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My husband calls me beautiful (Alyssa)

August 10, 2010

Age: 20
Pregnancies and Births: 1 pregnancy and 1 birth
The age of your child: A terrible two year old

I was married at 16, pregnant at 17 and gave birth to my handsome little 9lb 10oz baby boy when I was 18. Here I am now 20 years old, still happily married to the man I love but inside of me I feel ugly, worthless, and worst of all a failure as a mother. I had the perfect body, skinny waist, big perky natural breasts, a firm butt and killer legs. My husband is in the military and I gave new meaning to standing at attention when I would swing by work for whatever the reason may have been. Back then my husband called me stunning, beautiful, etc. He wanted a baby more than anything with me, and because of my stupidity on the honeymoon a month or so later I found out I was pregnant. When I took the test and saw it was positive I cried, not of happiness but of complete sadness, the same could not be said for my husband, I don’t think I had ever seen him so happy before. I had to go back home and finish high school so I spent my senior year pregnant, constantly ridiculed and such, thankfully I had enough credits to graduate early in January, I couldn’t stand the talk of prom and senior trip when all I could think about were the increasingly large stretch marks growing on my stomach. Needless to say I started out at 130lbs and the day I was admitted I was 200lbs. After an emergency C- section and almost losing my child I sit here today writing of my story. I haven’t lost all the weight it took me til now, 2 years later, to reach 145lbs and my husband still calls me beautiful. He doesn’t care about my stretch marks, or my overlap of extra skin and I wish when he says that to me that i really feel it. I do not blame my little boy anymore like I used to, but instead I beat myself up for allowing myself to fall so deep into this pit of self loathing. My husband is in Afghanistan right now, and told me today that even though he is thousands of miles away, my beauty can still be seen. I guess the point of this story was more to vent to those who I know have experienced and have gone, or are going through what I am. I just cannot seem to find myself to be beautiful like my husband sees, but I know that girl is in there somewhere wanting to come out again.

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12 Responses to “My husband calls me beautiful (Alyssa)”

  1. Shannon Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 9:33 am

    Your husband means it!!! I am 24 and have had 2 cesareans. My first (at 20) was an emergency, and my second (at 22) was planned. I had my boys 2.5 years apart, and as you can imagine it did a number to my body :) You look amazing! Your husband sounds like a great man…you have to believe that he finds you beautiful. I still do not believe my husband sometimes, it is hard. I never thought of my stretchmarks as a blessing until my son passed away…he was 19 months old. Now, 27 months later, I rub my stretchmarks and think of him. Love your body…your baby gave it to you :)

  2. Colleen Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 9:43 am

    From your description of yourself I expected so much worse! I don’t see the extra skin you’re talking about at all, and your stretch marks are barely visible. It looks like your stomach doesn’t hang over your c-section scar at all, and that’s awesome.

    It must be hard to go from a teenage body to a mommy body in the span of 9 months. I was like you, I had an awesome figure in high school–32D, size 3 pants, and a dancer’s legs. But I had the benefit (if you can call it that?) of going through college and a few years of work before getting pregnant. Here’s a secret…the teenage body doesn’t last. It isn’t meant to. Even if you work out and eat right you’re probably going to gain a little bit of weight and some curves–that’s just what bodies DO as they mature. Most men find mature women sexier anyways. You are still beautiful and your body has done a beautiful thing; I hope that you can learn to believe that about yourself when your husband tells you so.

  3. Jill Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    You really do look amazing!!! But it’s a little sad to hear you say that you got pregnant out of “stupidity”, and saying that you used to blame
    your son.

    I had a great body when I got pregnant at 18 I weighed 123 lbs and had 32d bra size, as well as a pretty face and now 7 months after having my beautiful baby girl i’m 168 lbs and have HORRIBLE stretchmarks. Although I was very vain pre-pregnancy (all teenagers are to some extent) I would never ever take back a single mark or pound, my body accomodated a healthy beautiful 8 lb 9 ounce baby, so to me it was all worth it.

    Womens bodies are MEANT, even DESIGNED to bear children, not to stay taut and beautiful for men to drool over.

    I know how you feel, I really do. But your husband and most of all your son still thinks your beautiful and thats all that matters!

  4. 16married17pregnant Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    your husband is right you are beautiful and you look GREAT!!im just like you.i got married at 16 i had my first child at 17 and got preg again at 18 and gave birth to my second child at 19[excatly one week after my birthday lol]i know its hard to tell yourself your beautiful and actually believe it but you really are..i would love to have your body!!

  5. Tracy Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    You look great, I know it’s hard to take a compliment especially when we feel the way we do….but I mean it :) and sorry to say I’ve got a four year old and Terrible 2 does not get better, just different.

  6. taiyo Says:
    August 11th, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    You are stunning.

  7. mother of 2 Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    u r beautiful and you have nothin to feel worried about, you look great x

  8. Kristine Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    still a hot body! wow! you look great!

  9. Brittany Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    We’re tummy twins! But.. I’ve still got that lovely brown line going down my middle.

  10. Rana Says:
    October 1st, 2010 at 3:21 am

    You look beautiful, and your husband loves you so much and is a great man. May you to unite again and may he come back from afghanistan safely to his lovely wife and boy.

  11. payton Says:
    January 5th, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    YOu are really pretty and your body looks great!! I am young also 19 and my son is 2 ina hald months .. I weighed 120 before i got preg and i now weigh 152 and everytime i look in the mirror i tell myself these scars are from bringing the most precious thing into this world an then im not upset anymore .. ii just think about my son and how much he means to me .. Some girls dont even get down to what you are after having a baby and alot dont even look as good as you do .. YOur lucky you have a good husband that supports you .. I have one to an it really helps alot ..

  12. janet Says:
    January 3rd, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    You are beautiful. Just breathe it, baby. You are incredibly gorgeous and full of beauty.

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