and I think it is disrespectful for a man to continue to view it after his significant other tells him they dissapprove. The problem is that porn is too readily available nowadays. Its not like a man has to go to an adult store to purchase it or borrow it from buddies and hide it under the bed. All he has to do is hop on the internet and its one click away. Do I think you should go to counseling? Nah…. I think you should BOTH go to counseling. This is an issue that involves you both and should be resolved by both. On a brighter note, I find you to be incredibly sexy and appealing. I see NO stretch marks or loose skin that you talk of and your breasts and bum are beautiful and perky. I say keep taking sexy poses of yourself and do it for yourself and not for your husband. Put on some lingerie, strike a pose and empower yourself because you deserve it for you and only you! :)

  8. Tina Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Hey hun I have to say that I feel the same way. Porn is not right and it hurts so many people….. I had this issue with my ex who watched porn all the time, Even times when I at home with him…. It has really destroyed my self esteem. I hope he stops watching it, it aint right at all. I too agree that I wish porn was taken off completely I think its pointless and wrong and I know I shouldnt but I kinda get mad and disgusted by porn stars…..Its just nasty. YOur are absolutly beautiful and you have no reason to feel ashamed at all. Your husband needs to respect how you feel and deal with his issue so he cant stop watching it… Best of luck hun :)

  9. Anon Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    I think you look wonderful! You don’t need to change your body to try and please your husband. My partner also ‘used’ to look at porn (he swears he stopped but I know of a few magazines in the shed). It seems to me this is very distructive to alot of womens self esteem me included. I think it might help you to see a councillor/ or talk to an understanding friend just to ease your mind and understand your own feelings. You definitely need to tell your husband how you feel, the ‘everyone does it’ just isn’t a good enough excuse to hurt you/your relationship.

    In reply to the comment from Philli – you deserve better! You shouldn’t sell yourself short. You shouldn’t have to ‘pay a price’ or compromise on your happiness. Someone who doesn’t find you attractive anymore is not worth being with!!

  10. Feliz Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    my story is very similar. I have 4 beautiful sisters and all my life i was sure I was “the ugly” one. I was the first to have kids at age 19. my first pregnancy was twin girls born at 24 weeks and died a day after birth. a year later I married a wonderful man and have had 3 boys with him.
    I was raped by my first boyfriend and was not raised with a healthy sexual attitude, so you can imagine how I feel about porn. I personally think it is one of the most disturbingly destructive forms of mind control ever created, not in any way “liberating” or natural. my husband chose never to tell me he was into it and I was naive to think he was different from other men. when I found out he had been looking at porn I was devistated and went through all the same feelings you did. it’s so hard to be disappointed in yourself and so let down by your partner as well. I could go on and on with all the details but that’s not necesary. we have come a long way in working through it but I’m not sure how long it will take for me to get over it.
    Homeopathy has really been helping me work through my emotional upheaval. It also has helped my husband work through the issues he has, which contribute to the reason he likes porn.
    I am way more saggy than you, some day I will post pictures of my saggy self that will make you feel better. for now here is a poem I wrote :

    Natural Beauty

    Hello, it’s Me…Also known as the ugly one,
    The one who never sought after or achieved
    the goals of those surrounding me,
    I am not that person “they” wanted me to be.
    I am who I am… and I have my own goal
    Forever becoming who I will be.
    I will not be “loved” for having large breasts,
    a flat tummy, and tight buns on a
    hairless and flawless body.
    Just simply loved.
    Loved for all the reasons for every scar
    On my shrunken breasts, no longer full with milk,
    On my wrinkled tummy, worn from growing children.
    Loved for my dreaded locks and unshaven body,
    Because this is me
    Wanting to be known as the beautiful one,
    Only one of billions of beautiful people yet
    Somehow special in my own way…redefining
    “beautiful” and “ugly” so that All
    may become known as the One
    who loves, and is loved…
    Unconditionally.

  11. shakti Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    somehow YOU have to come to see yourself as beautiful. Only you know if your husband is a sleezy dog…it sounds like he loves you so counseling would porbably be a good idea for both of you. I think guys are turned on alot of times by the women in porn because they exude a sense of confidence, they like to have sex and feel sexy & hot, they act like they enjoy the pleasure and guys like to imagine that they are giving that pleasure he may be envisioning you when he “jacks off” but you should consider that confidence really goes along way, these women on screen are not stuck in their heads and hung up on their imperfections though they have them. One day when your alone, look at those women, most of them are not amazingly beautiful or perfectly sculpted, the look FAKE and yes I’m sure they feel fake too and deep inside I guarantee you darlin’ that they are insecure too…who else would do what they do without those feelings, the difference is that they act like they love it! you must remember that you love it and you are beautiful and deserving of love. I know its hard when people like your child hood friend have brought you down but please remember that she was probably jealous of your beauty. Your an adult now and as hard as it is to get out of the “injured child state” you must..YOU ARE IN YOUR PRIME and bask in the joy of being a fertile beautiful Goddess… if not life just passes you by and I promise you will look back and regret how hard you were on yourself and how gorgeous you once were. Please don’t get plastic it just perpetuates the cycle..workout to feel good, buy some nice bras & underwear harmlessly flirt and start to believe that you are worthy, I can almost bet that your husband won’t want to look at another once he starts to feel your confidence and sexiness;)

  12. Judith Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    I was going to say the same as Sara – both go to counselling. If you are so concerned as to write what you have then you need someone to mediate between you – to help you both see things from the other side. As for your body – surgery – no way. I envy you your breasts – mine are huge and I have nearly flat nipples and hate them. You look great, shapely butt and small waist and I think your breasts are lovely. You are lucky but I know you don’t see it that way. Husband watching porn maybe makes you think your body is no longer attractive but believe me it is. It’s your husband’s issue, not yours – get some help before it eats away at you. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and see what all the people here who have posted can see – you have a lovely body. Good luck – it will sort itself out and you will love yourself and wonder why you ever wanted surgery – anyway – there is nothing on your tummy to tuck!

  13. vera Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    Your post hit a raw nerve with me, about 4 months ago I accidently found the history on our computer (I didnt even know it exsisted!)and it was FULL of porn… my heart was crushed, it still is and what was worse is he looked into my eyes and lied, saying he didnt do it!
    For him it was no big deal, he says he was “looking but not seeing” and claims he doesnt do it anymore but my trust is gone…how could he lie to me so easily?
    Everyday Im in turmoil over his betrayal, I just cant let it go.

    Our culture is all messed up, when did beautiful become bleached, airbrushed, waxed, pumped up and make-up coated?
    What the hell is so intresting about watching two strangers on a screen having sex???

    I see all the women on here, mostly with such negative body image needing to be told their new mama body is beautiful, why isnt it just a given?
    How can these men betray us when we have created life? What we are capable of is beyond incredible and deserves so much respect… how then can they feel the need to look at something so ridiculous on the screen? something so fake and unrealistic?

    I know how hard it is to see your own beauty right now, but trust me when I say you look beautiful, you have perfect natural beauty:) that is REAL beauty!!!

  14. terri c Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    I agree that you look gorgeous and that your husband’s choice to use porn is not about you. It sounds to me as if he may be using sexuality (every day with you and also the porn) in a rather compulsive manner, and I wonder if he has some particular stress that he is trying to manage in this way (which clearly isn’t working, given what it is doing to your relationship). Certainly the economy is stressing A LOT of people, and whatever it is, some people use sex to “numb out” or tune out the stress. So yes, counseling for you both might be helpful. Your body really is beautiful and I do have the feeling that even if you changed it your husband might still choose to view porn for reasons of his own.

  15. Sarah P. Says:
    June 15th, 2010 at 12:39 am

    You and I look almost identical, except you have a way cuter butt! Mine is very dimply and ugly, but you know, I love myself. I wouldn’t walk around in a bikini, but I love myself. I think counseling wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. There’s such stigma about it, but it really is helpful at alleviating depression – just having someone else to talk to who is nonjudgmental. Definitely give that a shot before you consider dangerous surgery that will forever alter your body.

  16. Apryl Says:
    June 15th, 2010 at 8:27 am

    I have no problem with porn. I enjoy it myself sometimes. Perhaps he just has a much higher libido than you do and doesn’t want to try to push you for even more sex if he doesn’t think you would want to.

    He obviously still find you attractive. He probably doesn’t want you to get the surgeries because he loves you exactly as you are.

    You are beautiful. Your body looks amazing. I hope you come to see it that way.

  17. Karla Says:
    June 15th, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    Honey you look really good! Please seek help with a councelor, both you and your husband. He seems like a good husband but needs to explore more why he needs to wacht porn. But I am sure, from what you told us, that he cares about you and loves you. You look wonderful!

  18. mrs. petunia Says:
    June 15th, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    I think that looking at porn can be a healthy way of enjoying sexuality-for both men and women. Of course porn (like food, alcohol, shopping etc.) can also became addictive and harmful. From your post it is difficult to determine which is the case with your husband. Either way, he clearly still finds you very very attractive (as most men would). Trust me, when he’s looking at those women in porn he’s NOT comparing you with them, he’s just enjoying the variety. For what it’s worth, when I first discovered that my husband looked at porn I was deeply hurt. However, after we had an open discussion I realized that his porn usage didn’t need to make me feel insecure. He loved me and my body and simply enjoyed looking at other beautiful women as well. Once I figured this out, we even started to watch porn together to spice things up! I would suggest sitting down with your husband and having a frank talk about the porn. Try to bring an open mind and really listen to why he’s using it. Then you’ll be more likely to figure out whether he has a problem or is just expressing his healthy sexuality. Good luck! PS you’re totally cute and shapely!

  19. Michelle Says:
    June 15th, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    i feel the pain of what has been said.
    I know what its like to have the one you thought loved you and was “different” lie to you look at pron and abuse themselves , choose to go watch a private stripper xxx show rather than spend time alone with you (with someone looking after your child, the child you both made) i know the pain of being rejected and pushed aside and cheated on (she was younger, no extra weight, no marks, bigger (not mummy) breasts, and willing to flount her body (they wonder why we are so insurcure with showing them ourselves).
    So i know the pain it has broken my heart.
    Porn destroyes and cheating destorys. thers nothing good about it ever.
    But i have to think happy thoughts. I have beautiful children that need me and love me.
    Jesus loves me :-)

  20. Suzanne Says:
    June 16th, 2010 at 2:06 am

    Well, it seems everyone has a lot to say about porn and not much to say about your photo’s! I’m afraid to say i’m going to have my say about porn as well! :P It is not Ok with me at all, it IS cheating in my opinion and i don’t see why women stand for it and say ‘all men do it’ because that simply is not true, my partner hasn’t watched porn since he was 17 and rightly so! I do think porn has it’s place, i don’t think it’s evil or anything, it just has it’s place.. FOR HORMONAL TEENAGERS! not for grown men in an adult relationship.. but that’s just my view :P
    Anyway, WOW! fantastic body, your bum is absolutely amazing.. i want it! you have boobs just like mine, they’re gorgeous!!! :D

  21. Stephanie Says:
    June 16th, 2010 at 11:50 am

    I can’t help but wonder why any woman would want her husband/significant other to find another woman sexually attractive. I don’t believe any woman really wants that. It breaks down our sense of value and worth. I DO believe your husband finds you attractive and loves you, BUT statistics prove that when people use erotica to get stimulated they will need more and more as time goes on to get the same stimulation and that it does dull our sense of attraction to the ‘real’ person in our life. It can be titillating but that doesn’t make the icky feeling afterwards go away.

  22. Audrey Says:
    June 16th, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    I agree with Stephanie!! I know some women accept it because “all men look at porn”, but it doesn’t make it right. When your partner, the REAL women in your life is suffering, then there’s a problem. Just like expecting all women to look like those porn stars isn’t right, but how do you think men get those unattainable images in their head in the first place?

  23. johanna knowles Says:
    June 16th, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    i read your story…. it almost made me cry. i think if your husband loved you the way he says he does, he wouldnt look at porn. its destructive and fake…. real women dont do half of the stuff they put on there and him saying o if we made love more i wouldnt look at porn anymore is just pathetic on his part.for a woman with your responsibilities thats almost to much energy to put forth… everyday?? come on….he wont die without it for a couple days. i hope you come to an understanding that you are beautiful and what you did(giving birth and raising children) is amazing….

  24. den Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 4:25 am

    Gorgeous! Nice arse, and your boobs are just like mine (I’m proud of mine, although because my nipple skin is so saggy I have to clean cheese out every shower time. I had a check up and the Doc and he looked like he felt sorry for me). By the way, I love porn but rarely look at it with my husband.

  25. recovering porn addict Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 9:59 am

    i am a male, and i am a recovering porn addict… i haven’t read all the comments, but i just had to write something quickly….

    i will simply attest that pornography is destructive, hurtful, horrible, and NEVER okay… it is addictive, WAY more addictive than any drug, and it destroys the person viewing AND those close relationships that the person has….

    i lost my wife of 10 years because i became addicted to pornography and ultimately acted outside of the bonds of marriage because i was seeking that next rush or high… just like a drug addict….

    and to the author of this post, i will tell you, as an addict of pornography, that your husband’s addiction (and yes, based upon what you said it is an addiction), HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR HOW YOU LOOK… i can promise you that… it won’t matter if you have sex with him every 5 minutes… it won’t matter if you try to act out the porn that he sees… he will never be ‘satisfied’ because an addiction cannot be satisfied…

    Please do NOT take this on yourself, it is HIS problem, that you can help him overcome if he is willing, but IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

    You are a beautiful and dear child of God with a perfect body that created children… take care of that body, love it, treat it with respect, and you will have peace…

  26. I-dra Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    Pornography is only half of the problem. It’s the broken trust that will take YEARS to repair. The self-esteem of the affected partner that is destroyed by our own personal comparison. I was with a man who continued to use porn (I say “use” because, as a previous commenter mentioned, it is just as destructive as a drug) throughout our entire relationship & I *found* it on numerous occasions, causing me an immense amount of stress, despite his repeated claims that he had stopped looking at it. He knew how I felt about it. He knew how it made me feel that he would need to look at other women in order to climax, yet he failed to stop. It was only one block in the pyramid of lies & deceit that eventually destroyed our relationship. He is the father of my only child & therefore will be a part of my life forever, but I will never be attracted to him or trust him ever again. I still have a hard time believing him or accepting his word on anything. I understand exactly how you are feeling. It’s a terrible way to live. Please don’t submit to surgery in order to live up to some fictional & totally unnatural aesthetic.

  27. Stephanie Says:
    June 19th, 2010 at 5:54 am

    Wow. Thank you ‘recovering’ for being so transparent and honest. Praying your recovery continues to be successful and your future relationships are wonderful and pure.

  28. Marz Says:
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    I know some women have a real problem when it comes to porn. I know I had a problem with it for the longest time. Have you ever watched porn yourself, though?
    I have a book, like a photo-essay book, that has 30 porn star portraits. One photo is them in street clothes, and it’s juxtaposed by one in their “work clothes.” I don’t think women really understand the insane diversity some men are attracted to. My husband is not a “boob man,” he couldn’t care less if a woman has a large front porch, he’s all about the “bootylicious.” But he watches porn and a lot of the porn stars have enormous fake boobs.
    For a lot of men, porn is THEIR time. Me and my husband have made love 3 times in a day and he’ll still watch it. We’ve even made our own videos. Sometimes it’s even more erotic to watch yourselves making love.
    The only thing I would be concerned about in your situation is that instead of trying to explain what porn does for him, he just straight-up promised not to wach it. Which isn’t healthy for either of you, since you delivered an ultimatum and he lied. To be fair, I wouldn’t go so far as to say he has an addiction just because he looks at porn (would it be fair to say women have an addiction becauetey like seeing Alexander Skarsgaar naked?).
    He’s not stealing away to look at porn. He’s not loking at porn instead of paying attnetion to your physical needs. And most importantly: HE IS NOT COMPARING YOU. He has straight-up said you are his own personal porn star. But still you feel inadequate.
    It was wrong of him to lie to you when he continued to look at porn. It was also wrong of you to assume he loves those faceless women when he wants to make love to yo every day. I think you guys should go to a counselor or something. Because it’s wrong to label each other like that too when you’re in such a committed relationship: the Disgusting Porn Addict and the Pathetic Insecure Wife.

  29. Jeannie Says:
    June 22nd, 2010 at 8:35 am

    This makes me sad. You are a beautiful woman! When I was a young woman my husband was addicted to porn. It nearly destroyed us. He became obsessed with it and even had to have it on when we were having sex. He began treating me like the women he saw in those movies, expecting me to act like them and do things I was uncomfortable with. I tried to please him. I felt ugly inside and out. I think one of the worst things your husband is doing is telling you that if you have sex with him every day he won’t look at porn. He’s manipulating you and treating you like something there just to satisfy him, rather than his companion and love. Sex gets all messed up when someone becomes addicted to it. Instead of using it to create intimacy and become closer, it becomes like a drug. You should see a counselor, for yourself. To figure out why you are allowing your husband to dis-respect you. When I look back at the young woman I was it makes me sad. I was beautiful. My husband and I worked on this together and he has not viewed porn in 13 years. We have been married 26 years. We are best friends with a healthy active sex life. We have three sons. I’m 42 now and I love myself, I have had to do a lot of work to get here. Good luck and be gentle with yourself.

  30. Katherine Says:
    June 22nd, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    this is so sad. you really are beautiful and the fact that there has been no real opening up between you two is hindering you from seeing what we all see. i feel silly saying that in my marriage, i’m the one who watches porn (my husband has no interest in it and just prefers to watch me watch it), but i have been in relationships where the guy i was dating preferred porn to me and was trying to convince me to look like the girls they were watching. granted, i have always been very adventurous with sex, but looking like something i wasn’t naturally was not going to happen, and the strain between my determination to be me and their determination to change me was what killed my self image for years and ruined my view of men before i was with my husband. porn can be an addiction, as it is with most people who watch it, but as it seems to be with food, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, and gambling, moderation is rarely practiced in this day and age.

  31. Laura Says:
    June 25th, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    You have a beautiful body!! I would love to look that good!

  32. Leah Says:
    September 13th, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    ur bum is so cute!! <3

  33. Privatedick Says:
    December 5th, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    I love porn and I love my wife. She’s fat and angry about it but I find her sexy and love her for what’s inside her head, as well as for her body, since to me, a big girl just means more fun for me. I look at perfect women in porn, but i also look at women who look like my wife, I find a wide variety of women attractive. I would never replace my loving sexy wife with one of them, and she knows it, so she lets me indulge my desire for visual stimulation by letting me view porn, and also by letting me openly admire her body. She thinks I’m crazy to find her sexy but has stopped (thank God) thinking I’m patronizing her. So don’t think of your husband as mentally cheating on you by looking at porn. Far from it…he’s letting off steam that could in fact do your relationship harm if you insisted on bottling it up with no ‘safety valve’. I’d suggest you sit down with him, share his enthusiasm and excitement for the female form, perhaps share what turns you on with him, and then take that energy to bed. You won’t be sorry!
    As a connoisseur of the female body let me say you have a perfect ass, and your belly isn’t perfect but it’s real, feminine, and sexy. Any man who wouldn’t love you for the desirable woman you are is a man I wouldn’t care to associate with.

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