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My Dream Came True (SCS)

January 4, 2010

Age: 29
Number of pregnancies: 2
Births: 1
Childs age: 2yrs

First I want to say I love this site. I just wish this site had more true plus size women. So I am posting my pics. I have always wanted children but was told I would probably have trouble getting pregnant due to an upturned cervix. I always told myself that if I never got pregnant before age 27 that I didn’t want any. I felt any after I would be too old. After seeing the movie facing the giants, I finally said, “ok God, if I never have any children I will be fine.” And I gave up on my dream. In March of 2007 I found out I was pregnant. I was thrilled, especially when I turn 27 in July, it was rather funny.

I had a wonderful pregnancy, my feet got swollen but other than that it was perfect. I went to all the classes, read all the books. Of course the 2 things I didn’t read on was cesareans and bottle feeding. I knew I was going to do it natural and breastfeed. At exactly 40 weeks, I went into labor on Monday November 12th 2007. I had been waking up during the night but I wasn’t sure what from. When my boyfriend woke up at 6 to get ready for work, I still didn’t realize what was happening. It wasn’t until he left that I realized what was happening every 30 minutes. At 7:30 I called him telling him to come home I was 10 minutes apart. by the time he got home at 9 I was 7 minutes apart. He laughed at me all the way to the hospital. I remember just trying to breathe. nothing special just breathe. oh it hurt. By the time I got to the hospital I was 5 minutes apart. An hour later they broke my water and I was 2 minutes apart. by 12:30 I couldn’t take anymore I finally got an epidural. at 2 the docs came in and said the baby’s heart rate dropped and they started prepping me for a cesarean. I broke down and cried. At 2:24 my sweet little boy was born. So there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for. Then I tried breast feeding my son, on the day I was suppose to leave the hospital the nurse told me I would have to bottle feed my son. I cried yet again. My milk never came in, even after a week of having my son, nothing. So here I was with watermelon boobs (granted I was always had huge boobs) and they were completely worthless to me. I couldn’t even feed my baby.

Almost 2 years later and I want another child. About a month ago I found out I was pregnant again. I was so happy. On Monday November 2nd I lost my baby. Right now I am numb. I cried a lot that Monday but so far I haven’t been able to mourn like I should.

All in all I’m ok with my body. I am at least 50lbs more than I want to be. My stretch marks don’t bother me because I had them before I got pregnant, so I knew I’d get them. What bothers me most is my double chin and I have no clue how to get rid of that. the pics of me are from 2006 before I got pregnant, my belly pic at 37 weeks, and me at 22months pp right before I found out I was pregnant again.

Updated here.

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20 Responses to “My Dream Came True (SCS)”

  1. Amanda Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    I think you’re beautiful. Really :)

  2. Becc Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    your have beautiful breasts!!!! they are still so perky after a child. and i bet after a few months of exercise, you will be back to what you want……just don’t lose that butt, I would kill to have a booty!!!! thanks for sharing your story too, it was beautiful

  3. Joanna P Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Hey,

    All I can say is “Ditto”. C-Section and bottle feeding! I have big breasts too they even went up 2 sizes in my first pregnancy. My original post is here.

    http://theshapeofamother.com/jo

    Unfortunately the pics aren’t there any more.

    I am happy you were able to have your son against the odds and I am also sorry for your loss.

    I am 40 and I now have 2 kids. I don’t feel any different than when I was 27. So, please don’t write older motherhood off – you might be blessed once more :)

  4. Melynda Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    Thank you for posting. I have a similar body and I struggle with seeing my beauty. You are gorgeous! I am sorry for your loss and I hope that you can have another child again.

  5. Sarah Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    I’m so sorry for all of your losses. I don’t know how it would feel to lose a baby. I can only image how it would tear my heart in two. And I think I’d feel the same way about not being able to breastfeed. It would break my heart. I’m also glad to see more plus sized mommies on here! You look fantastic and you really have a great shape and breasts. I think there are more blessings in store for you.

  6. scs Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    thank you all so much..

  7. Emma Says:
    January 5th, 2010 at 5:16 am

    I´m glad for you that you´re proud of your body.

    Personally I think you have a gorgeous and sexy body

  8. mamaoffour Says:
    January 5th, 2010 at 8:05 am

    Oh, I’m SO sorry for the loss of your little baby. I can’t imagine. I hope that you are getting lots of support while you let yourself grieve.

    You have LOVELY curves – truly. I love the pregnancy picture – what a great pregnant belly.

    Beautiful!

  9. dee Says:
    January 5th, 2010 at 10:11 am

    double chin…i would guess lipo for that, seriously, otherwise not much you can do but i see lots of thin women with double chins too, maybe its just heriditary….at least you have great skin.

  10. Jessica F. Says:
    January 5th, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    I’m sad that the nurse told you that you had to bottlefeed. It’s no wonder your milk didn’t come in…it doesn’t come in unless the baby is at the breast every couple hours. That should have been your decision not theirs! I also cried my eyes out about having a csection you can see my post here:

    http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/irrational-jealousy-and-blame-anonymous/

    Sorry about your loss recently. I think you are beautiful!

  11. TracyKM Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 7:55 am

    I’m sorry for your loss. I had a 13 week miscarriage; it’s hard no matter when you lose the baby.
    I’m just curious though–if your breasts got engorged, the nurse (if she was a trained LC and most sadly, aren’t) should have worked with you! (You made it sound like they were engorged “watermelon” boobs, so you milk would have come in). I was also large breasted, and once I got engorged, could NOT breastfeed. A nipple shield made all the difference in the world. Please remember that next time might be totally different for both delivery and breastfeeding.
    Thanks for posting your pictures–you represent way more women than you’d think!

  12. Christie Says:
    January 6th, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your second baby ((hug))

  13. Ashlee Says:
    January 12th, 2010 at 10:35 am

    Thank you for sharing your story. You truelly are an inspiration to us all! :)

  14. meg Says:
    January 13th, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    hi i just came across this website i have no idea how i found it. you look alot like me, and no one is making rude comments every body here is caring, you give me courage thank you so much. i get very depressed about my weight and my size and just everything my husband says im beautiful but i dont see it. my clothes keep getting bigger everytime i have started working out and losing some weight i find out im pregnant , but we are done having kids now and i really want to make a change i want to live long for my daughters. i want them to have a healthy good view of them selves and that cant happen unless they learn that from me. so again thank you for sharing your story, i am sorry about your little angel baby, i have three and they are never forgotten. bless you
    \meg

  15. Ariel Says:
    January 18th, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    You are amazing! I was overweight when my twins surprised me with their existence and that killed me that I wasn’t in shape. I had them early and felt like I did something horrible to them. Like because i was overweight they weren’t born when they should (they were born 2 months early and were in the NICU for 48 days). It’s been a long hard road the past 10 months trying to see the beauty in my body. A friend sent me this link today and I have a feeling I’m going to love it here. :)

    Your story is inspiring! Like another mom said…don’t write off older motherhood….maybe that’s what is in store for you!

  16. Aussie Anon Says:
    March 22nd, 2010 at 5:45 am

    It so wonderful to see a curvy plus size women! I thought i was the only one…. I have always been a big girl….my first pregnancy was so smooth i has only put on 12kgs and felt fantatsic… right up until i was 38 weeks and found out i was breech.. i was rushed into a emergency c-section and never got enough milk after to feed my baby… i fell pregnant again when my daughter was only just 4 months.. it was then that i was diagnosed with post natal. And the weight just piled on! I hadn’t had the chance to lose any weight at all and I put on around 40kgs ( yes i am serious) and just couldn’t stop eating.. i had diabetes that went undiagnosed until delivery, when i had a 10pound 3 baby!!!…. it was honestly the hardest time in my life.. i didn’t think i would make it!
    I don’t think reallistically i will ever have the body i had before.. i am still so overweight and am struggling to lose any weight at all. i am still the same size i was when i had my son… but i am happy! and to me that makes all the difference… you have inspired me not to loathe my body so much… after all it gave me two little miracles and i wouldn’t change that for the world. I think in general we put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect.. perfect mother with a perfect body… Thankyou for sharing your story! i know it has made a difference to me..

  17. monique Says:
    April 8th, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    first of all i stumbled upon this website on accident how ironic i am a 31 yr old mother of 3 and my ex just told me he loves my ex best friend. of course im at least 100 lbs overweight and shes got a perfect size 7. so ive been in bed for two days crying and hating how big ive become after having my children. this website is so comforting and your body looks a lot like mine. i feel so relieved to know that i am what a mother looks like. she isnt a mother yet and i cannot wait til she becomes “real”. anyways im not gonna think about them. im gonna think about me. and be proud of myself and the three angels ive brought into this world.

  18. MC Says:
    September 1st, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    The picture of your back to the camera…totally looks like me!

  19. Melanie Says:
    March 8th, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    I used to be 330lbs, and now at 185lbs my body looks exactly like yours, minus the booty and perky breasts (I’m jealous!). My fiance has helped me feel beautiful about my body. Even though I lost the weight, all the excess skin made me feel even fatter than I was before. Well now that excess skin is being put to good use, as I am 13 weeks pregnant :) You’re amazing and an inspiration to me

  20. scs Says:
    March 13th, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    its so great to hear such great comments. I hope to post more on here soon as soon as I take some pics of my now 3 week pp body.

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