- 22 years old
- 1st pregnancy
- 4 weeks postpartum
Firstly I would like to say that I think this website is absolutely fantastic! During and following my pregnancy, this site has made me realise that I’m not the only person struggling to come to terms with my new body and anyone who posts pictures of themselves and parts of their bodies that they’re unhappy with (and happy for that matter) are so brave! So to all you mothers who are also struggling, I want to say thanks for making me realise I am not alone!
I gave birth to my beautiful little boy on the 3rd December this year! I am 4 weeks post-partum to this day! Before I was pregnant I weighed just under 11 stone, I was a curvy and volumptuous size UK 12/14. I’ve never really had any major issues with the way I looked, I’d have my ‘fat’ days, but generally I was happy. Throughout my pregnancy I put on a total of about 28 pounds and it generally was all on my belly, so as far as I’m concerned I did quite well. Towards the end I was huge, I also went over by 13 days, so I don’t think this helped either!
Then on the 3rd December 2009 I gave birth to Noah, who in my eyes is the most perfect and beautiful little boy ever! He weighed a very healthy 9 pounds, which explains why I was so huge towards the end!!!
I’m now 4 weeks post partum and I am only 7 pounds heavier than what I was before I had him, so I haven’t got an awful lot to lose, however, it’s not the weight that I’m unhappy about, but the amount of stretchmarks and the way that my body has altered! I didn’t really have many stretchmarks whilst I was pregnant, but then from about week 35 they just came everywhere! There’s now not a part of me that hasn’t got a stretchmark! I’ve got them on my thighs, behind my knees, all over my belly, my bum and my boobs! People keep telling me they’ll fade, but this doesn’t make me feel any better! I want to cry just thinking about the way I look, I actually disgust myself! I hate the way my once perk boobs are no longer and feel almost empty and drooping, my thighs and bum are now so out of shape it’s unreal, I’ve got like a pouch on my belly and my sides are now fatty, which hides what once was my womanly curves! I’m ashamed to even show my body to my partner, who constantly reassures me that he’s not bothered and that I still look beautiful, but I don’t and can’t believe him for one second! If it wasn’t for my partner being at the hospital whilst a midwife checked my stomach, he still wouldn’t have seen it to this day!
I feel so awful and ashamed of myself for feeling so resentful towards my body, because if it wasn’t for my body and the changes it went through, I wouldn’t have my little boy. But I can’t help but hate the way I look! People keep telling me the stretch marks will fade and nothing that a bit of spinning can’t sort out, but I don’t believe them!
I just wish now when I had my body before – which has now long gone – I had appreciated and loved it more, as to be honest it was pretty good, even if I say so myself!!! But for now I’m learning to accept myself and hopefully once I can accept myself, I can then learn to love myself once more!
I’ve attached a picture of firstly my little boy, before I was pregnant and me at about 34 weeks pregnant! I haven’t attached any of me post-partum as it would mean having to get my partner to take them and I’m not yet ready for him to see me! But hopefully in time I will have the courage to post pictures of my post-partum body!