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Loving my babies and hating my body (Anonymous)

January 18, 2011

PREGNANCIES/BIRTHS: 2/2 (currently 10 weeks PP)

I have two beautiful kids. My daughter is 19 months and my son is 2.5 months. I love them more than anything else in the world, and I would never trade them for anything. That being said, I absolutely hate my body. I can’t even look in the mirror anymore. My husband says he loves me just the way I am. He calls my body “his artwork.” Maybe this is totally wrong, but sometimes I feel resentful toward him because I feel like I sacrificed so much to have our kids, and he didn’t really have to give up anything. I know that is part of being a mom and I shouldn’t be so selfish, but I just can’t help it. I feel disgusting and can’t afford plastic surgery or anything like that. I feel so alone sometimes in feeling like this, but I know that I am not. I just want to feel pretty again.

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15 Responses to “Loving my babies and hating my body (Anonymous)”

  1. amber Says:
    January 18th, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Your not alone! I understand everything you said.. stay strong, work out and eat healthy. It will make you feel good to know your at least attempting to better yourself… and in the process, start a change jar, any extra money ( if i find money in the dryer i toss it in) it adds up and you can afford your tummy tuck, im still in the process of saving…..

    Blessed&Tortured

  2. Jenny W Says:
    January 18th, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Girl for 2 kids and only 2.5 months PP you look good! Give it time. It really does get better in time. I also have 2 kids and im 4.5 months PP and i look so much different now than i did at only 2.5 months. You look good so believe your husband.

  3. steph Says:
    January 18th, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    I really get where your coming from and dont think your selfish at all. My partner calls me beautiful but i resent it he makes fat jokes some times i know hes joking but i still sit here and think that i had to sacrifice everything for our child and he didnt have to do anything. Men dont get it i dont think they ever will. But on a high note i think you look good. Your stomach l
    ooks quite small. Stay strong!

  4. MJ Says:
    January 18th, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    we look very similar i hate my overhang its so annoying and uncomfortable:( i have a huge muffin top my love handles are so gross and i dont know how to get rid of them but i think you look awesome you just had a baby… im 26 weeks pg with #3 and i hope i look as good as you when i am 10 weeks pp!!

  5. Stacy Says:
    January 18th, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    I believe you could start by giving yourself some time to recover. The process of pregnancy does not end at birth. Your body will change and mend and strengthen again. I think you are beautiful. I think your husband is right. But I also can empathize with the bitterness you have for being the woman and having the body changes. I think this is a normal process to go through. But staying focused on the positive WILL help. Your body is great and you do not need surgery to make yourself feel better. You have the power to change your perspective at any moment.

  6. shakti Says:
    January 18th, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    I don’t think u don’t need any plastic surgery. You are still very early in the postpartum process. Give you body time to heal and just nourish yourself and your babies. When you feel strong enough, start working out, I know its hard with 2 but its well worth it. You can bring them along on walks, I had a double stroller but when they are really little like your youngest its nice to wear a carrier, they are content longer and you get the extra benefit of carrying some weight for faster weight loss and strength, just be sure to find a comfy one like an ergo. Its unrealistic for so many moms to want to bounce back so fast but were not blame society really conditions us to want instant change and gratification. But be patient and tender with yourself. With good care, nourishment and exercise…you will come to see your body as the amazing vessel of life that it is.

  7. Sarah P. Says:
    January 18th, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    At only 2.5 months postpartum, your body has a lot of healing to do! Try not to stress so much. You are definitely a beautiful woman. I hope that as time goes on, you’ll feel better about yourself. Please update us in a year and then a year after that. Bookmark this page for yourself. You’ll see that time makes a difference. :)

  8. Ashley (author) Says:
    January 18th, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Wow! Thank you everybody for your positive responses! It means a lot to hear from women I don’t even know that I don’t look as bad as I think I do. I really appreciate all of you, and will update sometime in the future. Hopefully my next post will be more positive :)

  9. Nina Says:
    January 19th, 2011 at 1:12 am

    I too think you look great for only 10 weeks PP!!!
    I too have two kids aged 2 1/4 years and 6 months so in the same boat here. At 6 months PP I still have a way to go but am looking much better than I did at 10 weeks, give yourself a bit of time. I totally understand how you feel, our lives get turned upside down and I don’t think you are being selfish at all. Just honest!!

  10. Amy Says:
    January 19th, 2011 at 2:36 am

    Hi, Just wanted to say i can really empathise, esp with the bit about resenting my husband!! i have found myself getting so angry at men who aren’t in excellent shape because i think it should be so easy for them- gain muscle, lose fat, don’t need to worry about losing boobs etc! you are only 2.5 months pp, give yourself 2 years at least and focus on building muscle as well as losing, i think u will get a good result, hang in there!

  11. Rosanne Says:
    January 19th, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    I was easily much bigger in the belly than you, all the way up to a year after my second baby’s birth. He weaned at thirteen months, then I gradually reduced calories and began to work out and, by the time he was TWO, I’d lost 45 pounds and was in awesome shape. It was so worth it to have him, and even though it sometimes seemed I’d never get back to my normal shape, I managed to find an even better shape–stretch marks and all! You look like a beautiful mother. Enjoy your new baby and be healthy! Change will come when it’s meant to.

  12. Erin Says:
    January 25th, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    I, like so many here, can totally relate to how you feel (especially with what I called my, “I hate my husband” phase)!

    As women, we hear so much about our bodies before and during pregnancy, but I don’t think we’re really prepared for what we will look like post-baby and what toll being pregnant will take on our bodies. It’s a HUGE blow to our self image and our egos.

    Like you said, you love your kiddos and wouldn’t trade them for anything, BUT you hate your body… I wonder if that’s where some of our self love goes? We offer so much to our little ones and our significant others, that we don’t have that much left for ourselves? Just a theory…

    I agree with so many of the other comments, being so close to the delivery, give your body time to fully recuperate. You’re looking great!!! Look at the curve of your hip and, really, how flat your belly already is – again, you’re doing great!

    I waited so long to do any sort of start any exercise after my boys were hatched and I wish I hadn’t… Now, I take daily walks and have found that I need that daily dose of fresh air – it’s great for the mind, body, and soul… That would be my bit of advice to you – take some time during the day and just get away for a bit; take a nice walk around your neighborhood or on a treadmill. That will do wonders!

    As your babies get a little bigger and YOUR sleep gets a little better, you WILL start to feel more like yourself and you WILL have more energy and more confidence in yourself and your appearance!

    Just remember that you ARE beautiful now!!!!! And you WILL start feeling both more comfortable and beautiful in your skin as your body (and mind) gets in the groove of recuperating and healing!
    Keep your chin up and your network of support around you!!!!

  13. LEB Says:
    January 31st, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Your son is so, so little, and bodies rarely bounce back that quickly! Cut yourself some slack… it took 9 months to make that baby, so it’s going to take a little time for your new body to adjust.

    There are post-partum girdles and body slimmers available, and some are quite affordable. They help support your muscular corset as it shrinks, and also smooths your midsection so your clothes fit better. You’re slim, so you might even be able to slide on your old jeans soon. With some exercise and a good diet(walking is GREAT for you and fun for baby!), your new body will soon reveal itself. And you might even find that you like your new body better than the one you had before!

  14. aida Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 8:29 am

    Dont feel bad! I sometimes feel that way towards men like we sacrifice so much and they leave untouched, but we are mothers we are strong!!! you have a beautiful body and it is to early on to make judgemnets. eating alot of foods rich in collagen helps with wrinkly stomach. taking walks and exercising helps in time ur skin will tighten. dont be discouraged you are beautiful!

  15. Nikki Says:
    March 23rd, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    I share some of those same feelings. My husband tells me over and over that he thinks I’m sexy, but I can’t find it in myself to really believe him. I know he does, but I guess I just don’t understand why when I hate what I see. However, I have found something that has helped me feel better like I have some controll over my mommy tummy. There are exercizes to help with the tummy pooch (caused by muscle separation during pregnancy). Just look up tupler technique. I’ve lost an inch off my tummy without losing weight. Just thought I’d share something that has helped me feel better…we just need to try and see ourselves through the eyes of our husbands and those who love us.

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