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Learning to accept my new body and hopefully one day love! (Anonymous)

January 22, 2010

- 22 years old
- 1st pregnancy
- 4 weeks postpartum

Firstly I would like to say that I think this website is absolutely fantastic! During and following my pregnancy, this site has made me realise that I’m not the only person struggling to come to terms with my new body and anyone who posts pictures of themselves and parts of their bodies that they’re unhappy with (and happy for that matter) are so brave! So to all you mothers who are also struggling, I want to say thanks for making me realise I am not alone!

I gave birth to my beautiful little boy on the 3rd December this year! I am 4 weeks post-partum to this day! Before I was pregnant I weighed just under 11 stone, I was a curvy and volumptuous size UK 12/14. I’ve never really had any major issues with the way I looked, I’d have my ‘fat’ days, but generally I was happy. Throughout my pregnancy I put on a total of about 28 pounds and it generally was all on my belly, so as far as I’m concerned I did quite well. Towards the end I was huge, I also went over by 13 days, so I don’t think this helped either!

Then on the 3rd December 2009 I gave birth to Noah, who in my eyes is the most perfect and beautiful little boy ever! He weighed a very healthy 9 pounds, which explains why I was so huge towards the end!!!

I’m now 4 weeks post partum and I am only 7 pounds heavier than what I was before I had him, so I haven’t got an awful lot to lose, however, it’s not the weight that I’m unhappy about, but the amount of stretchmarks and the way that my body has altered! I didn’t really have many stretchmarks whilst I was pregnant, but then from about week 35 they just came everywhere! There’s now not a part of me that hasn’t got a stretchmark! I’ve got them on my thighs, behind my knees, all over my belly, my bum and my boobs! People keep telling me they’ll fade, but this doesn’t make me feel any better! I want to cry just thinking about the way I look, I actually disgust myself! I hate the way my once perk boobs are no longer and feel almost empty and drooping, my thighs and bum are now so out of shape it’s unreal, I’ve got like a pouch on my belly and my sides are now fatty, which hides what once was my womanly curves! I’m ashamed to even show my body to my partner, who constantly reassures me that he’s not bothered and that I still look beautiful, but I don’t and can’t believe him for one second! If it wasn’t for my partner being at the hospital whilst a midwife checked my stomach, he still wouldn’t have seen it to this day!

I feel so awful and ashamed of myself for feeling so resentful towards my body, because if it wasn’t for my body and the changes it went through, I wouldn’t have my little boy. But I can’t help but hate the way I look! People keep telling me the stretch marks will fade and nothing that a bit of spinning can’t sort out, but I don’t believe them!

I just wish now when I had my body before – which has now long gone – I had appreciated and loved it more, as to be honest it was pretty good, even if I say so myself!!! But for now I’m learning to accept myself and hopefully once I can accept myself, I can then learn to love myself once more!

I’ve attached a picture of firstly my little boy, before I was pregnant and me at about 34 weeks pregnant! I haven’t attached any of me post-partum as it would mean having to get my partner to take them and I’m not yet ready for him to see me! But hopefully in time I will have the courage to post pictures of my post-partum body!

Updated here and here.

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6 Responses to “Learning to accept my new body and hopefully one day love! (Anonymous)”

  1. kimber Says:
    January 22nd, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    you could set your camera to take a picture itself. set it on a shelf and get your post shot. that’s what i did, then deleted them right away. too embarrassing for anyone that i know to see!

  2. kat Says:
    January 22nd, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Ok so first off, your little boy is probably the cutest baby I’ve ever seen! and Secondly, I’m sure you’re one of those women who looks waaay better than they think they do. Lastly, you are only 4 weeks pp! Your uterus hasn’t even shrunk to normal size! Your body will readjust just fine. Hang in there! I’m sure I am speaking for all of us when I say that an update will pp pics would be nice when you are ready.

  3. TracyKM Says:
    January 22nd, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    Gosh, I know you’re actually more than 4 weeks PP now, but why do women think what took 10 months to grow and change should disappear in 4 weeks?
    For a great butt workout, put baby in a wrap or mei tai and with good posture and abs tucked in, climb up and down the stairs, or hill walk. Just wear baby most of the day, LOL. Makes life so much easier and it’s a fabulous workout!
    You should be enjoying your babymoon, not even thinking about stretch marks :)

  4. Shanyn Says:
    February 17th, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    As a mama whose daughter was also 9lbs, I wear my stretch marks as a badge of honor! :)

    Here is the thought process that allowed me to have some perspective when I was mourning the loss of my body after I birthed my first – the body I had first didn’t grow this gorgeous baby, the body I had first didn’t nourish me and my son, the body I had first didn’t go through labor and birth and make me a mother. The body I have now did all of those things. That’s pretty cool. :)

    Be easy on yourself mama, enjoy that gorgeous boy of yours and give yourself time to settle into your new mama skin.

  5. Jenna Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 10:39 am

    You really look great!

  6. L Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Your son is too cute!!! You will overcome it. I’ve been there done that twice. Give yourself time to heal. Eventually you will drop the weight and stretchmarks will lighten and you will feel better and enjoy your man again. It just takes time!

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