Pregnancies and Births: 1 pregnancy and 1 birth
The age of your child: A terrible two year old
I was married at 16, pregnant at 17 and gave birth to my handsome little 9lb 10oz baby boy when I was 18. Here I am now 20 years old, still happily married to the man I love but inside of me I feel ugly, worthless, and worst of all a failure as a mother. I had the perfect body, skinny waist, big perky natural breasts, a firm butt and killer legs. My husband is in the military and I gave new meaning to standing at attention when I would swing by work for whatever the reason may have been. Back then my husband called me stunning, beautiful, etc. He wanted a baby more than anything with me, and because of my stupidity on the honeymoon a month or so later I found out I was pregnant. When I took the test and saw it was positive I cried, not of happiness but of complete sadness, the same could not be said for my husband, I don’t think I had ever seen him so happy before. I had to go back home and finish high school so I spent my senior year pregnant, constantly ridiculed and such, thankfully I had enough credits to graduate early in January, I couldn’t stand the talk of prom and senior trip when all I could think about were the increasingly large stretch marks growing on my stomach. Needless to say I started out at 130lbs and the day I was admitted I was 200lbs. After an emergency C- section and almost losing my child I sit here today writing of my story. I haven’t lost all the weight it took me til now, 2 years later, to reach 145lbs and my husband still calls me beautiful. He doesn’t care about my stretch marks, or my overlap of extra skin and I wish when he says that to me that i really feel it. I do not blame my little boy anymore like I used to, but instead I beat myself up for allowing myself to fall so deep into this pit of self loathing. My husband is in Afghanistan right now, and told me today that even though he is thousands of miles away, my beauty can still be seen. I guess the point of this story was more to vent to those who I know have experienced and have gone, or are going through what I am. I just cannot seem to find myself to be beautiful like my husband sees, but I know that girl is in there somewhere wanting to come out again.