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Just Can’t Get Over It (Anonymous)

January 11, 2013

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years

I met my husband 6 years ago. We dated for 6 months before he proposed and then got married 6 months later. We then got pregnant just a month after getting married, but sadly ended in a miscarriage. We didn’t give up though, we tried again and got pregnant again 2 months later and we had a beautiful baby girl who is now 4 years old. I love my husband more than words can say and he is the best thing that ever happened to me, but he has a problem that deeply bothers me and I just don’t think he gets it. I discovered he was looking at porn when my daughter was about a year old. I confronted him a couple of times and he flat out lied to my face about it. I let it go for a little while, thinking maybe I was just overreacting and it wasn’t as big of a deal as I was making it out to be. I just couldn’t let it go though. I found myself sneaking into his phone to look at his history and it was filled with pages of porn videos. I confronted him about it again and told him that it bothers me that he would rather look at porn than have sex with his own wife (by that time it WAS affecting our sex life) He told me that he loved me and my body and I needed to believe him when he told me that and said that he would quit watching the porn. That was probably about a year and a half ago and he is STILL watching it even after telling me he wouldn’t. It’s so hard to trust him now. I just wish he could understand how bad it hurts when I find this stuff on his phone. I don’t take compliments well and when he tells me I look good or something I just roll my eyes or something and it frustrates him. It’s VERY hard to believe him when he tells me these things. If I did look as good as he’s saying I do, then why is there a need to go look at porn sites every day?? He could just be saying it to try to make me feel better or because he HAS to say it. I wish I could just get inside his head and know what he’s thinking. Guys always say its normal for them to look at porn…. normal doesn’t make it right, or make it hurt any less. I haven’t confronted him since because I feel as if I’m just wasting energy on it. I think about it daily though and it bothers me so much. The past year I’ve lost a lot of weight I went from 186lb to 148lb and have gotten attention from guys. I would NEVER cheat on my husband but It feels GREAT to hear it from someone that doesn’t HAVE to say it. I love the attention. I still hate my body though and I don’t think I’ll ever learn to love it. I’m trying my hardest though! I just want the porn to go away and have a normal relationship without all the worry and hurt and feel wanted and loved!

Picture is at 148lbs a couple of months ago!

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30 Responses to “Just Can’t Get Over It (Anonymous)”

  1. anne Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 11:44 am

    I have a story on here so similar to yours. my husband was addicted to pornography for years and my self esteem was extremely affected as well. my husband did quit looking 2 years ago because he was convicted of his actions. He is doing fantastic now with the help of our friends and our church although my self esteem has yet to fully recover. if you would liketo speak to someone who under stands my email is salinza33@gmail.com

  2. char Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 11:47 am

    This is SO similar to me. My boyfriend was looking at a website that pretty much says “whores don’t have s consensual age” basically meaning that almost all of the videos were of underage girls.

    I gained 65 pounds during pregnancy, and hate my body. I have NO self esteem, self worth, or confidence. I, too, feel like he is lying when he gives me compliments. If he l loves my disgusting body so much, then why is he looking at teenage girls, that weigh 100 pounds? Might i add, that these girls were doing masturbation videos. It makes me wonder if he was doing cam sessions too. When I was pregnant, i discovered that he had an account with Stickam. He said that he only logged on once, to try to get girls to masturbate for him. Honestly, that is cheating in my eyes. He says that he will not look at porn anymore. It almost ruined our relationship.

    Honestly, i have been starving myself secretly. I hate myself. I can’t even look in the mirror, because i hate my face so much.

    If you wasn’t to talk, you can email me at charrgarz@gmail.com

  3. Shelley Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    I’m sorry to hear this is hurting and bothering you.

    I truly do not believe what you look like, or how attracted your husband is to you has anything to do with why he is looking at Porn. As a young woman, I know from experience that it is easy to think there is something lacking in your relationship, or something you don’t have that is making him turn to watching porno, but I can honestly say I don’t bueve one has anything to go with the other. Sex and making lo e are two totally different things and watching the porn in secretight just be what turns him on, and he likes it. It doesn’t mean he will cheat or that he likes having sex with you any less. Do you have a sex life that ever involves anything kinky or crazy? If not, if its sex usually between the sheets with the lights dim, blow his mind! Don’t question him or bring up the porno again. Instead, throw on a pair of 6″ stripped heels and nothing else, leave the lights ON, and surprise him in bed with a dirty dance , then take control and be in charge, show him a side of you he hasn’t seen before! This will not get him to stop watching porn, but will put you on equal ground. Maybe you should even buy a DVD and watch with him. I am not a guy, lol, but a40 year old women who loves to watch porn with my husband. During my first marriage, when I was in my 20′s I freaked out after finding out my husband had looked at a play ou and his it on his vehicle. It’s all laughable to me now, because I was very uptight and not confident when I was younger. If you are confident in your love, and love yourself, and feel sexy yourself, you will soon realize how insignificant porno is. If, on the other hand, you do exude confidence and have a smashing sex life and he still looks at porn daily, he’s probably got some other issues and should talk to a counselor.

  4. Original poster Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    To all the people on Facebook that are saying I’m blowing it out of proportion and I need to get over it and try it with him…… We DO watch it together and I actually don’t have anything against it. But when it causes a problem in your sex life and e would rather watch it than be with you, AND he’s trying I keep it a secret. THAT is why I have a problem with it.

  5. mrspetunia Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Just because you like flattering attention from guys other than your husband doesn’t mean you love your husband any less. It’s just nice to have the reassurance. Likewise, just bc your husband likes to look at porn doesn’t necessarily mean he loves you any less. Guys are visual creatures who like variety. Anyway, you look great! And your weight loss is amazing, I know how much work that is! Keep it up and best of luck to you.

  6. ariana Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    This is something that everyone feels different about. It makes sense that he hurts you by lying about it and in turn that makes you think that he doesn’t see you the same as before. And that makes you feel even more insecure. You did awesome losing weight! I wish I could have lost that much and you looke beautiful!

    It all starts with you sweetie. You have to realize that you’re beautiful. Believe that your husband loves you and you better believe he still thinks you’re beautiful! In this picture, you look great and if other men are complimenting you, I think your husband is honest! No man can ever see their spouse differently if they truly love them.

    After I got married, I would see history of porn sites and I would ask him about it and he would sarcastically say what? Me? Nahhh haha but after he came out and said that he did watch it, it was weird at first. I didn’t know how to react. but eeventually we talked about it and we have since then watched porn together. A fun thing we used to do is I would search for videos I thought he would like. Haha

    I have had 2 children, one almost 3 and the second one is 2 months old. Lets just say my belly did not survive. Its disgusting, I hate it. But I’ve come to accept it. Its a sacrifice for the lives of 2 little angels and I wouldn’t have any other way. And as for losing the wieght…I haven’t lost any since the first pregnancy, but I have lost some weight with the second one. It is what it is. I can’t do much about it. I try not to think about it. But even with my flabby stomach, I know my husband is still attracted to me. And that’s what keeps me going.

    My husband still watches porn every now and then. Sometimes I catch him sometimes he tells me. But I never have a problem about it. It doesn’t bother me because I know he loves me and only me :)

    I think once you accept your body and still know you’re beautiful, you will be on your way to feeling better about EVERYTHING. Really, once you can be happy with yourself and have a more positive mindset everything will fall into place I promise! Life is too short for anyone to have to feel like that. I wish you the best of luck!

  7. Polly Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    Sweetie, you have an amazing body. Your waistline is amazing, your tummy is so flat, your boobs are pert and your skin is so smooth! You’ve got curves in all the right places and look great. It’s sad your husband prefers plastic women to real ones. He’s missing a real treat and obviously doesn’t appreciate the gorgeousness beside him every day. You are beautiful. Keep believing it and don’t lose faith – and maybe soon he’ll have the common sense to realise that nothing he watches online can ever compare to the feeling of a real, soft, warm, feminine body. It’s easy to say, but try not to let this eat away at your confidence, because it’s him who has lost sight of real beauty, not you. You are beautiful.

  8. norma Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    hi love firts of all i wanna pray for your husband and u and ur marrige . im 25 also and i want to tell u that porn is not right and its not “normal” it is a lie from satan he is after the head of the house thats ur husband he wants to ruine our marriges and our men . hes not ganna get over porn just like that babe its a addiction the only way is to ask for repentince from god and building a relationship with him and knowing the word of the lord and god will mold him into the the man he needs to be the man god intended for all men to be . but satan is after him . porn ruines men it puts a false sence of what woman are and look like thats why i hate it its a lie its a false image of woman ! babe listen to me he needs god to help him god can give u two ur marriage back .. every marrige with god in the center is better its not perfect because the lord said himself there will be truoble between husband and wife but if we love and listen and obey his word we can have that marrige he wants us to have and will glorify him ! if u need someone to talk to please dont hessitae to write im here for u ! may the lord watch over ur husband and protect his eyes and heart for the lies and trash of satan !

  9. Michele Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 5:15 pm

    I promise you that you look really good, and this is coming from a mother of three kids who is a fitness nut and works out all the time. I believe in having a nice fit body and it’s not easy to maintain after children. You really look good. I know it’s hard not to take it personally, but I do not think he is comparing those women to you. I watch porn with my husband and it just doesn’t bother me. Maybe you can start to watch it some with him and you guy’s can use some of it as foreplay? Just a thought. Don’t let it get you down. Believe me, there are moms out there who would love to look like you. Your belly is nice and toned, your lets are toned. You are fine. Really you are….

  10. Andrew Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    As a 25 year old male who just stumble across this website, I’m really fascinated with how much the body can change through pregnancy. Anyways didn’t want to post creepy comments, but I did want to weigh in on the porn issue. I know some men may have real problems with pornography that can affect relationships, sex lives, etc. For the majority of guys though it’s really just like a hobby. Just consider that most guys have looked at some form of pornography since we were in middle school, and sex has been a constant subject that can bond you to guys you’ve never met. The thing to remember is that it isn’t real. Most guys know this, and porn is not a replacement for sex. It is simply a means of deterring boredom, just like watching tv. Porn is basically like every guys favorite tv show, they can talk about it with people that watch it, but it’s just not a big deal and you don’t talk about it with people who don’t watch or get it. I do agree though that if your spouse has a big enough problem with it, then one should consider not doing it out of respect for the other’s needs and what not. I just wanted to put my 2 cents in and I hope that it helps some of you realize that this shouldn’t hurt your self esteem, it’s just a hobby for most men.

  11. Sergio Says:
    January 11th, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    I am a 27 year old married guy. I know my wife watches porn and masturbates when I am not around. I do so too when she is not around or too tired. Sometimes we watch porn together. What I am trying to get at is that I think that human sexuality can be expressed in ways that can be completely compartmentalized from emotions. I do not think my wife loves me any less or that she is attracted to me any less because she watches porn. In the same way I do, I think porn is doing for her something that at a particular time I cannot, which is a very different sensation and stimulation than love making or sex. I myself don’t love my wife less when I masturbate. I think masturbation, porn watching, erotica reading, or any other sort of solo-sexiness is a magnificent expression and exploration of the different sensations we can achieve as human beings. Why deny your husband, or yourself for that matter, of exploring his/your own body like that?

    But in closing, you know your husband better than anybody. Do you really think he has a problem with masturbation that affects your life as a couple and a family? Or is it really more about your issues with an aspect of the human experience that is meant to be explored and enjoyed, both as a couple and by oneself? You will be the judge of that and whatever the answer you find, I hope for the best for your family in the future. And communicate, talk to your husband, because the moment trust and communication between a couple brakes, then there is potential for trouble.

  12. Tracy Says:
    January 12th, 2013 at 1:10 am

    There should really be a like button :)

  13. Tziimo Says:
    January 12th, 2013 at 11:59 am

    I am a 45 year old married man. I am a recovering porn addict. It has caused a great rift in my relationship with my wife. I also looked at photos of underage girls. That was the most terrifying aspect for my wife- she has a 15 year old daughter from a previous relationship.
    I’m not trying to sugarcoat my addiction, but it was more out of curiosity than it was sexual. I was never seeking photos or videos of girls in sexual acts.
    Our relationship was strained for other reasons- mostly my temper. We have lived basically as roommates for a few years.
    It became too much for her to bear and she gave me an ultimatum- seek professional help or she was going to leave me. I started therapy with a wonderful therapist and though I had it under control. I did- I was able to overcome the porn issue. It took mental reconditioning and a change of certain precursor thoughts to do it- along with the understanding that I betrayed her trust in me. It wasn’t looking at porn to make up for any issues between her and I, it was apparently for my own craving for dopamine and adrenaline that comes with the release. It was a coping method.
    Ladies, know this- don’t ever think for a moment that your man is doing something like this because of your appearance, or anything else related to you or your percieved shortcomings. We do this because it’s one way we know for sure to get that brain chemical rush we have conditioned ourselves to crave.
    My wife has self-esteem issues- her body is not perfect, she has health issues and I continued to add stress to our relationship by being angry and yelling at her and our children. My love for her grows every day. I never stopped loving her- I think she is all that and then some. She’s moving out. Taking the kids with her. She’s not ready for divorce, but is tired of living with me the way I am. I am taking the difficult path- I am confronting my issues head-on instead of hiding from them or pretending they don’t exist. If we work it out- that would be wonderful. If not, I’m still going to do what is necessary to fix myself, for my own benefit as well as the benefit of those I hold closest to my heart. For the first time in my life, I’m in touch with my true feelings and I have a clear train of thought on how to find peace with myself.

  14. Anna Says:
    January 12th, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    I found out almost 2 years ago that my husband was doing the same thing. And after confronting me and many tear filled conversations, he admitted it was wrong, it was a problem and it needed to stop. It is NOT a normal guy thing, do not letpeople tell you that. It causes problems in a marriage, affecting your trust, your sex life, your self esteem and his ability to see your real beauty. Its not a problem with all guys, some struggle with it, and over time they have no sense of what is real and not. I am so sorry for you. I know your hurt and mistrust and confusion, and It makes me so mad when people try and blow it off. He needs to know that your have had enough, its you or it porn, not talking divorce, i’m talking show him what he is missing. He can seek help, you can get rid of the things that cause the problem, ie: phones, use something not a smart phone, no internet or use a anti-porn software. Accountability partner that cannot be you. There is hope, I am just beginning to be able to trust my husband, its not easy and I found myself still searching for things he may have forgotten like the history on the computer or anything in his car or tv anything…

  15. Caren Says:
    January 12th, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    I my self am in the same situation with my boyfriend im 20 years old and im not okay with him watching porn heck even if i was 40 i wouldnt be okay with it i love my boyfriend an all but when i find porn websites on his phone etc.i feel disgusted with my sef it makes me feel ugly fat it brings down my self esteem and it really bothers me that he has to watch porn to get off looking at other women witch havent had kids when im here a real acttractive woman im not as thin as i was before my son was born but i know i look good and i disagree with the people who say its okay to watch it, i mean if hes attrcted to me than why is hurting me by watching those websites by him doing that only makes me feel self consious about my self, I have confroted him about it many times and hes says he doesnt know why he watches it he says he loves me but his actions say otherwise. All i have to say is that you look beautilful you have an amazing body and you deserve all his love and his attention i mean you did give him a beautiful daughter you have to talk to him because porn can ruin your realtionship.

  16. Sam Says:
    January 13th, 2013 at 7:55 am

    Porn is like a powerful, powerful drug. My guess, based on my own experience with it is that your husband is honest when he says he’ll quit looking at it, but he slips up and then is back to unabated porn watching.

    Women don’t understand what porn does to a man’s brain chemistry. It triggers the pleasure centers like booze, chocolate, real sex, pot, etc.

    If you want your husband to quit, blowing off his compliments or convincing yourself it has anything to do with how attractive you are to him.only makes things worse. Look up the addiction cycle, get familiar with how it works and maybe soon your husband will get help with loving support and encouragement – not crying or pestering – from you. You need him to.give up a drug and you’ll both be better off if at least one of you understands that. Share your.feelings but dont guilt.trip. the shame will make his brain crave more pleasure to get rid of the guilt.

  17. Sharon Says:
    January 13th, 2013 at 9:26 am

    Yeah, so most guys look at porn. Those that say they don’t are lying. Sexuality is a vastly broad plain of preferences and possibilities. Frankly, as animals, we have little control over what physically turns us on. As a woman, I think it can be hard to understand regular porn/masterbation habits because we associate emotions with sex. But most guys just look at porn for release and enjoyment – like we eat chocolate! I know it’s difficult to compare the two when the other is a much more taboo topic. Can you try and trust that your husband loves you? You may want to see a counselor together. And btw, your body is beautiful! Love yourself!

  18. Raashida Says:
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:12 am

    I dont think porn is a big deal. My husband and I watch it together and seperately. However if it begins to effect your marriage then yes it becomes a very big deal especially if someone starts lying about it. Try seeking counseling. Also try being more receptive to his compliments.If everytime I complimented someone they rolled thy rolled their eyes and blew me off I would feel a little rejected and I would eventually stop trying.

  19. Anonymous Says:
    January 15th, 2013 at 7:08 am

    Since days I am trying to write an answer to your post, but everytime I read your story I start to cry.
    The porn issue also almost destroyed my relationship and it definitely destroyed my self esteem. I talked to my boyfriend about it many many times, he said he would stop but whenever I check his history I find something.
    Now I don’t talk anymore. I lock myself in the bathroom and cut myself or I stop eating for days. That’s the only thing that makes me feel better.

    I always wonder – if I feel ugly compared to the girls my bf watches, now at age 25 – what will it be like at 35? 45?

    And I am not prude or something, I like sex and I also like kinky stuff and I watched porn with my bf before we had our first son, but I didn’t feel comfortable anymore doing it after my body had changed so much with pregnancy.
    I am only asking for a little respect for the sacrifices I made for our family but it seems I don’t deserve that.

    I am sorry you feel so bad, too, and I can’t offer any helpful tips… I just hope you can work things out.

  20. been there Says:
    January 15th, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    Pornography addiction is such a selfish, dark place. My husband is a recovering porn addict. He was exposed to porn at a very young age and used is regularly as a coping mechanism for all of his adult life. I have a history of eating disorders and low self esteem. I found my worth in my figure and how I looked. His addiction made me hate myself. I thought I was never good enough, fun enough, sexy enough. I never felt wanted or loved. We argued for years because of his porn use. It got to the point where he was lusting after friends and family. This was my breaking point. I put my foot down and told him he had to seek professional help.

    He is now seeing a counselor.Not going to lie,I am reluctant to get pregnant because my fears of what it will do to my body. I revert to believing the lies that media and my old self tell me. But I realize that is so selfish and foolish. Women who have children are strong and beautiful! You created life. That is so amazing!

    My relationship with Christ is the only thing that has made me see things in the right light. I found a book called “An Affair of the Mind”. It has helped me understand what is going on with him and how I can get better. There is nothing YOU have done to make him turn to porn. There is nothing YOU can do to make him stop. He has to want to change. I definitely recommend you read the book. It made me feel normal. It’s sad, but comforting to know that other women have been there and that there is HOPE. You are BEAUTIFUL and you are LOVED!

  21. Linea Says:
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:33 am

    Dear Anonymous beautiful mother,
    I feel with you as I have the same kind of history (please forgive my english). My husband and me very soon decided to have a baby after we met, so the time we spent together as a new-in-love-couple with a lot of sex is quite short compared to the time we spent together as a family or with me being pregnant. I also founf out he was watching porn on the internet. When I was pregant the sex got less more and more – I wanted, but he didn’t cause he had problems with the belly. After giving birth all I wihed, beside being a mother, was being the sexy adourable woman to him again. Since then our sex life hasn’t improved. It was always ME who forced him to have more sex, not the other way round. Always men are being said to have more sex than women, but in our case I was the one who wanted, not him. This made me, and this is what I am so sad about, it made me very angry about bioligy, live and everything, that women’s bodies change in case they want to have child – a man has nothing more to do than giving his part and then be out of the story. He can be a father and still look perfect, good skin, good weight, no fear of having a galactostasia when breatsfeeding, no problems sleeping on the belly in the night, no loss auf sweat, blood, tears, milk. A women’s body will never be the same after a birth, and it’s not only about good looking or having a nice belly. It’s so much more! We give ourselves to have our children. Where is the poetic justice for that? All I wished after the birth was a husband who would only once say “THANK YOU for giving your body so that both of us could become parents. I still love your body that has changed, because it give life to my loved daughter. Thanks that you feeded and are still feeding the life of our child with your body’s energy! I love you for that work you are doing now for over 2 years.”
    There were also 2 thoughts that came to my mind since I am being a mother now, 2 thoughts about our western industrial society and how it changed the position that we have to our body (donÄt know if I am phrasing it right=:
    - In societies where being naked is normal (f.e. the people in northern Namibia, the Himba) it ir normal for everybody that a mother looks like a mother and this is part of normal life. Noone expects her to look different because people KNOW what a human being looks like naked! We always claim ourselves so much to bee free because of living in a society that makes selfhood such a strong word. We improve our bodies, we show the perfect parts and think we are FREE: But we are slaves of perfection.
    - The point with the porn: When I had the first milk in the hospital (don’t know the right english word, the beginn of lactation?) my breast would look like – well – porn :-) Isn’t it stupid that especially men who claim themselves to be so far from family live are especially interested in boobs that look like a breastfeeding mother’s ones? :-) In many societies the breast has NOTHING to to with sex. It’s for the kids. In our society I often get the impression that the breast is for MEN; you can see adverst for cars, shampo, everything with breasts. But a breastfeeding mother is something we look at affected, although this is the reason that manhood eeeh womanhood :-) has survided tenthousands of years. In the end all the men, that watch porn that shows extraordinary big breasts, have no idea, that exactly THIS is the look of nature when a child is porn and that THIS does belong to noone else but the mother and the child :-) Because the forst breastfeeding time is a time full of leaking milk, sometimes, pain, sometimes pressure – and the least thing a mother with a natural breast full of milk would want is a man, who touches the breast for sex. :-)
    Porn and society both show (in my eyes) a total tournaround from natural aspects to new expectations. Isn’t that crazy?
    So all mothers, please, yes, we maybe don’t love our bodies any more, but it is NOT our fault and it is NOT our children’s fault: This is mirror of how much society knows about mother, motherhood, pregnancy and the way of nature.
    Big respect to all of us that made their body a home to life!!!!
    Yours, Lina

  22. Linea Says:
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:37 am

    haha, i meant “a child os born” – thanks Mr Freud!

  23. Suzanna Says:
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:00 am

    I agree with you. He is lying about it and that is what hurts. You have every right to get angry. I would be upset myself. Also his addiction has nothing to do with you or how you perceive your body. It is his problem. Not yours. You did nothing wrong. This is something he has to admit that he has a problem and go to counseling to get it resolved.

  24. Louise Says:
    July 1st, 2013 at 5:10 am

    Also, your husband doesn’t have to tell you you’re beautiful. I’ve been with a man for almost 8 years, and he’s never complimented me.

  25. Ann Says:
    September 12th, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    MiMy husband hid.a a 20yr porn addiction from me. His mom use to give him magazines when he was 14. His family is in denial about his issues and theirs. I take care of myself now, put myself back through college and make time for me. He robbed me of alot of years. He was an emotionally abusive person. I don’t trust him anymore, he sees a therapist but I think he does it to please me. Funny how women watch their figures but it’s okay for our husbands to get fat and dumpy while they watch their porn. I plan to leave him, need to be able to make it on my own.

  26. tish Says:
    October 17th, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Iv been with my boyfriend for over 2 years.i love him more than anyone or anything and couldn’t imagine my life without him, we speak about EVERYTHING. At the start of our relationship he knew how much porn and masturbating meant to me and that I really despise it.. through personal reasons.. he completely understood and we had a heart to heart.
    Has never done it since and I couldnt love him more enough for that, recently we have been arguing over silly things lately and I saw his ipad history last night.nnothing could have destroyed me more than seeing several pages of porn and several videos- therefore knowing he has wanked ans watched porn. Two things I cannot deal with
    I confronted him, in a complete state, and his attitude has just changed completely,. He started saying well It was a long time ago I thought you would be over it, its porn get over it etc etc
    He has no idea how much it has really rocked me and my trust in him. I dont feel comfortable lying with him and just need some help and advice on what to do.
    I don’t not want to be with him but I just need to know he isnt bored of me and does love me, I feel so rubbish right now

  27. Marc Says:
    January 22nd, 2014 at 8:58 am

    I am a male who has been watching porn on and off as long as I can remember. I am a divorcee and I have since met the woman that I can now say is compatible with me in the sexual arena. We both enjoy sex and watch porn together. It goes without saying that she is very comfortable in her own skin. We have a great sex life together and are open to try anything that would help spice our relationship. In contrast, my marriage with my ex was a disaster. My life with her was always clandestine because she always making me feel ashamed for wanting to try different things. She disliked watching porn because she saw porn as a rival that she had to constantly compete with. When she caught me, I lied and covered up my “sin” but deep down I wanted her to enjoy it along with me. But she never did. It eventually led to our separation. I then had a sexual relationship with the woman that I am now with and it was through her that my eyes were opened and I realised I wasn’t a sexual deviant as I was made to feel. I resigned myself to the fact that my x would never change and I knew if I remained with her I would be going through the same unresolved issues over and over again. The truth is that there was a lot of distrust and frustration on both sides, yet all I wanted was for my ex to loosen up and enjoy watching porn with me as part of our sex encounter. But because she was insecure and suffered from low self esteem etc, she couldn’t prise herself away from believing that she was competing with porn stars for my attention. Sadly, what she didn’t know was that I get more turned on by watching my partner getting turned on watching porn then actually ogling the women on the porn scenes. Nude women never did much for me and yet my ex couldn’t understand that. She thought I enjoyed watching naked women more then watching her. If I could have only made her see that my biggest turn on was in fact seeing her getting ‘turned on’. I said all that to say this: unless you are willing to relax more about your self image and learn to enjoy all the aspect of sex that it can bring to your marriage, you will lose him eventually.

  28. anonymous Says:
    January 23rd, 2014 at 3:02 am

    I am getting married this spring to my fiancé who is 59 and I am 42. He watches porn and I am fine with that. Because he wakes up and will smoke a cigarette…or 4, he used to watch porn on his computer and I would wake up and he was watching it. NOT a big deal as I would have watched it with him and…well never mind. We were drifting apart last summer and I was going to leave him because he was meeting my needs in the bedroom…mostly because we’re older in short. I need an unbiased man or several to give me their take on this. We have a wonderful relationship and the porn doesn’t bother me. Last summer while I was packing he became very ill and died twice. It took me about three months to nurse him back to health and he came out a new man. Not drinking…I am his priority. I SET boundaries and life is good. So I put a t.v. in our bedroom so he could watch with me but the problem I have now is he will flip it on when having a cigarette and sit in a chair but not lay with me where I could be intimate. I spent some time researching age and desires and found this site. So if anyone male or female can give me some insight. I WANT TO KNOW FROM MALES OF VARYING AGES, I KNOW HE IS IN LOVE WITH ME AND FAITHFUL. HOW DO I GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND I NEED TO GET OFF AND RELAX? I am ok with a vibrator so he can relax too. Please help and thanks.

  29. anonymous Says:
    January 23rd, 2014 at 5:00 am

    I made a mistake typing…59 and 42. He was not meeting my needs in the bedroom. I started working and did not want to be home at times. To get objective advice, my fault before he was ill was that I was moving out and I met someone a week. I DID tell him. I guess my real question is to men what is the male of interpretation of an orgasm is important to my needs but I am fine if he takes care of me while watching what stimulates him and for him is relaxing. All new to repairing a now almost perfect relationship.

  30. Confused Says:
    May 3rd, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    I am having the same issue as the original lady who posted this ad… I commend you for reaching out and getting this off of your chest. The only difference is that mine actually corresponds with women via web cam and email, and he too says he does not know who they are or how they got his email address/phone# or why they are in his sent mail our outgoing call log. I have tried to ask a couple of them but they shut me down, I tried to call the #’s and they are spoofed therefore I get the recording that this # cannot accept incoming calls at this time. I have paid over $10,000.00 and countless hours of work toward my first owned home (a land contract home from owned by his parents) so I either stay and ride it out or forfeit. I cannot afford an attorney and he does not have medical insurance for therapy, he is unemployed and has been for most of the duration of our relationship.

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