~Age: 19 almost 20
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 1/2 months postpartum
After nine months of trying, starting almost imediately after our honeymoon ended, my husband and I became pregnant for the first time. It was very shortly after my eighteenth birthday that I conceived. I had a relatively easy pregnancy, not a whole lot of morning sickness or heartburn. I was very uncomfortable, what with round ligament pain and other aches. So much so that I would sometimes remain in bed all day. I did feel beautiful and fertile, all rounded and plump. And I treasured every little kick and movement that ensured me of the healthy, happy little one that was growing inside my womb.
Today marks the day when my son Raydon turns 2 and a 1/2 months old. He is the most beautiful little boy and I wouldnt trade him for anything in the world. I was 38 weeks to the day, June 14th, 2009, when my water broke. I had been pulling an all nighter with my uncle and husband and therefore had had absolutely no sleep. Unfortunately, that left me facing a 16 hour labor exausted. My original goal had been an all natural birth, with no chemical pain relief. In my case, that was not going to be an option because I totally panicked at four centimeters and begged for an epidural. After the epidural kicked in, I was finally able to sleep. Midway through the labor, my son began to have difficulties and was showing signs of distress. His heart rate kept dropping too low and the doctors were worried that my labor was too vigorous for him. They proceeded to flip me all over the place, without explaining what was going on, to try and raise his heartbeat. They also administered a drug to stop my contractions. As you can imagine, I was frantic. I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about the entire ordeal. The delivery itself seemed to be going well until the doctor thought my little boy was stuck. I had a nurse on top of me pushing on my belly while two others pushed my knees to my ears and the doctor pulled and twisted my poor baby around. My husband was unable to cut the umbilical cord and it was nearly ten minutes before I was even allowed to see my baby for they thought they had dislocated his shoulders. After all was said and done, both my son and I were fine and dandy and headed off to our room. Only a few short hours later, I hemoraged and had to receive the most excruciating treatment that I could ever imagine. The doctor had to use his hands to clear out the blood clots that had formed in my uterus. You can only imagine how painful that was. I am not completely sure if I want to have any more children. I am thoroughly traumatized.
Fortunately, I have recovered well and my son is growing rapidly. I am pumping for him because I have disfunctional nipples ( I have flat or inverted nipples, making it very painful to breastfeed ). I gained a total of 45 pounds throughout my pregnancy and within the first three weeks, lost 30 of it. In the end of my pregnancy I weighed somewhere around 213 pounds. I am now down to 179, only nine pounds over my prepregnancy weight. I really hate the way my body looks… I have stretch marks that start two inches above my belly button and extend all the way down to approximately 5 inches below my knees. I feel as though I am disfigured and I fear, at times, that my husband will not find me desirable… I am self concious and sometimes feel awkward undressing in from of my husband, though he assures me daily that I am beautiful and sexy, that he loves my badges of honor ( stretch marks ). Even so, I feel ugly and floppy and I trully regret the fact that I never appreciated the body that I had before getting pregnant.
I know that with the proper diet and exercise, all will get better. I was recently in a car accident, so Im in physical therapy and I am afraid to pursue a more vigorous exercise regime.
This website has shown me that I AM beautiful and that I should wear my scars with pride, because with them, I brought the most beautiful little man into the world. My son is my life and I strive to be the best mommy for him. I just wish I felt more confident looking into the mirror…
Photos # 1-3 : 2 and a 1/2 month postpartum tummy
Photo # 4 : stretch marks on my leg
Photo # 5 : Side stretch marks
Photo # 6 : My little man
Photo # 7 : Mommy and Baby!