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My right to choose (Lucia)

January 21, 2010

age 19
1st pregnancy, 15 weeks along

I´m pro-choice, I´ve always been, I think a woman has the right to decide when on whether to become a mother, I think a woman should have some saying over what goes on in her body and her life and that should start with having access to sexual education. My mother is pro-life.

I told her about my pregnancy over the phone, since we are so far apart, I started out by telling her how happy I was, and how my plans went, so she wouldn’t be worried, how my boyfriend feels about it, how loving and supportive he is, that we had plans to get married and have kids in the future and the baby just got ahead our plans, that I´m going to stay in college.

A couple of days later she called me and said something that upset me very much, she sugar coated it as much as she could, telling me that I was too young and that if I “decided not to have it” it would be a good idea too, that when I´m older I can have as many children as I want. In spite of the sugar coat all I heard was “You should murder your baby, your flesh and blood, because it gets in the way of my plans for you, you should kill him because it’s so insignificant, it’s so meaningless it can be replaced later on…”

I cried so hard when we had that conversation that everyone in my house noticed, my grandma came in to comfort me and I told her, I wanted to tell her just like I had told my mom, telling her how happy I was and that everything was going to be fine, but I didn’t get that chance, because I was in tears and her response was telling me that my mother was right. I was physically sick for days after that.

I´ve always thought it’s not right when girls are forced to have babies they do not want because of how the law goes in my country and how many women get injured and even killed getting an illegal abortion under poor conditions because they didn’t have access to anything better, a better education, better ways to take care of themselves, a better life. But I think we hardly consider those teenage girls that are forced to get an abortion or to give up their children because they are underage and it doesn’t matter if they love their babies, and if they are willing to work hard for them, whoever is in charged won´t give them the chance. I´m pro-choice, and I choose to have my baby, I haven’t considered anything else.

pics: 9 weeks, 14 weeks

Updated here.

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12 Responses to “My right to choose (Lucia)”

  1. kat Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 9:06 am

    I am so proud of your choice, it can’t be easy given the pressure your subjected to. This baby has the strongest mom a kid could ask for. Congratulations on the beautiful life you have growing inside you and enjoy your life together!

  2. Danielle Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 10:54 am

    I can completely relate with your situation. I am 19 and found out when I was 18 that I was pregnant. My boyfriend too was very supportive and excited. Although it wasn’t planned we were prepared for the challenge and were very happy, but it seemed we were the only ones who were. When we told my family that I was pregnant and we were going to “keep it” everyone tried to talk us out of it, saying that it was going to ruin all of our (and their) plans for our future. It was so hard to listen to how they felt when we were so excited. It felt like they were taking away from our happiness and it wasn’t fair. Despite what they said we knew that we already loved our little bean and we were determined to make it work. Now that our son is here he is the light of our lives and all the people who were so against our decision, love him to death and are just thrilled with him too. I’m so glad we made the decision that we did. Is it hard? Of course. But it is the best decision I have ever made, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, as I too am pro-choice, but I just want you to know that this is up to you and even if they aren’t supportive now, as soon as they meet that precious little one I’m sure they will be thrilled too. I know exactly how you feel and I know how hard it is when you are so happy but no one else thinks you are making the right decision. Go with your heart and you will never regret what you do. Anything is possible, and this doesn’t mean that you have to abandon your dreams, you just have to work a little harder to achieve them. I hope this helps :) Keep your head up girlie, you CAN get through this!

  3. Betsy Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 11:26 am

    Wow! That’s intense! Good job for doing what is right for you and no one else. I had my first at 18. I’ve been married for 9 years and have 2 children. I can’t imagine my life without my kids and husband. Life has been hard but life is hard for everyone regardless of age and money. Enjoy being a mommy it’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

  4. Nina Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Stay Strong, you have every right to make your own choice. I like you am pro choice, don’t let anyone force you to do it their way. It’s a decision you have to make yourself as you are the one who has to live with the outcome. Good luck :) my thoughts are with you, I hope you get plenty of support from your boyfriend/friends and I’m sure in time your family will come round.

  5. Ruth Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 11:56 am

    isnt that what being pro-choice means? pro women having the choice to say definitely yes as well as no? Being able to say either is the important thing. well done for sticking to your principles :D best of luck with everything youll manage sweetheart.

  6. Melissa Says:
    January 22nd, 2010 at 6:40 am

    I am so proud of you. I became pregnant with my oldest child when I was sixteen. I had him four days after my seventeenth birthday. Everyone’s reaction was similar to yours – everyone was upset, except for me and the father. All I heard was how ruined my life was going to be, how all the plans everyone had for me were ruined, how could I be so foolish to have made such a mistake. – when was I going to drop out of school?! What about college?! when are you going to get married?!

    It was devastating to have so little support, but I made the choice to keep him. Eventually those around me became supportive when they realized what I had known from the start – the child is a blessing, not a burden, and the choice is mine.

    Good luck, girl. It’s not easy, but ten years later after graduating high school, getting two degrees and a kick butt job, I have an awesome, brilliant, handsome 10 year old boy who makes me proud every single day. And I just smile, and laugh to myself, and think – see b*tches, I did it. And so will you.

    Your baby is lucky to have such a strong mother :)

  7. kat Says:
    January 22nd, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    Wow! Go Melissa!

  8. Laura Says:
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:44 am

    Congratulations on your pregnancy, Lucia. I wish more people would be supportive of young mothers. I’m 23 and married but some people still acted doubtful when I got pregnant – like I couldn’t handle it or something?! I can tell from your post that you will be a strong, committed, and wonderful Mommy so keep your chin up and don’t let any of the garbage get to you.

  9. Ann Says:
    January 27th, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Im so glad you chose to keep your little one, please just dont listen to family/others who are telling you differently once they hold him/her in their arms they will totally fall in love, I PROMISE!!! I am also very young became pregnant at 19 still in high school with lots of work I was able to graduate when my son turned 3 weeks! I am now 20 weeks pregnant again with a little girl! I absolutely LOVE being a mommy it can be tough being young but if I got through it so can you. I really would not have it any other way, yes all of my high school friends still throw parties and have their “young” life but I am so glad I chose to go down a different path, I really am. Please update once you have your little bundle of joy!!!

  10. Tina Says:
    February 20th, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    If your mom won’t say it an neither will your grandma I will….
    I am so proud of you Lucia!!!!

    You have such conviction and more courage than most. I know you say you are pro choice but I am betting you are much more pro Free Will than pro choice. God has given us free will and wants us to chose what is right and by God you have done just that.

    Good for you, good for your boyfriend,
    and good for that beautiful baby you are carring.

  11. L Says:
    February 10th, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Thanks for sharing and stay strong. You will be a great mother! For willing to sacrafice yourself to bring a child into the world. Congrats!! You will be fine.

  12. amber Says:
    April 21st, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    I applaud your choice. i myself had similar experiences with family when i first found out i was pregnant.

    I am 24 have a WONDERFUL 4 year old son who couldnt be the most perfect person ever, he was meant for me and couldnt imagine my life without him.

    Please understand that as a mother they are only thinking of your well being and what THEY believe is right for you. But this happened for a reason, your actions are your own.. i hope the very best to you. congratulations :) <3

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