≡ Menu



My Body and the Lies (Anonymous)

number of pregnancies and births: 1 (boy)
age:18
7 months post partum

I gave birth to a handsome and precious baby boy. He was 7 lbs and 9 oz. Right now he is 7 months old and i now know how it feels to have my heart living outside of my body. Im with him 24/7 and even though im exhausted at the end of the day, i adore every moment. The things im ddevastated about are my body and the fact that now im the typical teen mom you know? I’m 18 now but i had him at 17. I was 16 and pregnant and boy, did i suffer from nausea, vomiting, fainting, fatigue, puppp (a rash), etc. I never thought i’d be the one to get pregnant. At 14 i was in an early college taking college classes and doing high school at the same time. I just knew i was gonna be somebody. My whole family seems to have turned out succesful. There are doctors, engineers, journalists, teachers, etc. When i was barely 14 i met the man that i fell in love with and it might sound crazy and insane, but it happens. We were in a long distance for 2 years and now we are going on 4 years of being together! we have gone through hell because the long distance was so hard to deal with and no one understood that. I feel like people who go through long distance dont get enough credit. we’ve been through great and horrible times. He is a great man and I still get butterflies in my stomach when i hear him coming up the steps after a long day of work. Hes a hard worker, a great daddy and a loving future husband. But i still somehow feel like i am not enough sometimes. I was 100lbs before having our first baby with a flat tummy and overall happy. i never had to watch what i ate. Now evrrything has changed. I feel disgusting when I see my stomach and it is sad because that part of my body is what once held my son. I did an amazing thing in this world and im complaining about my body? I just feel so horribly sad when I feel so insecure and i feel like my boyfriend will eventually get bored of my body and want someone else who’s beautiful. When i was smaller i was in a Vogue magazine and sometimes id love to try to get into modeling, but then i remember how my body looks and id probably get laughed at if i went to an audition. Even though i get told all the time that im beautiful and that i look like a doll, i dont feel attractive. I am generally happy with my face and parts of my body, but then all of a sudden BAM! I get these sudden thoughts about how disgusting i feel and sometimes how fat I look. I have good days and bad days. A lot of the time i try to lie to myself that its not that bad although i know that for me, it is. I had my son in august, so since it was extremely hot, i lost weight super fast after having him. right before i had him i weighed 140 lbs! And now i am 120. But since im short i feel like it just looks like too much. Sometimes i still look pregnant and i still wear a gyrtle. When my boyfriend and I get intimate, i feel like he shouldnt look at me and i just want to hide. I want to look as sexy and beautiful as i can for him but i feel like a huge failure. Im 18 and i already Have a belly full of stretch marks and wrinkles? I feel like maybe he just acts like he loves it because he doesnt want to hurt me. The weird part that my head will not understand and sometimes the frustration makes me cry, is that he is always all over me telling me how good i look and how much he wants me, but i feel like anyone who really saw how i look will say it looks gross. My mom, sister, aunt, and mother in law all made a grossed out face when they saw my tummy after the baby. So how can my boyfriend say it looks good to him and how can he want me like he does? Anyone in their right mind would say it looks bad! When we go out somewhere and a beautiful girl walks by, my heart burns and turns into coal because i just know sometimes he might desire a girl like that. He might compare and thats what scares me. I feel so small when i see someone who looks great and they look confident and i just dont. I dont know what to do. I know working out will help, but i know i wont get a flat tummy unless i get surgery or something because my muscles are so far apart. Im actually content with my legs and stuff so if i work out, i might lose weight everywhere else, get more stretch marks, and at the end still have a hanging stomach. What do i do? I dont know, because there are bigger things to worry about but this knaws at me Every. Single. Day.

in Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PUPPP Rash, Submissions, Teen Mom

9 comments… add one

  • MJ Wednesday, May 6, 2015, 1:14 pm

    I kind of love this post, it’s one I can really connect with and I wish I could just sit down and talk to you about these things. I’m sorry your family made a face at your body, mine has done that too, but I’ve noticed that their response is totally different to the responses I’ve gotten from guys and I think it has more to do with the relationship I have with them (my family and guys I’ve dated). You should know that you have a very nice body, just keep telling yourself and soon you’ll see it too, trust me it works :). I still have my bad days where I hate my stomach wrinkles, but usually I just look in the mirror and say “damn!”. And a hint about the girdle, if you feel you need to wear one, invest in a nice one and take the Dita route and wear stockings, it’s fun and adds confidence :).

  • emily Wednesday, May 6, 2015, 2:01 pm

    Oh honey, my heart breaks for you. I’m twice your age and I feel like that too. I’m sorry, I don’t have any advice but I’m sending you virtual hugs xxx

  • B Wednesday, May 6, 2015, 3:56 pm

    For being a mere 7 months p.p. you look absolutely amazing! I was a teen mom too, I had my first son at 19 (pregnant at 18). And going from having a perfectly flat, flawless stomach to having a squishy stretchmarked one was quite an adjustment. It may never be flat & flawless again, but there are things you can do. Counting calories is the easiest & safest way to lose weight. My Fitness Pal is a free calorie counting app. A combination of calorie restriction (within *safe* limits, no need to starve yourself) & exercise you *will* slim back down. Also look at some exercises for rehabilitating diastasis recti (I had the exact seperation you describe) I did this after both pregnancies and it helped me appreciate my body so much. I’m fit, strong, & not afraid to get naked infront of my husband.
    You can do it. Good luck.

  • Erin Thursday, May 14, 2015, 2:17 am

    Ohhhh, I think you’re beautiful. I am 25 now, I have not had kids but I guess maybe I was meant to come on here and see your post like this, I am a little superstitious like that after all. Anyway, I saw your post, and read it entirely.. I really believe you can get back to where you were confidence wise. Please work out and keep being healthy. As far as stretch marks go and wrinkles you should start derma rolling. It really works. Look up Derma rolling in Google images for `stomach` or `stretch marks` you will see what I mean. I actually use it on my scars and any parts of your body are okay. This is definitely my gift to you, because I definitely understand what it is like to lose all confidence. I have never felt sexy, or happy with myself. I am 5*3, 127 ibs I have cellulite, and have start running and trying to improve myself.. I know this will work for you. If you have any questions about anything else I am kind of a health nut and probably have an answer. Take care.

    Thiswhitedream@gmail.com

  • Faye Saturday, May 16, 2015, 5:15 pm

    I swear, I was reading pages from a diary industry have written lol. My mother in law took a photo of my stretchmarked, saggy and wrinkly belly the day after I gave birth to my first child, saying I will want to remember this!! I went to the bathroom and just cried! She was being a bitch, she literally made me lift up my shirt and zoomed in and took a photo on her own camera, not mine. While I was in the bathroom, I had no idea that my hubby had scorned her and deleted the photo. I have seriously found something that helps my tummy. Email me if you want details love faye.stenroos@hotmail.com xx

  • Catherine Wednesday, May 20, 2015, 8:16 pm

    This made me cry because I relate to it so much… I’m 20 weeks 4 days today and I can barely stand to look in the mirror anymore. I don’t like seeing my growing body, darkening nipples… and everything else. Like you, my partner tells me I’m beautiful but I don’t believe him… I think he’s just trying to spare my feelings and I also have recently found myself very jealous of women that I perceive to be more attractive. I’m so scared that I’m only halfway there. I can only imagine the amount of suffering I’m going to go through once I have my little girl. I’m at the point now that I don’t even want to tell my partner how I’m feeling because I’m sure he’s tired of hearing about how I hate the way I look. I want to enjoy this experience but it’s so difficult.

  • Anonymous Thursday, May 21, 2015, 2:37 pm

    Thank you for the people who want to motivate me even though it is still a struggle most of the time, but i am learning to accept my body and trying to be positive. I see that my boyfriend REALLY does love what he has and that is what is helping me get through this! My mom even though she gave me that look, of course always tells me how beautiful i am and as for my mother in law i could care less what she thinks. Im learning to be more confident every day. And Catherine! please, dont feel like that..enjoy your pregnancy because it wont last forever and then you’ll want to remember how it felt to have your little one kick inside of you. Please enjoy every moment of pregnancy and when you have your little baby. Those are moments you never get back. My son is growing sooo fast and I miss feeling him kick me at night and my journey in the hospital.

  • Melissa Saturday, May 23, 2015, 9:31 pm

    I’m 7 months postpartum and look/feel similar. Right down to the jealousy of other women who are more attractive. I never was this jealous until pregnancy and of course now. Such an ugly side of myself, I too am working on it. I also have the diastasis recti, and found something online called the MuTu program. It costs money of course, but I must say its worth it. It’s hard to find the time to do the exercises, but if you have help for just 20 minutes or during nap time, you can do it. It’s all about healing your core and pelvic floor, plus there is a closed Facebook group with thousands of moms who are going through the same thing. I highly recommend this for you and I wish you all the luck in the world on your journey to feeling beautiful again.

  • Sarah Sunday, May 24, 2015, 5:36 am

    I think you look awesome for being 7 months postpartum. My baby will be 7 months next week and I’m with her all day as well. I have days that I feel pretty good and the I have days where I can’t find anything that fits and just want to sit in my room and cry. I’m now working on becoming a better role model for myself. I want to show her what confidence looks like and also what a healthy lifestyle looks like. I still need to lose around 20 lbs and I want to put on some muscle. If you want some help with your journey as well, I would love to talk to you. You can email me at sarahstarfitness@gmail.com

Leave a Comment