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Loving who I am now (Hannah)

December 16, 2009

Age: 29 years old
1 Pregnancy, 1 Child
Photos: 1,2,3 are 18months PP and 4 is a before pregger and 8mo pregger photo

I have a son named Ellis. Ellis was born last May by an unplanned C-section. He is now 18 months old. I had a pretty rough pregnancy. I was in school full-time at Mills College and I was working part-time with preschoolers. While I was pregnant, I completed all of the requirements to graduate, wrote a 25 page thesis, and walked in commencement 6 days after giving birth to Ellis. Whew~

During pregnancy, I gained 100pds+! Just to give you an idea… I weighed 120pds pre-preggers and by the time he was born, I was weighing in at 220-230pds! I had REALLY high blood pressure and one doctor told me I had the most worst case of edema he had ever seen! Needless to say… my once tight and taut body has become an oasis for stretch marks, flabby skin, and just all-together blah-ness~

I didn’t have the confidence or the energy to venture out into the world as the strong mommy warrior I envisioned to be and hoped I would be. Instead I had a long recovery from the unplanned surgery and loathed what I had become. At 27 years old I thought I had the whole world figured out… well, maybe just my world. I thought I knew who I was, what I went through and overcame, I thought… and felt like I just knew me. The package.

After my baby boy was born, I totally lost all sense of who I was and I realized that I no longer possessed the “knowing” of what in essence was me. I was a new person. Reborn. I was a mommy now. Although I loved this being that came from my womb, I resented the fact that in return, I received things that I did want more of… scars, stretch marks, fat, serious responsibilities…

Now a little over a year has passed and I am coming to terms with the new identity I’ve had to establish in being the mother to my child and I am happy to say… I do in fact love myself again… okay, maybe like. I still struggle with issues that I’ve struggled with all my life. Weight issues, insecurities… aarrrggghhh! One day I will overcome.

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5 Responses to “Loving who I am now (Hannah)”

  1. Christie Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    I think you are a really gorgeous girl in all your pics, wouldn’t use “blah” to describe you at all! Congratulations on all you have achieved!

  2. Sarah Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    You really look beautiful and I bet that your friends really don’t notice a difference from before you had your son. You have a gorgeous body and a thin waist! You are really quite lucky, especially after gaining 100 pounds! You look amazing! Congratulations on your one year old! :)

  3. Jenn Says:
    December 17th, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    wow i would love to know your secret i also gained 100 lbs during my pregnancy and am 3 mos pp. u look fabulous!!!!!!!

  4. Iagirl Says:
    December 17th, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    My husband is named Ellis, I just love it, he has never been that much in like with it, but is becoming more apprehate of it, since I think it is a beautiful name and quite unusual. He never has to use our last name when he is on the phone, all he says is how many Ellis’s do you know and then they realize that they only know one.
    Congrats on you choosing Ellis.

  5. Mike Says:
    February 1st, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    You are pretty and have a very beautiful body that gave birth to your child.

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