My name is Holly. I am 25 years old and have one daughter, a two year old named Lillian. She was an unplanned pregnancy, conceived at what I used to think was the peak of my physical beauty. I was 23, single, and a dancer with perfect abs, lol. My whole life I have been told I was pretty, but too skinny. People would always ask me if I ever ate, if I did drugs or would tease me about not having any hips and how much more womanly they were than me because I had a small ass. All of this ridicule took its toll on me and I began to think I’d never really truely look like a woman, but always like a shapeless little girl. Fast forward to when I was pregnant, I gained almost 60 lbs with Lillian. 60 lbs on a 107lb, 5 foot 2 inch girl will shake things up a bit!! I LOVED being pregnant! I had an ass!! The weight that I had tried my whole life to put on, just came so easily and gave me the curves I had never dared to even dream I’d have someday. The weight I gained with Lilly came off easily enough, leaving with it an extra 10lbs and a spider web of stretch marks encircling my belly button, which also had now a strange little indent above it. I tried going back to go-go dancing, people would always look at me just a little funny when then light would hit me just right, and my old places of employment replaced me with younger, skinnier and more tonned young girls. I was livid to say the least! I became to loath my new body. I felt betrayed. How dare it give me the curves I thought I had always needed but take away my flawless skin! I hid my tummy from the world and refused to even don my usual swimsuit during the summer, saying I no longer liked to swim. This attitude continued really until tonight. I was looking through all of the photos on this site and it made me go back and compare photos I have of before and after I had my daughter. I had never dared do this before, and I was honestly shocked. I don’t really look different at all! And I really do like the way I look now better. The old me looked uncomfortable in her skin, the new me looks like I don’t really care. I think somewhere along the way in my hiding from the world I stopped caring. When I was no longer up on display I found more important things in my life, like the fiance who recently told me he thinks I look cute with a little more chub, or the daughter who tells my belly button she loves it after giving it kisses, lol. I don’t know if my grass isn’t always greener on the other side attitude towards my body will always stay now, but I do feel that I should be kinder on myself now, and appreciate what I do have. I have a healthy body that hides where my true beauty lies, in my soul and not in my skin.
Pictures I have are of before I was pregnant, seven months pregnant, and 18 months after baby- the first time I dared to go out in a bikini! I also added my tummy today standing up and sitting down.