Son’s age: 18 months. His birthday is October 17, 2010.
First, I would like to say it’s great to find a website like this! There are so many people who don’t understand how mothers feel. My story starts when I was 14. The summer before freshmen year. I was 5’4″ 128 pounds perfect skin, in perfect shape. Had size 34-A boobs and wore a size 3 or 5 pants. I was perfectly happy with myself. When I was 14 my sister graduated from high school. I met my son’s father at her open house. I should have known from looking at him that he was trouble, but he was the first person to ever like me and not my best friend.
So in July of 2009 we started dating. By November he had convinced me to have sex with him for the first time. I was only 15 at the time, he was 16. So technically it was illegal but whatever that’s not the point.
In March of 2010 I realized I was pregnant. I was only a freshmen in high school! How could this happen to me! I was so confused and afraid of what would happen, I chose to hide it from everyone. In May we got our class rings. Mine didn’t fit right because my fingers were swollen. When school ended in June my mom had hee suspicions that I was pregnant. She asked me repeatedly through the summer, but everytime I told her no. In July my family went to numerous amusement parks. I went too and yes I rode rollercoasters and everything with no problem. Stupid!
In August my dad had to go to Iowa to help with the flood damages for work. I went along. I carried things that were over 100 pounds for two weeks straight. In Iowa my pants stopped fitting and I developed stretch marks on my stomach, hips, and boobs. When we got back home a couple weeks later all I wanted to do was sleep, so I did. My son’s father still had no clue I was pregnant and neither did my family.
At school on the first day of my Sophomore year everyone could tell I was pregnant. It was hard to believe my own family couldn’t tell I was but kids at school could. On Friday of the second week of school my mother once again asked if I was pregnant and I finally said yes. She got me into the OBGYN the following Monday. I found out I was almost 35 weeks along.
For the next three weeks I was kept under close watch. I still went to school, but every other day I had to go in for non-stress tests and once a week I had to have an ultrasound done. My son’s father and I were overwhelmed. We went on a whirlwind shopping trip with my mom when I was 36 weeks because I had nothing. That’s when I noticed the stretch marks on my legs.
I had my son Logan when I was 38 weeks pregnant and he was perfectly healthy. When he was three weeks old I went back to school and my mom and grandma watched him while I was gone. I started pilates at school when he was six weeks old. Before I was pregnant I weighed 128 pounds, during my pregnancy I got up to 157 pounds, after I finished pilates I was 115 pounds. When my son turned four months old I broke up with his dad. He was obssessive, had jealousy issues, and tried to control me. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I continued to let him go to his house every other weekend. The next month I learned something that shattered my whole world. My son’s father had been molesting his 13 year old step sister the ENTIRE time we dated. I was livid. He went to jail the next month. He was put in jail for three years. Now he only has two years left.
So, today. My body is… Not where I want it to be. I weigh 112 pounds. I wear a size three pants. My skin is horrible. I have the worst acne and it will not go away no matter what I use. My stretch marks will not go away. I may look skinny and everything, but I don’t see myself that way. I see thunderthighs and stretch marks. People tell me I look anorexic, but I eat all the time! I’m having a hard time right now emotionally. My son goes to his fathers mothers house every other weekend now and she takes him to see his dad every other Sunday. It breaks my heart to know he’s going there. He is 18 months old and has a mother who is a high school junior and a dead beat dad? What kind of life is that? Oh and to top it all off, my hair comes out for no reason when I brush it. I LOVE being a mother. I LOVE Logan. I just don’t love myself the way I am right now.