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Learning to Accept My Body (Emily)

April 2, 2012

I was 21 when I became pregnant with my first son. It took us almost a year to conceive him and I had developed worries that I might be infertile. When we found out we were pregnant I was so relived and a overjoyed we would be able to have children. I had a beautiful happy pregnancy. I also enter pregnancy with a magazine like body and secret body image issues. Since my teens, I never felt skinny enough or pretty enough and always found unhealthy was to keep a thin figure. When my 1st child was born, I struggled with postpartum depression. PPD was hard for me to accept because I loved my baby so much and we had worked so hard to bring him into the world, I was afraid admitting my PPD would be like saying I was ungrateful for my precious gift. Despite lathering up daily in cocobutter and gaining only the recommended 25lbs, I had a belly full of streach marks. My mother literly gasped when I showed her my postpartum belly. I gain weight during the postpartum period going from a size 10 at birth to a 16 at 1 year postpartum. At that time I conceived our second child. My husband knew how sensitive I was about my stretch marks and in an attempt to be kind he encouraged me to use cocobutter each day, but really his acknowledgement of my scaring just made me angry and insecure. I worried through out the pregnancy due to financial problems and frequent contractions from six months. I feared a miscarriage. Thankfully, I carried my 2nd child to term and gave birth to a health baby. I have not suffered depression this time but have suffered from confidence in my body. I long for self acceptance and to feel sexy the way my sweet husband insists that I am. The sagging skin the streach marks have left make it difficult for me to see the beauty I know my body possesses. My old clothes I onced loved now create unflattering bulges in my middle region. I’ve gone from a size 14 at birth to a size 10. I feel better about my body, but I want to feel good about myself regardless of what my body looks like. I want to accept my self and feel what I know: that a woman is beautiful because she is a WOMAN, a creator and nurturer of life. I hope that posting this will help me in my quest.

25yrs old
2 children, infant & 2yr old, 8 months PP, nursing

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8 Responses to “Learning to Accept My Body (Emily)”

  1. Desirea Says:
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    You look great mine are so much worse really dark all over my stomach I wish I had your tummy :)

  2. Mina Says:
    April 2nd, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    I TOTALLY relate to this statement you made: “I feel better about my body, but I want to feel good about myself regardless of what my body looks like”. That’s what I’m aiming for in my journey. Thank you for sharing!

  3. Jamie Says:
    April 3rd, 2012 at 11:25 am

    I can relate to you completely with this story and how you’re feeling about yourself. I think you’re beautiful and know that we see our new “flaws” as worse than they are. Your husband isn’t crazy by thinking you’re sexy, after birthing 2 children, you truely are!
    :) I hope you find your acceptance soon.

  4. amber H Says:
    April 4th, 2012 at 9:48 am

    you look great! your only 8 m pp – diet and exercise will get you toned and dont worry you have a great tummy! Yours looks just like mine did too!

    blessed and tortured are my posts

  5. nicole Says:
    April 6th, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    youll be fine dont worry just give it more time. ive had two babies im 10months pp as of the 3rd of this month my tummy os horrible ive got tons of loose skin. i just saw a plastic surgeon last week that quoted me over 9 grand for a tuck that i really need but 9 grand is more than we can afford. it sucks and ive tried everything working out dieting skin brushing. im just going to have to live with it till we have the extra money one day i think. but you look awesome! i wish i couldve lucked out like you did. ive found that brushing the skin in the swower with a bristle brush with some moisturizing body wash helps alot with my stretch marks which are pretty much gone or at least the same color as my non stretched skin. time helps alot too. just be patcient you look great, really you do.

  6. Molly Says:
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:26 am

    You are beautiful. I have a similar pp belly, extra skin and lots of stretch marks in the same area. I will post my story shortly. I have learned to love my body. I had a rough pregnancy and am amazed what my body can endure. We have changed from just women to mothers. Our bodies and our minds. With time comes acceptance and the ability to embrace the change.

  7. Mommy Says:
    April 17th, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    I can really relate to your story! I have a belly just like yours. I have always felt like I was the only one who had these “scars”. I love my babies more than anything but wouldn’t trade them for ANYTHING! But the stretch marks and flabby skin I received are very hard to deal with. What is different from you is while growing up, I never cared how I looked! It wasn’t until after my first child, her first birthday, that I felt like I was morbidly ugly. Luckily, I have a wonderful, loving, compassionate husband who loves me more and more every day and pays no attention to my stretch marks and flab. He actually gets mad when I talk about how I hate my body. And I will say try not to let pants size bother you. I can wear a size 10 in one brand, and size 4 in another. I don’t understand it…

  8. Kate Says:
    April 20th, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    You have a really cute tummy! I wish mine was as flat as yours :)

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