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Lost and sad (Anonymous)

September 28, 2010

Age: 20
Number of children: one
I am 13 months post postpartum.

Hello, currently i am struggling with body image. I had my child 13 months ago, and my body has slightly improved since then. I am 5 ft 4 and weigh 130 lbs. I gained 96 lbs during my pregnancy and had pre-clampsia. I was 130 lbs before i was pregnant so i lost all my baby weight within one year by hard work. But for some reason, i do not look the same. Nor do i look just as thin as i was before. I got stretch marks all over my stomach, my thighs, back of legs, underarms, breasts and hips. I destroyed my body by caring for a beautiful life. I never want to get pregnant again and just want to enjoy my daughter and whats left of my body to enjoy. I feel bummed out. I am still trying to lose weight and i look way better clothed than i do naked. My boyfriend does not mind one bit and tells me he loves my body. I do not understand that. How can some women be so flawless, and all i did was get pregnant and my body went through a major change. My breasts actually lost a cup size (34B) after i gave birth and are not perky anymore. My belly looks like oatmeal and the only gorgeous thing i can stand is my face. Since that is what others see and compliment. My childless-friends even freak out when they see my stomach. But reassure me it will go away. I know it won’t and i think i have tried everything to fix it. I am not considering plastic surgery, so instead, i pretend i am a goddess dressed in a white robe and imagine that every women years ago knew that this destroyed body was actually beautiful. So i should love it too, since it is spectacular in its own unique way. But i do feel sad, and lost. I can not stop myself from criticizing every part of me.

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13 Responses to “Lost and sad (Anonymous)”

  1. Ashley Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 9:28 am

    It’s hard to cope with the way our bodies an lives change during pregnancy and birth — we come out completely different in every way.

    However, you don’t have to “pretend” that you’re a goddess dressed; you’re a goddess at all times, a bearer of life and beautiful to boot. :D

  2. Mary V Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 9:46 am

    I think you look fantastic! My body is a lot like yours, and I was terrified to have another baby but me and my husband had another one anyway and it was not as bad… I dont know what it was about the first that I gained so much weight either! You really do look great, your bum is so cute and perky! And good for you for working hard to lose your baby weight, my family was always commenting that I was just lucky to lose my weight… I went to the gym every day! Your beautiful, and if its any help, I took a classic arts class and many of the women in painting and sculpture did not fit what todays “ideal shape” is, I loved thinking to myself “I am a classic beauty!”

  3. Shannon Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 10:24 am

    You actually look the most like me of all the people on this site (and I think you look great!!!). You can see my pictures under childloss “15 months pp update”. I can definitely tell that you work out. Your bum, thinghs and back at so toned, and your tummy looks great. I know that most other mama’s don’t get the “apron”…I guess that just makes us special and unique! I know how you feel though. I still refuse to stand naked in front of my husband, and if we shower the light is off. What do you do for workouts? You really look fantastic!!!

  4. Kerry Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 11:22 am

    I think you look beautiful! It is tough at times to accept and embrace our changes but I love how you try to look at it as something that used to be beautiful in the old days, I do the same thing actually! (but I think there must be some country or tribe where I would be proud to walk naked because everyone would revere the form of a mother) I think mothers have great bodies, with even better stories. All bodies are unique, but especially those of us mamas :)

  5. KatieM Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    You look great and you should be proud of the fact that you were able to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. Losing 90 lbs is no small feat, my lower stomach looks like that too, but its easy to hide :)

  6. Tracy Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    good for you for losing the weight, you look fabulous :) I don’t think it looks like you need to loose anymore weight, I think you look great as is :)

  7. emethereality Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    You look great, you really do! We’re pretty much the same height and weight and our stomachs are very similar (you can look me up a few entries back under proudmama) but I do think you look thinner and better than me and your stomach doesn’t seem to have as much loose skin. You gained a lot of weight and then lost it within a pretty short timeframe, of course you’ll have some extra skin. It’s hard to get used to and we’ll probably struggle with it the rest of our lives but we created life, that is an amazing feat that unfortunately not everybody can accomplish.
    I wouldn’t let this stop you from having another baby if that’s what you want. You seem to have a loving, supporting husband and I’m sure he feels blessed that you gave him a beautiful baby.

    Chin up mama, you’re beautiful!

  8. New mom Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    Lost and sad are human emotions. And are fleeting and temporary. The hope and faith that you demonstrate by “pretending” is the godly part of you. And that’s forever.

    (((hugs)))) and *love*

    Om Namah Shivayah

  9. Rosie Says:
    September 30th, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Your body looks amazing!!!
    Tiny waist and your boobs ARE perky – certainly more perky than mine were at your age and that’s before I had kids!
    Destroyed body? I don’t see a destroyed anything and if anyone says otherwise it says more about them than it could possibly ever say about you!

  10. jen Says:
    October 1st, 2010 at 10:50 am

    I think you have a gorgeous and feminine body. You are already a goddess and congrats on losing all that weight!! Thats not an easy thing to do, you should be very proud of yourself!

  11. Tabby Says:
    October 1st, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    You really look great. My BF actually has the same sort of tummy due to losing 100 lbs. I have only known him since he lost it and love his stretch marks and tummy just the way it is extra skin and all! I think you should take another look at your shape to see what others see, and that is beautiful. Our bodies will start to sag at some point and holding onto unattainable standards just ruins your ability to enjoy yourself fully. I sometimes lust after my prebaby body, but then i remember that even then I felt like I did not live up to “perfection” that i was striving for, and that also helps for me to throw that old me out the window and love the new me, the new me that has totally awesome kids and friends and family that love me no matter how I look!

  12. Mary Says:
    October 26th, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    You look fantastic and spend no time worrying that you do not!

  13. Rhianna Says:
    November 12th, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    You look exactly liek me I am not kidding body twin. I had a c-section 3 years ago. I lost my baby weight my tummy looks just like that, and I lost two cup sizes of boobs and mine are really saggy. Yours are perky, and your bum looks way better than mine. My biggest pet peeve is if I like smush my skin down i can see what my tummy would normally look like, and i try to buy undies that like cover over or try and hold it in, and it makes it turn like a roll instead lol.. but I kinda just laugh it off and tuck my tummy and buy padded bras. I think you look really good, and you should be proud of yourself. It’s hard to redefine “beauty” as we know it. Yeah and your right some moms turn out with perfect bodies when they are done, but the majority of women turn out looking exactly like me and you. That’s why I love this website becuase you would never know what others look like naked, and then you would assume it’s just you. Your not alone. Your beautiful. I look just like you and I feel beautiful most of the time, it’s okay too feel sad and have your moments. Sometimes Im like hey wouldn’t winning the lotto and getting a tummy tuck be a nice suprise today? But seeing as how that be my only way I would, I just surround myself with real women who have curves and personalities and shout out soem love to msyelf everyday. ( Plus when are kids are 17 and yelling they hate us we can just simply point down and then tell em to shush ) Sure helps to have cute little hugs and kisses and laughs right now though huh? :) Women are tough cookies and we go through heck, but we made a life, I don’t think anything in the world tops that.

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