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My Story (Holly)

March 17, 2010

My name is Holly. I am 25 years old and have one daughter, a two year old named Lillian. She was an unplanned pregnancy, conceived at what I used to think was the peak of my physical beauty. I was 23, single, and a dancer with perfect abs, lol. My whole life I have been told I was pretty, but too skinny. People would always ask me if I ever ate, if I did drugs or would tease me about not having any hips and how much more womanly they were than me because I had a small ass. All of this ridicule took its toll on me and I began to think I’d never really truely look like a woman, but always like a shapeless little girl. Fast forward to when I was pregnant, I gained almost 60 lbs with Lillian. 60 lbs on a 107lb, 5 foot 2 inch girl will shake things up a bit!! I LOVED being pregnant! I had an ass!! The weight that I had tried my whole life to put on, just came so easily and gave me the curves I had never dared to even dream I’d have someday. The weight I gained with Lilly came off easily enough, leaving with it an extra 10lbs and a spider web of stretch marks encircling my belly button, which also had now a strange little indent above it. I tried going back to go-go dancing, people would always look at me just a little funny when then light would hit me just right, and my old places of employment replaced me with younger, skinnier and more tonned young girls. I was livid to say the least! I became to loath my new body. I felt betrayed. How dare it give me the curves I thought I had always needed but take away my flawless skin! I hid my tummy from the world and refused to even don my usual swimsuit during the summer, saying I no longer liked to swim. This attitude continued really until tonight. I was looking through all of the photos on this site and it made me go back and compare photos I have of before and after I had my daughter. I had never dared do this before, and I was honestly shocked. I don’t really look different at all! And I really do like the way I look now better. The old me looked uncomfortable in her skin, the new me looks like I don’t really care. I think somewhere along the way in my hiding from the world I stopped caring. When I was no longer up on display I found more important things in my life, like the fiance who recently told me he thinks I look cute with a little more chub, or the daughter who tells my belly button she loves it after giving it kisses, lol. I don’t know if my grass isn’t always greener on the other side attitude towards my body will always stay now, but I do feel that I should be kinder on myself now, and appreciate what I do have. I have a healthy body that hides where my true beauty lies, in my soul and not in my skin.

Pictures I have are of before I was pregnant, seven months pregnant, and 18 months after baby- the first time I dared to go out in a bikini! I also added my tummy today standing up and sitting down.

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8 Responses to “My Story (Holly)”

  1. kat Says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 9:47 am

    you look incredible! a little “chub”? sweetheart you’re in great shape but most of all in a great state of mind! i can’t believe you gained 60lbs—
    you and your daughter are precious and your fiance is awesome :) all the best

  2. Judith Says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    You look great – those who say the skinny, younger versions are better are superficial. I looked at an art book recently on erotic art and one pic was of a older woman with lots of loose creased tummy and soft post baby breasts! Some people are very shallow – beauty is inside and you seem to have it in abundance. Be yourself!

  3. Amy Says:
    March 18th, 2010 at 10:22 am

    I LOVE the pic of you and your little girl in the grass!

  4. Holly Says:
    March 18th, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    Thank you:D The comment about having a little more chub, was my fiance saying he’s looking forward to me being pregnant again, cause he thinks I’m cute with a little more weight. It made me happy to hear. I feel like sometimes I obsess over looking perfect and toned for him, and here he is imagining me less fit in the best possible way. It really put into perspective for me about how we truly are our own worst critics.

  5. Shelly Says:
    March 20th, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    just remember…. anyone who matters doesnt care… and anyone who cares doesnt matter…

  6. Kandis Says:
    March 21st, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    Wow!! Your story sounds like me. I have always been told that I was too skinny, I need to eat a cheesburger, etc. And I am now 6 months pregnant with my first son. I am 23 years old as you were with your little girl. I am nervous to see what my body is going to look like after but I had stretch marks before. ALong my thighs, hips, butt, and love handles from growth spirt. I think that you look wonderful!! That extra 10lbs always made me feel better about myself. My weight always went up and down between 95-108 lbs. I am very proud that you went back and tried to do what you loved to do although people are jerks. But we are always the worst critic on our selfs and you have done a great job with being happy with your body. You are beautiful!

  7. Rachel Says:
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    you have a really really nice body..before and after pregnancy :)

  8. Jenny Says:
    January 3rd, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    I can completely relate to your story. I also used to be a dancer and had a great skinny little body. 2 kids later its slightly different. You look amazing and dont even look like you’ve had a kid! Stay positive, you are beautiful!

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