The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother The Shape of a Mother

« | Home | »

My Stomach Looks Distorted (Rebecca)

November 22, 2013

Age-21
Pregnancies/births-3/1
Postpartum-3 years

Hey there ladies! First off I’d like to say that I love this site and what its all about!! So, here’s my story. I gave birth to my first child,stillborn, at the age of 14. I was very petite, had a flat stomach,small boobs, and a bubble butt. I delivered Benny @ 7.5 months…..my stomach bounced back right away, but because I did go through a natural labor, my breast still filled with milk
and went from a 34 A to a DD which left me with very stretched out, saggy, dark nipple breasts. I later became pregnant with my second son Jody, at the age of 16 and birthed him @ 17….weighing in @ 8.5 oz. Throughout my whole pregnancy with him, I was smooth sailing….eating whatever I wanted when I wanted….thinking “oh, well since im still young and I already know that my body will bounce back- I don’t HAVE TO take precaution because I’ve been through this already.” BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! my pre-pregnancy weight was 112(I was actually struggling to gain weight,as I wanted to be “thick” like the other girls..which I some what did!!! I had finally fit into a size 3.yayyy!!!) flat stomach, ruined breast…with the same bubble butt. So I started @ 112….finished off the pregnancy @ 160(roughly) this left my stomach in a horrific sight!!!! After I delivered….. My stomach wasn’t huge anymore so I automatically felt “sexy” again. A few weeks later when the whole parenting thing was set….I started focusing on my body! I was so depressed..I cried and cried for days straight, having pity parties and constantly reminding myself that I WILL NEVER look as good as ANY OTHER FEMALE WHO EXISTED ON PLANET EARTH. 3 years later….I still have a hard time looking in the mirror and believing the compliments people give me, especially my BD (we’ve gone through the whole ” why the fuck do u have to look @ porn when I’m right here motherfucker!!! WHAT? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!) Its better….but we still can’t watch rated R movies that show the perfect bitches. I still have a lot of learning to do to be confident with who I am, how I’ve changed, and accepting the wrinkling skin that I’m in. I find myself seriously considering surgery.

My stats before/after: 112/140; size3/size9 ;34A/34B (stretch marks, saggy, forever cursed with large dark nipples) ; firm body& confidence/ very loose jiggly body with very low confidence. I can’t help but to compare myself to EVERY WOMAN, especially the ones close to my age (21) and feel nothing but envy. They can wear bikinis and crop tops and look great…me on the other hand…. … *tears* will never know how that feels. I pretty much feel like a fat girl trapped in a skinny girls body. I can’t wear what I’m attracted to because its meant for girls who have nice bodies. I hope to one day, get off my ass, get back into sports…..exercise and quit throwing pity parties in fitting rooms. Any words of advice??

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

11 Responses to “My Stomach Looks Distorted (Rebecca)”

  1. Sarah Says:
    November 22nd, 2013 at 10:39 am

    Rebecca, you have a woman’s body and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. You know, I stopped wearing bikinis around age 20 because I started to get cellulite (my first child wasn’t even born until two years later). Now when I look back at that time, I just flat-out feel silly. Who cares about a couple of bumps on my butt!!! I was way more beautiful than I thought I was at the time. Same thing when I was 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28 and 29… The point is that it’s so easy to accept the distorted images that we have of ourselves. We miss out on so much because we choose to believe our inner monologues over the possibility of a better truth! What would happen if we chose to tell those voices that they were wrong and we just rocked bikinis, stretch-marks and all? What would happen if we heard someone say something about it and we said, “I carried a life for nine months! I birthed a child into the world! I’m a woman! This is only the proof!”? By the way, did you know that in Africa, stretch marks are seen as a sign of fertility? If a woman doesn’t have them, then the other women mourn for you, assuming you are an infertile woman, unable to bear children into this world? What would happen if we were all like that?

  2. Jenny Says:
    November 22nd, 2013 at 10:56 am

    This is my first time responding to anyone on here.

    I just wanted to say that I can relate to some of your feelings. I’ve never been skinny, but I was a nice size for the majority of my teen years. I just wasn’t toned and that made me feel fat. I’ve never had a positive body image.

    Right now, my youngest is 7.5 months old. She’s my fourth in four years. My body is a wreck. I’ve come to grips with a lot of things and am way more accepting of my body than I used to be, but I’m still not happy with it to say the least.

    One thing I did find that helped me was DDP Yoga. I have NEVER been a workout kinda gal. DDPY is so fun though, that I didn’t feel like I was working out. I’ve been at a place for some time where I’m ready to push myself and work to be healthier and feel better about myself. DDPY is what worked for me. It was challenging in all the right ways and DDP is so encouraging that I really believed I could make changes…and I did! You can make it as easy or as challenging as you want/need to and you see results FAST. I was about 3.5 months postpartum when I started it with my husband (get your hubby involved too – maybe it’ll help you guys connect in a new way). It was slow going because I was still recovering, but even with that, I was able to lose 16 inches and 7 lbs. in the first 6 weeks. That was on the Beginner schedule, which is mostly made up of 20-30 minute workouts for 3 days a week.

    We worked out at night (often times around midnight) once the kids were in bed and we had some quiet time to ourselves. I made all that progress from the workouts alone. I know it would’ve been more if I’d been eating better, but money’s been insanely tight since my hubby lost his job last summer.

    Anyway…I just wanted to encourage you a bit. I hope I did. You just have to decide for yourself how you’re going to view your body and what you’re doing to do about the things you don’t like. I know you don’t think so, but far more women look like you than you believe. And many, many women would love to have your body over theirs…I would love to be 140 and a size 9 again. Not there yet, but I’m on my way.

    Keep your chin up, stay positive (it changes things!), and take some time to do things that you love and that you feel good doing. You are more than your body, but even still, your body is still amazing.

  3. Alexa Says:
    November 22nd, 2013 at 11:01 am

    Hun I know exactly how you feel! I had my first at 19, I gained 70lbs through the pregnancy, had an over 9lb baby, and my normally 103lb body was stretched out somethin awful. It was hard being young and wearing a one piece when all my friends had their bikinis on. I have stretch marks on my thighs too and I didn’t even want to wear shorts. But, with time they fade and skin gets tighter. I’m not gonna lie, I’m not perfect, but I try to play up the features I do like. I wear my one piece but I have confidence now. We are not alone. There are lots of other Mamas just like us. Those ladies in the magazines won’t be perfect forever either. What our bodies can do is amazing! We have to find confidence in how we are now. We can work out and eat right and make changes too but don’t let the TV and movies and all that BS get you down. We are real women. Strong women. Mothers. Our bodies have done the most beautiful thing on this Earth, created a child. Hold your head high Mama. You are a goddess

  4. Lucy Says:
    November 22nd, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    Hi
    I can totally relate to your belly hate. My belly looks similar to yours, I put on 4stone with each of my babies (3).
    I did manage to loose the weight but the deflated balloon belly still haunts me. However, I did find drinking more water (1.5 litre – 2 litres a day), massaging in a good body lotion (a firming one but dont bother with the super expensive ones – believe me, save your money!)and building up your stomach musles helps. My belly isnt perfect and I wish I’d been more daring with clothes when I was younger (I didnt because I thought I was fat…I was not fat and if I could do it again I’d wear a bikini every day!)
    My point is be proud of what you’ve got. At 21 you’re body is still young at 31 you’ll see the odd wrinkle appear; you dont want to then look back at pictures of yourself and think ‘why didnt I make more of myself when I could’.
    You’re beautiful, your body has done something amazing and remember the women you keep comparing yourself to will have body hang ups too!
    My Mama always said ‘there’ll always be someone better than you and there’ll always be someone worse than you, so stop worrying about it and get on with being you’.
    Big Love x

  5. Michele Says:
    November 23rd, 2013 at 10:03 am

    Hi congratulations on your 3 year old. It is such a great feeling to be a mom. I have three children, ages 13,7 and 1 year old. I finally have gotten to the point where I have lost all of my baby weight from my last child, and I am working on toning and almost have that six pack. In saying this, I want to encourage you to get out and get ACTIVE. You said that you do not want to continue to throw a pity party and this is very good, the best thing to combat that, is to incorporate an exercise program into your daily life. I work out 4 times a week, once with a trainer and the other days by myself. If you can not afford a trainer, than maybe join a reasonably priced gym and start with plenty of cardio,or if you do not want to join a gym, than just hit the pavement and start to run. Drinki plenty of water and cutting out fast food, soft drinks, sweets etc from your diet. I see here that you want to look better. I also noticed that one of the ladies commented that you have a woman’s body and this is true, we all have a woman’s body, just different shapes/sizes. You can have a woman’s body and be fit and toned as well. So if your goal is to look in the mirror and feel better for you, than this is my suggestion. So when you watch movies with your man, there is no reason to not be able to watch R rated movies, you shouldn’t feel insecure about any other woman. If you are secure in your body and what you are doing to take care of it. You are too young to go through life, not wanting to watch certain movies with your mate because you don’t want to see as you put it “perfect bitches”. I hope that you feel encouraged after reading my post, I am 37 years old so I have been where you are many times, but each time I felt down on myself after having a child, I begin to work on myself, get myself back in shape and then there is no need for me to look at any other woman and feel any envy/slight them for the way their body looks, because I am confident in the way I look as well. I wish you the best and hope that this helps to inspire you.

  6. Ashlin Says:
    November 23rd, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    You are gorgeous, mama! I’d kill for your boobs lol I know hearing that doesn’t make you feel much better… I relate to your story so much it kind of broke my heart. we’re the same age and had our baby at the same age and same starting and ending pregnancy weight lol… and I still can’t watch movies with nudity in them with my boyfriend for the exact same reasons. I know how much it hurts… My tummy looked like yours too. One day I was looking in the mirror tearing up after a full day comparing myself to other girls and just said screw this, and I worked my ass off and have been ever since. I learned about the food I was eating and the things I was drinking and the weight (finally) came off. I still don’t have boobs like yours :P but I do feel a LOT better about myself (not just physically, emotionally too) I’m not going to lie, I still compare myself to other women but when I catch myself doing that I tell myself something good about me. Oh and tons of water and coconut oil definitely helps sagging skin. Sorry I’ll stop rambling, I just want you to know how beautiful you are! Don’t lose hope girl :)

  7. Maira Says:
    November 25th, 2013 at 4:26 am

    Hi,

    after seeing your pics i had two thoughts: 1. Your are more critical to yourself than others- i can totally understand your Feelings- i have them too but others still see your Beauty!
    2. Have you considered trying Thermage? As far as i know, it helps with saggy Skin. Maybe you could inform yourself. I am trying fraxel in combination with Thermage at the Moment but i can’t tell you how it works because i just had on session out of 8 fraxel so ist too early. But i searched a lot and my doctor made very good promises. Good luck!

  8. Shantel Says:
    December 19th, 2013 at 10:25 am

    Girl you and I look very similar and I only had one baby :( he’s 2 now and I am pregnant with number 2 and I’m so scared of it getting even worse.

    If you ever feel blah and wanna talk to someone who knows how it feels email me shantelm35@gmail.com

  9. Leah Says:
    January 4th, 2014 at 12:33 am

    I’m not sure I have an advice, but I do have something I can tell you, from experience.

    I’m 31 now, overweight, most definitely lumpy. I’ve had 3 children – 2 girls and a boy. My son did the biggest number on me, carrying low, yet I’m the happiest I’ve been all my life. There are still insecurities (with what the media keeps saying we “should” look like and what current fashion is, how could there not be??), but I’ve learned a few things.

    - Looking like you didn’t have a baby will not make you feel happy. I bounced back completely after my first baby, with the bonus of hips that had spread juuuust the right amount and boobs that went from a C to a D without losing any perkiness, AND had LOST enough weight that I was thinner than I’ve ever been. You know the girls with the nice racks and curvy hips with the tiny waists? I’m a solid build (somewhat wide skeletal structure) so I looked GOOD. NOW, I know I did. Then? Nope. Didn’t make me happy. Still covered up as much as before, when I STILL looked good.

    - That baby made you gorgeous. To hell with everyone else. The moment that little miracle came into existence, you became a goddess. You are the reason the sun rises in the morning and sets at night. You keep the monsters away. You make sick time better with magical hugs and kisses. And last but not least, you are the BEST, MOST BEAUTIFULEST PRINCESS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD and your mini prince shall marry you when he grows up because everyone knows the prince always marries the prettiest princess.

    When priorities are shuffled around, the important things come out. Taking care of yourself is most definitely recommended, but PLEASE don’t let your battle scars get in the way of you feeling good about yourself. You’ll miss out on so much if you do.

    (Also, porn is fantasy. That’s it. Even if your guy got the chance to get down and dirty with a porn star, chances are he’d turn it down. Fantasy is just meant to be harmless variety, but reality is you and your life together and everything that made him fall for you in the first place and that keeps him coming back for more.)

  10. jay Says:
    January 11th, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    hi my names jay… im 21 and 2 years postpartum with one child… your body is the splitting image of my own… I know exactly how you feel… I cover my boyfriends eyes when ever skinny girls with perfect boobs and not a flipping stretch marks come on the screen …he thinks im joking … but a lot of the time im not (nope)… they see the carnage caused from getting pregnant but they don’t quite get just how much it effects us during out day to day lives… and what makes it more awkward is the fact that all the girls our age look like they just stepped out of a music video :( … any way… just wanted to say that I know what your going through and that your not the only one who feels this way .. p.s your beautiful x x x

  11. Mia Says:
    January 20th, 2014 at 8:23 am

    I just want to start off by saying your body is beautiful! But if you want to get fit you have the body that can bounce back with just diet and exercise, no surgery needed! I was once in your shoes. I had my first baby at 19 and am 25 now and currently pregnant with my second. When I was 19 I was devastated at the site of those dark stretch marks all over my tummy and my tummy was shaped like a butt. But I walked and exercised and I got it down to a size I felt comfortable with. I never got it flat and the marks never went away but I learned to love them and just kept telling my self that other girls don’t have the body I do because they don’t have this beautiful baby like me. My son loved my tummy. He would always squeeze it and rub when he was napping. His father , not so much but I left him alone and moved on to someone who did love them and accepted my body no matter how flawed. He thought it was beautiful. And you are beautiful. I wish during that time I would have known that I was not alone. And I know how devastating that could feel. But your skin is still young and trust me your tummy will bounce back and your butt is still a bubble girl. With a few more squats you could be a jlo or Jessica biel! We are women if we can endure childbirth we can push our bodies to transform into the bodies we want them to be with hard work. but now when u get back into shape you will be even more sexy because you have womanly hips and breasts to complement the small waist you are about to have. you can email me if you need to talk or vent more. Stay beautiful!

Comments


Support This Site