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Mummy of one and one to come with major self esteem issues (Anonymous)

November 30, 2009

Im 19, i had my child on the 5th novemer 2008 she is now almost 12 months old
I am currently pregnant im 21 weeks

Iv always had self esteem issues mainly because i had to try match up to me perfect sister! she is skinny beautiful and very talented and i was just the chub kid my dads side of my family loves me very very much but my mums side not so sure i feel like i have to be a certain standard to gain there love which is pretty sad. I feel intimidated when i am around them the only time i click with my mum is when shes drinking. And my sister well we never get on shes too good to be speeking to me She was Ms Queen Bee in primary school and high school and she still is and shes 22!!.

Thats where my confidence really dropped didn’t help i got called fat as a kid and throughout high school so i started turning to drinking and smoking pot and ciggies to try fit in and that made it worse i got my self quite a name. The only reason why i would get a chance with guys is because of my breasts in my bra they looked nice and perky i am a DD even when not pregnant, but with out a bra they go south. Very South so i have never showed anyone so you guys are the first people to ever see my boobs!.

Up untill this day i dispise the body i live in i hate it everything about i hate i can’t even look at myself in the mirror with out bawling into tears i try and accept but i can’t i don’t want to feel that way about my self but i can’t help it. Pregnancy didn’t really change what i looked like just a few stretch marks and extra baggage.

my dad always told me i was beautiful and god loved me the way i are but it just goes in one ear and out the other like i crindge when my bf sez im a sexy mumma and im perfect i hate it it drives me nuts!! i always say stop telling me im beautiful and perfect when im not i know what i am so don’t tell me different he gets quite annoyed because of my confidence issues but he doesn’t know anything about it since his skinny and muscely its like OMG i feel so left out from the world guys take one look at me and laugh or give me a look like omg what is that. I hate it i don’t want my kids growing up knowing there mummy hates her self iv tried loosing weight hundreds of time but i can’t. What the heck is going to happin to my body after the 2nd baby! ??? its bad enough now as it is.

I can’t explain how i feel about my self to anyone untill i came across this site:)
but it really does make me sick looking at my body naked
Im a Christian i do everything a christian is to do i sponsor’d a child i donate to charity i live by God but i just can’t accept ‘Me’ i’v tried preying but nothing happins.

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38 Responses to “Mummy of one and one to come with major self esteem issues (Anonymous)”

  1. John Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:46 am

    You are beautiful and you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself at all. You should also feel extremely lucky to have a man in your life that can see the beauty in you even when you can’t. Be healthy, be happy and God Bless.

  2. Daniel Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    Hi,

    I was reading your entry before looking at your pictures. I am not sure what I was expecting, but I was so positively surprised when I saw your beautifully rounded and shapely body. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder – I think that is a true statement. You can believe your husband. He is not waking every morning – plotting how to make fun of you. I bet my soul on him REALLY liking your body. You know, ALL the “perfect” bodies slowly but surely give in to gravity as well, they may get ill or get into an accident. Often that “perfectness” has it’s price. Diets, excess working out, surgeries, etc etc. Some people have to learn to live with an addiction, your burden may be to learn to love yourself as you love others. YOU are ALSO God’s child. He wanted you distinctly different than your sister.
    He loves you unconditionally. He loves you happy, angry, kind, mean, young, old, firm or sagging skin…
    Be kind to the little girl inside you. Look partly into the mirror and allow her to be vulnerable to yourself. Say hello to the fragile little girl inside you, get to know her, spend 5 minutes a day checking in with her. Take 2 minutes every day focusing on HOW it would feel, if you loved your own body just the way it is today.

  3. kat Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    um, ok. so after reading your post, I was expecting a picture of a fat girl. YOURE NOT FAT! Youre boobs are not saggy and all you need is to take a good look at these photos and realize that. The reason you cant lose weight is cause you dont need to. Learn to love and appreciate your beautiful body. It is creating life!

  4. shai Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    I think you’re beautiful. I can’t see one thing wrong with the way you look. Don’t be so hard on yourself hun, your boyfriend is telling you the truth, I hope you strat to see it soon =)

  5. Emily Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    You are being way too hard on yourself and I’m sure I won’t be the first one to tell you that it’s all in your head! There is absolutely nothing wrong with the body I see in those pictures, I actually think it’s quite lovely and you should be proud! Believe your boyfriend when he says you’re a “Sexy Mumma” because you ARE!

  6. Jessikah Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    Oh my gosh, you`re beautiful. You`re thinner then me! I just had my first baby almost 3 weeks ago, but your body`s smaller then mine was BEFORE i got pregnant. I get the same comments from my boy friend, and sometimes I just wanna yell at him because he has no idea how fat i feel, but hunnie you should take those compliments! They`re true! Your gorgeous and your mommy body is amazing.

  7. Amy Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    I haven’t even read your post yet — I always go to the pictures first. I have to say, I wish I had your boobs! And now, I’m gonna read and like most women, you’ll probably say something negative about them…

  8. Amy Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    OH MY GOSH! Seriously, your boobs are beautiful! If they were mine I would be proud.

  9. Amy Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    Wow you look incredible. Your boobs are amazing and I honestly cannot see anywhere that you need to lose weight. I have suffered from eating disorders on and off since I was 16. I am now 21 and battling it again at the moment, 12 weeks after giving birth to my first baby. I am 5 foot 2 and I weigh 45 kg (99 lbs) and I still think I have weight to lose. When I was reading your post it felt like something I would write about myself and it scared me. Please, I beg of you, do not become like me. It is not a healthy or fun way to live. It takes over your whole life. You look perfect just the way you are. I know the only opinion that counts is your own, not your boyfriends or anyone that writes to you on here, so only you can work on fixing the way you feel about yourself.

  10. bj Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    PHAT!:)

  11. Judith Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    Take a good look at these pictures and find what you DO like. You have a lovely shoulder line and chest area, lovely thighs and great skin. Lovely posture too. Now look again, your breasts are beautiful, not heavy and saggy, you are pregnant so tum is rounded and beautiful. Men mostly don’t like skinny women, they like something soft and shapely to hold, not bones and skin. You look every bit a sexy whole woman. Enjoy your pregnancy then work on being fit and healthy – exercise is great for boosting morale and getting fitter and lshedding a few excess post baby lbs.
    Easy for me to say – but I know how you feel and am at last, at nearly 60, learning to love my body just as it is!

  12. Ashley Says:
    November 30th, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    Wow, you’re not fat at all! Your sister must be skin and bones! You should believe you BF!

  13. Mike Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 1:41 am

    Your body is great, and your breasts are much better then you think. I don’t like the woman on TV anymore, they all looked plastic surgeried and fake.

    The people who run the TV networks are so ugly at heart. That they want every one to get plastic surgey and ruin their looks. So they become as ugly as they are.

    Cut out high fructose corn syrup from your diet. It is unatural for the body and makes it twice as hard to lose weight.

  14. agnete Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 3:28 am

    You look amazing!!! Honestly!!

  15. melissa Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 6:41 am

    Your breasts are magnificent, your curves are amazing – any one who has the audacity to laugh at you is a fool. Have faith in your beauty, love.

  16. Eringremlin Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 6:49 am

    Your skin tone and breasts are FANTASTIC! You look like the epitome of a ripe, beautiful woman to me. Rock that, mama!!

  17. autumn Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 7:13 am

    For one your pregnant, So dont let that get you even more down, You have no strech marks, and your boobs look way better then mine and mine are a 34 c but when I got pregnant they went to a DD so they got streched out and to top it off I didnt breast feed so my boobs got Heavy and Saggyer, lol But Just feel lucky your body could carey two children, Some people arnt as Lucky, I am also 19 and I have a 9 month old son, And I might have a nother one on the way, I dont like the fact neither that my fioncee says im pretty to, and Iv always had confidence problems and turned to the same stuff you did and the only reason boys liked me was because they thaught i was “easy” but really I wasnt, So just be Happy with yourself and go do something that makes you happy without using drugs, I only have one kid but Im sure your body will look good after your second, Just go for walks and stuff it helps, Iv started to but now its getting cold so I cant, but anyways, If you feel so bad about your body go look at mine my post is Engaged, Lost and saggy right below yours, And you tell me who looks better, def. you =] cheer up and hold your chin high if anyone tells you any diff there just jealous =]

  18. Val Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Hey,

    Honestly, you look fine. I wouldn’t say you look amazing, of course, a little workout won’t hurt, but overall you are exaggerating. I hope you’re not offended, I just wanted to keep it real.

    You sister isn’t all that bright, no matter how pretty she is. One is never too good to turn to another person, especially if that person is your sister.

  19. Janice Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    You have such a soft womanly figure. Your breast are awesome. Your Bf is luck guy to have such a hot woman havin his babies. Enjoy this time with your body. I have always felt most beautiful while I was pregnant. You should too cause.. wow….beautiful!

  20. Amy L Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    I’m in a very similiar situation to you, I had my first baby at the age of 20 right before my 21st bday, in December 08, I’m now 23 weeks pregnant with my second and I’ve always had issues with weight and self esteem. I was down to XS everything when I got pregnant and looked pretty good, after I had the baby I had gained SIX pants sizes, I was severely depressed and my boobs sagged. I gained all the weight in my thighs and middle, and I’ll tell you one thing, your thighs are a hell of a lot smaller than mine! I’ve only gained 3 lbs. in this pregnancy so far and have lost fat the on the rest of my body so I’m happy to say I’m back in a size 6 maternity or small, which puts me at about your size! You look good too!

  21. Brittany Says:
    December 2nd, 2009 at 12:14 am

    You look perfect! I’m not kidding! I love the way your body looks with your beautiful breasts and rounded baby bump. Your skin looks very nice too. I agree with everything that has been said. I especially enjoyed Daniel’s post, sweet man.
    I hope that you heal from your childhood pain and realize that you are a unique and beautiful woman who deserves all the love and admiration in the world. Who cares about your sister? You are an adult now who has her own family and her own life so none of that matters now. Take steps to leave that in the past and move on to a happier, more fulfilled future with your wonderful new family.
    Good luck and know that you’re never alone and that strangers don’t lie when we tell you how gorgeous your body is.

  22. Patty Says:
    December 3rd, 2009 at 7:36 am

    ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS hon! I looove your body, its the perfect “mother’s body!” All your curves are precious, they are all so meaningful & special. Not to mention you have fabulous breasts, my God they are perfect!! I don’t think they sag hardly as much as you made it out to be, in fact they look very perky for their size! Are you still a DD now with your 2nd pregnancy?

  23. Deb Says:
    December 3rd, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    You sound like you have an angry drunk inside your head. I have one too- I think it’s my dad. You can will her away you know- it’s your head after all. Anyway, you’re not being very Christian to yourself. In fact, you treat yourself like crap, despite the fact that you have a boyfriend who thinks the world of you. Don’t take for granted that he will always. All that self-loathing of yours can’t be good for your relationship. Get a grip. Be a decent human being to yourself.

  24. Andrea Says:
    December 3rd, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    I have to agree with everyone I always look at the pics first to and when I read what your wrote I will have to say I was SHOCKED! You are beautiful and I’m sure there are many women out there that would love to look like you do.

  25. Emma Says:
    December 4th, 2009 at 12:35 am

    You should be proud of your body. I think you have one of the sexiest bodies around. All women would be envious of your breast

  26. rory Says:
    December 4th, 2009 at 12:55 am

    if this makes you feel better
    my body looks like yours and IM NOT PREGNANT and i was never pregnant + i have horrible strech marks (i used to get sick and lose-gain weight in short time) so yeah….
    be grateful

  27. Liz Says:
    December 4th, 2009 at 4:59 am

    you really look beautiful!!! you are so lucky to have a healthy child and another on the way, try to concentrate on them =)

  28. Katrina Says:
    December 4th, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    You are seriously one of the most beautiful pregnant ladies I have ever seen–and I’m a birth doula! Reminds me of me when I was pregnant, and I know it’s hard in the moment but try and realize that God doesn’t make any mistakes, and He didn’t with you. It can be very shocking to have your body change so drastically, but you will recover from being preggo faster than most because you are young. At 28, it’s taken me a lot longer to lose the baby weight. As far as weight loss, you can’t do much now since you are pregnant but make sure to eat a lot of veggies every day and cut out the processed food, and walk and do some stretches every day. Worked for me.

  29. Lady Says:
    December 7th, 2009 at 9:34 am

    You look like a woman who’s pregnant, as you should!

  30. Amanda Says:
    December 9th, 2009 at 5:30 am

    You are beautiful. Anyone who says otherwise is not seeing you clearly. Your body looks very much like mine except you have a much nicer chest. I don’t see what weight you have to lose. I hope that reading all of these comments can help you embrace your beautiful, womanly body.

  31. Paul Says:
    December 12th, 2009 at 6:05 pm

    You look great, especially for a chick who just got pregnant. Don’t worry.

  32. Kelaiah Lynn Says:
    December 26th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    you look great Mamma!

  33. Tasha Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    Girl, You look beautiful! Your breasts are shaped wonderfully and equally sized; i’m jealous!
    I know what you mean about growing up comparing yourself to a twiggy sister. I was the same way. turns out, she was always jealous of my larger breasts and curvier behind. Not everything is as it seems. Every woman is beautiful and we all come in different shapes and sizes. You’re gorgeous and deserve to feel that way too.
    Congrats on the pregnancies.

  34. brenda Says:
    January 8th, 2010 at 3:21 am

    honey, you have amazing breasts.

    I bet your BF really means it when he says that you are a sexy mama.

    Many men are aroused by the changes in a woman’s body when she gets pregnant. I know my hubby was.

  35. Dave Says:
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:23 am

    Hi there. I tried to post a message to you but was censored. All I wanted to say is that you look great and good luck in the future.

    God Bless.

  36. John Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    Gorgeous, simply gorgeous – breasts are wonderful and you should be very happy :)

  37. Keegan Says:
    June 28th, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    you have amazing breasts! don’t be ashamed of them! you are beautiful!

  38. samantha Says:
    August 13th, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    girl you have a beautiful body it looks just like mine! im 11 weeks pregnant now and am not showing at all, i am getting fat though i just look like i spent the day at a buffet,
    but be happy you look beautiful

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