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Learning to Love My Body After a Loss (Lissa)

July 8, 2009

I’m mom of 2 living Children and 1 child who died shortly after birth. My youngest and last child was born at 30 weeks. She was a preemie. And I spent many weeks in the hospital prior to giving birth. I felt like my body failed her for the longest time. I was so uncomfortable in my own body. I felt hideous and disfigured. Why could so many women have all their children with no problem and my body led to my child’s death.

I started getting comfortable in my own body recently. And I’ve shed all worry about what other’s think of my body. I’m a mother to 2 beautiful children on Earth and 1 Breathtaking Angel in Heaven who lived for 23 days. I’m happy with my body now. It’s been 2 years since my daughter died.

I truly believe EVERYONE is beautiful. I’ve got huge stretch marks on my stomach, they are my badges and they show my love for my children. My breasts are sagging from nursing and from pumping while my baby was in the NICU. I’m pock marked from acne and I’ve got numerous large moles but I AM beautiful. No matter what anyone else says. I truly don’t think anyone in the world is ugly. I see beautiful in all people, big or small.

Namaste

Lissa

~Your Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3- 2 living children
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5, 3, and 2 years

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11 Responses to “Learning to Love My Body After a Loss (Lissa)”

  1. hillary Says:
    July 8th, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    I’m so sorry that you didn’t get more time with your baby. You’re right, your body is beautiful. It reminds me of a painting, maybe something by klimt.

  2. anonymous Says:
    July 9th, 2009 at 3:18 am

    I am sorry for your loss. You look beautiful, and you are beautiful, inside and out :)

  3. Lici Says:
    July 9th, 2009 at 5:01 am

    Truly inspiring. Here I was moaning and groaning about what my body has become, it’s women like you that makes the world a better place. Don’t worry your little one is sitting with Jesus keeping watch over her siblings. You are beautiful, I guess I am too.

  4. tokenblogger Says:
    July 12th, 2009 at 8:18 am

    You do look beautiful. I especially envy your breast size.

  5. Sarah Says:
    July 13th, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    You have a gorgeous body and you’re a similar size to me! :) I’m so sorry for your loss!

  6. Alexis Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    You look good, I was glad to see you said you had a breathtaking angle in heaven. I have lost a sister very young my father a friends sister (who was young as well) as everyone tell me I am strong I try to say that I am not strong but supported by those who are watching us know. I use to get depressed and sad over loss and still do but have come to the idea that I like to think they are not gone that they reamin here and waiting for us. Like in the movie passengers. They will help us find the way when we are ready.

  7. Temeeka Says:
    July 25th, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    (Been on this site for half hour- this is my 1st comment :) )
    You Look wonderful :)

    I am very sorry you didn’t get to spend more time with your Angel. :(

    You have a beautiful Body & You carried 3 Precious Babies in that body!

    am so glad you are happy in your own skin :)
    It’s nice to hear

  8. Rila Says:
    August 19th, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    My ex boyfreind though moles looked cute. I happy to see you know you are beautiful.

  9. Leah Says:
    August 24th, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Your post made me cry and made me feel more appreciative for what I have.

    More and more I’m considering posting a picture of myself here. Your confidence in yourself and your body is inspiring.

    Thank you and God bless you.

  10. tanya Says:
    September 19th, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    you definatly are beautiful inside and out. You have very blessed babies :) to have such an awesome mom. i am so sorry for you losing your baby but she is definatly an angel smiling down on you forever now :)

  11. Julia Says:
    October 13th, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    Your post made me cry and feel more appreciative of what I have as well. I have a beautiful 2 year old boy who was born shortly before 30 weeks gestation. He’s healthy and super active now. He has some sensory and developmental problems, but I am doing as much as I can to get him the developmental, speech and occupational therapy that he needs. Thank you for reminding me that I should count my blessings every day.

    I also had the same thing happen to my breasts after pumping milk for 8 months, since my son did not want to breast feed after he came home from the NICU. I had an 8 month relationship with my pump instead of my baby, but the result was that my son did not get sick once in his first year of life. My milk had provided him with the necessities to build his immune system and become healthy and strong.

    You are beautiful for persevering through your tragic loss and being there for your other children. Your angel is watching over you and is most definitely very proud of her mommy.

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